Chapter 12: Cruelly kind.

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Translated and Edited by: luccayn.

Common Honorifics:
-san: A polite suffix, but not excessively formal.
-kun: A common suffix among friends and younger people.
-chan: A common suffix among people you're close with, mostly used for feminine nicknames and girls, since it's cutesy and childlike.
-senpai: A common suffix and noun used to address or refer to one's older or more senior colleagues in a school, workplace, dojo, or sports club.

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Michiru’s POV

I watched Shinji trying to convince Yamakawa and two other guys to stop bullying Hareta.

Deep down, I feared and was barely able to put my trust in him. I was just so scared at the thought of Shinji finding this bullying amusing and joining in with them, I wanted to make sure he wouldn’t. So, I confronted him with the situation. I couldn’t think of any other way of testing him.

I knew he was the kind of person who would abandon me and Kou without a blink of hesitation. So, to dispel my worries — or maybe come to terms with losing him — I followed Shinji around after school the day I told him about the bullying.

Convincing myself it was his way of doing things, and so it was okay to do ‘disgusting’ things like stalking in order to gather evidence, I soldiered on. He’d do the same, I’m sure.

Insisting on repaying his favors was also because of this looming fear… God, I really am cunning, aren’t I? Still, I did what I had to. If I couldn’t thank him at the very least, I’d have no shield for when he’d inevitably betray me. I wanted evidence, no, something to hold him accountable, to keep him from leaving. Things like, “You promised to help!” or “You accepted my gratitude!”

But results speak for themselves. All my attempts were dodged, and I couldn’t do a single thing for him. What I called cunning was nothing more than a child’s banter in his eyes.

I wanted to show him what a scheming woman was like. If I’d managed to, maybe things wouldn’t have escalated to this point.

…His cunning, on the other hand, was impressive.

The day I told him about the bullying, and before he dealt with it, he came back to the classroom by our fifth period with an “I know it all” face. Just by recalling the angles of thrown erasers, and where people in the class looked, he already had a lead. Then, after school, he asked people harmless questions so meticulously planned, no one could figure out he was gathering information. Systematically, he eliminated possibilities one by one.

And then, there was that condom.

By its package, it was a limited version with a special taste or something like that. Just by knowing that, he managed to pinpoint vending machines that sold this specific item, and identified Yamakawa as the most likely one to have bought it, given where he lived.

With that information gathered, he went to confront the guys.

It became clear immediately. Those pieces of evidence gathering were probably not meant to identify the crime scene but to conclude that it was Yamakawa-kun and his friends. He did all that just to make sure it was them, and to use words only they would connect to.

The way he used all this evidence, the way he gathered things… It was all so strange.

But… But then I saw what came after. I… didn’t know he could speak so gently to another person.

As if he was soothing their innermost complexes, he spoke. He understood their feelings so well to the point that it hurt. Off-cuff, I’d decided on my own that bullies were one-dimensionally insidious and evil. Instead of walking down my logic, he really understood where they were coming from, their insecurities, and connected with their hearts individually. At that moment, I couldn’t help but realize he really knew how to use the talents he was given.

More than just stopping the bullying, he created a situation where Kou could fit into class. He manipulated, orchestrated, and warped events around him as if he were a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat.

Maybe the other girls found the current state of the class annoying, given he started playing with the boys, but I genuinely felt relieved. Kou finally had an equal relationship with someone. After so long, he could finally have a proper fight. After all, I knew that even if I was the closest person in his life, there were still things a girl couldn’t understand about boys.

With all that resolved, I asked myself… How much effort and struggle would it take to become someone like Shinji? What’s the difference between a girl who sought refuge in a reassuring relationship after just one mistake, and a boy who has overcome so much?

Why did his way of living, with a beginning that somewhat resembled mine, turn out so different?

I just couldn’t feel at ease whenever I was with him, seeing just how harsh he was with his words. He was quick to call me creepy, often called me stupid, and didn’t try to understand a girl’s feelings! Like, at all! Just like that, he’d expose someone’s heart, hitting the mark so accurately gender didn’t even matter.

Then, he starts overly sanctifying romance. No matter how you cut it, his point of view was an ideal detached from reality, almost delusion-like… No, no, no. He was just taking things too heavily, wasn’t he? Even he could be creepy…

I mean, it’s strange… Being able to care so much about one single person.

If let’s say, he’s currently dating someone, I can understand that. If he genuinely likes that person and wants to be together with them, that’s fine. I could accept it if he had someone specific in mind.

…But not him.

He must have been betrayed over, and over, and over again in ways I didn’t even know, having his heart cut open every single time. Maybe he couldn’t even stand up anymore at one point, so shattered he didn’t have the strength to leave his bed. That’s the only way he could’ve become as strong as he is now. He understood more than anyone that things are way more complicated than they seem, I’m sure.

“I believe in pure love. And that’s the happiest thing one can have in this world.”

With all of that, Shinji, a guy who valued facts and evidence over everything else, still believed in love. He didn’t even have a basis for that, he just simply believed in it.

“…I want to see you,” these words fell from my lips as a murmur.

I wanted to meet him, to talk with him. Because even if I said terrible things, I knew he could return them ten times worse. He wasn’t kind at all, yet it was that attitude which was the warmest of all. He was the kind of guy I could be myself with, to the point where I almost always forgot how to act.

Would he deny me and call me creepy, or would he do it for me as he did for Yamakawa and the others? Could he affirm me in ways I never thought possible?

I had such an irredeemably bad personality, yet he might just get along with me…

So many mysteries, thoughts, and ruminations floated around in my mind, I could barely form words. Yet, his gentle eyes, his understanding words, and glimpses of him made my heart pound uncontrollably.

As I pondered the unknown, I felt completely lost. It was so embarrassing I wanted to bury myself in the sand and die. Yet, I hated myself for thinking that if I died, I wouldn’t be able to meet him again.

After all that, I could only think of apologizing to him.

…I’m sorry for leaving everything behind.

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T/N: I’ve read a few chapters ahead. Plot twists incoming.

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