Oneshot: There's No Use Crying over Spilled Milk

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Translator: Soafp

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Regret, what is it? Generally speaking, it refers to lamenting embarrassing things done in the past. In other words, it refers to feeling remorse about something after it has been done. However, I, Takuya Yoshimura, have never experienced regret. Because of this, I was often teased by everyone for being an emotionless person.

If you look at my life so far, you might think I have just been living without thinking about anything. Indeed, I am a lazy person who procrastinates on studying and cleaning my room. But it is a fact that I have lived like this for fourteen years.

The first time I realized I had this kind of personality was in elementary school.

---

The class decided to watch a movie, and the teacher showed us a film where the protagonist and the heroine were separated. I watched the movie all the way through, but I didn’t feel moved at all. Seeing everyone around me crying, I thought, “They’re so emotional.”

After the movie ended, there was a time for everyone to raise their hands and share their thoughts, so I listened to everyone's impressions. They were saying things like “It was moving” and “It’s sad they were torn apart,” but I couldn’t relate at all. So, I decided to raise my hand and share my own opinion.

“Okay, Takuya-kun.”

“I was wondering why the heroine was crying.”

With this one comment, I felt the atmosphere in the room freeze. But I didn’t think it was because of my remark and continued.

“Because she can just find a new love, right?”

The teacher looked at me with a bewildered expression, but I didn't think my opinion was wrong. My classmates gave me cold stares, and I thought they saw me as someone who made bold statements.

On the way home that day, I noticed everyone was being distant, and I wondered why. But no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t find the answer.

“Why is everyone acting like this?”

Then, a girl spoke to me. Unlike the others, she wasn’t distant and treated me kindly.

“I don’t mind. Let’s go home together, Takuya-kun.”

She took my hand and led me out of the classroom. As we ran down the hallway, I voiced my doubts.

She smiled and said,

“I’ll help you find your emotions.”

She whispered softly.

---

Since that day, I began to be distanced by everyone. However, there was one person who still talked to me.

“Good morning, Takuya-kun.”

That was my childhood friend, Nene Okazaki. She lived near me, and we often played together after school. On the day I made that remark, she was also the one who was kind to me. Even in elementary school, she got a lot of flak for associating with me. But she always said not to worry about it and never cut ties with me. I always thought she was doing it out of kindness.

“Good morning, Nene. You're early today, too.”

“Takuya-kun, did you do your homework?”

Homework? My mind froze for a moment. Come to think of it, the teacher did mention something about homework yesterday. I was dozing off in class, so I only vaguely heard it.

“I didn't do it.”

“I'll help you with it when we get to school, so let's do our best, okay?”

I always felt a little guilty because I kept causing her trouble like this. I wondered if there was something I could do to make up for it. So, I asked if there was anything I could do for her.

“Can I come over to your house today?”

Is that all she wanted? I asked, and she said she wanted to come, so I agreed.

We had often visited each other's houses since we were young. But when we were in the first year of middle school, her parents got divorced. Her father got custody, and now they live together. After that, she was given a curfew, and her smile started to fade. I found it strange, but I didn't take it too seriously.

Eventually, I couldn't visit her house anymore, so she often came over to mine, and we spent time together. We'd chat, study, or play games. Even though I still couldn't share my feelings about touching movies.

When we arrived at school, we drew everyone's attention. It was no wonder—Nene was a cute and popular girl. In contrast, I was a boy everyone avoided. To the boys in the class, I was probably nothing but a nuisance. But not letting it bother me, I took out my homework and started working on it. I didn't understand any of it, so I asked Nene, and she kindly explained.

“Why is that guy so close to Nene-chan?”

“They say they're childhood friends. Even so, she doesn't have to be friends with ‘The Ice Man.'”

Ever since that incident, my indifferent and lazy personality earned me the nickname “The Ice Man.” I mostly ignored it, so it didn't really affect me, but it was honestly tiring when people tried to mess with me.

“Maybe Okazaki-san is ‘The Ice Woman' too.”

I felt anger when I heard someone from a group that didn't like her say that. I was about to confront them, but Nene stopped me.

“It's okay, Takuya-kun. I'm fine.”

I didn't care if I was ostracized in class, but I couldn't stand her being ridiculed because of me. Still, since she stopped me, I couldn't do anything.

Even after I finished my homework, she kept talking to me. I considered her a close childhood friend, so I didn't mind, but I knew there were classmates who wanted to talk to her, too.

“Nene, those two over there want to talk to you.”

“I want to stay with you, Takuya-kun…”

“It's okay, thank you. Go talk to them.”

Although she seemed dissatisfied, she reluctantly went to join the other classmates after I encouraged her. This was for the best. There was no need for her to always hang around with someone like me. At school, she belonged to a different world than I did, so this was probably better for her.

The class content was dull, and none of it registered in my mind. It was a constant battle against drowsiness. When I glanced to my side, I saw Nene diligently taking notes. She would surely go on to a good high school. As I daydreamed, my eyes met the teacher’s.

“Hey Yoshimura! Are you paying attention?”

“Oh, yes. I'm listening.”

“Then answer this question.”

I looked at the blackboard where the teacher was pointing, and it read, “The battle that occurred in 1600.” I had no idea. Not to brag, but I had never scored over seventy points on a test. I hated studying and lacked motivation. Thanks to Nene, I barely avoided failing.

While pondering what to do, I felt something odd on my leg. When I touched it, I found a piece of paper taped there with “Battle of Sekigahara” written on it. I glanced at Nene, who was smiling. She had helped me out.

“Uh, the Battle of Sekigahara.”

“Tsk, that's correct.”

The teacher clicked his tongue and resumed the lesson. I thanked Nene.

“Next time, you should really pay attention.”

Feeling I was causing her too much trouble, I decided to at least try to listen to the lesson.

When the fourth period ended, I took out the bread I had brought from home to eat for lunch. Since both of my parents work, I either bring lunch from home or buy something. Sometimes I buy from the school store, but it gets crowded, so I try to avoid it. Nene usually brings a homemade bento.

“Takuya-kun, just one piece of bread again?”

“Yeah, well, one piece is enough to keep me from getting hungry, so it's fine.”

“You need to get proper nutrition since you're still growing. I'll give you some of my side dishes.”

She took out some side dishes and held them out to me with her chopsticks. Was this an “ahh” moment? It was embarrassing because everyone was watching.

“Everyone's looking, you know…”

“I don't mind.”

“But I do… Thanks, though. I'll just put it on the bread and eat it.”

She seemed a bit disappointed, but with everyone watching, I couldn't handle it. Then, some boys in the class started talking to Nene.

“Nene-chan, give me some side dishes too. I won't be as cold as him.”

“Yeah, give me some too. I want you to feed me.”

“Sorry… I've already eaten it all.”

I felt like those two were glaring at me, but I only had one piece of bread, so she gave me some. I didn't understand why they were angry.

Somehow, I survived the afternoon classes, and the long school day finally ended. Of course, I wasn't in any clubs, so I quickly prepared to go home.

“Wait up, Takuya-kun.”

“Nene, you have plenty of friends to go home with. You don't have to force yourself to go home with me.”

“But I said I'd come over today.”

Although she had said she would come over, I didn't expect her to want to walk home together. Slightly surprised, I didn't mind the looks from others and we left the school.

The walk home felt awkward, different from usual. Maybe it was because I was more conscious of it. I needed to keep the conversation going to avoid the uncomfortable silence.

“What are we going to do today?”

“First, we should start with homework.”

I remembered something unpleasant. It was English homework, a subject I’m not good at. I didn’t see the point of studying English since I had no intention of leaving Japan.

“If there’s anything you don’t understand, I can help you.”

Nene called out to me when she saw that I was bothered. Why was she so kind to me? Maybe it was because I was her childhood friend. That was the only reason I could think of.

“I’m always causing you trouble. Sorry about that.”

“I’m doing it because I want to, so don’t worry about it.”

Even though she said that, it was impossible not to worry. If I were in her position, I’d find it extremely annoying. What was behind her kindness? I thought about this while struggling with English vocabulary and grammar that refused to stick in my mind.

“Takuya-kun, are you listening?”

She asked, looking concerned. I couldn’t tell her I was thinking about her. To cover up, I asked a question about the assignment. Once I understood it, we relaxed. I quickly get bored with anything, so I don’t have any particular hobbies.

Talking with Nene was the most interesting thing for me. As we chatted, I noticed it was almost six o’clock. She needed to be home by six to avoid getting in trouble, so I gently reminded her.

“Nene, you should probably head home soon.”

She didn’t respond, absorbed in her work. When I touched her shoulder, she snapped out of it and looked at me.

“Takuya-kun, I don’t want to go home.”

I didn’t understand what she meant. Did she want to stay here longer, probably to study more? She’d never said anything like this before. But if she stayed past her curfew, she’d get in trouble, and I didn’t want that for her as her childhood friend.

“Your dad will worry about you.”

“Even so, I don’t want to go home. Is that so bad?”

She said, taking off her top. I was shocked to see her in her underwear and quickly averted my eyes. Why did she do that in front of me?

“Nene, what are you doing? Put your clothes back on.”

“Do you hate me? You always seem so indifferent.”

I hadn’t realized I was being that cold. Seeing her sad face made me feel guilty.

“I don’t hate you. I’m just naturally like this.”

“Look at me, Takuya-kun.”

I turned to see her standing there in her underwear and noticed bruises on her body. I didn’t ask her about them directly, assuming she had gotten hurt somehow.

“Please, just put your clothes back on.”

“Oh, sorry.”

She said and got dressed. But she showed no signs of wanting to go home.

“It’s really time for you to go home now. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay, see you.”

And with that, she left. Her expression was dark and sad, but I had no choice.

After she left, I found something written on the table in my room. It looked like three hand drawings: one open palm, one with the thumb folded, and one that looked like a fist. It seemed like a playful gesture from her, and I smiled a bit.

However, her sad expression lingered in my mind. No matter how much I wanted to avoid worrying Nene, letting things go that far was probably the worst thing I could have done. I decided I would apologize to her tomorrow.

---

The next morning, I got up and left the house for school, but Nene wasn’t there yet. It was rare for her to be late since she usually waited in front of my house. However, I knew I couldn’t go to her house, so I reluctantly headed to school alone. Walking to school alone was boring and felt like something was missing. I realized that walking with her was a pleasant time.

When I arrived at school, my classmates were gossiping about me.

“Look, the Ice Man is walking alone today.”

“Maybe Nene hates him now.”

“Great, now we can make a move on Nene-chan.”

Some students were spouting completely off-base comments, but I had no intention of engaging with them. I was used to being the subject of rumors.

However, as the start of school approached, Nene still hadn’t shown up, and I began to worry. I tried calling and emailing her, but there was no response. Could it be…? A bad feeling crossed my mind. Reality can be incredibly cruel. Our homeroom teacher walked in and made a shocking announcement.

“Nene Okazaki was taken to the hospital last night.”

I couldn’t understand this. My childhood friend, whom I’d been close with just yesterday, had been hospitalized. Before I knew it, I was demanding answers from the teacher.

“Is Nene okay?”

According to the teacher, she had collapsed and lost consciousness last night, and was taken to the hospital. I asked which hospital she had been taken to. The teacher, seeing my distress, hesitated but eventually told me. Without a second thought, I bolted out of the classroom. I could hear the voices of the teacher and my classmates calling after me, but I didn’t care.

I ran with all my might, and about ten minutes after leaving the school, I got a call from my mother, explaining the cause of Nene’s collapse.

“What? Abuse?”

Apparently, she had been abused by her father, and the abuse had escalated last night, leading to her collapse. I knew things had been strict since the divorce, but I never imagined it had come to this.

I thought back to Nene’s behavior yesterday. She had been sending me signals all along.

First, her statement about not wanting to go home. Perhaps it was a plea for me to shelter her at my place. Not just once, but multiple times. And I had sent her back home, which had ultimately led to her getting hurt. It was my fault. No matter how much I regretted it, it wouldn’t be enough.

Next, her undressing. She likely wanted me to notice the bruises on her body. Although I couldn’t properly look at her.

Finally, the drawings on the desk. They were a cry for help. I researched it and found out they were indeed a distress signal. She had given me so many signs, yet I had failed to notice any of them. Guilt consumed me.

When I arrived at the hospital, I checked with the receptionist for Nene’s room and rushed there. Inside, I found Nene’s mother. The last time I saw her was about two years ago, and her face had changed significantly.

“Ah, Takuya-kun.”

“Long time no see, ma’am. Do you know more about Nene’s situation?”

“I only know what I’ve been told…..”

First, it was confirmed that Nene had lost consciousness after being hit by her father. Her father is now undergoing questioning.

“Please stay with Nene.”

“Understood.”

Nene looked peaceful, as if she were asleep. I held her hand, hoping she would wake up soon. Her hand was still warm, which gave me some reassurance.

After a while, her mother said she was going to meet with her ex-husband and left the hospital room. I continued to hold Nene’s hand.

A few hours later, some of our classmates arrived at the hospital room. They seemed to notice me and I overheard them whispering. I braced myself for more of their usual comments, but then they said something unexpected.

“Uh, Yoshimura, I’m sorry.”

“Hm? Why the sudden apology?”

“I realized I misunderstood you. We called you ‘Ice Man’ and stuff, but seeing how desperate you were when you heard about Nene-chan's condition, I realized that's not true at all.”

“I'm not too concerned about it. Please just apologize to Nene as well.”

They did apologize to Nene, although I wasn't sure if she could hear them. It was good that the misunderstanding was cleared up.

I stayed in the hospital room until evening. According to the doctor, it was uncertain whether she would wake up. She might wake up tomorrow or she might never wake up. I felt it was my duty to be there until she regained consciousness since I had indirectly caused her current condition.

As night approached and the hospital was nearing closing time, I felt a slight movement in the hand I was holding. I noticed it and kept calling her name.

“Nene. Please wake up.”

After a while, her eyes slowly opened. However, she couldn't sit up. But she seemed to be conscious and squeezed my hand in response.

“Nene. I'm so glad.”

“Takuya… kun.”

She responded with a faint voice.

“I'm sorry. I didn't notice your signals. I… indirectly caused you to…”

“No… it's my fault… I'm sorry.”

What is she saying? It's not her fault. As I thought this, I felt my eyes becoming hot with tears.

“Don't cry… I'm starting to cry too.”

Even though she was in pain, she spoke to me with such kindness. Why is she so kind?

“But… Takuya-kun. You cried. That's good.”

Now that she mentioned it, these tears felt like the first ones I've ever had. I don't remember crying before. Nene is someone very important to me. Seeing her in such a critical state… perhaps it was only now, in this situation, that I truly understood sadness. Honestly, the feeling of regret is stronger than sadness.

“That doesn't matter. As long as you're well, that's all that matters. So please, get better.”

Even as I said this, she shook her head. I felt everything around me fading to darkness.

“I… found your emotions. That's enough for me.”

“But I haven't been able to give you anything in return.”

“I enjoyed spending time with you… It was fun.”

Her voice was growing weaker, and I could feel my own voice trembling with tears.

“I want to continue spending time with you.”

“I want that too… but I'm sorry. It seems impossible. Takuya-kun, there’s no use crying over spilled milk.. So… forget about me and find happiness.”

‘Once spilled, water cannot return to the bowl’ they say. And telling me to forget and be happy is simply impossible. I can’t bear a life without Nene. I've never felt regret like this before, but I don't want to feel any more regret.

“Nene… I love you.”

As I said this for the last time, she smiled and held my hand.

“Takuya-kun… I loved you too.”

The room, still glowing with its warmth, enveloped us.