Chapter 30: Reminiscence of Stand By Me part 3
TL: Sponsored chapter. Thank you for supporting me. This chapter happened in the past.
[Hinagi Suzurikawa PoV]
“Hinagi. There’s no one at my house today. Come over.” (Senpai)
I feel like crap. I guess that’s what you call a bad feeling. I glanced at the person next to me. Who is this person? Why am I walking home with this person? I get chills when he calls me “Hinagi” in a familiar way. A vile and ugly smile. I can feel his gaze crawling all over my body as if he is licking me. It’s a horrible gaze, as if my body is being devoured. That’s right, this guy is a senpai, isn’t he? Oh, what did this person just say? Did he just tell me to come to his house? Why do I have to go? Without knowing my intentions, the senior continues to walk next to me with a smirk on his face.
“We’ve been going out for two weeks, right? Isn’t it about time?” (Senpai)
Despite my feelings, I am now listening to my senpai’s words with a wry smile on my face. A lazy gesture, a useless conversation. Everything was a waste of time and effort.
I wondered what was good about him. What on earth is this person to me? What’s his name again? I thought I had heard it, but it didn’t matter to me. My mind drifted back to school. I have to go back right now. I have to go back and see Yukito! And yet, I’m walking home with my senpai. What the hell am I doing?
I can’t understand myself. I can’t even control my emotions. I knew I didn’t want to go home, because I had been in a state of estrangement with my little sister for about a week now. I was confronted with the reality by my little sister, Hiori. She had condemned me for being abominable and extremely stupid. Hiori was furious.
Even now, her anger has not subsided. On the contrary, it’s getting worse day by day. And yet, I can’t even refute any of it. Yes, this is the reality. The man walking next to me is my boyfriend.
–I refuse, I refuse, I hate it, I hate it!
I have the urge to scratch my whole body. I don’t want to have a boyfriend other than Yukito, I don’t want such a man to be my boyfriend! But it’s all my own fault, and that’s why the one standing next to me right now is Senpai, not Yukito. I shouldn’t be wasting my time on this. I have words and feelings that I need to say to Yukito right now!
Since then, Yukito has been acting as if I didn’t exist. It’s like we never had a relationship. “Wouldn’t it be a nuisance if I was around?” The last words we exchanged were quite simple.
Is that okay with you, Yukito? Is that all the time we’ve spent together ended with just one sentence like that? Was the bond between childhood friends really that fragile?
I was the one who ended it. I should have been the one who did it, but I couldn’t accept the current situation, so I just had to escape reality. I am the worst. The senpai next to me confessed his feelings to me, and I accepted. Yes, I accepted it. And yet, I’m treating him like he’s a germ.
Perhaps annoyed by my absent-minded reply, my senpai spoke a little more forcefully.
“Hinagi and I haven’t done anything at all like lovers, have we?” (Senpai)
“Um……, that kind of thing is still…….” (Hinagi)
“So, when’s a good time for you?” (Senpai)
There is no way that such a day will ever come. I’m not in love with him, I detest him. I absolutely hate him. I don’t want to be touched. I refuse to hold his hand when he tries to hold mine. Come to think of it, last year, on the day of the summer festival, Yukito tried to hold my hand. It must have been because the place was crowded. I was so happy, but at the same time I was so surprised that I unintentionally brushed his hand away out of embarrassment. I had regretted it ever since. Even so, Yukito was expressionless as usual. But maybe he was actually hurt by my attitude.
I’m the worst. I was just trying to take advantage of my senpai, and I was just using my senpai’s confession as a shield. I’m just using him as a pawn against Yukito. It was too ugly of an act. The guilt and responsibility made my words muddy.
“I’m also playing the patience game, okay? You know, right?” (Senpai)
Suddenly, the senior grabbed both of my shoulders. He pushed my body against the wall with his momentum. It’s still bright, but there are no people around. What is this person trying to do? What is he going to do to me? The suddenness of the situation made me panic. So many questions come to my mind. All I know is that it’s only going to be the worst for me.
Gradually, my senior’s face gets closer. Is he trying to kiss me? Is he going to take it from me forcefully like this? Even though it’s not Yukito?By someone I don’t know this well? My precious thing is…….
“No,…… wait, STOP!” (Hinagi)
Was he on the soccer team, I wondered? I don’t even remember that. I tried desperately to resist, but my sturdy body would not budge. Meanwhile, the older man’s face was closing in on me, fifty centimeters, forty centimeters, thirty centimeters, and finally just a few centimeters away, so close that I could even hear his breathing, and my lips were…
“I’m telling you, I don’t want to!” (Hinagi)
I put my student bag between myself and my senior and pushed him away. The senior didn’t fall, but he stumbled back due to the suddenness of the situation. The senior’s eyes were filled with rage.
“What the hell? What the hell is wrong with you?” (Senpai)
“It’s you! You’re the worst!” (Hinagi)
“Stop screwing around you little a*****e!” (Senpai)
I’m the a*****e. I know that. He just likes me. And I took advantage of it. As a girlfriend, I didn’t answer the senior in any way. I’m too much of a scumbag, that’s what I am. No matter how much he cursed me, abused me, and shouted at me, I couldn’t say anything.
I ran from the scene. No matter how much I ran away from the reality in front of me, no matter how many times I tried to escape reality, nothing would change. But I didn’t want it to be taken away from me. If that was taken away from me, I would never be able to stand in front of him again. Complete self-preservation. No matter how much my sister ridiculed me for being a foolish girl, no matter how much my sister cut me off, no matter how cowardly I was, I still didn’t want that to happen.
When I arrived home, I sent a text message to my senpai, saying, “Let’s break up.”
I sat down on the bed and gently clasped my trembling hands. What I did was just a convenient way to get around my senior. He only asked me to do what lovers do. I refused to do so. It was my fault for accepting his confession, and it was also my fault for being emotionally ugly. Who would fall in love with such a woman? A woman who can’t be honest and is doing something stupid like this doesn’t really deserve to be standing next to Yukito from the start.
Every day was like a nightmare. Ever since that day, I’ve been repeating the unrealistic days as if I were in a dream. But it was a real nightmare from now on. My punishment for trying to take advantage of others.
The hell was about to begin.
“Did you hear that, Yukito? Suzurikawa-san was your childhood friend, right?” (Minagawa)
“That was a long time ago.” (Yuki)
“Doesn’t that bother you?” (Minagawa)
“I mean, they’re going out, sooner or later they’re going to that you know?” (Yuki)
“You’re so dry as usual. However, Suzurikawa-san doesn’t look like the type, but she does what she has to do.” (Minagawa)
“You’re way into this kinda thing” (Yuki)
We’ve been in the same class since the first grade, and I’ve been talking back to Minagawa like I don’t care. I’m not worried about it! I tried to sound like a tsundere, but in reality, I didn’t care. I’m serious…seriously. Because from the moment I heard about it, I didn’t care about anything else.
I’m Yukito Kokonoe, a man who devotes himself to DIY and worships Home Depot as his holy ground. My love for her couldn’t be shaped like a DIY project. Once your feelings are shattered, you can’t repair them. And besides, me and Suzurikawa are no longer related. In the first place, even though we were childhood friends, in the end we were just strangers. There’s no connection between us whatsoever.
“Suzurikawa-san has experienced it. That was fast though.” (Classmate)
“Is that so? I don’t think so though.” (Sekina)
“Eh, Sakina-chan, could it be……?” (Classmate)
“Isn’t that normal for girls our age?” (Sekina)
“No, it’s not! Hey, did you really do it Sakina-chan?!” (Classmate)
“Tell me about it!” (Classmate)
“I’m so envious of Suzurikawa’s virginity, and senpai!” (Classmate) (TL: )
“Hey, stop being so gross.” (Classmate)
“Maybe I should’ve told her, too.” (Classmate)
“If he can f**k Suzurikawa, I still have a chance—-” (Classmate)
“No way!” (Classmate)
The whole class was talking about it. Hinagi Suzurikawa is quite popular among the second-year students. The news that she had started dating a senior on the soccer team had spread quickly, but now, about two weeks later, rumors were circulating that she had had her first experience with a senior.
The rumor that he had had sex with her had spread quickly and had attracted a lot of attention as a hot topic. It was an exciting topic for an adolescent junior high school student. No one was criticizing or slandering her. It’s not that they are uncommunicative people, it’s just that they are genuinely interested. I guess that’s all.
I raised my right hand in the air. I’ve known Suzurikawa for almost ten years now. Come to think of it, last year when we went to a summer festival, I tried to hold her hand and she refused.
As childhood friends, we’ve accumulated almost ten years of time together. But I was refused to even hold hands with her, while she allowed herself to have sex with a senpai she had been dating for about two weeks. I guess that’s the difference between me and her senpai, the difference between her “liking” him and “hating” me.
It was so pathetic that I couldn’t help but laugh. I’m so miserable. I don’t care about Suzurikawa, but I myself am ridiculous. The time I’ve accumulated means nothing. There was no value in it at all. Everything was zero, and in fact, I was always a disappointment. My mother doesn’t like me, my sister doesn’t like me. There is no mother-son bond, no sister-brother bond, so why did I think there was such a thing as a childhood friend bond?
I should have known it all along. I shouldn’t have asked for a “favor”. It was a mistake to “like” someone. I didn’t need to “like” anyone. I don’t need it. It’s just a nuisance, a hindrance, a zero or a minus for me. There is nothing else. I don’t think anything, I don’t expect anything. I shouldn’t. Don’t look for anyone else. I’m alone and I don’t need anyone. That should be enough. That’s all that’s required of me.
I liked Suzurikawa, I was sure I liked her. I shook my head. I was tormented by a sound that I couldn’t hear. I don’t know what the hell the sound is. It was nothing more than an auditory hallucination. But I’m sure I’ve lost something again. Something inside of me was telling me that something was broken again.
I couldn’t even remember the feeling of “liking” Suzurikawa anymore.
[Hiori Suzurikawa PoV]
“What’s going on, Onee-chan!” (Hiori)
I didn’t want to think that the person in front of me was my sister. I’ve been fighting with my sister for about a week now. It was the first time we had ever had such a big fight. However, what was definitely different was the way I looked at her. Now I see my sister in front of me as nothing but a dirty, ugly, unholy being. I don’t want to think that this person is my sister!
“What do you mean, you had sex with him?! You had Onii-chan, you’re disgusting!” (Hiori)
“You’re wrong! Hiori, I’m not like that—!” (Hinagi)
“I can’t believe it! You’re a liar!” (Hiori)
“I didn’t do anything like that! I did not have sex—-!” (Hinagi)
“Don’t touch me with your filthy hands!” (Hiori)
I pushed away my sister’s hand as she reached for me, slowly. I can’t allow it. I can’t let you do this! I couldn’t believe what I had heard from Onii-chan, so I asked around at school. As a result, I found out that it was true that Onee-chan had started going out with a third-year senior.
It wasn’t that I doubted Onii-chan. It was just that I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to admit that the beautiful dream story I had longed for, the happy ending of two childhood friends who had been in love with each other since childhood, had been broken.
That’s why I questioned my sister last week. But what she said was incoherent and incomprehensible. She was hiding something with a vague attitude, and she kept on brooding and regretting it. I couldn’t get anywhere. I didn’t speak to my sister for a long time.
Then I heard a rumor that my sister had sex with a third-year senpai. She had her first sexual experience with a senpai. A rumor like that. My sister is a beautiful woman. She is known even among us first-year students. The rumor spread quickly among the underclassmen, and of course it reached my ears as well.
The source of the rumor is easy to find out. It seems that the older student who became my sister’s boyfriend was bragging about it. I wish I was the one who had to hear about my sister having sex with someone. But I didn’t care about that. What I couldn’t forgive was that it was not Onii-chan and most of all, because it’s nothing but an act of betrayal to Onii-chan.
“…… You’re not pregnant, are you?” (Hiori)
“Pregnant!? There’s no way that’s possible!” (Hinagi)
My sister is pale and panicked. I’m already a seventh grader and I’m taking health and physical education classes. I understand what sex and sexual intercourse is. It is an act of pleasure seeking, and its essence is to make a child.
I’ve never had sex, but I know that if you fail to use protection, you can have a child. I looked at my sister’s expression. I can’t tell if she’s scared of getting pregnant or if she’s really not doing it. I didn’t even know what she wanted to do with Onii-chan.
I can’t trust anything about Onee-chan now. I don’t want to think that such a filthy person who is covered in lies is my sister. For the first time in my life, I truly despised and hated Onee-chan. I’ve always loved Onee-chan. She was my only sister. There was nothing to dislike about her. But now, I felt so sick that I wanted to throw up.
“Then go buy a pregnancy test and prove it!” (Hiori)
“I have not done it, Hiori, I did not have sex with him!” (Hinagi)
“You’re going out with your senpai, right? You’re dating a senior, so it’s not surprising that you had sex, right? Why are you denying it so much? You had sex, right? Why don’t you say it honestly? You rejected Onii-chan, betrayed him, gave up your virginity to your senpai, and had sex with him, didn’t you?” (Hiori)
“You’re wrong! That’s not true—-!” (Hinagi)
“I hate you for betraying Onii-chan” (Hiori)
“I’ll tell Mom and Dad!” (Hiori)
“Please don’t do that!” (Hinagi)
My sister is crying with her face all messed up. But it doesn’t matter. I didn’t tell them last week because I didn’t know what was going on yet, but if I heard that you had sex, I would have to tell Mom and Dad.
That’s a given. If she were to get pregnant, it would be the end of her student life and everything else. She’s still in junior high school, she can’t raise a child. If she got pregnant, she would have to have an abortion. She would also have to talk to the parents of the person who impregnated her. In any case, it was not a problem that my sister and I could handle on our own.
My mom and dad knew that my sister liked Onii-chan. He used to come to our house often. He doesn’t come around as much anymore, but Mom and Dad love him like a son. Onii-chan is like family to me. Since he was such a Onii-chan, I never doubted that he would be with Onee-chan. That’s why I’ve been trying to hide my feelings from her, but she betrayed even my feelings!
“I don’t even want to see your face anymore!” (Hiori)
“I’m sorry, Hiori, I didn’t mean for this to happen! This is my punishment! So please–” (Hinagi)
Then, she confessed everything in front of the family. As she broke down in tears at the stupidity of what she had done, she revealed the feelings she had been holding in, tormented by guilt. Once the words overflowed, they continued without stopping. It was too selfish, too self-serving, and hurtful to others.
Onee-chan is crying, but it’s all her own fault. There is no excuse for the rumors that were spread about her, whether she really had sex with him or not. The other senior might be a scumbag. But Onee-chan is also undoubtedly a scumbag. The senior and the sister are dating. It’s not surprising if they were to have sex. This is a situation that she brought on herself.
As I looked at her with a cold gaze, my thoughts turned to Onii-chan. The rumor has spread so much. Even Onii-chan must know about it. I wondered what he was thinking, and how much he was hurt. Is he in shock, or has he already given up on Onee-chan?
Big brother is very popular. There must be many more wonderful women than this cowardly and ugly sister. A woman who will not hurt him, who will make him happy, and who will only look out for him.
“Onii-chan, can’t it be me ……? (Hiori)
I wish it was me. My first love was not fruitful. But I’m glad. If one day Onii-chan would become my real Onii-chan, that would make me happy. But the feelings that I had covered up started to spill out.
If it were me, I would never make Onii-chan sad.
31 comments »
EnkirosJune 3, 2021 at 1:19 am
Yo-chanJune 3, 2021 at 2:07 am
Go for it, Imouto-san!
M. D. KazaiJune 3, 2021 at 5:05 am
Thanks for the chapter ❤️
CaneléJune 3, 2021 at 5:16 am
Hope it’s either the aunt, the lunch senpai, or the little sister… The others could beg for forgiveness and atone for it, but don’t even think about getting back with him. That’s something that they should deserve at all… Man, i felt bad for both the little sister for giving way just to see the one she loves the most to get hurt and change in front of her eyes… “Why can’t it be me?”, being an observer on what is happening and being regretful for even giving way for that “idiot” big sister, that must’ve hurt.
PotatoJune 3, 2021 at 5:45 am
Sex between couples are normal but. High school couple? That just scream being irresponsible.
En Pee SeeJune 3, 2021 at 6:12 am
Don’t live too much in fantasy animu land. It’s pretty normal for high school couples to have sex. Responsibility and consequences generally doesn’t enter into teenagers’ heads when it comes to it. “I won’t happen to me.” Is usually the beginning and end of any consideration for the potential of getting pregnant.
LegoJune 3, 2021 at 10:03 am
But it is a flashback of when yuki was in second year of middle school so may be they were a little too young for that.
Kevin Torres ChanaOctober 20, 2021 at 4:47 am
se nota que no sabes de Latinoamérica XD
PacoSeagleJune 3, 2021 at 5:53 am
Imouto definitely has potential. It feels pretty genuine when she says she’d never make him sad and she’s got her sister as a role model of what not to do. I think the bests choices would be Hestia-sama, anemic train girl, imouto, or neighbor. Hope the train girl comes back in the future.
Friendly Neighborhood MILFmanJune 3, 2021 at 6:18 am
I wouldn’t put too much faith in the ara next door just yet. She was pretty much “ready” for him the second they met and is willing to pull some strings for him. There’s probably another story there that ended in her feeling really guilty about doing something to him.
ChrizzyRan DesuJune 3, 2021 at 7:30 am
Thanks for the chapter~!!!
-BobJune 3, 2021 at 3:29 pm
Thanks for the new chapter.
Well, Hiragi was either 13 years old or barely 14 years old at this time, since it occurred during April-July of the 8th grade school year. This is just another example of how girls that age can show very poor judgement. While I think that the boyfriend was scummy, Hiragi certainly paid for her actions.
In chapter 20 (two years after events in this chapter) Hiragi finally apologized to Yuki for her hurting him, and Yuki has accepted it. So this flashback chapter provides more angst for the characters, but doesn’t affect the story going forward.
Of course, I’m still shipping Taori&Yuki, or Soma (Stairway Goddess)&Yuki, or even Yumi (Girl on Train who got molested)&Yuki. My least favorite pairings are still Hiragi&Yuki or Shiori&Yuki! But I don’t think the author agrees with my opinions!
-BobJune 3, 2021 at 3:39 pm
Possible mis-translation question:
The sentence “We’ve been in the same class since the first grade, and I’ve been talking back to Minagawa like I don’t care.” is inconsistent with chapters 46-48 (The Glass Boy). If Minagawa had been in the same classes as Yuki during grade school, Yuki wouldn’t have talked with him at all during middle school. Is there another way to translate this? Did the author make a consistency error?
SoafpJune 3, 2021 at 3:46 pm
It was not in in the glass boy, it was in the x-mas chapter. And he was never in his class.
quanghuy1200June 3, 2021 at 6:14 pm
Go go imouto :v fist kouhai in a most M**F Harem lol
-BobJune 4, 2021 at 4:57 am
More about possible mis-translation:
In the sentence “We’ve been in the same class since first grade, …” does the “We” refers to Yuki and Minagawa? Does “first grade” refer to year 1 of primary education or year 1 of middle school? I read this as
“Yuki and Minagawa have been in the same CLASS since year 1 of primary education.”
The problem I have with this sentence is due to the events described in THE GLASS BOY chapters. By the end of chapter 48, Yuki ends up considering everyone in his elementary education CLASS, including the teacher and teacher trainee, as his enemies due to how he was treated by them. In fact, on the last day of the teacher trainee’s attendance, he stone-face ignored the trainee’s apology and did not accept the letter she had written him. It is implied that he treated everyone in the CLASS in the same fashion, only performing what he needed to do to get promoted to the next grade. Yuki would not engage in any unneeded conversation with anyone that he recognized as being from that CLASS. While Yuki’s memory is selective/impaired, as a result of Minagawa being present in all his classes, Yuki would recognize Minagawa as one of the enemies from his elementary CLASS. If so, he wouldn’t be talking to or responding to Minagawa at all.
Is it possible that the sentence should read
“We’ve been in the same class throughout middle school, …” or “We’ve been in the same schools since 1st grade, …”?
-Nit picking Bob
SoafpJune 4, 2021 at 8:43 am
It’s not primary but middle school that they have been in the same class. He was not in his class during his elementary years
bananaJune 4, 2021 at 6:35 am
yandere vibes from taori, thanks for the chapter
Heimlich ManureJune 4, 2021 at 7:51 pm
What the hell this is f*cked up!
Heimlich ManureJune 4, 2021 at 7:53 pm
My profile pic perfectly describes my reaction to this unholy amalgamation
manavyaprasadAugust 23, 2021 at 7:40 am
The talks of virginity are so recurring right now, I don’t know how to feel about that
Strawberry MilkshakeAugust 31, 2021 at 4:04 pm
I hope there’s the time Yuki and Taori will be together again, chilling on family restaurant, study and have a good time each other.
AmplifitySeptember 23, 2021 at 3:39 am
DeadmilkmenOctober 21, 2021 at 10:59 am
The only sane, decent chick among all of these is Soma. This little sister’s pretty normal but, not a fan.
Potato samaNovember 5, 2021 at 5:19 am
Imoutos are cheap bootleg, but oneesans are fine wine
Khronos AionJanuary 18, 2022 at 10:52 pm
Do you guys knows the feeling of rooting for your love’s one lovelife but it didn’t worked well? That in the end your love one getting hurt? Do you guys know how painful it is? That younger sister feels that too, I bet
A l x nMarch 4, 2022 at 1:31 am
bakquakMarch 24, 2022 at 4:14 am
ganbare imouto san!!
AkireiNovember 23, 2022 at 2:51 pm
There are already 10 girls and women, some of them are blood-related. So it’s fine if you go after him.
HealerDecember 7, 2022 at 11:03 am
Here comes loli route
chooseausername69March 27, 2023 at 12:25 pm
Hestia Sama is the only one for Him…. Hestia Sama for the win!!!