Chapter 81: A year late

Reading Settings

Translator: Soafp

---

[Maya Pov]

After divorcing, Kazunari became kinder than before.

It feels odd to say this, but if I had died while still married, would Kazunari have visited my grave? No, he might not have even attended my funeral.

Our rift was beyond repair, I believe.

Even living together, even being physically intimate.

Without a mutual understanding, our hearts couldn’t connect.

Both Kazunari and I were prone to anxiety, frustration, and a sense of helplessness unless we were immersed in something else.

Before the divorce, we were just using each other’s bodies to distract ourselves.

And yet.

The fear of being abandoned by Kazunari.

The guilt of betraying Kazunari.

The terror of losing Kazunari.

When Naoki was stabbed right in front of me, all these feelings vanished in an instant.

The woman who stabbed Naoki, a woman named Mari.

She was arrested by the police who arrived at the scene.

Until then, she had neither run nor resisted, just stood there in a daze.

But when she was arrested and taken away, she suddenly burst into tears, as if overcome with confusion.

It was one of the saddest sights I had ever seen.

I heartlessly thought at that moment that Naoki deserved to be stabbed, after all he had betrayed a woman he loved and made her cry so sadly.

A little while later, after her tears had stopped, the woman was taken away with a vacant expression.

I felt a shiver watching it.

I remembered Kazunari’s eyes right after his affair was exposed.

I’m such a heartless person. To realize it now.

In Kazunari’s heart, I had already been killed.

In Kazunari’s mind, I was just a walking corpse.

There was no way we could start over as a married couple.

And if Kazunari were to kill me, I foolishly believed, it wouldn’t matter.

And at the same time, I would come to realize my shallowness.

If Kazunari killed me, he would surely cry just as sadly as Mari, the woman who stabbed Naoki.

Because he is such a deeply emotional person, to marry someone as useless as me.

No, even now, somewhere I don’t know, Kazunari is surely crying.

That’s why I decided to divorce.

To prevent Kazunari, who probably cried as sadly as I didn’t know, who had cheated and was so sad in a place I didn’t know, from becoming sadder.

---

Unfortunately, what bared its fangs at me, intending to kill, was not Kazunari but br*ast cancer. Even if someone other than Kazunari were to threaten my life, I would still be scared.

Surely, this is my punishment. If I hadn’t cheated and had focused on making a family with Kazunari, maybe my cancer would have been discovered earlier.

What an ironic outcome.

Everything is karma, coming back to me. There is no man left around me who loves me.

…Enough.

Half in despair, with no hope in sight, in the middle of my life, I gave up on my own.

Then, without any warning, Kazunari appeared before me one day, when I was in the middle of my battle with the disease, thinking that my father must have said something, but I was happy and thankful when he came to see me.

But, if I wasn’t forgiven, I’d be forgotten.

I couldn’t show my joy.

Kazunari told me clearly.

“What’s wrong with you? Even if you try to run away after skipping the alimony money, it won’t be so sweet. If you’re going to die anyway, pay your debts properly and die with a clean body. If you die like this, I’ll never visit your grave.”

In other words, if I pay the consolation money, Kazunari will forgive me.

If I die, he will visit my grave.

He said this as if it were a given.

I was shocked by the words that almost meant that, and then I was happy.

I thought seriously that I could die like this.

Although I can never be a couple with Kazunari again.

If I were to be forgiven by Kazunari── I could do anything.

Even beat cancer.

---

So I took a breath and continued to pay the alimony money steadily.

I came to the point where I was ready to pay the full amount in the next installment.

“…It’s strange that the time to be forgiven has come so soon.”

Just a mutter. Since I’m in my room right now, there’s no way anyone is listening.

I said it just because I felt it was a waste to finish paying it like this.

Once a month, the time I could have a normal conversation with Kazunari was so enjoyable. I could even say it was my reason to live.

──Even if we can’t go back to being a couple, can’t we continue this relationship where we can have aimless conversations like this? Is this too much to hope for? Even this is asking for too much, isn’t it?

While thinking about such convenient things, I suddenly noticed a calendar hanging on the wall.

“…Ah.”

I realized that our ex-wedding anniversary was approaching.

“…That’s right. For the final payment, I’ll fry Kazunari’s favorite pork cutlet and bring his favorite sake, and then, even if it’s only in my heart, I’ll have a modest celebration…”

Of course, this is once again just a mutter. First of all, there’s no way I can tell Kazunari about our wedding anniversary.

But, at least. If I’m forgiven by Kazunari, I want to choose our wedding anniversary.

And such.

Unexpectedly, on my own, I was delighted.