Chapter 38: Batsu game

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Translator: Soafp

Batsu game: penalty game where the loser has to do something.

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I stepped outside and once again bought a pack of cigarettes. Despite the difficulty of finding a place to smoke in this day and age, I couldn’t understand my own behavior. But it didn’t matter.

I opened the pack haphazardly and put one cigarette in my mouth. After lighting it, I carefully inhaled the smoke, trying not to choke.

“…Ugh.”

A wave of nausea hit me. I coughed the smoke out and quickly extinguished the cigarette in an ashtray.

──As I thought, Maya never loved me.

From our earlier conversation, it was clear. If she loved me more than Naoki, she wouldn't have hesitated to punish him.

The realization of what Maya felt during her affair hit me hard. The inferiority complex of not being loved could not be masked by anger, and it was making me feel sick.

I suddenly recalled a proverb from another country that I had heard somewhere before:

“For a woman, a happy marriage is marrying a man who loves her more than she loves him.”

I couldn't help but laugh at how ironic that proverb seemed to me now. Of course, it was. Maya's love for me was probably not even a fraction of my love for her.

But what about now?

At this moment, Maya probably doesn’t feel my love. There's no way she could be happy in this situation.

──Why does Maya still not wish for an immediate divorce?

This had always been a lingering question in my mind. Recalling her desperate apologies to my parents, a hypothesis came to mind.

Perhaps Maya is punishing herself.

This thought made some sense. She loved Naoki so much that she continued to meet him secretly even after marriage. Logically, she had no reason to stay in our marriage. If I were in her shoes, I would divorce immediately and be with the other person.

However, Maya's desperate apologies to my parents didn't seem fake. She felt guilty about betraying me, which led to her actions.

…………

Most likely, Maya's current feelings towards me are not love, but guilt.

Therefore, to counteract that guilt and to punish herself, she continues to live in a marriage with someone she doesn’t love.

…………

What a joke.

Our marriage is just a punishment game?

──A punishment game!!

I crushed the cigarette in my hand, realizing what I had done. Calm down. If this is a punishment game for her, then I just need to play along with that understanding.

To steady my heartbeat, I took a deep breath.

──It's simple, right? For one month. I just need to make Maya atone for her sins.