Chapter 167: So vivid and dazzling

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Translator: Soafp

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“…………”

I wiped my tears and stepped out of the salon.

I just hated my own weakness.

My vision was clouded.

I wanted to throw everything away and disappear.

“…I should go home.”

But I couldn't do that.

If I did, my family would surely be sad.

There was nothing more I could do.

I had nothing left.

I didn't know what the future held, but next Sunday was bound to be the worst.

“……”

“Look at that!” 

“Whoa!”

On the train, I heard voices from a flashy-looking group.

For now, that was a relief.

I could see it as punishment for my weak self.

[Next stop: ●× Station, ●× Station.]

But those voices quickly lost my interest and faded away.

Eventually, I arrived at my nearest station.

I stumbled home.

“…Ahh…”

What on earth did I go to the salon for?

What was the point of changing in the first place?

Ah… I guess it was because Kisaragi-san didn’t recognize me.

Now, we had become close enough that I could stay over at her place. If I told my past self, I might have fainted from shock.

“I thought I could finally ‘change.'”

That voice disappeared into the dark new moon night.

I had made new friends.

I had created fun memories.

I had been led to believe that “changing” would bring nothing but good things for me.

But that wasn't true at all.

I had made my precious family sad.

“…Why is this happening…”

That's why I felt so frustrated.

This indecisive world.

The hopeless, unanswered choices.

And I had thought I had made a decision.

I had distanced myself from the bulletin board.

I had forced myself to finish it.

I would dye my hair back to black.

To return to the self my family knew, even just a little.

“…So why is this happening…?”

On the night road.

I didn't want to go home, but if I didn't, I would be picked up by the police.

I didn't want to trouble the police.

I walked quickly.

They say that walking is good for mental health, but today, that was a lie.

The more I walked, the more I hated my choice today.

I arrived.

I saw the familiar tower apartment that I could live in thanks to my “parents.”

And it wasn't just that I could see.

“…Ah…”

A girl stood there in a white blouse and pink cardigan.

Her slightly longer bob cut.

She was about ten centimeters taller than me.

“…Hatsune-san.”

She was the person I least wanted to see right now.

“…Um…”

“Is something wrong? You haven't messaged me, right?”

I threw the question at her casually.

There were no notifications on my phone.

That's why it felt so strange.

“…It's kind of weird to put into words, but—like a little superstition, I guess.”

“??”

“I thought if I sent you a message, something bad would happen to you…”

“Eh?”

“Haha. So I came here without saying anything on purpose.”

“…What is that?”

She said it with a smile.

I had no idea how long she had been standing there.

“Ah. I didn't stay here since school got out!”

“About before 8:00… I got a message from Hiiragi-san. I guess it started from there?”

“It's all good!”

Hatsune chatted away by herself.

I had no idea what she meant by “it's all good.”

What did Hiiragi-san say?

It made no sense.

In the first place…

“You probably shouldn't believe that superstition.”

“Haha. Is that so~?”

If something bad is going to happen, it's already happening.

The absolute worst.

“…So, did you need something?”

“Uh, um. Not really a need, just… I wanted to talk, I guess.”

“…”

“Look, I mean! We haven't been able to catch up lately!”

It was true; we really hadn't been able to meet.

But—thanks to that, I had come to realize.

I had made my decision to go back to “black” because of it.

“Sorry, but I'm not in the mood to talk today.”

“!”

“But… I'll walk you home. The night streets can be dangerous.”

“…Okay. Thank you.”

---

“…”

“…”

It was already past 9 PM.

Too late for a girl.

In the silence that engulfed us, I found some solace.

Right now, I didn't want to talk about anything.

“…”

“…”

Still.

For her, this silence was probably awkward.

Hatsune-san fidgeted restlessly.

“…Icchi.”

“?”

“How's your little sister…?”

Unable to bear it any longer, she opened her mouth.

That was the worst question she could ask.

“…We're getting along.”

“You're lying.”

“….”

“Why don't you consult with me, Icchi…?”

She stopped walking.

Consult? What would that accomplish?

This was a family matter.

It was an issue between me, Nina, and our parents.

Hatsune-san was kind, so she would probably take my side.

She'd tell me it was fine to stay “rainbow-colored” and whisper sweet words.

“Sorry. I'm fine.”

“That's not true at all!”

“….”

“At that time, I made you dress like that and introduced you to my family. Your parents and your sister, who surely knew the ‘old' you, must have been shocked.”

She spoke hesitantly.

Ah, she was right.

So what?

Hatsune-san hadn't done anything wrong.

It was my fault for keeping everything hidden.

“Ah… yeah, that's true.”

Nothing had changed.

Just because she said she “knew” didn't mean the current situation would magically resolve.

“It wasn't just my looks; my new hobbies, the mess in my room… Everything must have shocked my family.”

“They preferred the old me. That's only natural; I'm like this now.”

“That's why I planned to go back. If I did, things would go well with my family.”

It didn't matter whether she knew my gray background or not.

I didn't care.

“Icchi…”

She had this aura of knowing me.

Hatsune-san looked at me with concern, and I stared straight back at her.

Somewhere inside, I felt this unexplainable irritation.

…Ah, enough of this—

“What do you know about me, Hatsune-san?”

I didn't want to say it.

I felt like a terrible person.

Even though I knew I was the worst, those words spilled out.

Like a rushing, murky tide.

It couldn't be helped.

She had drawn that out of me—

“—I don't know anything.”

But.

As if to push me away, she spat out her words.

“…Ha?”

“I… don't know anything. Not about your relationship with your sister, not about what happened in the past, not about your mom and dad.”

“…”

“I only know ‘you' as you are now. I don't know anything about ‘you' back then.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She was just throwing her feelings at me.

Though we were staring at each other, nothing was getting through.

“Even so, I…”

But she opened her mouth again.

If we couldn't connect, she'd do it forcibly—

“—I like ‘you' as you are now!”

Her voice echoed in the new moon night, reaching into my very soul.

“…W-What the hell…?”

Why?

Why was she saying something like that now?

“…I feel the same way…!”

Something I had been holding back.

Why hadn't I been dyed black back then?

It was simple.

Because it was precious to me.

The “rainbow-colored” me.

Even if it was a temporary, cheap version of myself.

I didn't want to let it go.

“…Then stay that way.”

“!”

“I like the ‘you' that is now. You also like the ‘you' that is now.”

“Because my family—”

I was like a child throwing a tantrum.

“—Come on!”

Maybe that's why she took my hand as if leading a child.

“…Huh? Wait!”

“Just come on!”

I didn't understand what was happening.

Before I knew it, I was running, holding her hand.

One second. Ten seconds. A minute—how long had it been, I couldn't tell.

Completely unable to comprehend.

Just being led by her.

“”…Haa, haa…””

We both breathed heavily.

We arrived at Hatsune-san's house, which I had grown accustomed to.

“W-What are we…?”

“Over here!”

She dashed straight to the entrance.

The doorbell rang, and as if in response, the door unlocked.

Before I knew it, we were inside the house—

“—Huh?”

And then.

“I brought him!”

The familiar lighting illuminated “them.”

“Hajime-kun!”

A girl with a small frame and long bangs.

“Welcome back, Toumachi☆”

“Right.”

The two flashy girls I had played with earlier in the afternoon.

“Toumachi-kun, we've been waiting for you.”

My first love from high school was there too.

“…Why is everyone here?”

My important friends, who represented my “now,” were gathered.

“We came to tell you what we couldn't say before.”

“Me too…”

“But it was getting late, so we waited at my house. Momo said she'd bring you.”

“Oh, it looks like the call to the hairdresser worked out☆”

…So the call to stop the hairdresser was from her.

But why?

Why now?

“Uh, um… I-I wanted to…”

Before I knew it, they were all speaking up.

“I… really like the rainbow-colored Hajime-kun!”

One after another.

“I like it too! You're so fun to watch!”

“Me too”

They looked straight at me.

“I like it too. I can't settle for you if you're not rainbow-colored anymore.”

Four girls stood there.

They tell me mercilessly as I stand there.

“W-Well, with my dad, mom, and little sister, that makes three…”

“With us, that's five! In terms of numbers, we win!”

“Wha—”

The girls said it confidently.

…Such a ridiculous logic couldn't possibly hold.

“—”

Even when I tried to speak up, no voice came out.

Vivid and too dazzling.

I felt overwhelmed by them.

“…Ah.”

And then I realized.

I had just been scared.

Scared to show my family this form of me.

That if I spilled everything and they found out, they might deny my “now.”

If I went back to black, there would be no denial—

“—I see.”

Change comes with pain.

I had been scared of that, like a child.

The reason I made my little sister cry stemmed from that weakness of mine. I said nothing, explained nothing. I only amplified the anxiety.

I was self-absorbed, thinking alone.

I convinced myself it was the right thing to do!

“Icchi?”

Her voice echoed.

Now, say it, yourself.

To the girls who have gone this far for you.

Show them your answer.

Now is the time to face the music!

“Thank you, everyone—”

Face forward.

Straighten your back and look at the “now.”

With these irreplaceable friends by your side.

“—If it's three against five, I'll side with the ‘five'!”

I'll confront my family with this “rainbow” self.

“—Icchi-Nii!!!”

“Guh! (Direct hit)”

“W-Waa!”

“She is like a rocket☆”

“Are you okay…?”

The shock hit me in the chest.

Looks like it was three against six…

“(Near death)”

“Icchi!”

I’m gonna die before that happens!

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TL: We caught up with the raws. The author is uploading old chapters on Syosetu. So, we might get new chapters in a month or two. I really like this novel.