“I’ve decided to go out with senpai.”
When those words were said by my childhood friend, I realized that it was all a misunderstanding on my part.
Hinagi Suzurikawa – I’ve been close to her since kindergarten, and we’ve known each other since childhood.
I don’t know why she felt the need to tell me that, maybe she thinks it’s her duty as my childhood friend. I can’t read people’s thoughts. Soon after, her words became harsher than usual.
I don’t remember whether we promised to marry each other or not, as that is often the case with childhood friends. But she had always been special to me. She was definitely the reason why I was able to push through a difficult time in my life.
Recently, we’ve had a lot of arguments, but despite the fights, we’ve always remained close. When I started middle School, Suzurikawa became more and more beautiful. She spent more time on her outfits, and with her social and cheerful personality it was no wonder why she became popular.
As I watched her climb up the social ladder, I decided to take the next step in our relationship, this year – in our second year middle School. I was planning to confess my feelings to her at the summer festival that we went to together every year.
I was foolishly under the illusion that she would accept my confession. However, such a naive outlook was shattered. I had mistakenly thought that the feelings she was showing me were feelings of love.
Oh, that wasn’t love at all, was it?
Something broke inside of me, a dark shadow appeared in my heart. For her, it wasn’t love, it was a realization that I was just a childhood friend.
“I wonder if that’s the end of our friendship. We may not be able to hang out as much as usual this summer.”
“Oh yeah, congratulations.”
I was annoyed by how cruelly my childhood friend spoke to my freshly broken heart.
I was annoyed by that. If she got a boyfriend, she wouldn’t be able to be with me. I didn’t know what to say to her, but I couldn’t think of anything, as my mind was just blank.
What came out of my mouth was an honest blessing.
Suzurikawa’s face was momentarily stained with anger.
“I’m not sure what to say. I’m glad he confessed to me, because unlike you, he’s reliable and good-looking.”
The person that Suzurikawa calls senpai is a third-year soccer player who had confessed to Suzurikawa a week ago. Unlike me, Suzurikawa is very popular. Many people have confessed their feelings to her, but she has never accepted a confession until now. I guess I was relieved to see her like that. I was immersed in a convenient illusion that she would never leave my side.
But I don’t think she should have bothered to expose her feelings to me and compare him to me. I don’t know when she came to hate me so much, but I’m certainly not good enough for her. I may have become just a detestable person who only sits in the position of a childhood friend.
I was so excited to confess my feelings. The emotions that I had been holding in were too much to handle, and I was spending my days feeling worn out. I felt both relieved and disappointed when I realized that today was the end of it all.
This was the decision. If my feelings are unreachable anyway, it might be a good idea to finally tell her.
“Suzurikawa , I was going to confess my feelings to you on the day of this year’s summer festival.”
“I’ve always loved you. I was only looking at you. I was proud of the way you were getting more and more beautiful, so I wanted to confess to you this year. I don’t know if it’s too late or if you just didn’t care for me from the start.”
“You are lying ……. …… aren’t you ……? Then what am I doing for ……”
“I thought the feelings you were showing me were love. I thought it was love between us. I’m an idiot. It’s not supposed to be like that. You weren’t thinking of me, were you?”
“No, you got it wrong! I also–“
“Yes, our feelings were different from the start.”
I don’t remember when our differences started clashing, but there is no point in thinking about it now.
“What….. have I done…”
“I’m sorry. If this is the end, I just wanted to tell you how I feel.”
“What …… do you mean with the end? I’m not sure what you’re trying to say,…….”
For some reason, Suzurikawa’s face had gone pale. She’s lost all her strength.
I’m not sure why.
“Goodbye, Suzurikawa. Let’s end our childhood friendship today. Be happy with your senpai–“
Evening. The playset was dyed in mad red.
It’s ironic that the park, which I used to play in often, becomes the place of farewell. If I tell her how I feel about her, it will be impossible for us to remain childhood friends and behave as we have in the past. Even so, I had planned to confess my feelings with that determination. But I didn’t need to do that anymore.
I didn’t want to be there anymore. I didn’t want to see her face, or my own. I started running towards home.
“Wait, wait! Yukito, please wait and let’s talk this out —-“
Human emotions are difficult.
If the feelings that Suzurikawa were showing me were not “love” then I may never be able to understand “love” in my life.
Thus, the boy was broken one more time.