Chapter 76: Fearful eyes.

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Translated and Edited by: luccayn.

Common Honorifics:
-san: A polite suffix, but not excessively formal.
-kun: A common suffix among friends and younger people.
-chan: A common suffix among people you're close with, mostly used for feminine nicknames and girls, since it's cutesy and childlike.
-senpai: A common suffix and noun used to address or refer to one's older or more senior colleagues in a school, workplace, dojo, or sports club.

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Three days before I met Michiru. After Taisho’s cremation was over, I boarded a train to head to my birthplace in the neighboring prefecture.

Taisho's will, spanning four pages of stationery, detailed the suffering he had endured until today. He certainly cared for me. He was grateful to me. And yet, it wasn’t enough to ease the pain of living without Yoko-san.

“‘Sorry. I’m so sorry, Shinji’… huh.”

The repeated apologies carved deep into my heart. If only he had cursed me to death instead, told me, “I’ll be waiting in hell.” Instead, he remembered every single happy memory. He always seemed silent, as if he wasn’t listening, but he was always thinking about everything.

Even so, living was too painful for him. He felt he had stolen my time. And so, he was sorry. He felt bad. That was all Taisho wanted to tell me.

“…Damn it.”

I clenched the letter in my hand. I understood that I was deeply grateful to him too. I understood that I absolutely did not want his apologies. And yet, I had come to realize that these feelings were simply the circumstances of the one offering help.

I’ve experienced this countless times. That’s why I always insisted that my acts of helping others were nothing more than self-satisfaction.

“Why do I keep convincing myself that there are exceptions?”

I muttered without even realizing it.

If I stayed with Michiru any longer, I would surely consider her an exception as well. I would believe that, unlike my past, with her, we could mutually save each other. No matter how painful one’s past may be, people will always have moments of weakness, and they will repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

That’s exactly why I despise placing my trust in others. Even though I hate doing things this way, I can’t help but rely entirely on logic and intuition—my own weakness disgusts me.

“This should be the place.”

Right now, I was heading to the address written in Taisho’s will. Apparently, it belonged to someone he had borrowed money from. Was it a loan shark, like the one my grandmother had dealt with? Or was it a relative or a friend?

I wasn’t sure if I could keep my composure. I knew full well that it was irrational, but I couldn’t help but resent the indirect cause of Taisho’s death.

But this, too, is just an obligation of the world. He let me work under him for a long time, and I intend to take on his debt. I understand that it’s just business for the other side, too.

Honestly, since Taisho had no family, whoever I met was bound to pin the debt on me regardless of my intentions. Maybe my whole life was meant to be spent paying off someone else’s debt.

With that worthless self-deprecating thought out of the way, I pressed the intercom without hesitation.

“Ah, if you’re looking for Toru-san, he's in the hospital now.”

I had arrived at an apartment unit. The woman inside, with blonde hair and a cigarette between her lips, spoke in an exasperated tone. How old was she? She looked young, and she was quite beautiful, but her heavy makeup made it hard to tell.

Still, she had an air of the city about her. People from the townhouses never quite had that polished look, no matter how attractive they were.

“Is he sick?”

“What? You came looking for Toru-san without even knowing anything? You're not a cop, are you? Dressed like that? Or a reporter?”

“No, just a part-time worker. My manager happens to know Toru-san, so I came to deliver the news of a passing.”

“Hmm, that so? Then go to Maiyama Hospital up on the hill. He's in room 609.”

“Understood. Thank you for your time.”

As I bowed deeply, she looked at me with a puzzled expression.

“Have we met before?”

“No, I think you have the wrong person.”

“…I see.”

Something about the way she said it stuck with me. And even stranger, I had the same feeling—like this wasn't our first time meeting.

Her seemingly arrogant yet subtly fearful eyes… I had seen them somewhere before.

“Excuse me.”

As I made my way from the apartment to Maiyama Hospital, my mind was fixated on her eyes. I knew quite a few people with that kind of hardened attitude.

But this was different.

It wasn’t about good or bad. It wasn’t just a resemblance. I knew those eyes exactly.

It wasn't Michiru. It wasn't Saori. Then why was I so caught up in this?

I wanted to know the truth behind this strange feeling.

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