Chapter 80: Undeserving cruelty.

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Translated and Edited by: luccayn.

Common Honorifics:
-san: A polite suffix, but not excessively formal.
-kun: A common suffix among friends and younger people.
-chan: A common suffix among people you're close with, mostly used for feminine nicknames and girls, since it's cutesy and childlike.
-senpai: A common suffix and noun used to address or refer to one's older or more senior colleagues in a school, workplace, dojo, or sports club.

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Michiru’s POV

“The next day, he suddenly died. According to the doctor, it was because he had exhausted his mental strength after finally telling me what he had kept hidden for so long.”

“……!”

“Then there’s no doubt that I’m the one who killed him. I was the one who delivered the final blow to that worthless man.”

My knees trembled, and I could no longer stand.

“Was it revenge? I killed, with my own hands, the very person who threw me into the depths of despair. I never consciously thought about it, but yeah… there were times when I wondered, ‘Why did this have to happen to me?'”

“I-I don’t…”

“But you see, even though I was certain I should take revenge, even though I believed I had to be the one to do it no matter what… why is this happening?”

“Stop…!”

“My heart… doesn't feel the slightest bit lighter.”

Why is the world so cruel to Shinji-kun? Even this, he will bear alone. Just like always, he will fight without blaming anyone else.

There’s no way he can keep standing after carrying so much injustice.

“I’m sorry. I can’t be with you, Michiru. After everything that happened, for it to end like this… it's ridiculous.”

“Why? Why does it have to be this way?”

“Because I love you too much… The way a man loves a woman.”

…No.

I can't hold back my emotions anymore.

“I really love you. More than anyone else ever before. I thought it was beautiful how you always tried to move forward. Being with you made me feel strong. But… that's not a feeling a brother should have for his sister.”

“I don't want a confession like that…!”

“I quit school. I won't go back to the old house. I won't see you again. So, you need to find something else to immerse yourself in. Time will heal this.”

“No… no!!”

I fell to my knees and screamed at Shinji-kun, who was crouching to meet my gaze.

“I won't accept this! If our father is dead, then there's no one left who knows we're siblings, right?! Then there's no reason to cling to that anymore!”

“You, more than anyone, understand that our problem isn't about blood ties.”

…Yeah, I understand.

Trying to catch up to Shinji-kun, I ended up pursuing the same kind of single-minded devotion. I don't care about what the world thinks. But at the very least, for the two of us, our feelings for each other must remain untainted.

If he allows even a single impurity, the very essence of our feelings will be lost. The “faith” he has sought in the midst of his confusion will be shattered.

…Even so.

“I-It's okay. Because none of this is Shinji-kun's fault.”

I can't bear to see you suffer any more.

“That's right. Everything, everything, everything—everything!! Not a single bit of this is Shinji-kun's fault! The father who abandoned us is the one to blame! The abusive lowlifes who took us in are the ones to blame! The loan sharks who set illegal interest rates are to blame! Everyone who relied on you is to blame! Relying on you… depending on you completely… and even falling in love with you—I’m the one to blame!!”

Shinji-kun is not at fault. Shinji-kun has done nothing wrong.

“So, please… let's stop this. I don't want to lose you, Shinji-kun…!”

“If I hadn't walked this path… would you still have loved me this much?”

“Stop it!”

I can't let Shinji-kun keep talking. If he convinces me, he'll never be able to live a normal life again.

“S-So then! I'll quit school too! Let's live together! Shinji-kun can cook, and you're smart, and I… I can make just enough to get by as a race queen! So let's run away together, okay?!”

“I can't.”

“You like old buildings, don't you, Shinji-kun? So let's travel together and see them! It'll be fun! Goryokaku in Hakodate, Osaki Hachimangu in Sendai, Nagoya, Himeji—they all have castles! Even Okinawa would be amazing!”

“I can't—”

I threw myself onto Shinji-kun, knocking him to the ground. Straddling him, I stared into his eyes. The wind carried his coat away, sending it tumbling down the embankment.

“I love you, Shinji-kun. I've always held back, but the truth is… I love you so much I want you all to myself! Just seeing you talk to someone else makes me insanely jealous!”

“I… see.”

“So, it doesn't matter that we're siblings. It's not an issue when I love you this much. If we don't say anything, no one will ever know. So let's stay together. Because I… I…”

…But I couldn’t say it.

The old me might have been able to fall completely into madness. But because I admired him and chased after him, my reason got in the way. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, I keep searching for a way to stay on the righteous path.

But I can’t win. No matter how hard I try, I can't find a way to fight back. So I tried to hold onto him with wild, nonsensical words.

“Thank you, Michiru.”

But none of it worked.

…Why? Why does Shinji-kun have to suffer like this?

“I can't be happy without you.”

“That's not true.”

“You're supposed to save me one last time, right? Then I won't be saved. That way, you'll never be able to leave me. Because you always see things through to the end. I won't let you turn that into a lie.”

I pressed him down against the ground. Using force to hold him down only proved that I doubted myself. No matter what I said, I was afraid he'd make me accept it in the end.

“You can be happy. You have Kakeru.”

…See? Just like I thought.

“If I abandon him, I'd be no different from the man who abandoned us. If I could just cut him off like that, then why did I take him out of that place in the first place?”

“You said… you wouldn't think about my past…”

To push me away, he had uncovered the truth.

“I have nothing. But you have Kakeru. Out of all the scattered children, you two are the only ones who share an irreplaceable bond.”

You always help me. No matter what, you always find a way for me to be happy.

“He's a good guy. Just being with him will let you keep living the way you always have.”

You've always lived like that, haven't you? Because you had nothing, you saw the happiness others possessed more clearly than anyone else.

…It's not fair.

“Call me by what I am…”

No. If I say it, this love will be over.

“I acknowledge you as my sister, Michiru. Just say it, and we'll return to how things were. Even if we're apart, it won't be the same as saying goodbye.”

I don't want to accept it.

And yet, from that day six months ago until now, you've been watching over me, helping me, comforting me, cherishing me. If that was our inevitable fate, then everything you've done until today feels so natural, and everything clicks into place.

As if I had always called you that. My heart refuses, but my mind recognizes you. The easy path, the path to unhappiness. Eventually, after ten or twenty years, we might be able to laugh about it.

And as I stepped forward—

“B-Bro—”

That's when I finally realized.

“…!”

Shinji-kun was crying.

“…H-have you always been crying like this, all alone?”

It wasn't my tears that fell. They were his, trailing down his cheeks. He hadn't even noticed them himself. Fleeting like snow, cold and lonely.

Even as I loosened my grip, he didn't resist. He wasn't trying to push me away. His expression, tinged with resignation, proved it.

Then, in silence, he bit his lip and smiled—a broken smile, forced for my sake.

It was the saddest smile I had ever seen.

“People might say we can just live together as family from now on. But that's impossible.”

“Why?”

“Because I don't know anymore.”

His powerless words told me how deeply he had been cornered.

“One day, when your wounds have healed, I might wish for something twisted. If you wanted me, I might want to give you even more. Once I know, I'll become addicted. I'll drown in it and seek comfort in it. But that's not something I can allow.”

…Yeah.

“I was never that strong to begin with. Just like you pretended to be the class idol, I only pretended to be a rogue. If the woman I truly love is in front of me, I'm not noble enough to stay pure.”

I knew that. I've always thought we were alike. That's what that lingering feeling was.

“I'm used to enduring what I don't have. But I can't endure something that's right within reach.”

Then, Shinji-kun sat up and let me go.

“I fell, crawled, struggled, and still, the only thing waiting for me was a fake ending. Even the single-minded devotion I believed in betrayed me.”

His expression hadn't changed, his posture was as strong as ever, but his eyes—his eyes alone defied him. They reflected a heart that had already been shattered, as black as a starless night sky. So painful, so fleeting, so suffocating that I felt like I was being pulled in.

“Feelings for family aren't called that. It's because it's for someone else that it's single-minded. I'm not strong enough to bear that contradiction.”

And yet, I couldn't find a single word to comfort him. All I could do was hold him tight, crying, screaming—”Don't go.”

“I'm sorry.”

His voice echoed in the dark night, cutting through the sound of the waves.

Shinji-kun simply stroked my head, ever so gently.

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TL: Almost over. Also, these chapters actually surprised me. Wasn’t expecting the twists, like holy damn.

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