Chapter 40: What’s it like?

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Translated and Edited by: luccayn.

Common Honorifics:
-san: A polite suffix, but not excessively formal.
-kun: A common suffix among friends and younger people.
-chan: A common suffix among people you're close with, mostly used for feminine nicknames and girls, since it's cutesy and childlike.
-senpai: A common suffix and noun used to address or refer to one's older or more senior colleagues in a school, workplace, dojo, or sports club.

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Michiru’s POV

I had to hold back from blurting out “I love you”—so much that it could have swept away all my feelings of self-pity and guilt toward everyone. In the end, I couldn’t even express my gratitude to Shinji-kun.

Even during the afternoon classes, I felt like I’d burst into tears just by looking at him. So, I tried my best not to think about Shinji-kun. Deep down, a strong sense of responsibility had grown inside me, and I think it was that feeling that kept me sane.

Classes went by in a blink.

After school, I had a face-to-face with the three of them behind the school building. But clearly, my anger had faded. On the way here, when Kokomi-chan lost her balance on the stairs and I helped her, she even said, “Thank you.”

Honestly, I can’t help but be impressed by his way of doing things. It should have all been a coincidence, yet it felt like he knew everything—like his timing and the way he handled the culprit couldn’t have been more perfect.

But that was 80% thanks to Yamakawa-kun and the others for bringing him along. Yes, definitely. Absolutely. Because without them, there was no way he could have swooped in like a hero at the last minute.

I mean, Shinji-kun is just a little smart and kind, that’s all. In fact, he should be thanking us for letting him show off his favorite hobby—his little “detective” act.

…Or something like that.

If I don’t keep thinking such bratty, sarcastic thoughts, I’ll lose my composure again—blinded by gratitude and feelings. It’s not time to relax yet. The real end is still to come.

And this is all Shinji-kun’s fault.

“Michiru, can I ask you something?”

“…Yeah. What is it, Kanae-chan?”

“I want to know the real reason you locked up Takatsuki.”

It was Kanae-chan who spoke first, as usual. She doesn’t stand out much, but she’s always the one who gets the conversation going and eases the tension. Kou-kun isn’t the type to talk on his own, so her help was always appreciated.

“Because in that place, he would have uncovered our ‘rules.'”

I stated it plainly. Of course, the three of them weren't surprised—in fact, they sighed as if to say, “I knew it.” They probably just wanted to hear it from my mouth, even though the reason was obvious to them.

“Our only rule is ‘never reveal each other’s past,’ right?”

“…Yeah.”

“But if the reason for Kokomi-chan’s injury were uncovered, he’d start digging into the past. If there was ever a person allowed to break our rule, it would have to be Kou-kun, no one else. I couldn’t let Shinji-kun trample all over Kokomi-chan’s heart.”

I took a breath to calm the force in my voice. For a moment, the sound of cicadas filled the air before I spoke again.

“That’s why I locked Shinji-kun up.”

At the time, four girls were surrounding Kokomi-chan, who was holding a ball. One of them had gone to the same middle school as her. I’m sure that girl knows at least a little about the Kokomi-chan from the past—someone she used to despise, someone not unlike the traumatic past I carry with me.

So, Shinji-kun diverted everyone’s attention and sealed away the past. By showing off his skills and exposing my guilt, he was essentially threatening the culprit, warning them, “Never reveal anything about Kokomi-chan.”

It wasn't hard to imagine what Shinji-kun must have thought—that just like what Yamakawa-kun and the others did to Kou-kun, it was easy to picture girls bullying another out of jealousy over someone more attractive. Shinji-kun must have pieced that together.

After all, if he didn't understand that, he wouldn't have said the words I was supposed to say. And he certainly wouldn't have said, “I'm waiting,” if he didn't trust me.

“…Hey, can I ask one more thing?”

“What is it?”

“Does Takatsuki really understand everything? And despite that, is he keeping quiet about us?”

“Yes.”

I nodded without hesitation. But this wasn't me overestimating him. Not at all. If it's Shinji-kun, he will absolutely pull it off. Left unchecked, he’ll climb to heights I can't even imagine.

Because he's changing, little by little. No one else notices it, not even him. Since meeting me, since freeing Saori, since entrusting his first love to Shizuku-chan, and I'm sure even in ways I don't know, something's shifting.

Shinji-kun is becoming an adult.

“Why, though?”

Kokomi-chan murmured, her voice heavy with guilt.

“Why what?”

“I've always hated Michiru-san. Since summer break, I started feeling like your feelings for Kou-san were fading. Then, when school began again, you kept talking to Takatsuki-san. You started spending less time with us, and then you even called Kou-san out after school. And today, he didn't come to school at all.”

Hearing her say it out loud made me realize—I really am a terrible person. There's no defending that.

“Even someone like me, who doesn't pay attention to other men, eventually realized it was because of Takatsuki-san. So, I treated you coldly. I made things difficult for you. Even during gym class the other day, it was just by coincidence that things overlapped. In truth, we—”

“Because we're friends.”

I cut Kokomi-chan off and spoke from my heart.

An utter silence fell. This time, I couldn't hear the cicadas at all.

“I still like Kou-kun. But I like you guys just as much, and in the same way. No, I like you all equally. And I've been thinking all summer about why that is, why it feels so comforting.”

Everyone held their breath, waiting for me to speak.

“Then I figured it out. I've always thought of you all as friends. Because we all carry similar wounds, we've been smoldering together. That's why I felt at ease with you.”

Miki-chan looked down. I think she realized why Shinji-kun left the final answer to me.

“I want to be friends with everyone again. I know that now, after learning the truth about Kou-kun, I can't see him the same way as before. And I know I betrayed you all once. But if you're willing to forgive me, I want to make things right and be close with you all again.”

Once I said it, I felt a weight lift from my body.

So, it was really that simple after all.

“But you know, Kou likes you.”

“I know.”

“We can’t just keep falling in love like we used to anymore, you know?”

“That’s not true.”

“…Why can you say that?”

“Because he’s just like me. Kou-kun had his heart broken.”

He was confronted with the truth of the past, and even his current love fell apart. I feel incredibly guilty for what I did to him. I know it was selfish of me. That’s why I won’t try to cover it up. I’ll only speak the truth of what I feel.

I fell in love. But I also want to stay close with everyone. That’s all there is to me right now.

“…Michiru-san.”

“What is it, Kokomi-chan?”

“Thank you. You were the one who saved me that time. And yet, I said such terrible things to you.”

“I wasn't blameless either. It was my outburst that made Takatsuki realize the full scope of our rule. Honestly, that jerk is such a problem.”

“Hehe, it’s unbelievable, right? Kou would never do something so awful to us.”

At that, the three of them exchanged glances and let out small laughs. And seeing them laugh, I found myself smiling too. Just like before, we laughed together.

“I’m sorry, Michiru-san. In the end, we still hate Takatsuki-san. And I don't think we can forgive you either.”

…I knew this was coming.

“Yeah. I get it. You tried to become Kou’s girlfriend without us knowing, relying on someone else's help. Even if we can accept it, it's not something we can just forgive.”

“And as for me… well. Hmm. I think I get how you feel, Michiru. So, I know this might upset the others and Kou, but I'd like to stay neutral in this.”

This was the result I had anticipated. I never expected to be rewarded for what I did. I only wanted to try going back to being friends. I never believed that I actually could.

I just wanted to take responsibility for the terrible things I did, to own up to my selfishness from the start, and to avoid any regrets.

I’m a pretty calculating person. I don’t like leaving things unresolved, or feeling like someone got the better of me without a fair chance. I wanted to apologize and feel that sense of closure.

…If only I could really be that strong.

“Haha, yeah. I knew. I'm glad I got to hear everyone's answers.”

Hey, Shinji-kun. I've gained another scar.

Did that bring me a little closer to you?

“Ahaha! But really, Kanae, you're so sly. Saying you're neutral—doesn't that just mean you're trying to make everyone happy?”

“Hehe, that's right. If we weren't so weak right now, my opinion would probably be the first to get shot down. You realize that, don't you?”

“Oh, don't get me wrong! I hate Takatsuki too. It's just, I'd like to stay friends with Michiru. And if possible, I'd like to be Kou's girlfriend. That's all. Plus…”

Kanae-chan hesitated for a moment, and the three of them all looked straight into my eyes.

“I want to ask Michiru about what it feels like to fall in love.”

And with that, the four of us headed off to a family restaurant. What we talked about there, I doubt we'll ever tell anyone for as long as we live.

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