Chapter 34: More than the other person, focus on yourself.

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Translator: Soafp

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“…But right now, all I can do is apologize.”

Maya looked down, taking in my words.

──This is no good.

It’s clear that if I let myself be swallowed by darkness every time Maya speaks, we’ll just end up repeating the same cycle.

“Are you planning to apologize every time you see me from now on?”

“…Eh?”

Maya looked stunned by my question, perhaps expecting me to yell at her.

“No one is asking for your atonement anymore.”

“…”

“If I get angry and you apologize, how does that benefit anyone? It’s just a poorly scripted drama.”

“…”

“I promised that we’d stay married for one month. Regardless of whether that was my true intention, I need to take responsibility for my words. Otherwise, I have no right to blame you for the lie you told at our wedding when you said, ‘From now on, I’ll only love Kazunari.'”

Maya didn’t say a word. No, she couldn’t.

Did she have any thoughts about her lack of integrity?

I continued without pausing.

“I’m not going to let this one month end with this pathetic comedy act. We should at least try to be a semblance of a couple. Don’t you think so?”

“I’m sorry, I mean, I…”

“Stop apologizing. When you apologize, it only makes me angry, and it’s hard for me to suppress that anger. If you care about me even a little, stop with the apologies.”

Since the affair came to light, I hadn’t spoken to Maya so calmly before.

“…Okay.”

Maya had no choice but to agree.

It’s more effective to stay calm, that’s obvious.

Of course, my anger hasn’t disappeared. It probably never will.

But using all my energy to be angry only leaves my heart feeling raw.

Talking to Katsuragi, my parents, and realizing that I wasn’t entirely alone in this made me relax a bit and let some of the tension go. Maybe that’s why I feel more tired now.

“Good. But, Maya, we may be married, but we’re not a normal couple. We don’t need to face each other.”

“Eh…”

“We need to face ourselves.”

Before the affair was discovered, Maya showed me no love.

Before the affair was discovered, I poured all my love into Maya.

But now, it’s as if our roles have reversed. Maya clings to me while I want to cut her off.

…No, it’s a bit different.

I know I haven’t completely stopped loving Maya. But it’s become ridiculous to keep pouring love into someone who doesn’t return it.

So, I pretended to have lost interest.

A married couple, after all, are still just two individuals. There’s no way to continue giving unconditional love like you might to a blood sibling.

Even so,

[…I love you.]

I can’t believe Maya said that so shamelessly after I found out about her affair.

I couldn’t believe her, but there’s a part of me—just 0.1%—that wants to believe her.

For this one month, I’ll face that part of myself. Whether or not I’ll find an answer remains to be seen.