Chapter 14: Responsibility.

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Translated and Edited by: luccayn.

Common Honorifics:
-san: A polite suffix, but not excessively formal.
-kun: A common suffix among friends and younger people.
-chan: A common suffix among people you're close with, mostly used for feminine nicknames and girls, since it's cutesy and childlike.
-senpai: A common suffix and noun used to address or refer to one's older or more senior colleagues in a school, workplace, dojo, or sports club.

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The first thing I did when I got to school was apologize to my homeroom teacher, Koga.

“I’m sorry for disappearing without saying anything.”

“It’s fine. You’re good since nothing happened.”

Judging from his tolerance for pointless mischief, I’m sure the teacher was a delinquent in his youth. My guessing and trying to read other people’s circumstances is probably because I’m an introvert. Besides, delinquents and introverts actually have similar inner qualities. The ones who are doing well don’t smoke or get into fights.

“Excuse me.”

It was lunchtime after the third period. I greeted some classmates who were enjoying lunchtime cheerfully and then sat at my desk after placing my rice ball wrapped in a wrap on the desk.

“You’re like a big shot coming to work, Shinji.”

“It’s good once in a while.”

After chatting a bit with Sekiguchi, who sat next to me, I glanced at the harem. Hareta was playing cards with Yamakawa and the others while holding his lunchbox.

They were playing Old Maid¹, a game of luck. Pointless in terms of competing with each other, really.

“…Huh.”

There was no figure of Tsukino among the “heroines”.

Where did she go? Was she just out of her seat? Or maybe, even though it’s commonly believed that idiots can’t catch colds, could she actually be absent due to one?

Thinking that, I looked at her desk. Her bag wasn’t hung on the hook as it normally would be. Had she skipped school because she didn’t want to confess? I absolutely won’t forgive her if she backed out at this point.

After thinking about it for a few more moments, I decided to send her a quick message. “Are you okay?” It read.

The response came quick as lightning. Before the screen of my smartphone could even turn off, I received a response. “I’m not.”

Seeing that, I decided not to stay at school anymore. Fortunately, Koga, my teacher, was to leave for something with business in the afternoon. If I could just fool Sekiguchi, everyone else would just assume it was for whatever issue and they’ll forget it in time.

“Sorry, I’mma have to head back home.”

“Gotcha. I’ll pretend I didn’t see anything.”

Thanking him, I put away my rice ball, grabbed my bag, and rushed back home. I also stopped by the supermarket on the way, then paused at the intersection where I was supposed to part ways with Tsukino last night.

Riiing! Riiing! Riiing!

I listened to the ridiculously annoying sound of a call dialing through. In about five long seconds, she answered the call. I didn’t even say hello and jumped straight into it. “Where’s your place?”

“…Huh?”

“I’m near. Just coming to visit you. Tell me where it is.”

“What!? No way! Wait a second… cough, cough…”

It seemed like her condition really was serious, regardless of the timing.

“I also brought some stuff that might make you feel better. Plus, I have something I want to ask you. Let me in.”

“But… I’m in my pajamas! And my hair’s a mess!”

“It doesn’t matter. You’re not feeling well, are you? If your mom’s there, I can just give this to her and leave.”

“She’s not here… cough.“

“C’mon, hurry.”

Reluctantly, she gave me her address. It was just about a hundred meters from where I was at. In fact, I could see it from where I was when I called her.

Standing in front of it, I realized she lived in a really nice place.

“Heya,” I greeted her.

“…Mhm.”

“Have you eaten anything yet?”

“…No.”

“Alright. I brought some udon, and I’ll make it for you. I’ll also boil some eggs and do some spinach, so I just need the seasonings.”

“…I probably have those, but I don’t feel like eating anything.”

“Dummy. You won’t get better if you don’t eat anything. You have to.”

Taking off my school sweater, I filled the pot with water and let it boil. As soon as the bubbles rose, I added two servings of udon and let them soften. I also prepared the other ingredients in the meantime. Sometime later, it was ready. Spinach and boiled egg udon. I finished it off with a Kansai-style broth, garnished with green onions.

“Heh… Shinji, you’re going to eat too?”

“Forgive me, but I haven’t eaten anything today.”

“…It’s okay, I guess. But, like, is it normal for a guy to come to a girl’s house and make udon without asking?”

“And you think I’m normal? Maybe the fever’s making you delirious.”

“…Idiot,” though she said that, she still hugged me from behind as I carried the bowl of udon off the kitchen counter. As I did, a strangely exciting mix of sweat and shampoo tickled my nose.

“Hey, be careful,” I warned her from hugging me.

“…Shut up and stay quiet.”

“What’s the point of doing something like this?”

“…Zip it. Why did you come?”

She was crying.

Was she feeling helpless? Or maybe she was angry at me for being insensitive despite knowing everything about what she was feeling. Could it be that she’s in so much pain that she can’t stand it? Once I carefully put the bowl onto the table, I gently took Tsukino’s body away from mine with both hands.

“Hurry up and get better so you can confess to Hareta. My job won’t be done until then.”

“…I knew you’d say that.”

I climbed back up the stairs to Tsukino’s room, placed the udon there, and then returned downstairs. I then gently guided her back up the stairs, and we were once again inside her room. Tsukino, nestled in bed, looked genuinely distressed.

I thought she had grown quite a bit in her cunning, but I hope she didn’t catch a cold just because she stopped being stupid.

“Can you eat on your own?”

“…I can’t.”

“Then, here.”

I cooled down the udon and brought it to her mouth. She looked skeptical, then pouted, but still slowly opened her mouth and slurped two mouthfuls, chewing slowly. As she swallowed, I had two sips of my own udon.

“…You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”

“I’ll leave that interpretation to you.”

“…Do you really think I wouldn’t feel anything about you doing something like this?”

“Even so, I’m just fulfilling my promise.”

“…That’s terrible.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. Every time Tsukino swallowed the udon, I lifted the noodles for her. Occasionally, I used the ladle to raise some spinach and boiled eggs so she could eat them.

By the time she finished eating, the udon had cooled completely. Looking tired, she rested her head on the pillow and turned to look at me with narrow eyes.

“You actually talked to Saori-chan about this whole situation, didn’t you?” I asked.

“…Yeah.”

“I ran into her earlier… I was skipping school too. It was just a coincidence.”

“…Yeah.”

“So, when I went into the classroom during lunch break and you weren’t there, I got worried, thinking maybe you backed out of confessing.”

“…Mhm.”

Tsukino had somehow managed to extend her right hand out from under the covers towards me. Her flushed cheeks and teary eyes looked so poignant that I couldn’t help but cover her helpless palm with my hand. She could only muster to squeeze back my index finger.

“I… I knew it.”

“Knew what?”

“…That you were only helping because you were asked to…”

“Didn’t I say that from the very beginning?”

“…Still… I couldn’t help but wonder, right? Whether you actually liked me… I mean, it’s not normal for someone to earnestly help the opposite sex without any sort of intention, right?”

“Is that how it is?”

“…Yeah.”

Listening to her rough breathing, I handed her the sports drink I had on standby. She… probably wouldn’t die or anything, right? Suddenly, there was a slight pressure on my index finger. Even though I could feel the warmth, I didn’t return the grip.

“…Hey, Shinji-kun.”

“Yeah?”

“…Would you be happy if I started dating Kou-kun?”

It’s not really about being happy or not. There are plenty of options between 1 and 0 in life. Choosing between good and bad is too humanly difficult. And besides, why do I have to answer such a question in the first place?

…That’s how it goes.

Everything that came to mind was just an excuse for my dislike of getting involved. Despite criticizing Hareta so much, it’s truly foolish to hesitate when you’re on the front lines.

Then, I absolutely had to answer her. Running away wasn’t an option.

“Yeah.”

“…Really?”

“Of course. I lent you my strength with that intention.”

Responsibility.

It was to dump Michiru Tsukino, who had a sad past, in a cruel way. It was to shun her when she was really sick, in pain, and inconsolable, and when she wanted someone to be there for her.

“…What did you want to ask me, Shinji-kun?”

She avoided my answer.

I moved away, and she tried to hold me. Yet, her hand was far too frail to manage. An almost useless attempt, yet, even when I managed to let go, she still held onto the shape painfully, reluctant to let go.

I can’t ask now, dummy. I just can’t.

“No, it’s fine. You can have the apple for your mom. Drink the nutrient drink and then go to sleep.”

This is goodbye.

We should’ve never gotten involved.

“…Yeah.”

And then, I left Tsukino’s room.

As I was leaving, I heard a notification ping from my pocket. It came from an unknown user on LINE. One glance at my phone’s banner was enough to tell me that much. Without tapping on it, I tossed the phone into my bag.

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1 — A card game. Here’s a link if you’re curious. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_maid_(card_game)

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