Chapter 41: mental consistency
Mom is still in her suit, as if she just got home from her work. Her expression was grim. She seemed to be in a bad mood, but that didn’t mean I had anything to hide of, so I answered honestly.
“This old man wants to take me in if Oka-san doesn’t want me.” (Yuki)
“No more words……” (Mother)
“There’s nothing I can do to fix it. So, what do you think, Mom? I don’t really care either way—-” (Yuki)
“DON’T SCREW WITH ME!” (Mother)
A voice filled with anger rang out in the air. My mother came close and took my hand.
“Let’s go home. You don’t need to listen to that man. Don’t you ever come near my children again!” (Mother)
“Wait, wait! Let me tell you something.” (Shiun)
My mother took me by the hand and we walked away, leaving the old man speechless. We didn’t even look back, we just went home with few words and anger on our faces.
After dinner, I sat alone in my empty room, thinking. Mom’s mood hadn’t improved since we arrived home. I was distressed. Despite my appearance, I’ve never seen my mother like that. In fact, I haven’t done anything to get her angry. I’m not even aware that I’ve done anything wrong, so it would be strange for me to apologize. There’s no point in apologizing for something you didn’t do. But the fact is that my mother is angry. I guess I should just go ahead and grind a sesame seed. [TL: To flatter someone]
It’s said that in Japanese society, it’s easier to survive if you can get your boss to like you than if you have the skills. As I was thinking about this, there was a knock on the door. My mother is the only one in this house who has the common sense to knock on the door. My sister on the other hand….
“What’s wrong?” (Yuki)
“I just want to talk to you.” (Mother)
Mom comes in with sweets and juice. She took a bath, and she’s all warm and steamy. This is not good, this is not good. But there’s no time to think about it. I decided to play sesame without mercy.
“You look beautiful these days, Mom. I’m happy for you.” (Yuki)
“Is that so? Something wrong?” (Mother)
“It’s just my opinion.” (Yuki)
“That may be so, but ……” (Mother)
“You’re too pretty for me.” (Yuki)
“Fufu~. Is there something you want me to do for you? Sure. I’ll do anything you want.” (Mother)
“Oops. I think I stepped on an unnecessary land mine.” (Yuki)
“If I get sweaty or dirty, I can just take a bath again.” (Mother)
“Scary, scary, scary! What are you doing?” (Yuki)
“We’ll talk about that later on …… okay?” (Mother)
“I don’t like it when you say it in such a cute way. But ……. I think you’re beautiful all the time, not just lately. Did you find someone you like at work by any chance?” (Yuki)
“I don’t …… have anyone like that.” (Mother)
She sits down next to me. Why next to me? Isn’t it hard to talk?
“What did that man say to you today?” (Mother)
“There was nothing more to say than what I said right there. All he said was that since Oka-san didn’t seem to want me, he might want to take me in.” she said.” (Yuki)
“Is that what the man said?” (Mother)
Although he didn’t say it that specifically, but there should be no mistake in his general understanding. Mom’s face became plainly angry and then immediately became sad.
“Have you ever seen him before?” (Mother)
“It’s the first time we’ve met, but now that he’s shown up, he’s no different than a stranger.” (Yuki)
“I’m sorry. I should have told you the truth.” (Mother)
“I’m not really that interested.” (Yuki)
It’s too late to ask what happened between him and my mother. The past is the past, and there is nothing I can do about it, just as it is too late for me to say he was my father. My mother seemed to be concerned about it, so I told her in detail what I had heard from the old man. He had already remarried, and the daughter of his second marriage partner was a senpai at the same high school. And that things aren’t going well with the girl. He wants to take me in. That the old man is suspicious. I told her everything.
“What’s that? He’s just trying to use you. He’s the only one I won’t tolerate. ……” (Mother)
“As for me, I’m fine with that. I’ve caused my mother a lot of trouble in the past.” (Yuki)
“Why are you apologizing? Do you hate me?” (Mother)
“It’s not like that. ……” (Yuki)
“I will never let you go. Let’s live together like before? Or do you hate me?” (Mother)
Mom’s gaze wavers uneasily. Then she clings to me gently and sweetly, as if it were a flirtatious gesture. Even though we are sitting right beside each other and the distance between us is very close, she pulls me even closer to her. Mom’s hand slowly caresses my cheek.
“How could I not want you? If you go to that man, even If he tries to take it from me, I’ll kill the man who told you to do it.” (Mother)
“You’re overreacting.” (Yuki)
Eeeeeeh, you’re lying! Please tell me it’s not true, mom! The statement is so disturbing that it scares me. I can’t help but feel as if her eyes, with their lights gone, are telling me that it’s not a lie. Mom’s body is trembling. I wonder if she’s suppressing her anger or if it’s because she’s sad, but it’s summer. I don’t think it’s because it’s cold. I don’t know what to do, so I try to hug her to calm her down.
“I won’t go if you tell me not to. Is that okay with you?” (Yuki)
“I can’t stand the thought of you being gone again after we got to talk like this.…… I know it’s my fault. I don’t want to let you go without making up for my sins of neglecting you.”
I made her cry again. If this continues, the day will soon come when I’ll have to list making my mother cry as a special skill on my resume. But there was something that bothered me more than anything.
“Do you want to live with me because you think it’s a sin?” (Yuki)
“No, no! That’s not true. I’m sorry! That’s not what I meant. It’s not that. It’s that I want to be with you—-.” (Mother)
“All right, all right, then give me a little less strength …… and elasticity in your chest …….” (Yuki)
“It’s just the three of us, me, Yuri and Yukito that want to live together. No,…… I don’t want to use you for me,……. I’m not like that guy!” (Mother)
“Why did you get on my lap, Mom? your butt is soft too. Oh, crap.” (Yuki)
My true feelings were leaking out. She leaned forward and hugged me tightly. Noooooooo, breasts at the front gate, buttocks at the back gate. My rational mind is in crisis! Am I a pervert?
My mom hurriedly repeated her words as if she was trying to make up for something, but I think she meant it. It’s because of this that my mother and sister are overly concerned about me. And no matter how much I say I don’t care, it will never make them feel better. There’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t do anything about it, because it’s not up to me to forgive them, it’s up to them.
In retrospect, there have been many times when that has happened. If I rejected Shiori’s confession, would she stop caring about me? I don’t think so. Shiori would still try to get involved. It’s because she feels guilty and indebted to me. But that would be too painful for her.
It’s the same with President Keido. She’s always saying outrageous things, but it’s only because she feels guilty. That’s exactly why Mikumo-senpai, who is supposed to be uncomfortable with men, is approaching me, and the same goes for Tojo-senpai. Even Sanjoji-sensei isn’t usually like that.
The relationship between me and the girls is no longer equal. It’s a cowardly relationship that only gives me an advantage. If I ask for something, they might accept it. But is that what “love” is all about?
Finally, I realize.
Back then, when I was in the eighth grade, the reason why I liked Hinagi was because we were equal childhood friends. We just shared the same time together without any hesitation. So what about now? What about us? I can’t do it anymore. As long as she holds onto the sin of lying, as long as she can’t get rid of it, our relationship can’t move forward. We can’t even go back to being old childhood friends in a distorted way.
What can I do? What can I do for them? Is there anything I can do? Is it really possible for me to help them deal with the trauma they are going through? They are asking for my forgiveness. But I have forgiven them from the beginning, and it is they themselves who have not forgiven them. That’s what I think.
Is this feeling “love” or “sin”?
19 comments »
sense-sanJune 26, 2021 at 12:14 am
Do you think that the reason the Mother is a less effective parent is because the father is a piece of s**t?
some mobJune 26, 2021 at 12:37 am
……………….Nah, it’s her own guilt that is making her feelings get twisted. Albeist it’s true her husband f****d up in the beginning that wasn’t the main cause of the incident between Yukito and Yuri, it was her not capable of balancing her worklife with her homelife that end up burdening Yuri with taking care of Yukito and lead to that incident.
CrestApril 5, 2022 at 12:03 pm
Thanks for the chapter!
libertarianciceroJune 26, 2021 at 12:24 am
He really is going to spend the rest of his life in therapy because of all the insane women around him.
digitalhazardzero2928June 26, 2021 at 12:57 am
If therapy has a group of beautiful women surrounding you, I think I’d like to stay in there for quite a while….
Light novel junkyJune 26, 2021 at 6:23 am
Yeah shame his Aunt would be therapist. Oops forgot the space. Meant the rapist.
some mobJune 26, 2021 at 12:57 am
Yukito is lacking lots of things emotionally speaking so he isn’t capable of conprehend many of the things which are happening around him or rather the way his actions are affecting those around him and the reason why others are acting towards him. He is finally seeing the way things are going around him and come to the realization he isn’t the only one here who needs help or has issues regarding himself……..i mean he wasn’t hurt on purpose(though he was hurt like hell), well the Tojou girl was an idiot who jumped to the gun, it was mainly many unfortunate stuff(Yuri and Tristy) and things not even clearly thought(worthless childhoodfriend, Kamishiro-chan and sensei) but he isn’t the only victim he has finally realized it.
Now that he is aware of this he can strive to make…….well at least try to return their relationships to the point it is normalregarding the fact they are giving him favorability due to guilt)…..it will be meaningless with his aunt………
The only option for him will be to gather every single one of his harem(who hurt him emotionally) and explain them his thought, otherwise he will make things far more complicated than are already are or are starting to get……….i believe things will get more complicated regardless of the result……..
pomte2June 26, 2021 at 1:14 am
desire for redemption or true love?
a difficult question especially since yukito is no longer able to simply trust people.
he must either learn that these 2 feelings are not incompatible, or choose a girl who has never hurt him.
bananaJune 26, 2021 at 1:32 am
PotatoJune 26, 2021 at 4:37 am
Well to be fair, his mother is a “single mom” rasing two kids. If she wants to fully support them financially like a normal family, then working that much is understandable.
Because she’s taking the role of a father, she can’t fulfill her role as a mother.
Eco Friendly Toxic WasteJune 26, 2021 at 6:07 am
Something tells me things with the dad are going to get far worse. Maybe not some big drama about custody, but I feel like he’s a bigger scumbag then we’ve seen so far.
ExfernalJuly 31, 2021 at 5:01 am
Maybe it’s the step-father that’s the reason that Mikuma-senpai is afraid of men? Just a thought…
ExfernalJuly 31, 2021 at 5:05 am
CaneléJune 27, 2021 at 10:21 am
Oh God… He has already forgiven them But he still want to remove the guilt the others are experiencing, those that is the root cause of his suffering?
I felt sad that he felt that being back to “square one” is already enough for him. To be honest, I won’t even care now if they compensate him sexually if that would atleast give him a smidgen of confidence that he is already loved by them and he can be a little greedy for himself.
He is “shattered becoming pure” due to that world, he’s burdening himself on things that he shouldn’t even have to care for of, a relationship is a two-way communication.
Strawberry MilkshakeAugust 31, 2021 at 10:58 pm
Latly, it’s kida hrd to writ with only one hnd.
KenniRogersOctober 11, 2021 at 3:00 pm
Now that we think of it, the only person in the “harem” that isn’t shackled by something is Hestia/Amaterasu/Aphrodite-senpai. Each and every one in the harem other than Soma has either done something to Yuki, or had been shown kindness to him. Soma is the only one who is “equal”.
And thus concluded my TED talk in why Soma is best girl
unculturedweeb6968December 23, 2021 at 6:44 am
F****d up this chapter is!!! Putangina!!!!
DarrenMarch 24, 2022 at 9:37 am
hey i forgot the chapter when yukito said What cause his sister and mother get in to his bed room while half naked
HealerDecember 8, 2022 at 4:30 am
Feeling guilt is good but keeping it inside for too long will only cause problems you should be able to let it go or ask someone for help