Chapter 45: Can sleep with her?

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Translator: Soafp

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Somehow, I felt like I should get away from this place.

I extinguished my half-smoked Lucky Strike in the ashtray.

“…Well, I should get going. Sorry, Mari-san.”

The “sorry” was meant as an apology for making Mari-san wait because Katsuragi had to work late, but…

“…No, I'm the one who should apologize. I said something strange.”

Apparently, Mari-san didn't take it that way. Not surprising, since I hadn't explained the reason for Katsuragi's overtime.

“Don't worry about it.”

With that, I considered the matter settled and turned my back to Mari-san.

“…Kazunari-san!!”

Startled by her sudden loud call, I turned back. Our eyes met, and we froze for a moment, creating an awkward silence. This was heading towards an emotional breakdown.

“What is it?”

It was obvious that Mari-san had something she desperately wanted to ask. I tried to guide her to ask in a way that made it easier for her, using as gentle a tone as possible.

“Kazunari-san…..can you still sleep with Maya-san?”

Why does Mari-san keep asking questions that put me on the spot? When we talked before, she seemed more considerate, but now it feels like she’s cornering me.

[I can't get it up, so it's impossible.]

I almost said that but stopped myself. I didn't want to make such a pride-wounding statement as a man. I also didn't want her to think I'd do it if I could get it up.

“…From three months before the affair was discovered until today, I haven't slept with Maya once.”

After some hesitation, I decided to just state the facts.

“So, you can't sleep with her then?”

“…”

In the end, my attempt to be vague didn't really help. But Mari-san’s words were also ambiguous and hard to interpret.

──Is it because I find Maya repulsive, because I can't get it up, or because I'm afraid of being compared to Naoki if I do sleep with her?

Somehow, I felt that Mari-san was implying the latter in her statement.

That's why I asked her in return.

“How was it for you, Mari-san?”

“…For me…”

Mari-san hesitated, but it wasn't because she found it difficult to say. She seemed to be searching for the right words, and after a brief pause, she clearly stated:

“The anger, sadness, emptiness, and──fear far outweighed any lingering affection. It all got mixed up, and I couldn't do it.”

──Fear, huh.

I was convinced that Mari-san was trying to see if I was in the same state of mind as she had been.

This wasn't the place for us to lick each other's wounds.

“I see. Well then, for real this time.”

Determined not to look back again, I left the smoking room. Mari-san didn't say anything more.

For some reason, her words about the emotions outweighing lingering affection stuck with me.