Chapter 4: Maya’s feelings

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Translator: Soafp

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[Maya’s PoV]

I know.

I know I was foolish.

I know.

I know Kazunari won’t forgive me.

I know that the act of cheating I committed is a grave sin.

After breaking up with my former boyfriend, Naoki, whom I couldn’t forget, I met Kazunari through a friend’s introduction.

Even though I couldn’t forget Naoki, I was pushed forward by Kazunari.

Whereas I had only loved unilaterally before, Kazunari taught me the pleasure of being loved.

That’s why I intended to love Kazunari back just as much as I was loved.

But why did it end up like this? I don’t even understand it myself.

But now, I realize how deranged I was.

One day, right before our marriage, I suddenly received a message from Naoki.

“I’ve realized that the only woman who truly loved me was you, Maya.”

Looking back, that must have been Naoki’s lie, just to try to ensnare me again.

Yet, I, the despicable one, felt relieved at the thought of receiving some love back from Naoki before getting married, thinking I would receive unwavering love from Kazunari thereafter.

—I wanted to reclaim some of the love I had given to Naoki, even if it meant doing something dirty.

Caught up in such filthy thoughts.

Naoki, who wouldn’t return any affection, and Kazunari, who would give me so much love even without me trying.

At that time, I felt hatred towards Naoki.

As if I were asking him to repay a debt.

I planned to say goodbye to Naoki as soon as I received even a little of the love I had given him, and then return all my affection to Kazunari.

That is how I made a bad move.

At the core of my actions was Kazunari.

Kazunari gives me love without me having to do anything, so I thought it would be okay to let things slide a little. I had such an easygoing outlook.

I was foolish.

Naoki, he still loved me. He loved me so much that words couldn’t express it.

That Naoki is now returning love to me. It just feels so comforting.

I let myself be drowned in love and pleasure at Naoki’s whim.

It’s not like I didn’t feel guilty.

But when I’m embraced by Naoki, all those thoughts disappear from my mind.

Feeling depressed after our trysts only happened at the beginning.

I’m sorry. But Kazunari is my most important partner.

If I can get back all the love I gave and then break up with Naoki, I’ll become Kazunari’s faithful wife.

So, he’ll forgive me, right?

What a truly foolish thought.

Even if criticized for belittling Kazunari, who unconditionally showers me with love, I can’t even utter a word of defense.

I was such a clueless child.

And so, even after receiving love from Naoki, I couldn’t help but continue our relationship, thinking it’s just a little more.

Before I knew it, I was pregnant because of the love poured into me by Naoki.

Ironically, the only time we didn’t use contraception was on my wedding anniversary with Kazunari.

I forgot about our anniversary and was desperately seeking love from Naoki.

When the pregnancy test showed positive, I was filled with regret and was at a loss for what to do.

[You’re cheating, aren’t you, Maya? Forgetting our anniversary too.]

When Kazunari said that to me, I couldn’t have been more depressed.

[I’m sorry, I’m sorry. The person I want to cherish, the one I love, is only Kazunari. I don’t want to divorce!]

The heartfelt plea I desperately made at that moment couldn’t possibly be believed by Kazunari.