Chapter 64: A reason to give up.

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Translated and Edited by: luccayn.

Common Honorifics:
-san: A polite suffix, but not excessively formal.
-kun: A common suffix among friends and younger people.
-chan: A common suffix among people you're close with, mostly used for feminine nicknames and girls, since it's cutesy and childlike.
-senpai: A common suffix and noun used to address or refer to one's older or more senior colleagues in a school, workplace, dojo, or sports club.

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Miki Aoyama’s POV

At first, it was just fun.

Everything I saw and heard felt fresh. This world was so beautiful, filled with interesting things. So, I thought that I must be a special being to be able to encounter such happiness, family, friends, and events.

You could call it the invincible feeling of childhood that is common everywhere. As I grew up, I came to know my limits, and as the freshness faded, so did my confidence. I, too, experienced this.

The first time I became aware of myself was when I saw a girl around my age starring as a child prodigy in a drama. I wasn't particularly fond of acting, but for some reason, I felt a strange jealousy.

However, for my childhood self, that became a driving force. I believed that I could definitely do something, that I, being special, could definitely become someone. That belief made me take action.

I think my parents are good people. They love me and never discouraged me from trying anything I wanted to do.

So, I wanted to repay the debt of how they raised me, and that also became a reason for me to work hard. When my dad and mom looked happy, it made me happy too.

…But, everything went wrong.

Whether it was studying, sports, or cultural activities, no matter what I tried, I never excelled. It wasn't good, nor was it bad. Everything was just mediocre.

I could somewhat understand the difficulty of the skills. If I had remained ignorant, maybe I could have just enjoyed it.

Every time I tried something new, I encountered people more special than me. And I could never catch up to the skills they performed so effortlessly.

Yet, having that version of myself affirmed was the most painful. I knew better than anyone how inadequate I was. But my parents and teachers would say things like, “If you work hard, you'll surely succeed.”

…Hearing that, I couldn't give up on anything.

So, I kept challenging myself. I must have accumulated what could be called effort. Yet, while everyone around me found things they wanted to do or were good at, I felt left behind.

While dabbling in various things, I realized I had become a mediocre, uninteresting person no matter what I did. Because the effort to challenge myself and the effort to hone a skill were different.

In such a beautiful and interesting world, I alone had become a boring person. The crushing reality hit me around my second year of middle school.

Every time I looked in the mirror, it felt like I was staring at something dirty. There were countless girls prettier than me. Even the looks I thought were somewhat decent, I started to hate.

“Haha…”

Why is Aoyama Miki such an uninteresting woman? Why is Aoyama Miki such a pitiful woman? In my head, another version of me keeps whispering.

Even in my dreams, I'm cornered. A sad dream where I look down at a small version of myself, enviously gazing up at everyone else shining brightly. That dream continued for months, and before I knew it, I had grown tired of living.

It was during that time.

“Watch out—”

A car hit me as I was walking home, my consciousness hazy. What I remember from the moment of the accident is the screeching sound of brakes and people screaming. The voice of a friend from middle school, crying as she looked at me.

“Miki!! Hang in there!!”

…Ah.

“I envy you.”

Even at a time like this, my friend looked so radiant. If I could, I wanted to be as beautiful as you. That was the last thought I had before I woke up in the hospital.

The doctor told me that I had injured my internal organs badly, leaving my body weakened. I was advised to avoid running, jumping, and similar activities.

“…Then, I don't have to push myself to do sports anymore, right?”

When I muttered that, Mom cried. I didn't understand why she was crying, but the thought that I wouldn't have to see my disappointing self anymore made me feel relieved.

After that, I studied just because I was a student, barely scraping by to pass the entrance exam and get into Saijou High School.

It was the most competitive public high school in the area. Looking back now, I think it was a result of me still being able to push myself enough to get into Saijou at that time.

“…Um, is Class 1-A this way?”

Our meeting was by chance.

On the day of the entrance ceremony. He looked so unfocused, with no sense of tension and a strangely unmotivated expression, so I thought he was an upperclassman.

If I had been more composed and noticed his crisp, brand-new blazer, I probably wouldn't have spoken to him.

“Well, I'm looking for Class A too, so I don't know.”

I still remember the profile of his face as he casually said that.

How could he be so indifferent at a time like this, with the assembly about to start? Did this guy have no sense of shame or concern for appearances?

It was strange how he seemed completely unaware of all the questions and the reality that was closing in on me. But the reason for his obliviousness became clear once we started living in the same class.

…Because, he—

“Isn't this just normal?”

Hareta Kou, with his overwhelming ability, gave me a reason to give up.

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