Chapter 8 – Funk Mother

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The persistent ringing of the phone leaves me with no choice but to answer , despite my lack of enthusiasm.

“Hello?”

“Ah, excuse me, is this the residence of Norah Hira-sama?”

“No, it’s me.”

“You good-for-nothing idiot! What are you thinking, withdrawing from university? I worked tirelessly, knitting gloves for a side job to save up for your tuition, and now you want to quit? If you’re serious about dropping out, sell whatever you can—your kidneys, your liver, your testicles—and pay back every last penny, do you hear me?”

“I don’t recall having a mother like Lady Dojinjo.”

“Eh? That’s what you’re focused on?”

“And when did you have a side job knitting gloves? I don’t remember that at all.”

“Well, it wasn’t exactly knitting gloves at night, it was more like… you know, ‘fondling the family jewels’ for money.”

“Oi, hold on! What?! That’s not funny!”

“Haha, just kidding!”

You might be wondering who this eccentric figure in the Kamimura household.

She’s Bianchi-Cristina Kamimura, the funky mom of the Uemura family and woman with a penchant for dirty jokes. Even though she’s not Japanese, she was born and raised in Japan, making Japanese her native tongue.

Oh, and she’s my stepmother.

“Yuuta! You idiot, moron, are you trying to die? Dropping out just two days after starting university? Don’t tell me you were born with a micropenis and premature ejaculation issues that I don’t remember!”

“You didn’t give birth to me.”

“Now that you mention it, you’re right.”

“Don’t just suddenly turn calm like that!!”

“Even if it’s a micropenis, I still want you to grow up to be a strapping, manly man.”

“So Lady Dojinjo was the one with the micropenis, huh?”

I should probably end this pointless banter and explain the situation, considering she is my guardian after all.

………

…..

“HAHAHA!! That’s too funny!!” she erupts in laughter once more.

“What kind of a mother laughs so openly at her son’s misery? Truly an SSR-class existence,” I remark dryly.

“Misfortune is something to be laughed off, you know. If you dwell on it too much, you won’t even be able to muster an angry response,” she retorts, her words both nonsensical and stinging. From her perspective, my level of misfortune is likely insignificant.

“What a crazy coincidence, though. I can’t believe you’ve had three failed relationships now,” she muses.

“Right? I thought it was some kind of harassment at first. It’s like God is manipulating the probabilities,” I quip, attempting to maintain a semblance of humor.

“Haha, well, maybe it was fate, you know?” she suggests.

“Oi, hold on, you definitely misspoke that on purpose, didn’t you?” I question her intentions.

“Don’t scold me so quickly, my dear. Your virgi—lack of dating experience is showing~!” she teases.

Hey, my virginity and dating experience have nothing to do with this! Talking to this mother of mine always leaves me sighing by default. Though, to be honest, there have been many times when her quirkiness has actually been a source of comfort. That’s why, no matter what I say, I can never truly hate her.

“Anyway, withdrawing from university is as stupid as an adult woman spitting on a kindergartener. You should take a moment to calm down and ponder what significance, even fate-like, this chance reunion might hold,” she advises me.

“Does it really have any meaning?” I question, skepticism lacing my voice. Also what's with the woman spitted on kid's face?!

“Who knows? If it doesn’t, then so be it. But just like when you and I randomly reconnected after so long, there’s usually some deeper meaning when such improbable coincidences occur in one’s life~”

I’m silenced by my mother’s voice, now in full mom mode.

Honestly, I’d prefer to avoid any further entanglement if I could. The words of those who have walked this path before us always carry such gravity and insight.

“If Yuuta wishes to break free from the shackles of his past betrayals, if he wishes to overcome them, there must be something he should do.”

I can only fall silent under the weight of my mother’s motherly wisdom.

Honestly, I’d prefer to avoid any further entanglement if I could.

The words of those who have walked this path before us always carry such gravity and insight.

“Oh, and guess what? Kojima Aki-san called earlier asking for your address, so I just gave it to her. Tee-hee♪”

“What the hell did you do, you crazy funky mother!? Don’t tell me personal privacy laws don’t apply in this household!!”

This is one thing I can’t let her get away with, no matter how cute she acts. Or rather, she should consider her own age before acting like this!

“Oh, it’s fine; it’s not like she’ll misuse the information or anything.”

“More like I have a bad feeling she’ll use it to her own advantage.”

“Even if that happens, it’s all part of fate. Really, even if it hadn’t been me, anyone would’ve probably given in to her earnest questioning. And to call the home of the family the person she betrayed? That took quite a bit of courage, don’t you think?”

“…”

“Anyway! You can always withdraw later if you really want to. I’m sure Ange would be happy, but it’s still too soon for you to come back here. Take a little more time to think things over.”

“…..Is Ange doing okay?”

“She’s managing, more or less. She’s still a bit down now that you’re gone. But make sure to come back for the summer vacation, alright?”

“…Got it.”

I can’t help but feel I’ve been skillfully maneuvered, but I suppose I have no choice but to defer to my benefactor’s wishes.

Having ended the call, I found myself pondering anew.

Mom was right…. I can drop out anytime.

Dropping out is something I can do anytime. It’s true that I don’t want to get involved with them, but if I continue to avoid them and drop out like this, I’ll be nothing more than a cowardly loser with my tail between my legs. A spineless loser who lost to a b***h that showed her a*s.

No!

Alright. I’ll try to dispose of my NTR trauma history from the past to the present in my own way. It’s free to try, after all.

After eating, maybe I should send a message to my half-sister Ange.