Chapter 48: If you chase, they run; if you run, they chase you

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Translator: Soafp

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Having been filled by just one piece of pork cutlet, and feeling no inclination to do anything after declaring my “forgiveness,” I took a bath and then crawled into bed.

Of course, there’s no way I could truly forgive everything, but compared to Maya’s lies, my pretense seemed trivial.

Maya, on her part, pretended to be busily doing something, but eventually, she sat down on the bed next to mine.

I decided to let go of my thoughts. At least while I was sleeping, I wouldn’t have to think about unnecessary things. With that in mind, I dimmed the room's lights.

I had nothing to say. Not that I wasn't thinking about anything, but…

[For the remaining time, let's live as a normal couple.]

Whether this moment is a form of a normal married life or not is probably obvious to any outsider.

But Maya said,

“…Good night.”

She at least managed a goodnight greeting.

I debated whether to pretend I didn't hear it and remained unresponsive for a while.

“…What can I do for you, Kazunari?”

Unable to bear the silence, Maya finally muttered.

This time, I could only remain silent because I had no answer. It was inevitable since our marriage had never been ordinary. Pretending to be a normal couple was probably the best we could do. And at this point, there was no way I could trust Maya anymore.

We were a couple in name only, just until we could end things. The idea of being a normal couple was laughable.

In this situation, where I couldn't think positively, I had another question.

──Why did I marry Maya? What did I want by marrying her?

“…Honestly, I don't know.”

These words weren't directed at Maya. In this situation, it was questionable if it was even a self-question.

Our shattered daily life wasn't worth restoring, so there was no reason to cling to it.

But then again, spending the remaining time aimlessly without any meaning wouldn't benefit anyone.

I wondered again if there was any way to escape this far-from-happy situation in the future. Even though the separation would come inevitably soon.

A sense of futility hit me again, which made me remember.

──Oh, that's right.

I just wanted an ordinary happiness.

The simple happiness that I should have obtained as a normal couple with the woman I loved the most in the world.

[Thank you for marrying me. I love you. If you feel the same, that’s all I need.]

Those were my words in a letter for our wedding anniversary, words Maya is now oblivious to.

The current conflict I’m feeling stems from not being able to achieve even that simple dream. It's an attachment I can't let go of, even though I know it’s no longer possible.

“…Then at least let me devote myself to you as much as possible for the remaining time.”

Maya, obviously misunderstanding my words as being directed at her, responded predictably with something off the mark.

[If there’s no trust or love, neither of us will be happy. It’s meaningless. You should do such things for the person you love the most.]

I was about to say this but stopped. Advising her again was too irritating.

It was truly puzzling. She'd run if I pursued her, but if I tried to escape, she'd chase after me. Always a one-way street.

Well, fine. For the remaining time, go ahead and try to catch up with me.

[I lacked the confidence to love you as much as you loved me.]

She says things like that, but I can already foresee her running away if I start chasing after her again.

When the time comes, I'll pretend to chase after her when she's feeling guilty and leaving.