Chapter 30: Changing
Translator: Soafp
“—Do you like Ayanon?”
…I don't know.
I'm not sure why she's asking such a sudden question.
And also, what answer I should give.
If I hadn't known that “Kisaragi-san” might not even remember me, I'd probably have said “yes” without hesitation back then.
“…”
If I had started a thread on a board.
Dyeing my hair in rainbow colors.
Starting new hobbies—at the park, at the movie theater, in the library, at the club, and back at the park.
If I had my heart filled with something.
And now, talking with Kisaragi-san and walking alongside her…
“—Not anymore, I guess.”
That's the answer that came out of my mouth.
Certainly, her beauty makes my heart race.
But—it’s no longer the same kind of blind, intense feeling I had before.
Now that I know I can get excited about something even more intense.
“N—‘not anymore'?”
“Well, I definitely liked her in the first year… it was love at first sight, but…”
“You weren't even recognized, not even your name was known, right?”
“H-how do you know…”
Hatsune-san continues smoothly, as if she were observing me back then.
“Just tell me. You changed your hair color because of Ayanon, right?”
“!”
“…Do you resent her?”
“Eh?”
“I'd be happy if you could be honest with me.”
When my heart was shattered because she didn't even remember my name, my feelings for her… were overwritten by self-loathing and loss.
“I don't want to stay like this”—starting that thread on the board was something I'd never have done before.
I wanted to change, it was the first time I felt that.
And now, trying new hobbies and enjoying them—my past “heartbreak” is fading away more and more.
And as I found my hobbies, I realized… I didn't know anything about her.
I fell for her just based on her appearance, and I was satisfied with that. I didn't make any effort to know more.
I must have been that kind of… shallow person. It's only natural that she didn't remember my name.
So there's absolutely no resentment.
Rather, I'm the one who should be apologizing!
For liking her without any merit, and for losing interest on my own—
“…”
“I don't resent her at all. I realize that I'm not a match for her.”
“Hmm?”
“Even though changing my hair to rainbow colors was triggered by Kisaragi-san, I think it was a good choice.”
“…Really?”
“Yeah. So— I'm grateful.”
“Eh?”
Yes.
It's because of Kisaragi-san.
I was able to change like this because of her.
“Hatsune-san.”
“W-what?”
At night.
I look up at the starry sky peeking through the rainbow colors and murmur.
“—I'm sure of it. That's the only thing.”
The me who lost to past love and the me who is trying to walk towards the future with new hobbies.
I'm sure the present me likes myself.
“—!”
“I— I'd like to hear something from you.”
In the silence that followed, created by her…
“Then… it's okay now.”
Hatsune-san says quietly.
“Ayanon was talking about you at the park.”
“Eh!?”
“She said, ‘Toumachi-kun is an interesting person.'”
“…W-why?”
“Isn't that good?”
My brain refuses to understand.
I never thought such a thing—was possible.
Does she really think this about me?
“—Hey! Icchi!”
And then, Hatsune-san shouts.
As if calling out to the person right in front of her.
“Haha, don't be so surprised.”
“‘Icchi'—?”
“It's a nickname. Since Toumachi-kun's first name is ‘Hajime,' I just thought ‘Icchi' would be cute. Isn't it nice?”
“A nickname?”
I can't keep up with what's happening.
What's a nickname again—
“I want to be friends with Icchi! So I've decided on a nickname~”
“Eh…”
To her nonchalant declaration.
I have no response—
“Because Icchi is interesting! Is it a problem?”
“Not really… but—”
“Well then, it's settled. We're friends!”
“Oh. Yeah…”
I weakly wave back.
It seems the house right there is hers. She dashes to it, unlocks the door, and opens it.
“Bye-bye, Icchi! I'll bring the DVDs to school again~”
The door shuts with a bang.
“…”
The second silence of the day.
But it felt strangely loud.
As if the world itself was noisily changing.
“…”
Lightly.
The bag in my hand felt lighter.
Walking the night road, without feeling much, I walked and walked.
“…!”
I felt like something was going to happen.
Walking, stopping—then I started running.
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4 Comments
Wow, I really like his thought process! I always found it weird when people would fall for someone based on looks without knowing anything about them - and then confessing!! Like, do you really think they would accept dating you? Unless they're also shallow (or adventurous?) and like your appearance... And I'll see in some anime/manga that they cry about being rejected (though it's very rare that they end up with resentment in my opinion). I just don't understand some people... -__-
Ichi the killer
For some context If someone don't know
"Hajime" means First & "Icchi" means One in Japanese
With his given name being "Toumachi"
It was not difficult to guess why she gave him nickname as "Icchi"
Thank you.