Chapter 35: There’s no telling how things will turn out

Reading Settings

Translator: Soafp

---

[Maya PoV]

Facing oneself…

I felt like I almost understood what Kazunari was saying, but not quite.

Why…?

Even if we're a married couple, shouldn’t we be facing each other as partners?

As if guiding my doubts, Kazunari continued.

“I want to find out.”

“…Find out what?”

“The feelings lying dormant beyond my anger, shame, emptiness, frustration, and sadness.”

“…”

“That’s why you should do the same, Maya. If you can say ‘I love you’ without deeply thinking about it, I can’t help but feel that you’re not even facing yourself, let alone me.”

That's…not true. I really do love Kazunari.

I wanted to say that immediately, but the atmosphere held me back.

A calm Kazunari was terrifying, enough to make my spine shiver. If he had yelled or thrown things, I wouldn’t have been scared.

In fact, when he was yelling, even if it was out of negative emotions, I felt a strange reassurance that he was thinking about me.

But now, I was simply scared.

This fear likely stemmed from the sadness of Kazunari abandoning the idea of facing me.

Yet, part of me thought it was inevitable.

The glaring contradiction between my feelings and my actions.

Explaining why I did what I did and making Kazunari understand it would be incredibly difficult.

Even I couldn't fully understand it.

──Oh, I see. Being able to explain that might be what it means to face oneself.

“I understand…”

“…Really? I find it hard to believe that you do.”

In response to Kazunari’s natural skepticism, I shook my head to mean, that’s not true.

By facing my inner struggles and finding an explanation, perhaps Kazunari would face me again.

A shallow hope at best.

I hated my selfishness, yet I couldn’t let go of the faint glimmer of hope.

I refused to imagine what awaited after a month, unwilling to predict such a bleak future.

When guilt is overwhelming, people stop thinking deeply, just as I did before.

But that only fuels Kazunari’s anger.

No matter how foolish I am, even if no conclusion is reached, I must struggle and face myself.

And during that time, I get to stay by Kazunari’s side.