Chapter 66: A reason to be comfortable.

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Translated and Edited by: luccayn.

Common Honorifics:
-san: A polite suffix, but not excessively formal.
-kun: A common suffix among friends and younger people.
-chan: A common suffix among people you're close with, mostly used for feminine nicknames and girls, since it's cutesy and childlike.
-senpai: A common suffix and noun used to address or refer to one's older or more senior colleagues in a school, workplace, dojo, or sports club.

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Kanae Yusa’s POV

My heart is a little complicated.

Because, while my body is that of a girl, my heart is that of a boy. And that heart yearns not for girls, but for boys. Or the opposite, strangely.

…It's hard to understand, right? It feels like it's come full circle, so in the end, it's not really different from the norm.

But one thing is certain: it's not straightforward. What's important is my own awareness. In my heart, there are two forms—male and female. Even though I have only one body, there are two of me. Two Yusas.

That's the problem I carry. The one and only worry I've never exposed to anyone. And it's the true nature of the big, big secret that I can only affirm a harem-like romantic situation.

My first love was a girl in my class back in elementary school.

Back then, I didn't really understand what it meant to like someone. It was strange to me that someone other than my mom and dad could become so important to me.

So, I didn't know what to do, and I was scared to be honest. Because of that, I started teasing her.

But teasing the girl you like is a common thing for elementary school boys. It's something every boy has probably experienced. Girls understand that too, and they reluctantly accept it as child's play.

The problem was that my body was that of a girl.

When a girl teases another girl, it just looks like bullying to everyone else. Because of that, the girl I loved so much eventually reported me to the teacher as a bully.

Of course, she did.

A little girl, just a normal friend I played with every day, couldn't possibly understand why another girl would seriously avoid her like that. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “If I did something wrong, I'm sorry. I won't talk to you anymore, so please don't come near me.”

…Even though boys teasing girls was a common sight in class. Even the teacher would have laughed it off as a trivial matter.

But I wasn't allowed that.

At the same time, I thought about why it wasn't okay. But when I thought about it, the reason became surprisingly clear. There was no room for laughter—it was simply because God had designed my chest to grow.

So, before I knew it, I started only hanging out with boys. Of course, to me, it was just a survival tactic. But apparently, the girls who were starting to grow up didn't like that.

After being rejected by the person who mattered most to me, I started to think, even as a child, “Maybe I'm not someone who's allowed to fall in love.”

But then, by chance, someone's crush took a liking to me, and by the time I entered middle school, I was being persecuted by girls for a different reason.

The boys close to me saw me as a girl. The girls farther away saw me as an enemy. All I wanted was to find someone I could trust enough to confide in, but in that situation, there was no one I could talk to.

…Before I knew it, I had started avoiding girls so much that you could say I had gynophobia.

“What am I…?”

Every time my chest grew, I denied that I was a boy. If I tried to get close to boys to gain their trust, I was mocked as an enemy. If I tried to get close to girls, I was terrified that my fragile self might fall in love again.

And finally, I couldn't think anymore. Even though I knew there was no answer, all I could do was cry and scream at the mirror.

I couldn't stand to look at my distorted self. I wanted someone to accept me. If someone could comfort this loneliness, I might even become so dependent that I couldn't go back.

Even though I knew that, I hated my own weakness for craving connection with someone.

Then, one day, I met them.

“Hey. Are you not interested in romance?”

It was a strange sight.

In Class 1-A of Saijou High School, he was being approached by two girls. And yet, he was the only one who didn't seem to notice their feelings, even though it was obvious to everyone else.

I had become afraid of being disliked, and without realizing it, I had started keeping my distance from people. For someone like me, who had made people-watching a habit, their relationship was a first.

So, I couldn't help but ask.

“Yeah, I'm not interested. Besides, there's no girl who would like someone like me.”

Ah, how oblivious can someone be?

In a way, isn't this worse than violence? How could he not notice the girls who were so clearly infatuated with him?

If he was aware of their feelings and just enjoying the attention, that would be shallow but understandable. But he had completely ruled out the possibility, yet he never pushed them away.

This person must be missing something important as a human being. I could tell intuitively that he had a tragic past, something like mine, where he had lost someone important.

If that's the case, maybe he'll let me stay by his side. Maybe he won't overthink things. And maybe the girls around him won't even have time to dislike me.

That was probably my initial reason for getting close to him—but.

“Let's all go together.”

I had forgotten how reassuring it was to not be rejected. I didn't know how calming it could be to have someone by my side.

Even though he's a boy, his demeanor is oddly girly. Sometimes, his lack of masculinity makes him even more attractive.

And yet, he's so talented that he keeps everyone at a distance. I realized that no matter what I did, I wouldn't be rejected.

I couldn't help but project my lingering feelings for someone else onto him. So, while observing the dynamics between the three of us, I eventually lost track of whether I was seeing Hareta Kou as a boy or a girl.

“Yeah.”

What's certain is that it's because of his obliviousness that I found a place where I belong.

Even if it's a distorted relationship.

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