Chapter 47: Temporary forgiveness

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Translator: Soafp

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When I think about it, Maya’s love seems questionable in every way.

She makes hollow claims about loving me.

She makes hollow demands for a marital relationship.

She makes hollow displays of her desire for atonement.

Which of these is true? It seems I could prove it by hypothesizing this:

──The emotions Maya actually has for me are insignificant. Only by overlaying them with guilt do they barely match those of an ordinary couple.

If that’s the case, there's no point in meaningless hostility.

After all, it’s only about three more weeks. Rather than divorcing and spending my life resenting Maya, I should switch gears without demanding anything and without holding onto anything.

What was I unconsciously seeking from Maya? Reflecting on my own weakness makes me feel pathetic, but I have to make Maya understand it as well.

“…Maya.”

“Y-Yes?”

Though Maya was still teary-eyed, I continued to speak regardless.

“I have two questions for you. Don't lie.”

I said this in a slightly lower voice, and Maya wiped her eyes and faced me, looking a bit apprehensive.

“…What, is it?”

“Who do you love the most right now?”

“Of course… it's you.”

An impressively quick response. So obvious it's suspicious. But this isn't the main question.

“Then let's rephrase the question. When we got married, you didn't love me the most, did you?”

“…”

As expected, she went silent. That alone seems to be the answer, but to make her acknowledge it clearly, I insisted she respond.

“Don't stay silent.”

“…Even if I say it now, you wouldn't believe me.”

“What do you mean by that? I told you to face yourself. If you were doing that, you'd know this much already.”

“…”

“I want to hear it from your mouth. If you loved me the most, you wouldn't have left me for Naoki so soon after our marriage, would you?”

“S-sorry…”

“I told you not to apologize, didn't I? Just answer the question.”

Maybe the time for anger had passed. In the past, I would have been enraged by my own words. Yet now, only my mind remained calm, even though my heart rate was up.

“…Honestly, I don't know who I loved the most.”

If she had said, “It was Naoki,” I wonder how I would have reacted. However, Maya's inability to give a clear answer both frustrated me—because it meant she hadn't faced herself—and slightly relieved me in a complex way.

To dispel this feeling, I had no choice but to press further.

“So, are you saying you couldn’t decide between me and Naoki?”

“…I knew who I should love. But perhaps, I lacked confidence.”

“What kind of confidence? You weren't confident you could come to love me?”

“…No, it was whether I could love you as much as you loved me. That's the confidence I lacked.”

“….”

“The love you gave me was immense and comforting, but at the same time, it became a burden. I ran away.”

I fell silent, almost involuntarily.

What the hell is that supposed to mean? She's saying she fled to Naoki because my love was too heavy, a burden she couldn't bear. So, excessive love is worthless, just garbage?

“…So, in the end, it can be summed up that you liked Naoki better?”

“No. Certainly, that might have been true in the past. But feelings change. Now, knowing clearly whom I should love, I can't think of anyone but you.”

“That's just guilt speaking.”

“No, it's not!”

Maya firmly retorted on this point alone.

“Of course, I feel guilty. I want to atone for what I've done. But if it were only that, I wouldn't be suffering so much to stay by your side.”

──Oh, this woman stubbornly refuses to acknowledge that her feelings are a delusion born from guilt.

At this point, I realized it was useless to continue the conversation. If not for guilt, she wouldn't even recognize me as someone she should love.

That's the fact that proves the hidden answer.

But no matter how much I try to reason with her, in her current state, Maya will never admit it. She'll just keep denying it until the guilt fades and then fall back into Naoki’s arms.

“…I understand.”

Maya probably didn't grasp that I didn't mean I understood her feelings. The moment I said this, her eyes widened in surprise.

“…I'll forgive everything. For the remaining time, let's live as a normal couple.”

Because in the end.

Her feelings for me will fade again, and she'll resort to cheating.

I need to make her understand this. To this stubborn woman.