Chapter 8: To be devoted. To always love.

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Translated and Edited by: luccayn.

Common Honorifics:
-san: A polite suffix, but not excessively formal.
-kun: A common suffix among friends and younger people.
-chan: A common suffix among people you're close with, mostly used for feminine nicknames and girls, since it's cutesy and childlike.
-senpai: A common suffix and noun used to address or refer to one's older or more senior colleagues in a school, workplace, dojo, or sports club.

Landed a gig, so I’ve been having less time recently. Updates will become more frequent soon, so don’t worry!

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“Good morning. Y’know, we’re from the same hometown, so why haven’t we met until now?” She tried chatting.

“Hate to say this first thing in the morning, but seriously, what are you thinking?”

“Something good. Here, have a sandwich. I went through the trouble of making some, so just take one. Please.”

“Huh? A taste test?”

“Yup, for Kou-kun. I wouldn’t be making him taste something possibly bad, now would I?”

It was the second day of our strategy, and we met up just before getting on the train. Thinking it couldn’t be helped, I took her offer and eyed the sandwich I held in my hands. It was your everyday sandwich, made with ham, lettuce, mayo, and mustard. Honestly, making something bad out of this would be nothing short of a miracle.

“So, how’s it? Delicious?”

“Mhm, it’s good. But you didn’t just make these on a whim, did you?”

“Yesterday, he told me he wanted to eat my homemade food.”

“Gotcha. Well, as a high school guy, I think lunches should pack a bit more of a punch. Be a bit more hearty y’know,” I gave her my own two cents.

“…Oops, maybe this sandwich was a no-go.”

What nonsense is she on about? Don’t think I’m as clueless and insensitive as that Hareta guy.

“Well, I get that you’re diligent, but seriously, stop. This doesn’t do any good, and trying to repay me or whatever won’t help you get with him.”

“Uh-huh. By the way, tomorrow a movie I wanna see is coming out. As thanks, I’ll treat you to it. Let’s go together.”

“Don’t ‘uh-huh’ me. The day after tomorrow, you’ll be confessing to the dude and succeeding. Just go on a date with him then and enjoy your movie.”

“What? Even though I’m offering to treat you? Don’t you know I’m actually quite popular? Clueless much?”

Is she pulling a prank on me? Things are going this well, yet she deliberately tries to take actions that’ll mess up what we have going on. I’ve been helping her because I want to and because I like the cut of her jib. There’s no need for her to repay me or anything.

“Hey, why are you so eager to repay me but never have the guts to make a bold move on Hareta?”

“Well, um, y’see…”

For a brief moment, we were both in silence. Then the train slowly departed in the opposite direction from school.

“…It’s hard to act cool and proactive when you like someone. I mean, what would I do if he suddenly starts thinking I’m some random h*e? Can you take responsibility then?”

“Sexy women are just sexy, period. Just tell the guy that you love him with all your heart. He’ll understand.”

“Oh~? Shinji-kun, are you maybe the kinda guy that likes pure love?”

“What’s wrong with that?”

Hearing my answer was enough to have her laughing heartily. It was carefree and charming, unlike what I’d been seeing from her in class.

“Hahaha! It doesn’t suit you at all! Shinji-kun being into traditional, pure romance! Haha!”

“What’s so funny? Can you maybe say the same thing about Hareta?”

“…Huh?”

“To be devoted to one girl, and one girl only. To always love her and to do everything to make her the happiest she can be. To seek a life where you can feel everything’s going to be all right when you take one look at her glowing, happy face — There ain’t nothing laughable about it.”

Perhaps my seriousness got through to her, as her smile gradually clouded. Then, she looked at me with upturned eyes.

“W-Well, y’know. Didn’t t-that happen between you and Saori-chan in elementary school? Wasn’t it… tough to be betrayed?”

“It was. But what hurt me was the fact I fell in love with her before all that happened. I know she’s not some evil, cartoonish witch.”

“…So that’s how you feel.”

Where did all her teasing go? In the flip of a switch, she turned extremely humble and downcast. So, to wipe away any possible guilt she might’ve felt from this exchange, I reluctantly picked up another sandwich.

“In any case, even if I were betrayed then, and even if I regret that my love for her was gouged out by said betrayal, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t take the next woman I fall in love with seriously, should that happen.”

“T-That’s absurd. What if you get betrayed again?! With how things are nowadays, you might just be the only one thinking about love that way!”

“Then, that’ll be it. Even I have aspects I think are cool among the uncool. Rather, if someone likes me for who I am, knowing more about me would only give them more reasons to keep liking me. The same applies to me.”

“So, you believe being devoted is considered cool?”

“Exactly.”

People might call it naive and laugh at me. The truth is that love is indeed cruel, and no matter how earnestly you feel, such love can easily be broken and betrayed. Even a high schooler wishing for some fairy-tale ending would be scorned for being too childish.

I guess me being the one to understand such things is a probatio diabolica¹.

“Despite everything, I believe in devoted and pure love.”

Because even in this cold world, modest, yet warm and happy families undoubtedly existed. Spaces where everyone can be happy do exist, rare as they are. Even my father and mother, who irresponsibly ended up falling apart, were probably like that when they first met.

…They just made a mistake somewhere along the way, unfortunately.

Just because something is lost doesn’t mean it never existed in the first place. People are forgetful creatures, so losing things is inevitable. There must’ve been circumstances at play there that even adults like them couldn’t bear, which ended up in young me being abandoned.

As proof of that, I exist.

My parents definitely loved each other. They truly did. And they sincerely cared for one another. Otherwise, there’s no way I would’ve been born. I am absolutely not a mistake. It has to be true. If not, things don’t make sense. It wouldn’t be right.

I’ll say it as many times as I need to, again and again. I’m not wrong.

“So, yeah, I believe in pure love. And that’s the happiest thing one can have in this world.”

“…Shinji-kun.”

“What about you, Tsukino?” I asked involuntarily.

She and the other girls had accepted the “harem situation,” and settled into an uncomfortable and vague relationship where everyone liked the same guy. I don’t know what caused it, but she came up to me saying she wants to be in a proper, one-to-one relationship with him, yet she doesn’t listen to me in this situation.

For example, even if she became Hareta’s girlfriend, how could she be sure he’d reject the other girls? Unbeknownst to her, he might even start dating someone else. This harem circle could even be revived with a, “This girl is also my girlfriend” from him.

Looking at the guy up until today, I know he might do some crazy sh*t I wouldn’t even think of. In fact, a lot of men would do the same as him if they could. It wouldn’t be strange to see some controlling and manipulating women as they wished, could they get away with it.

Therefore, while she could be alone with him for a few days, she might still be one of many, even if she were at the top of a pecking order of sorts. She could even be manipulated physically and emotionally, then dumped to the curb as if nothing happened.

“Even so, you believed in him. So you decided to grab him all for yourself, didn’t you?”

Michiru Tsukino, while seemingly straightforward, was, in reality, a bundle of contradictions. This girl was elusive like the clouds above with nothing concrete to grasp. Who was the real her? What did she believe in, and what made her decide to delve into love?

I didn’t understand. Not even a little bit.

“…Sorry. I can’t answer that right now.”

“I see.”

Of course. Humans don’t easily expose their weaknesses. Moreover, it would be strange if she did tell a guy she only started talking to three-odd days ago. All this is something you should talk with your parents or friends about, accepting sensible advice.

I’d just asked her on the spur of the moment, with no deep meaning behind it.

“Look, the train’s about to arrive. It’s the sixth car. Don’t get it wrong.”

While saying that, I recalled a bit of Tsukino’s past and concluded, “It can’t be helped.” Just like how my past had warped me, it was only natural that there was something in her past that made her a bit like me.

…Well, from the fragments I know, it really can’t be helped.

I mean, I just wanted to be sure that she really was a girl worth helping. I needed that confirmation.

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1 — Probatio diabolica, or “devil’s proof,” is the logical dilemma that while evidence will prove the existence of something, the lack of evidence fails to disprove it. In essence, the opposing statement’s lack of proof makes the statement true in some sense. This connects with the idea that, while substantial evidence may prove the devil’s existence, there is no evidence that denies the devil’s existence; therefore, one cannot deny the devil’s existence.

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Honestly, I enjoy how the MC thinks. Despite his pain, he manages to cling to the existence of something he always craved – true love. His parents’ relationship didn’t work, and his first love didn’t either. All he can do is believe in the existence of this thing he so wishes for.

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