Chapter 16: To hell with harems.

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Translated and Edited by: luccayn.

Common Honorifics:
-san: A polite suffix, but not excessively formal.
-kun: A common suffix among friends and younger people.
-chan: A common suffix among people you're close with, mostly used for feminine nicknames and girls, since it's cutesy and childlike.
-senpai: A common suffix and noun used to address or refer to one's older or more senior colleagues in a school, workplace, dojo, or sports club.

Heya!

I will never work with teenagers again. Ugh.
Had a ton of issues with them this past week while dealing with the technical issues of designing a shirt for a class of 30-40 teens. They just wouldn’t decide, and had me redo the design more than 4 times.

Ugh again.

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“You didn’t have to wait for me, Saori-chan.”

“It’s okay. What were you doing out at this hour anyway?　

“Oh, this and that. Well then, see you later.”

With my mind as drunk as this, who knows what I might say? So, I headed away from Saori-chan, who, for whatever reason, was all the way over at downtown Machiya.

“Wait wait wait. Wouldn’t you have some questions like, ‘Why’s a girl out at this hour at downtown Machiya?’ Twice in one day just can’t be a coincidence, right?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised, no matter what you did.”

“Huh, am I really that much like Minakata Kumagusu¹?”

“Something like that.”

Before she followed after me, Saori touched my neck briefly. I realized she had noticed the scent of alcohol escaping from my breath, but made no comment on it.

By the way, Minakata Kumagusu was a super genius of the Meiji era who was knowledgeable in all cultures, mastered all languages, and had a significant influence on Japanese folklore studies and ecological ecology.

Bringing up someone like him as an example of someone who wouldn’t be strange no matter what they did must have been Saori’s way of checking if my brain was functioning properly.

“Had business in that weird building, huh? You’re quite the troublemaker.”

“Stuff happens.”

“You’re really something.”

“…Can’t be helped.”

Here we go again.

It’s almost a habit of hers to subtly praise a man from above. She must really enjoy crushing a guy’s pride and rendering him powerless. Apparently, there are even plenty of guys at Shu’un Academy who’ve been bewitched by her and her mannerisms.

“Did you go to Michiru’s place?”

“Yeah. To say goodbye.”

“Did she succeed in confessing to him, then?”

“No, not yet. But if she wants a boyfriend, she’ll manage on her own. She’ll succeed, and I won’t get involved anymore.”

“Hehe, I think she wants you, though.”

I stopped walking, grabbing Saori-chan’s hand to hold her back. Even though I’m not very strong, her body is so light that she can’t resist being pulled.

“Don’t tease too much, Saori-chan. You have no right to mock me like that.”

“Treated as an outsider, huh? You really don’t get it.”

“I’m telling you not to bring up old memories and stir things up. You’re a thing of the past.”

“Hehe. Since you tried so hard to get over it, I think I have a role to change your mind.”

When I heard her suspicious words, I suddenly remembered what Tsukino had said when we first met.

—She’s been telling me there’s someone she’s been wanting to apologize for a long, long time.

Since I met Saori this morning, my mind went back to that phrase. If she knew Tsukino’s story, there was no reason not to use my name. Yet, despite that, Saori had concealed it.

And now, this ‘coincidental’ reunion… If her implication of it not being a coincidence was anything to go by, then it was clear she had some kind of purpose in meeting me earlier today as well. I became determined to unravel the mystery behind her pretending it was a coincidence.

…Eventually, my thoughts led me back to the true truth of that day I had kept avoiding.

“…Did the teacher really steal that recorder?”

“My, my, bringing up old stories all of a sudden.”

“The identity of the person you want to apologize to, which you revealed to Tsukino. Could it be that it’s actually not me?”

“What do you mean?”

“The disappearance of your recorder… What if it was orchestrated?”

I involuntarily tightened my fist. My trauma, the last piece of trauma I should have, my pathological faithfulness, they all couldn’t possibly be for such a reason. No. Not that.

…Yet, everything was converging there.

“First of all, Tsukino said she heard it in casual conversation, but probably ‘revealed’ isn’t the right word. With your ability to see through everything, you must have intentionally brought up the topic of the class trial to make sure it reached me.”

“Hmm.”

“And the moment I decisively felt something was wrong was when you ‘crafted my truth.’ This morning, Saori-chan said this to me.”

――Because since that class trial, you’ve never made a mistake, not even once.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Don’t you see? If I were you, I wouldn’t have specified the class trial. No. Meaning, I made a mistake in that class trial. The fact that Koike, that teacher, was stealing other kids’ gym clothes was misleading, leading to the misconception that he also stole your recorder.”

“It’s just wordplay.”

“No, you had a clear intention. You deliberately chose your words to leave a hint.”

My suspicions turned into convictions as I spoke. I had no evidence within me to deny it.

“Then, what is it?”

“You came to see me because you heard about Haruta from Tsukino and believed I could uncover the truth of that incident. And when my actions destroyed the harem, you realized that your orchestrated plan had succeeded.”

I took a deep breath. My heart was strangely calm.

The person she had burdened with guilt. At this point, there was only one person she had to apologize to. Breaking free from the moment of judgment in the flashback, I quietly spoke the new “truth within me.”

“Saori-chan. You’re the one who put that recorder in Koike’s desk—”

As the words left my lips, I couldn’t prevent what followed. She gripped my hand, brought me close to her, and stole my lips. It didn’t end there. Her arms wrapped around my neck, forcing me down to her level and to feel her tongue forcefully making its way into my mouth. I felt as if my brain, already mushy due to the alcohol, turn into mush and spill out of my ears.

Wh-What a first kiss.

She parted from me before catching her breath with a laugh. A cackle. “Aha. Ahaha. Ahahaha!”

Could I have refused were I sober? Regardless, all I could think about was how scared I had become of this girl. Her eyes, so large, so blackened, so devoid almost sucked me into them.

She was indeed darkness.

“You’ve given a splendid answer. It was quite a long journey, you’ve really done well. Shin-chan, you’ve truly become smarter.”

“You…”

“I love you. I love you, love you, love you so much. I’ve always, always loved you. Ever since I fell in love with you, I’ve been waiting for this day to come. I’ve really struggled to make you mine, Shin-chan!”

Her scent enveloped my silhouette in the darkness. It was around the time I began to grasp the sensation of soft lips that my cheeks grew warm. My hesitation stemmed solely from realizing I shouldn’t be rejoicing.

“Shin-chan, you asked me, didn’t you? ‘Were you in love with me?'”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Let me tell you. I wasn’t just ‘in love.’ ‘I wanted to kill you’ would be more appropriate. Unfortunate, pitiful, clumsy. Yet, I’ve always admired Shin-chan for sticking to his principles.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? You were manipulating me from the start, weren’t you?! You were planning to make me an outcast from the very beginning!”

“No, you betrayed me first. It’s not fair if you don’t accept that level of abuse.”

“What?”

Saori-chan grabbed the tie of my school uniform and brought her face closer.

There, the night sky reflected in the abyss stretched out.

“Shin-chan, you can’t just leave unhappy people alone. You rescue anyone without discrimination and, in return, don’t ask for anything. You’ve always been like that, haven’t you?”

Memories of receiving gratitude, like when I helped Yamakawa and the others, resurfaced. Accepting those who needed me was indeed a fundamental desire on my part, regardless.

“So, what’s your point?” I asked.

“As a result, you unintentionally ended up building a harem. It’s only natural. A cool guy like you, it’d be strange if elementary school girls didn’t fall for you.”

She chuckled and leaned in closer.

“You surrounded yourself with girls who unwittingly fell for you after leaving me behind. You may not have noticed, but there were plenty of girls around you who looked at you with hearts in their eyes.”

…Disgusting.

“I always wondered what you were reading, Shin-chan, with girls always around you when you read books. I wonder what the other boys thought when they saw that. You know well by now, don’t you?”

Disgusting.

“And then, jealous boys would play pranks on the girls to vent their frustration. You would solve those pranks, and more girls would fall for you again. It was a vicious cycle, but the cruelest part was that you, drowning in all your books, didn’t even notice.”

Disgusting.

“That’s why I couldn’t forgive you. I was genuinely angry at you for not knowing yourself. I hated you, hated you for playing with my feelings. Love and anger got all mixed up. I don’t know if it was for revenge or to be together, but eventually, all I could think about was having you all to myself.”

Why…? Why couldn’t I realize that something was up? Why did I look away from it all, tending to only my own little world while refusing to understand?

“To hell with harems… That’s what I truly felt, deep down,” she spat.

Looking back, it seems obvious now.

Why did I dislike harems more than necessary? The contradiction between my sickening loyalty and the existence of a harem… If there’s no logic answer, then the basis for these feelings must be me. I was the weak one with a laissez-faire attitude that surfaced when Tsukino asked me if I would be happy with her dating Hareta.

If I were to apply one answer to all these factors…

“…I see.”

The true nature of the visceral disgust I felt towards the harem…

It was indeed nothing short of a phobia.

“And so, I instigated a class trial to eliminate girls from around you. Koike-sensei must have been puzzled as to why there was a recorder with my name on it.”

She hid it in a place absolutely impossible to find. It wasn’t lost during P.E. class; for example, the recorder had already disappeared that morning.

The staff room. That was the only place students couldn’t search.

“But he was a p*do pervert. Even when he saw you fake crying, he didn’t want to let go of his luck and return the recorder to you.”

“Hehe, even though I knew it would work out, I felt relieved. Seeing everyone hurling abuse at Shin-chan and perverted Koike-sensei driven by lust made me think that people really don’t think before they act.”

“…I agree with that, at least.”

“But one unexpected thing happened. Shin-chan, you instigated a second trial and reversed the verdict.”

Saori-chan slapped my flimsy chest. She chuckled even more as she heard the feeble sound.

“Originally, I planned to comfort Shin-chan gently and completely capture your heart when the time was right. But you stood alone and exposed Koike-sensei’s crimes in broad daylight. Once it came to that, even I couldn’t intervene.”

“So, you went to the same high school to monitor me and contacted Tsukino for that purpose?”

“That’s right. By the way, I learned about the tragedy that happened to Michiru at that time. Even though I approached her for my own purposes, I couldn’t help but sympathize with her.”

Before I knew what was going on, she had me pressed against a wall. Her gaze, unchanging, captured and refused to let me go. Did she even blink once?

“…Didn’t Tsukino trust you enough to confide in you? Saori-chan, have you let your smarts get in the way of your humanity?”

“Oh, that’s not true. Rather, I’m faithful to my own desires. So much so, I believe I’m the most important one here. Aren’t I more human than anyone else then?”

How did she see me then? Did she see me as something less than human?

“And besides, It could’ve been anyone in Michiru’s shoes.”

“What do you mean?”

“Because she’s like me. She never really trusted anyone.”

Before I could ask for clarification, Saori-chan continued speaking.

“And that’s how we arrived at this harem incident. I felt like she could be useful. Heh, sorry to Michiru for thinking that.”

“Useful as in confirming I abhorred harems…?”

“Right again! By rejecting the girls who loved you because you devoted yourself to them, you proved that you would never betray me. Shin-chan, you’ve grown into a man who can cut off other girls for the sake of one.”

“Why are you so sure that the one is you?”

“It’s obvious! Shinji Takatsuki still loves Saori Yukihara.”

With a “done deal!” smile, she nodded to herself.

Truthfully, I was thankful for her explanation. Still, the way she spoke was almost that of a villain’s, lacking any love or rationality to it.

“…Weren’t you afraid that I would leave if you revealed all of this?” I asked.

“I told you, Shin-chan. I’m not betting on you.”

“And that means?”

“If I didn’t come clean now, you’d inevitably get to the truth once we were dating. And that would be a fatal blow to our relationship now, wouldn’t it?”

“Indeed it would be. Smart.”

To be honest, as I stood there sandwiched between her and a wall, I thought about something else entirely. Not that. How could I ever atone for invertedly warping her view of love so much?

This hesitation I’m feeling… It must be correct.

I’m aware of my wrongs, and yet I’m right. And still, she, who administered some sort of punishment for my wrongs, was also right in a sense. Pushing these two perspectives together was tough, and there would be no victor.

A world where humans can just up and agree only exist in fiction. There’s no way for everyone to be happy. If there will always be someone who suffers somewhere, then I should solve the problem in my own way.

Why did I choose that? Just like meticulously filling in the answer sheet with assumptions to derive the solution to a mathematical equation, I have no choice but to convey that my righteousness is even more steadfast.

What I’ve lost, what I need to fill the void. I certainly know the most painful thing that fits there.

“…Shinji-kun?”

At that moment, a girl wearing a hoodie appeared from the darkness. It was unmistakably Michiru Tsukino’s voice.

And Saori, standing a bit shorter than me, seemed uncertain as she smiled. Her arrogant attitude from a few seconds ago had vanished into thin air. That girl who seemingly had everything figured out was nowhere to be seen, and in her place stood a normal, ordinary girl her age.

“Hey, Tsukino. This isn’t a show.”

Two unfortunate girls.

Right now, I am standing at a crossroads, unsure which one to save.

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1 — https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minakata_Kumagusu

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