Chapter 15: Gentle loss.

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Translated and Edited by: luccayn.

Common Honorifics:
-san: A polite suffix, but not excessively formal.
-kun: A common suffix among friends and younger people.
-chan: A common suffix among people you're close with, mostly used for feminine nicknames and girls, since it's cutesy and childlike.
-senpai: A common suffix and noun used to address or refer to one's older or more senior colleagues in a school, workplace, dojo, or sports club.

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Heya, it’s been a while.
If you wanna skip ahead to the chapter, no biggie. Enjoy!

Though, I just wanna say, thank you for your patience. These last 10-odd days have been rough on me. I had to get used to a new function at my job, and it hasn’t been easy. I’m also still trying to get used to adding an hour or two of exercise even when I’m dead tired at the end of the day.

That isn’t to say I’m giving up on translating. This is not only fun for me, but also practice for writing. I mean, I do have the desire to write something someday. Though now I need to focus on my studies and my work.

So, while I might not be as consistent as I was, say, two months ago, I’ll still come back here and post once in a while. I’ll try to have at least two each week, but no promises. Especially not until I get used to studying, working, and working out.

Oh well, thank you for listening. Have a great read!

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“Good evening, Ukai-san. Here’s your 100k yen for this month. Please verify.”

“Yep. Been hard at work, I see.”

The sun had come down, and I’d come to the city through the bustling night to meet and repay part of my debt to Ukai, the loan shark.

I mean, what can I say? Back then, as a brat with a sickly grandmother, we couldn’t even afford the bare necessities. So, with nothing substantial to our names, we’d been living off the money borrowed from Trikai Loan, his company that is, just to get by.

Honestly, it’s been so long I don’t even know if I’m paying interest or the main value itself. Even though I’ve been paying it back bit by bit since middle school, he’d said it would take until just before high school graduation for this debt to be void. Surely, he’s raking in quite a sum from me.

Still, I intended to follow his instructions.

After all, even if I investigate, I highly doubt my petty tricks would work against a professional outlaw like him. Instead, I’m grateful for his leniency, telling me to just keep paying until the repayment deadline.

…No. That’s not it.

I understand what society would say in this situation. I probably shouldn’t have to pay this much, right? And the general advice would be to consult a lawyer about it, like I’m definitely being dragged into some dark money laundering scheme, right?

But, this is about duty, settling scores, if you will.

If it weren’t for borrowing money from Ukai-san, Grandma would have definitely died much sooner. We couldn’t afford a nursing home, and he gave me the opportunity to create memories. Even if I understand that he’s doing wrong intellectually, I can’t help but feel grateful in my heart, despite it all.

…Yeah.

Above all, it serves as a reminder to the weak version of myself who couldn’t earn money. The reason I earnestly pay him is because of that.

I’m trying to justify it, but in the world, there are certainly things more important than evidence or the law. In my case, it’s the awareness of being allowed to live by this person and the memories his dirty money allowed me to make with my Grandma.

Of course, I can’t deny the possibility that I’ve already been brainwashed. Look, spare me a bit, will you? I’m just a high schooler.

“Hey, what’s wrong, Shinji? You seem down.”

As I sip the tea, accompanied by the bustling noise of the city as background music, Ukai-san stands up from his desk, sits in the sofa in front of me, and lights a cigarette.

His luxurious Dupont lighter clicked a pleasant echo.

“Is that so?” I shrugged.

“I can tell just by looking. Haven’t seen you look like that since Grandma died, kid.”

Was I really that down? It’s something I can’t tell on my own.

“I’ll listen, so spill it. You’ve got more guts than those brats nowadays. Can’t just leave you be.”

“It’s not like you, a loan shark, to want to hear a peon’s troubles. Is this part of the interest?”

“You idiot, I happen to like you. Keep blabbering and I’ll raise the interest.”

“Have mercy on me.”

And so, I told Ukai-san everything from the beginning. It took a long time, during which he didn’t interrupt once, just nodding silently.

“…So, I dumped Tsukino. We’ll never talk again.”

“I see.”

“That’s the end of it. Thank you.”

“I see. Must be nice, having a youth like that. I entered the underworld at 15, so I envy your normal school life.”

That’s because you chose evil yourself. Don’t say something so condescending like you envy school life when, to me, you’re a benefactor but to society, you’re the lowest of scums.

…I thought I might get killed if I said that, so I stayed silent, waiting for his response.

“This Tsukino girl. She cute or what?”

“Well, I guess you could say she’s probably the cutest in this town, if not the whole region.”

“Really!?”

“I’ve never seen a girl with a face as perfect as Tsukino’s outside of TV.”

“No way, then maybe I’ll have her. Hey, give me her address.”

“Don’t say stupid things. She’s already unlucky enough. If she gets involved with you, she’ll be headed straight to hell.”

At this, Ukai-san blew purple smoke towards the ceiling.

“Huh. You’ve got quite the potty mouth, Shinji.”

“She was born into a decent family but is stupid and unlucky, so she keeps drifting towards the wrong path. If someone doesn’t intervene soon, the unstable Tsukino might really end up in the gutter.”

“You’re in the same boat. Don’t talk big, brat.”

“At least I have a brain to judge right from wrong. Don’t worry, I won’t become an outlaw.”

“Haha. Then it’s only right for you to take care of her. Especially since the cutest girl in town seems to have taken a liking to you.”

Pouring amber liquid into two glasses, Ukai-san swirled one before offering it to me. It’s our usual underage drinking ritual, one I could never refuse. One look at the bottle told me it was high-class liquor I’d probably never taste again. Brandy, whiskey, whatever. Of course, I had no way of knowing.

“Gulp… Guh! Goh, goh!! W-What is this!?”

“Mariera 62. A bottle of this costs a life.”

“What!?”

To think something this awful and harsh is worth a life? I can’t believe it. Are adults stupid for enjoying this? Wouldn’t cola taste better no matter how you look at it?

Thinking so, I felt my head bubble and boil, feeling as though I’d been walking on clouds despite the cold hard floor beneath. Seriously, what’s the price of a human life? Is it like organ trafficking? Or is it about the reward for taking a life? Is this liquor worth that much?

If that’s the case, even thinking about what kind of punishment awaits for wasting it is scary. I’m definitely nowhere near able to afford the consequences, as this is the world’s strongest liquor.

“In that case…”

I tilt the glass back and gulp down all the liquid. It was about two fingers’ worth. I don’t know about drinking like a man, but this is how the gunmen in western movies chug their drinks, so yeah, probably the right thing to do… For a high schooler at least.

Meanwhile, Ukai… “Ahh, what a waste of a drink.”

“S-Sorry. cough… Thank you for the luxurious experience.”

“Haha, I’ll let it slide. You drank it after understanding its value. Shows you understand me well.”

“H-Haha…”

My tongue feels tied. My brain isn’t functioning properly. My only weapon, my brain, isn’t working. Oh, this is really bad. I could feel it in my gut — instincts.

I’ve never relied on anyone or been helped before, but today, I’ll pray to God that I won’t encounter any misfortune. After enduring for 17 years, it wouldn’t hurt to be helped just this once.

Hey, please. Gimme a hand dude.

“And why can’t you date Tsukino-chan?” He continued.

“Because I can’t betray her.”

“Saori, is it?”

“…Yes.”

“You’ve liked her since elementary school, didn’t ya?”

“To be honest, I don’t know. I can’t even remember what feelings I had back then.”

“Haha, you’re messed up. Being so fixated on someone is just too restricting. Whether you betray or don’t betray someone who’s already gone, you’re as fool as they come.”

He was right. If I looked at myself from the outside, I’d sneer, laugh, and look down on the twerp.

“The only certain thing about all this is that Saori-chan is the first woman I ever respected,” I started. “You don’t even know how much I appreciate her.”

“But you still suffered ’cause of her, right? You were burdened with a crappy crime like stealing a recorder, and that’s why you’re twisted, right? Can’t you weigh your debts and your deeds?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then, cherish whatever little you do know. Don’t cling to some twisted reasoning concocted by some little immature brat. Get yourself together.”

…I lost.

Clearly, I’ve lost this verbal fight. Still, I didn’t feel the slightest bit embarrassed, and I could even feel my anxiety slightly diminishing. Even so, I desperately searched for the right words to say, elusive as they were.

I… I lost twice in a day. Once to him, and once to Saori. Ugh. As I felt my confidence slowly slip away, I started to get sulky.

“W-What is it?” I grumbled. While I felt down in the dumps, Ukai just up and started ruffling my hair with no warning. It was clearly something different than what I was used to from him, like seeing a kind innocent person holding a knife for the first time.

“Don’t look down, kid. Chin up, head up, and keep going.”

Despite being a loan shark, he’s always been so kind. Ugh, this is actually why I can’t break our promise.

Honestly, villains were unfair.

“…Understood. Well then, I’ll come again next month.”

“Yeah.”

And with that, I finished two half-liter bottles of mineral water given to me by one of Ukai’s subordinates and left the office. Then, a ping alerted me to a new message. It seemed like they were both waiting for me nearby.

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