Chapter 88: Want to live
Translator: Soafp
What is it that I want to do?
If I knew that clearly, I wouldn’t be in such agony.
I’ve been agonizing over it, and the more I do, the less I understand myself.
In the end, I bid farewell to Mari-san and find myself here with Maya.
Choosing to prioritize someone who wouldn’t betray me over someone who did betray me is probably a choice I won’t make again in my life.
“…Why did you come here to me?”
“That’s harsh. Should I not have come?”
“No, it’s not that. I just thought Kazunari…”
“…I thought you had been forgiven.”
“But still…”
I didn’t intend to engage in such a pathetic exchange with this person who looks so worn out now.
This choice was my own decision, even if I don’t understand myself.
Especially since time left is already so short.
So then, before Maya disappears from this world.
Before we lose the chance to talk forever, surely there are many things we should discuss.
That feeling is strong.
…………
I have to admit it. I’m feeling impatient.
There are still things left unfinished with Maya. I can’t bear her dying before I do them.
…………
Well, isn’t it simple?
The thing in my heart isn’t regret or attachment. I just haven’t completely forgiven Maya yet.
When she’s gone, it’ll be my unique privilege to curse her with, “It’s divine punishment for betraying others, serves you right.”
I might cry while cursing her. No, I’ll definitely cry out loud.
Even so…
[But I have one request. I asked that you not tell Kazunari. If I were to meet Kazunari again, I might have regrets about leaving this world.]
If I believe my former father-in-law’s words,
Whether it’s self-importance or convenient self-deception, what this person wants at the moment of death is my presence.
So, that’s fine. I can accept that.
With this, can I leave without any regrets?
So at least, until the end.
“Rather than that, don’t we have many other things to talk about?”
“……!!”
“I’ll listen to anything. Anything at all.”
“And I’ll tell you everything without hiding anything. Though I’m not sure how well I can put it into words.”
Humans are great.
Even towards a woman I hated so much I wanted to kill her, when I think she’s facing death, I can be kind to her.
Not out of love, but out of sympathy.
“Will you… stay with me?”
“Well, I suppose so.”
“I’m… soon…”
“Soon, what?”
“N-no, it’s…”
“Sorry, but I don’t really care about Maya’s circumstances. It was my decision to stay here together. Even if Maya dislikes it, I’m here.”
“There’s no reason to dislike it… I’m just… so happy…”
Maya, sobbing with her weakened body, is honestly miserable and pitiful.
When I witness this, honestly, feelings like resentment or hatred, or thinking serves you right, all those emotions just disappear somewhere.
“In that case, it’s fine. Let’s talk about things we couldn’t talk about until now, a lot of things.”
Surely, my expression would be more peaceful than ever before.
The current Maya is more fragile and miserable than a newborn baby.
What lies dormant within that body, with no bright future in sight? It’s my duty to draw that out now.
In the end, I still don’t fully understand Maya.
──That’s why, while she’s still alive, I must leave a mark on her heart. So that I won’t forget her. And then, when she dies, I’ll curse her thoroughly.
“…I’m becoming greedy.”
Maya shed tears for a while, and when they seemed to stop, she turned towards me with a sad smile and said so.
“…What do you mean by ‘greedy’?”
“I don’t want to die. I want to live more by Kazunari’s side.”
“Just live then.”
“…Yes, that’s right.”
Having witnessed Naoki’s death up close, Maya was terrified of ending up like him.
The fear of becoming like this herself must have been overwhelming.
“Do you remember? The words you said when you proposed…”
“…Ah. It was something like ‘until death separates us.'”
“Yes… It’s ironic, isn’t it?”
“…”
“I was… foolish… But…”
“But what?”
“Kazunari… you are… handling it… like this… properly… ah, ah, aaaaaah!!”
This time, without trying to hide her sadness, Maya covered her face with both hands and began to cry miserably.
“Why… why didn’t I… just love Kazunari… I’m such a fool… aaaaaah!!”
In this situation where she couldn’t see a way forward, what overflowed from her heart was simply regret from the past.
I silently accepted that.
“I don’t want to die… I want to live… in this world where Kazunari is… I don’t want to dieeeee…”
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4 Comments
This MC so f*cked up. He must be a masochist who keeps going back to his cheating wife. He should just forget about her and go with Mari in another place. He keeps getting bothered by his ex’s father in law, who is also the one responsible of forcing the MC to stay with the cheating b*tch. There are so many nice women out there why stay with the sl*t. Same also with his friend Kazunari. Why bother staying if they can start anew and find their own happiness elsewhere.
Honestly, she did plenty wrong, damaged the MC so much and yet I feel sorry for her.