Chapter 63: I Can’t Explain

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Translator: Soafp

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[Mizuki PoV]

My first time was with Naoki.

It was in my second year of junior high.

I don’t regret that itself. At that time, I genuinely loved Naoki. And Naoki still had a decent personality back then.

But maybe I had a part in turning Naoki into the kind of person he became. I desperately tried to meet his demands.

Until I eventually reached the point where I couldn’t stay with him anymore.

Naoki probably got carried away because of that too.

But my connection with Naoki didn't end there. Somehow, after a bit of time, Naoki started coming back to me.

To be honest, I couldn't understand what Naoki was thinking.

It was strange even to me, but I couldn't abandon him for some reason. Even though I knew there would never be a romantic relationship between us again, I couldn't outright reject Naoki when he approached me.

It was, in a way, a toxic bond. Yet, it was also true that I couldn’t bring myself to truly hate him.

──If Naoki dated a decent girl instead of a messed-up one like me, maybe he could become a decent guy too.

Thinking that way, in high school, I introduced him to Maya. Looking back now, that was my biggest mistake.

Naoki, dating Maya, became even more arrogant.

Naoki, who only looked good on the outside, probably developed his twisted belief that “women are disposable, make them fall for you and use them as you please, and even if you break up, there are always replacements,” during that time.

Maya turned out to be the same type as me. We were two of a kind.

And so, Maya was betrayed and hurt.

For me, it was more than just feeling responsible; it was a matter of deep regret.

So, I tried to change my personality consciously then—to be stronger, to not be swayed by men.

Strangely, as I changed, the type of men who approached me also changed.

I realized that a man worthy of trust would also have trustworthy friends, people who wouldn’t easily betray others.

Therefore, this time, I wanted to make even a little bit of my dear friend Maya, who had been hurt before, happy by introducing her to a trustworthy man. I had no ill intentions at all.

But despite that…

Maya must have been poisoned by Naoki.

I never imagined that my best friend would end up being the one to betray.

Then, unable to bear the guilt of my own actions, I tried to take responsibility in my way. The sight of me sinking deeper into the quagmire would have looked utterly ridiculous to an outsider.

But I was desperate.

So, to sever all ties with Naoki and Maya, and to atone for the sins I had committed…

When I visited Naoki to settle things…

It only led to further mistakes.