Chapter 17 – Bear Your Wounds and Live On

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I arrived at the university-affiliated hospital where Kurebayashi-san is hospitalized. I thought it best to settle things sooner rather than later.

As I enter the hospital room, following Kurebayashi-san’s mother, I found Kurebayashi-san lying down, staring blankly at the ceiling. It was evident from her vacant gaze that she was consumed by negative emotions.

“…Well, I’ll leave you youngsters alone,” Kurebayashi-san’s mother said before exiting.

“Feels like a blind date,” I remarked.

She left without acknowledging my presence or speaking to her daughter. I couldn’t help but wonder if that was appropriate.

“…Well, I came here to listen, so be it,” I thought to myself.

I steeled myself, took a deep breath, and approached her bed quietly.

“Uh… How are you holding up, Kurebayashi-san?” I began, feeling awkward.

It was a rather poor choice of words, I admit.

As I spoke, Kurebayashi-san seemed to notice my presence for the first time. She reflexively widened her eyes and sat up abruptly, resembling a startled mummy.

I almost called out for her mother to rescue me. “Help me, Mommy!”

Judging by Kurebayashi-san’s reaction, her physical condition seemed to have improved somewhat. Though there was a hint of fatigue, it could be attributed to the hospital environment biasing perceptions.

“Uh, Yuta-kun, why…?” she stammered.

“…Well, I mean, it’s not every day someone from the same department ends up hospitalized shortly after enrollment. It seemed only natural to pay a visit,” I explained.

Despite claiming to suppress certain memories, I realized I was guilty of the same.

Regardless, while there were many factors at play, Kurebayashi-san’s current condition was partially my responsibility.

Uncharacteristically, I felt a twinge of guilt.

“My… mother…?” Kurebayashi-san began.

“She stepped out. Probably didn’t want to overwhelm you,” I clarified.

“…” Kurebayashi-san fell silent.

“Sorry, but your mother already briefed me on everything,” I interjected.

“!?”

I delivered the revelation matter-of-factly, attempting to conceal any rising emotions. Understand? I couldn’t afford to let anger or resentment cloud my judgment.

She stared at me with a mixture of surprise and apprehension before averting her gaze suddenly.

“…I’m sorry. Truly, I am,” she murmured.

“…” I remained silent.

“A person like me… would it be better if I were… gone?” she asked softly.

Was she seeking my validation or just speaking to herself?

Her words left me uncertain.

“Are you asking me if I want you to die? Because I said so?” I retorted.

“…” She remained silent.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Just because I say ‘die,’ you think you should? Is that your way of making me the villain?” I continued.

“T-That’s not…” she began.

“That’s just escapism. Refusing to make amends, causing inconvenience to those trying to reconcile with you, even troubling your caring family… I won’t accept such behavior as repentance,” I asserted.

“…” She said nothing.

“So… if you truly want to make amends, understand this: take care of yourself,” I concluded.

“……I-I’m s-so… s-sorry…” she sobbed.

Cue the tears. Classic.

Hmm.

It turned out a bit softer than I intended. I feel like I gave in to some lingering guilt or something.

Well, it’s probably fine. It’s not wrong to cushion the blow a bit; I wouldn’t want Kurebayashi-san to collapse under the weight of my words.

***

“…So, when I realized that I had been betrayed by two important childhood friends, it broke my heart. I thought, ‘What a terrible thing I did to Yuuta-kun.'”

“Hmm,” I responded nonchalantly, picking at my nails.

After Kurebayashi-san had calmed down, she began to recount the events leading up to her apology to me. However, having already heard the story from her mother, there was nothing particularly new or surprising.

“So… I’m sorry. I know words alone aren’t enough, but I just don’t know how to make amends with you, Yuuta-kun…” she trailed off.

“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?” I interjected.

“…Eh?”

“It’s because you were betrayed by someone important. If that hadn’t happened, Kurebayashi-san would never have understood my feelings.”

“…”

I said it a bit sarcastically to make her think.

“And not knowing how to make amends… I think it’s because you don’t know how you could ever make it up to Ando and Kenzaki-san,” I continued.

The feeling of despair when someone you trusted and loved betrays you.

It’s not a problem that can be solved by simply regretting your own lack of foresight.

That’s why it continues to haunt you.

“Uh, yeah, maybe. You’re right, Yuuta-kun,” Kurebayashi-san weakly agreed after a brief pause. In her eyes, which finally met mine, I could see a glimmer of light return.

Kurebayashi-san continued after confirming my nod.

“…But the feeling of wanting to make it up to you is not a lie.”

“…” 

“So, I’ll do anything I can. It might be impertinent to ask Yuuta-kun like this, but…please teach me how to make it up.”

“Please, I beg you…” she implored.

There’s no need to bow down like that.

Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to steer the conversation to a conclusion, even if it’s a bit forceful.

“You don’t have to keep bowing like that. So, Kurebayashi-san, are you just looking to make amends with me? Or do you want forgiveness for what happened in the past?” I questioned.

“…” 

As expected, Kurebayashi-san froze again at that point.

“Well, I think you understand that forgiveness isn’t easy. But Kurebayashi-san wants to be forgiven. It’s painful.”

I was the one who was betrayed first.

It’s easy to settle things on my own, but Kurebayashi-san is carrying the pain of being betrayed and the pain of betraying someone else.

“…Yes, I know forgiveness is impossible. But…”

“Then forget about it.”

“…Eh?”

“I can’t forgive yet. So, forget about everything related to me. In return, I want you to carry that wound and live with it. That will be your atonement to me.”

“…”

“Then you won’t betray anyone again, will you?”

“…”

“I’ll accept Kurebayashi-san’s apology. I was wrong not to take you seriously before.”

“…Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah…”

Kurebayashi-san burst into tears, almost screaming, and her mom, who was probably outside, rushed in. I guess she heard everything.

Well, it’s good. With this, one of the past settlements is complete.

From tomorrow, Kurebayashi-san and I will be strangers.

It feels like I’ve finally relieved a third of the constipation that’s been bothering me for over five years.