Chapter 79: A harem’s consequence.

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Translated and Edited by: luccayn.

Common Honorifics:
-san: A polite suffix, but not excessively formal.
-kun: A common suffix among friends and younger people.
-chan: A common suffix among people you're close with, mostly used for feminine nicknames and girls, since it's cutesy and childlike.
-senpai: A common suffix and noun used to address or refer to one's older or more senior colleagues in a school, workplace, dojo, or sports club.

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“It was strange, you know, that I'd be drawn to something other than money. From the first time I saw you, the way you lived, like a flickering candle about to go out, felt so precious to me.”

“…Is that so?”

“To tell you the truth, after meeting you, I met a few other kids too. But I didn't feel any value in them at all. If anything, I laughed, thinking it was good they never had to get involved with a scumbag like me.”

Lighting another cigarette.

“And yet, Shinji, you were different. Even money, the only thing I ever believed in—when it came from you, I just couldn't use it. …No, it wasn't that I couldn't use it.”

Blowing out smoke, Ukai-san weakly reaches out toward me. It hurts to think about what those trembling hands were trying to grasp.

“I had this crazy thought—that I wanted to use it to nurture something more important than money. But, like Daisuke, the only thing I knew how to do was make more of it. So I just kept growing the money I took from you, making it bigger and bigger. Kept hesitating on how to use it, and before I knew it, divine punishment had finally caught up with me.”

“The account that led to your arrest?”

“Kah… Yeah, that was really pathetic. I learned the hard way—you can't afford to hesitate in life.”

I'm the same. I hesitated in my approach, and because of that, I failed to save Hareta. No one knows that better than I do.

“And then, six months ago, I heard that Shinji was scheming to destroy his classmate's harem. That scared the hell out of me.”

“Why?”

“I just told you. You have no problem crossing the line. No matter how strong or smart they are, anyone you sink your teeth into has no chance of escape. There's nothing more terrifying than fighting someone who won't stop until they've killed you.”

To be honest, being praised like that doesn't make me happy at all. If anything, it just feels like my entire way of life is being denied.

“I realized you'd already gone too far at your age. No matter what happens, you'll run yourself into the ground for what you believe in.”

“And that made you fear me?”

“I was worried about whether you'd still be sane when the core of your beliefs was shattered.”

“…I see.”

In other words, I am proof of the devil's existence.

There are homes that are neither modest nor warm, only miserable. Spaces where everyone is doomed to be unhappy exist in this world. That's why the relationship between Ukai-san and my mother had been set in stone from the moment they were separated.

My parents never loved each other. They were both selfish. My birth was a mistake. I was unwanted. But my mother didn't even have the resolve to kill me, so she shoved me off to a thug's home, hoping I'd die somewhere out of sight.

“The fact that you never loved my mother—that is what—”

…No. Stop. That is the one thing I can never say.

“Shinji, what?”

If you lose your single-minded devotion, what happens to the people you've saved?

“My unwavering belief in devotion is—”

I warned you.

“It was… It was nothing but a baseless delusion of mine. I've been wrong from the very beginning, haven't I?”

The thing I clung to the most was nothing more than a sandcastle built on an illusion. My parents never loved each other. Takatsuki Shinji was never wanted by anyone.

Well, of course. Looking back, it was obvious.

There was no way a child like me, who had survived such a miserable childhood, had been born out of love. No way that someone whose earliest memory was being beaten senseless and thrown out by some random thug couple had ever been right about anything.

And yet, I still tried to believe in something pure. I, who couldn't even save Grandma or Taishou, convinced myself there had to be a single, unshakable truth. Clung to it, desperately, just like those blind girls who clung to Haruta.

…Ah.

How ugly.

“See? You figure everything out with just a single word. Being too smart is a curse, too.”

“And you, after abandoning me, have the nerve to lecture me about privilege and misfortune?”

“That's right.”

“You left me to rot, and yet you dare to tell me to do what only I can do?”

“…That's right.”

That's… right…?

“Don't mess with me! Why?! What the hell are you thinking?! You threw me into hell, and now you preach at me without a shred of guilt?! Just how insane do you have to be to pull this off?!”

“Because I ended up loving you.”

“Don't you dare spout that bullshit!!”

I grab him by the collar and lift him. The alarm blares through the room, warning of a patient in distress. The cigarette falls onto his lap, burning his skin. But he doesn't react to the heat at all.

He doesn't even move. He just coughs once and stares straight into my eyes.

“Can you even feel anything?”

“Not anymore.”

…Damn it.

“Shinji, you're my firstborn. The very first kid I ever had. Technically, you're supposed to be a second-year high schooler, right? But if my memory's right, you should be nineteen this year.”

“So what?”

“I just thought… You really did grow into a fine older brother.”

…That phrase suddenly reminds me of something. The look in that woman's eyes at his apartment.

That was Kakeru's gaze.

The first time we met, Kakeru called me ‘big brother.' Back then, I assumed it was just because he was younger. But thinking about it, a kid that sharp wouldn't have called a stranger ‘big brother' without hesitation.

A boy who loved his sister that much would never have called some random person ‘big brother.'

“No way…”

“Seems like Tsukino's daughter is quite fond of you. Maybe you like her too? Is that why you were so conflicted?”

“She… Tsukino Michiru is…!”

“Yeah. …She's your half-sister, Shinji.”

I catch my own reflection in the window.

“…Ha.”

How pathetic.

How absolutely pathetic I look.

“Tough luck, Shinji. You were never in love.”

I'd always wondered why Michiru fell for me.

Ever since I took on that first request, something had felt off. I kept wanting to help her. I kept wanting to pat her head. I kept wanting to teach her things. I kept wanting to—

She said she wanted friends.

Even Haruta couldn't make her fall in love. Because she valued friendship over romance. No matter how much she suffered, she couldn't help but believe in people's goodness. That's why she could never betray a friend. That's why she longed for friendship more than love.

But think about it.

Would someone like that really trust a man just because he saved her once? After everything she'd been through, would she really fall in love just because he saw through her? Would she skip past friendship entirely and go straight to love?

No. Deep down, she already knew. That she and I could never be friends.

Because no matter how close we got, our blood would never allow it. And just like I mistook my feelings for her, she mistook hers for me.

“I thought it was love, but really, she was just looking up to me as a brother.”

I let go of his collar. The alarm keeps wailing.

“This is the result of your harem, you b*****d…!”

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