Chapter 50: Invisible barrier

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Translator: Soafp

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Waking up poorly, I felt sluggish and confused about what to do next. It’s only natural. If it were easy to figure out, I wouldn’t have struggled so much until now.

Even though my head and body felt heavy, going to work was more mentally relaxing than staying at home. For humans, mental fatigue is often more exhausting than physical fatigue.

After a light stretch, I noticed that Maya was already gone from the bed beside me. It wasn’t even six in the morning yet. How diligent.

I headed to the living room to prepare for work.

“…Good morning.”

Standing in the kitchen with her long hair loosely tied back, Maya noticed me and greeted me with a stiff smile. There’s no clear reason to be rude here if my goal is to lessen her guilt and sever her lingering attachment to me.

“Ah, good morning.”

An ordinary exchange. Just like any normal couple or family would have. But when was the last time I felt such clarity in the morning?

For a moment, all the anger, sadness, and overwhelming anxiety had indeed disappeared.

—Oi oi, come on. Don't get swayed now, me. Decide on what to do next.

I thought for a moment, but didn’t want to waste energy so early in the morning after a sluggish wake-up. So I ate the breakfast Maya had prepared.

For some reason, I could eat normally.

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“So, what time will you be back today?”

“I'm not sure. If there's no overtime, I should be back by around seven.”

“Then, could you please let me know if you end up having overtime?”

At the front door, we exchanged words awkwardly. Maya had even prepared a lunchbox for me. Whether I would eat it or not, I took it anyway, and while putting on my shoes, I responded.

“Got it. Do you have any plans today, Maya?”

“…I…”

Seeing Maya hesitating to answer, I realized something.

“Oh, right. Today's the day you visit the gynecologist, isn't it?”

After the abortion, she's been having some issues and has been visiting the gynecologist regularly. She was probably hesitant to bring it up, thinking it would remind me of the affair with Naoki.

“…Yes.”

“Are you still not feeling well?”

It's strange. If I try to remain calm, I can maintain that state, apparently.

Though one could say that I simply no longer have the energy to be angry.

“It's not that… I'm just anxious.”

“…”

I didn't ask what she was anxious about. I could guess. She was likely worried that she might never be able to conceive (/getting pregnant) again.

Even if it's her own fault, I have a vague understanding that being unable to have children is a far heavier burden for women than men might think, so I said nothing. Anyway, she probably won't be having children with me anymore, and there's no point in blaming her.

“…Well, I'm off. If you're not feeling well, don't push yourself with the housework; just rest.”

“I-I'm fine, reall—”

“As your husband, I'd have to take care of you if you collapse, wouldn't I? I'm telling you this because I don't want to have to do that. If you're feeling unwell, make sure you don't overdo it.”

Maya isn't so presumptuous as to take this as tsundere behavior. I might as well be blunt.

“…Yes. Thank you for your concern.”

Hearing only those words, I stepped out the front door.

—Pretending to be a normal couple sure is exhausting. Work is definitely easier.