Chapter 114: The worst future

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Translator: Soafp

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“……”

I poured the dark liquid into my cup and brought it to my lips.

The strong bitterness made me wince.

Today's coffee was a failure.

Come to think of it, I messed up making curry yesterday too. Probably because I tried doing it differently than usual, thinking it might help change my mood.

But in exchange, my creative projects made more progress than they usually do—music, illustrations, writing. I'm still a beginner, but these three things are really fun.

Especially music. At first, it was tough, but after a month, I've gotten a little better. Now that I can create sounds that fit my taste, it's become a lot more enjoyable.

That said, composing an actual song… feels like it's still out of reach.

I guess it's just my way of escaping reality. Though, I've been studying regularly too, so there's that.

“……I should probably head out soon.”

But honestly, I didn't want to leave this small creative room.

I muttered to myself as I checked the train schedule on my phone.

Normally, I'd leave with plenty of time to spare. But today, I was aiming for the last minute—getting to school just five minutes before homeroom started.

…It's been a while.

Since I last dreaded going to school this much.

There's gym class today too. I closed my eyes for a moment, wishing I could just skip ahead to next Monday——

---

“Okay, so this formula is——”

“……”

Surprisingly, I was able to focus during the first period.

Maybe studying has become my new escape.

Ding dong——

“Alright, that's all for today——”

“……”

As soon as class ended, I stood up from my seat.

Before the clock's ticking could even reach my ears, I had already packed my gym clothes into my bag.

---

The boys change in the classroom.

The girls use their own changing room.

When it's time for dance class, the boys head to the first gym, and the girls go to the second gym.

The first gym is farther away than the second one.

“……”

After the first period, I walked down the hallway and waited about a minute before re-entering the classroom. By then, most of the students were already rushing to change. The first gym is farther away, so most of them try to leave early.

This is the time when I feel the least pressure from being watched.

The girls aren't around, and the boys are all too busy.

I can't help but think I'm really introverted.

Lately, I've been changing like everyone else, but back in my first year, I always did it like this.

---

“Alright, everyone, the big dance performance is next Friday!”

――”It's too soon!” “This is impossible!” “We're nowhere near done!”――

“No complaining! I know it's tough, but I'll be giving individual advice as we go!”

Even though we had two weeks, it flew by in no time.

The students around me grumbled about it.

“Also, I'm going to have the best dancers perform as examples for the rest of the class, okay? Got it, dance club members?”

――”…Knew it.” “Guess we'll have to watch them for tips.” “We're counting on you!”――

The gym was filled with chatter.

I really hope this bad feeling I've had turns out to be wrong.

---

The routine hasn't changed.

I keep repeating the steps, aiming to perfect each small section.

Even without the music, the rhythm is etched into my mind.

All I focus on is improving my precision and erasing any mistakes.

Dancing is fun.

So much so that I didn't even notice the occasional hostile stares.

“Alright, everyone, gather up!”

Time continued to pass.

I wished it could end just like this, without any further complications.

“For now, three groups of students will showcase their dances, handpicked by yours truly!”

“Alright, first up—〇×-kun! Come on up to the stage!”

――”Of course it's someone from the dance club!” “Here we go!” “Let's learn from the dance club pros!”――

“……Phew.”

I exhaled a small breath at the teacher's words.

I wished they wouldn't call me, but deep down, there was another feeling, one I was trying to ignore.

Pretending not to notice it, I watched the first student step up to the stage.

---

“Thank you very much!”

――”Wow, the dance club really is impressive!” “I didn't realize their level was this high!”――

The first dancer finished, and the second one was also from the dance club. I didn't know them personally, but judging from everyone's reactions, it was clear they were also a standout.

Both of them had such confident expressions.

Of course, they probably felt a bit embarrassed too, but… they were different from me.

Their movements were polished, clearly designed to be part of a “group” dance. Everything was easy to understand, and of course, the quality was high.

Back in my first year, I also performed a similar dance during the sports festival.

“……”

I see.

In that case, I probably wouldn't be called up.

After all, I'm dancing “alone”——

“——And for the last one! Toumachi-kun!”

“Eh?”

Just when I had started to feel relieved, I heard the teacher's voice.

“Alright, up you go! Over here, please!”

“…Ah. Yes…”

――”Wait, isn't he not in the dance club?” “Why him?” “……”――

The teacher beckoned me, and I stepped forward.

The voices around me, along with the stares full of hostility, grew even sharper.

…Yet, somewhere deep inside, I felt a strange sense of excitement.

“Maybe.”

Maybe I had been hoping for this all along, for a situation like this.

“Is this the right track for your performance?”

“Y-Yes, it is.”

“Alright, up you go then!”

Following the teacher's instructions, I stepped onto the stage.

Out of the three routines, I chose pattern one—the easiest one, with the fewest chances of mistakes. In my current state of mind, I knew I'd mess up if I tried either of the other two.

“……”

About forty boys.

The sight of them made me so nervous I felt like I might lose my mind.

But in two days, there would be even more people watching.

Among them, five of my friends.

I couldn't afford to fail.

“Alright, let's start!”

If I messed up here, I wouldn't be able to face anyone on the day of the performance.

So—

As the music began to play,

Just like always—

I let myself go with the flow.

[――♪]

The familiar intro flowed through the speakers, and my feet started moving naturally.

Step, step.

I moved to the beat as if riding the rhythm.

“?!”

But.

The scene unfolding before me wasn't the “ideal” one I had imagined.

My legs felt as heavy as lead.

I couldn't dance the way I usually did.

For the first time in a long while, I wasn't enjoying the dance.

---

“Alright! Thank you, Toumachi-kun! That was great! Let's all keep working hard so we don't fall behind!”

“…Thanks.”

I stepped down from the stage after finishing my dance, trying to avoid eye contact with the students as much as possible and looking towards the teacher instead.

“Alright, everyone back to practice! I'll be going around to give individual advice!”

At the teacher's command, the students dispersed.

I left as quickly as I could, almost clinging to the chance to escape.

With every step I took, I could feel the sticky stares clinging to my back.

Before the dance, I'd foolishly hoped that someone might approach me after seeing my performance.

But now I realized just how naive and ridiculous that thought had been.

I was always so passive, always leaving things to others.

――”Did you see that?” “How much must he have practiced?” “He's gonna do that at the performance?”――

They probably thought I couldn't hear them, but I did.

And I pretended not to hear, pretending it didn't hurt.

But it did. It hurt so much.

Ignoring them would've been the smart thing to do—but my ears wouldn't let me.

The words pierced me sharply, picking up on every detail.

Even more than the music. Those voices.

――”How badly does he want to be popular?” “It's embarrassing to even watch.” “He's not even in the dance club.”――

…That's not it.

That's not why I danced.

It's because I love dancing. Even though it started as a hobby chosen by some random online suggestion, this feeling is real.

And yet—

――”Is he trying to impress Kisaragi-san?” “Girls are gonna watch the performance the day after tomorrow, after all.” “He's definitely aiming for something.”――

They must think they're having a fun conversation.

――”He's suddenly started standing out, hasn't he?” “And his test scores too.” “Is this his too-late high school debut or what?”

“First academics, now sports?” “Do you remember how he was in his first year?” “He's getting cocky.”

“He's not satisfied with the school princess, huh?” “That's seriously gross.” “Acting like some model student with that hair color.”――

My heightened hearing.

It picked up on all those whispers.

――”Even those ‘five friends’ of his must be cringing at this.” “It's honestly hilarious.” “How far is he going to go?”――

…And with those voices,

the sound of a clock that wasn't really there grew louder and louder.

It wouldn't stop. It wouldn't stop.

The worst possible future played out in my mind.