Chapter 41: What is needed.

Reading Settings

Translator: Soafp

---

[Maya PoV]

I Love You. (Said in English)

I Need You. (Said in English)

Both are words of confession.

But indeed.

Even if there is love, am I needed by anyone in my current state?

Needing someone and being needed in return.

That kind of relationship has already crumbled. No, I destroyed it. Regret is too mild a word to describe it.

Of course, I fully understand the importance of the reason why one is needed.

There was a significant difference between Naoki and Kazunari in that regard.

Naoki needed me as a convenient woman. A woman needed only for s*x.

Kazunari needed me as a partner to walk through life with. A trustworthy partner.

When I was drowning in pleasure, I didn’t understand such differences. I was just happy to be needed.

So, what about now?

No one needs me.

No one looks at me.

I am an unwanted woman. By Naoki, and of course, by Kazunari.

It’s void.

But now, even if Naoki needed me, I wouldn’t feel happy at all.

Yet, not being needed by Kazunari is so painful.

I want so desperately to seek only Kazunari. To be sought by him.

It's too late, though.

The happiness gained from being needed by someone is foolish and crumbles so easily.

Realizing this too late, I got into bed.

[We’re still technically married, so sleeping in the same room is inevitable. But separate beds.]

Although he allowed me to sleep in the same room, the emotional distance was so great that I felt like crying naturally.

[Can’t you… hold me?]

Even if it was just as an outlet for his sexual desire, I wanted Kazunari to need me.

But there was no way Kazunari would accept such a request.

[Impossible. I can't get aroused anymore.]

He spat out these words as if to blame me.

There was no need to say whose fault it was.

Despite all the scrubbing in the bath, my body was still not clean enough to make Kazunari desire me. Realizing this again, I was shocked.

[Besides, even if I held you, would I just be compared again?]

Kazunari’s additional words only pierced my heart further.

I had no response.

Naoki only toyed with me. I only toyed with Kazunari.

I can’t even make excuses to myself that I didn’t intend it that way.

Having lost sight of the reason why I married Kazunari.

──It's only natural that no one needs me anymore.