Oneshot: Spring Will Come When You're Not Next to Me

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Translator: Soafp

Requested by someone

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―――”I want to see the cherry blossoms with you again,” she said.

I have three childhood friends.

One of them is Yuki Akikawa, a girl the same age as me who lives next door. She has brown hair that reaches her shoulders and slightly droopy eyes, giving her a gentle appearance. I've always liked seeing her kind smile since we were little.

The second childhood friend is Shingo Miyashita. He's tall, athletic, smart, and has a great personality—a perfect guy, like something out of a story. To an average person like me, Shingo is both an object of admiration and a source of pride as my best friend.

The last one is Saki Akikawa. She's the only one of us who's a year younger and Yuki's sister. If I had to describe her quickly, I'd say she's the female version of Shingo. She can handle anything effortlessly and often takes care of her slightly airheaded older sister, giving me the impression of a reliable girl. Unlike Yuki, she has black hair that reaches her back and sharper eyes, making her look quite different from her sister. However, the two of them have always been close, always together wherever they go.

The four of us—Yuki, Saki, Shingo, and me, Yusuke Suzushiro—used to play together all the time when we were little. Although our relationships have changed slightly, we still spend time together even now that we're in high school.

…No, I should correct myself. The change in my relationship with Yuki has been significant.

It happened this spring. We had just entered our second year of high school and ended up in different classes. Except for Saki, the three of us had been in the same class together since elementary school. I assumed it would be the same this year too, but Yuki and Shingo ended up in the same class, while I was placed in a different one.

Both of them regretted it, and I didn't want to be separated from them either, but there was nothing we could do. I resigned myself to heading to my new classroom, and soon enough, time started to pass there.

Fortunately, I made a few friends. Since my classroom was far from theirs, I couldn't visit them often, so I was grateful to have people to talk to. Although I managed to avoid a lonely existence, I started to feel a vague, prickly unease in my chest after being separated from them. I couldn't quite put it into words, but eventually, I figured it out.

One day, I had something to do in my childhood friends' classroom, so I decided to visit them. I wasn't worried about their social lives. Yuki and Shingo were both attractive and, unlike me, very sociable and likable. Shingo was sure to support the somewhat airheaded Yuki perfectly. I trusted my best friend completely and never doubted his character. In fact, through the crack of the door I had opened, I could see Shingo at the center of a group of people.

“Shin—”

Good, Shingo is still popular. I felt relieved and was about to call out to him when I noticed something. Yuki was beside him, laughing happily.

At that moment, a sharp pain stabbed through my chest. I stopped myself from calling out and quietly moved away from the classroom, fleeing to an empty corridor where I leaned against the wall and sighed. The image of Yuki's smile that I had just seen floated in my mind.

Ah, I see, I realized. The unease I had been feeling was because Yuki's smile wasn't nearby.

That's when I finally understood that I was in love with my childhood friend.

What followed was shockingly swift, even to me.

One day during a break, I asked Yuki if she'd like to go out with me, just the two of us. She readily agreed.

We wandered around the area near the station, did some shopping at the department store, and watched a movie. As we followed a dating course akin to what couples do, I struggled to keep my pounding heart in check. When Yuki smiled at me and said, “It's like a date, isn't it?” I thought my heart would leap out of my chest.

Suppressing my racing emotions and heartbeat, I confessed to her in a park that night. When I clumsily expressed my feelings and asked her to go out with me, the look on Yuki's smiling face is something words cannot adequately describe. The one thing I can say is that I was incredibly happy. Perhaps it was premature, but I secretly resolved to cherish her for the rest of my life, so much did I love her.

The days that followed were brilliantly radiant. Just seeing Yuki made my heart dance, and having her beside me naturally filled my heart. When we talked, nothing but her voice registered in my mind.

Having Yuki by my side was all I needed. She became the center of my world. I genuinely thought that meeting Yuki had used up all my life's luck, and I didn't regret it. Just having the person I loved there made the world seem so beautiful.

Or rather, I should say, I didn't even try to see anything or anyone else. My heart's lens was always focused on Yuki. Because of that, I didn't notice, nor did I try to understand.

I didn't see the shadow that crossed my best friend's face when we announced we were dating. I didn't notice how Yuki's sister, who used to walk beside us, now walked a step behind. I didn't realize how our backs were being watched.

It wasn't that I was avoiding it. To put it bluntly, we were just kids blinded by love. We were so engrossed in our first love that we couldn't see our surroundings. But I was okay with that. I'm sure Yuki was too.

Because we were happy.

As long as this person stayed by my side, that was enough for us. It wasn't a selfish wish held by only me; Yuki must have felt the same. Who would want to wake up from a blissful dream? It's natural to wish that happy times would last forever.

So, if the time came when you woke from a happy dream against your will, if you wished for the clock to turn back, it would surely mean that person was no longer happy.

Just like Cinderella when the magic fades past midnight.

One day in April, after school.

Yuki and I had an accident. I tried to shield her by stepping forward, but I wasn't quick enough. With a momentary jolt of impact through my body, I lost consciousness.

Sakura petals fluttered down, caught by a puddle on the ground, gradually turning crimson.

As if reality itself were encroaching upon our fantasy.

Our dream time ended just as we became high school seniors.

---

“Can’t I see her today either?”

That’s all I said in front of a certain hospital room.

“…No, I’m sorry.”

Apologizing like that was Yuki’s mother, whom I’ve known since I was a child. She used to greet me cheerfully whenever I visited their home, but now she seemed a bit worn out.

“Is there anything wrong with her body?”

“She’s physically fine. Thanks to you, Yusuke-kun, she didn’t suffer many external injuries. She’s scheduled to be discharged tomorrow, and after some rest at home, she should be able to go back to school.”

As she spoke, Yuki’s mother glanced at me. Her gaze moved between the cast on my right leg and the crutches supporting me. While pretending not to notice the somber expression on my childhood friend’s mother’s face, I decided to continue the conversation.

It was May.

Two weeks had passed since Yuki and I were rushed to the hospital after an accident caused by a truck driver who had fallen asleep at the wheel.

I only heard that the driver was arrested, but fortunately, although I suffered from some lacerations and a broken leg, there were no life-threatening injuries. However, I apparently had a fever due to the wounds for a few days and didn’t wake up.

I don’t remember it myself, but recalling the faces of my parents who embraced me when I woke up in the hospital room made me realize how much worry I had caused them.

Yuki also hit her head, didn’t wake up for a few days like me, but now she was awake. I felt relieved to hear that the detailed examination showed that her injuries were not life-threatening.

I’m not well-versed in traffic accident mortality rates, but it’s certain that the worst-case scenario was avoided. The fact that both of us are alive is perhaps a silver lining in our misfortune. However, just because our lives were saved didn’t mean everything was resolved.

“That’s… a relief. I feel a bit better now.”

“But…”

The expression on Yuki’s mother’s face clearly darkened as she paused.

I already knew what she wanted to say. That was the reason I couldn’t see Yuki.

“It seems the accident traumatized her, and she has some memory impairment…”

“…”

“She gets scared when she hears loud noises from big cars, especially the sound of brakes… and when she sees you, her memories of the accident come back.”

As she spoke, I was overwhelmed by a painful sensation, almost feeling like I was about to vomit.

The aftermath of the accident for Yuki.

Memory impairment and PTSD before and after the accident.

As a result, she had almost lost her memories related to me.

Because I was the trigger that brought back her trauma.

After the accident, dragging my painful leg to visit her hospital room, I was met by the sight of my girlfriend’s tense expression as soon as she saw me.

Before I could even ask what was wrong, she let out a piercing scream and began thrashing about on the bed.

It was a scene of almost hysteria, completely unlike the calm Yuki I knew, and I was frozen in place, unable to move.

Yuki’s parents desperately trying to restrain her, the medical staff rushing into the room in a panic, and Saki, who had rushed into the room, ushering me out – it all felt like something out of a drama.

Later, I heard that it was her instinctive defense mechanism kicking in to protect herself.

In trying to forget the memory of the accident, she inevitably erased memories of me being there as well.

It felt like something out of a drama, something detached from reality. I still wondered if I was dreaming, if I could just wake up from this nightmare.

But reality was cruel to its core.

The moment I truly accepted reality was when I visited Yuki’s room again and saw her cowering in fear.

Seeing my girlfriend, whom I loved, shrinking away from me as if I were a monster, filled me with a despair akin to being cast into the abyss, and I fled from the room as if escaping a nightmare.

Since then, I haven’t been allowed to enter Yuki’s room.

I also lack the courage to step inside until permitted.

“…I’m sorry.”

“It’s not something you need to apologize for, Aunty. I’m the one who couldn’t protect Yuki.”

“It can’t be… Yusuke-kun, it’s not your fault. After all, you protected Yuki…”

“No, I couldn’t do anything. I’m truly sorry.”

We exchanged apologies and humble words.

I felt like we had been having this conversation repeatedly lately.

Perhaps we both wanted the other to blame us.

If we were rejected, we could avoid seeing each other for a while… avoid the pain.

But I couldn’t voice such calculation and dependence.

I don’t dislike Yuki’s family, nor do I want to be hated by them.

I think Yuki’s mother feels the same way. I know she’s not the type of person who can harden her heart enough to take on the role of the villain.

Yuki’s calm personality must have been inherited from her.

That’s why seeing her exhausted like this was painful for me too.

“…I’ll come again.”

With a bow, I turned on my heel.

If I couldn’t see her, there was no point in staying here. There was no point in causing each other more pain.

“Ah…”

“…Yeah.”

“…Sorry.”

Then I suddenly noticed the two figures standing behind me.

In front of me were my best friend, who raised his hand in acknowledgment, and my girlfriend’s sister, who bowed silently.

“Shingo. And Saki’s here too.”

“Yeah… well, I’m worried, you know. Is your leg okay?”

“It’ll take a little longer. They said there might be some aftereffects, so I have to do rehab properly.”

“…I see.”

Their expressions visibly darkened.

…It couldn’t be helped. The topic was the topic. There was no way the atmosphere could lighten up.

“So, Shingo. Can you take care of Yuki? She’s going to be discharged soon, right? I can’t see her anymore…”

I could sense the awkwardness beginning to creep in, but I tried to keep my voice as cheerful as possible.

If I didn’t say it like this, Shingo might distance himself. Despite being my girlfriend, if I couldn’t see her, I felt guilty about seeing Shingo.

My best friend was that kind of guy.

“Sure… Leave it to me. I’ll support you as well.”

“Yeah. Thanks. Well then, I’ll head off now.”

Seeing Shingo nod, I pushed my crutches forward.

There’s nothing else I can do now. Even if I stay here, I can’t do anything for Yuki.

There’s her aunt, Shingo, and even Saki. They should all be there to support her.

“I’ll go with you.”

“Eh…”

As I thought that, a voice suddenly came from behind.

“I’m worried about leaving you alone, Nii-san.”

Saying that, Saki lined up next to me.

The younger girl, one year my junior, gave her aunt a brief explanation, then matched her pace to mine as we walked.

“Um…”

“Let’s go. If there’s anything troubling you, please tell me right away.”

Despite her worried tone, Saki’s sudden offer left me a little puzzled.

She’s always called me “Nii-san” and looked up to me since we were kids, but right now, I feel like she’s saying she wants to be there for Yuki instead.

“Please, just stay with Yuki. You should go back to her room. I’ll be fine on my own.”

So I tried to explain as we walked, but Saki suddenly looked down and said,

“I… I don’t want to be there.”

“Eh?”

I couldn’t help but ask, but Saki continued before I could say anything else.

“Right now, Yuki doesn’t remember Nii-san at all. Even when we talk, she seems to completely forget about Nii-san. She remembers me and Shingo, but… Nii-san…”

“…”

“Since then, talking about Nii-san in her room has become a taboo. There’s no guarantee she’ll return to her old self, but everyone’s so optimistic, avoiding reality… Even though Nii-san’s probably suffering the most!”

Saki showed rare frustration. She’s usually so calm, but seeing her like this made me realize how much she must have been holding in.

“It’s not your fault… That was an accident! Everyone…”

Even though I appreciate her defending me, I couldn’t just accept it.

“Yeah, that’s why… there’s nothing we can do. Yuki didn’t choose to be like this, she didn’t want to be in the accident… And first of all, I couldn’t protect Yuki…”

“You’re not to blame! It was an accident! Everyone…”

She said that, and it was reassuring.

Saki was trying to protect me.

But I couldn’t just accept it.

“Yeah, that’s why… it’s inevitable. We can’t just pretend the accident didn’t happen now.”

That’s right. We can’t turn back time, no matter how much we’re comforted.

So, we have to accept the facts as they are.

Even if it feels like resignation, we have no choice but to accept it.

“It’s not like that…”

“No matter how much we talk about it here, it won’t change anything now. It’s certain that Yuki has trauma from the accident, and I know that seeing me will only hurt her. Saki might think everyone’s avoiding the issue, but facing it won’t necessarily resolve anything.”

“…”

“Waiting for Yuki’s emotional wounds to heal over time is a valid solution, I think. Until then, I’m willing to wait as long as it takes.”

As I said that, Saki made a frustrated expression.

But she didn’t say anything more.

She must understand that further discussion would only lead to more fruitless debate. Even though she clearly wasn’t satisfied, there was nothing to be done.

I couldn’t force my way into the hospital room and forcibly embrace Yuki to jog her memory. What if it made her even more broken? What if it made her reject me even more?

Such unpleasant thoughts were all that came to mind.

A forced happy ending is only possible in movies with a fixed runtime.

“…Humans are strange.”

So, not for any particular reason, I decided to change the subject a bit.

“Eh?”

“I don’t particularly have trauma from that incident. At least not now. I don’t feel scared of cars or anything, and I don’t mind seeing Yuki’s face. I think I’ll be able to go back to school as usual once my injuries heal.”

This wasn’t me boasting in front of my childhood friend. It’s just that I haven’t shown any excessive reactions like being scared of cars or experiencing flashbacks during today’s examinations.

“But Yuki isn’t like that. She’s still haunted by the accident and is experiencing a lot of fear. We were in the same place at the same time, experiencing the same thing, but why is there such a difference between us?”

I voiced that question, but of course, I didn’t know the answer.

Saki also seemed unsure of how to respond, hesitating for a moment before muttering.

“…My sister has always been a scaredy-cat. Even when Shingo suggested we do a test of courage and took us to the graveyard in the middle of the night, she was trembling behind me and Nii-san.”

“Ah, I see. Now that you mention it…”

It made sense.

Thinking about it, Yuki did have a timid side.

I had forgotten about it because I’d only seen her smiling since we started dating, but maybe I’d forgotten about that aspect of her.

“I see… I still have a lot to learn about Yuki. There are things I’ve forgotten about her, too. In a way, we’re a good match, aren’t we?”

“Nii-san…”

“I have to apologize to Yuki. I’m sorry for making her feel scared. I don’t know if she’ll forgive me, but I still have to apologize. I’m Yuki’s boyfriend, and above all, I love Yuki…”

“Nii-san! That’s enough!”

Suddenly, Saki raised her voice.

We were almost at my hospital room, but we were still walking down the corridor.

Luckily, there was no one around, but I couldn’t help but give Saki a wry smile at her sudden outburst.

“Saki, you can’t just suddenly raise your voice like that. This is a hospital, you know…”

In the middle of speaking, my words choked up.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything more… So…”

I noticed that Saki was crying. With a sad expression, she looked at me, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Please, don’t cry.”

I said, even though it was me who was tearing up.

I thought it was strange for her to say such a thing. After all, I was the one crying.

I was just thinking about Yuki, and I hadn’t thought of anything that would make me cry…

“Eh?”

Despite thinking that, something trickled down my cheek, and a tear fell.

I looked down and saw transparent droplets forming tiny dots. At first, there was only one, but gradually more and more followed.

“I’m sorry you are being reminded by her for hurting her, even though I knew you were in pain too, Nii-san…”

Like I said, I’m okay.

That’s what I wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t come out.

My throat trembled, and I couldn’t muster any strength.

My arms felt weak, but I managed to keep myself from collapsing.

Saki hugged me to support my body, but just staying upright wasn’t enough to make it meaningful.

“Ugh…”

“Until Nee-san returns to normal, I’ll stay by your side. I’ll support you. That’s why Nii-san, please…”

I didn’t hear the rest of Saki’s words.

It was all I could do to walk to my own hospital room, and I didn’t have the capacity to hear anything more.

But just having someone beside me felt warm. That’s all that remained in my heart.

---

“The cherry blossoms are about to fall, aren’t they?”

The sight of the cherry blossoms in full bloom came into view.

It was the scene from that day.

Yuki and I were walking home together.

“Yeah. But I think they’re beautiful even when they’re falling.”

“And what about me?”

“Hmm, you’re just as beautiful, I think?”

“Oh, you’re terrible! You’re not supposed to say that about me.”

“Haha. Just kidding. You’re more beautiful. At least, you’re much more charming to me, Yuki.”

“…Thank you.”

Aah, right.

At that moment, I thought she was cute, blushing as she thanked me.

I vaguely remember the next conversation, too.

“We’re not in the same class again this year.”

“We’ll make up for it in college. Since we’re aiming for the same university. It’ll be tough with exams this year, but once we get into college, let’s go to many places together. There are so many things I want to do with you, Yuki.”

I was looking to the future.

I believed unconditionally in a future where I would continue to be with my childhood friend and lover.

“…Fufu, Yu-kun. Isn’t it a bit early to talk about next year?”

“Do you think so? Well, it’s certainly about the future. By the way, even if we’re not in the same class in our third year, Shingo will still be there, so you won’t have trouble finding someone to talk to, right?”

“Well, lately, I haven’t been talking to Shingo-kun much. I feel like he’s been avoiding me.”

“Eh, really? Since when?”

When I asked, Yuki gave me a slightly troubled smile.

“He has distant from since we started dating. It feels like people are being reserved around us, and I’ve been holding back from starting conversations myself.”

“Is that so…”

“Besides, it seems like the same with Saiki. It’s hard to put into words… but it feels like there’s some distance between us…”

Are they concerned about us? I feel a little sorry for not noticing the consideration from Saiki and our friends. As I pondered this, Yuki murmured with a lonely expression.

“It feels like we’ve drifted apart since we started dating…”

“…”

“I wish we could all see the cherry blossoms together again. We couldn’t make it happen this year after all.”

“Yeah, let’s plan to come see them together next year. And then, just the two of us.”

“Yeah. It’s a promise.”

“Oh man… I really wanted to spend our last year in the same class with you, Yu-kun.”

“Yuki…”

“Hey, Yu-kun. We won’t drift apart, will we? We’ll always be together, right?”

As Yuki asked with trembling eyes, expressing her anxiety, I felt a tightening sensation in my chest.

“Of course not…”

It’s obvious. I can’t imagine being separated from Yuki. We’ll always be together. Just as I was about to say that, something caught my eye.

“! Yu―――”

In that moment of realization, as I was about to stand in front of her to protect her―――that’s when I woke up.

“…A dream huh.”

It was a terrible dream. The worst kind.

I don’t want to see it, yet it keeps haunting me, refusing to leave my mind, a nightmare.

“Haa…”

I gaze absentmindedly at the white ceiling.

I’ve grown accustomed to it over the past few weeks, and today, not a single stain is visible.

It’s probably a good thing, but at the same time, it’s boring.

As I sit up, I see the clear blue sky of June spreading outside the window.

“I wonder if Yuki’s okay…”

Yuki was discharged from the hospital over two weeks ago.

While I still had rehabilitation to go through for my fractures, Yuki didn’t have any visible injuries left, and arrangements were made for her to recover at home while attending school to monitor her progress.

I couldn’t confirm her condition directly, but from what I heard, she seemed at least lively enough when she left the hospital in her uncle’s car.

At least that was good news for me, and it became the driving force behind my efforts in rehabilitation.

Thanks to that, I’ll be discharged from the hospital soon too, and I’ll be able to attend school.

I’ll have to use crutches for a while, but my parents have already explained the accident to the school, and it seems like it’s been well publicized through Shingo.

He’s been taking care of Yuki along with Saiki, and they’ve been a tremendous help.

“I need to thank Shingo properly someday…”

It felt somewhat guilty relying on my childhood friend, who had his own club activities, but he readily agreed to help Yuki. I’m truly grateful to him.

He even said, “Get well soon and show us your energetic face,” showing what a capable guy he is.

The fact that Shingo was my childhood friend is one of my proudest boasts, alongside Yuki.

I’m sure Shingo has also explained the situation well to our classmates.

“Haa…”

Since there’s nothing to do even after waking up, I decide to take another nap.

I close my eyes, hoping that I won’t see that dream again.

—Actually, I wanted to be the one to help Yuki.

The tiny seed of jealousy that sprouted in my heart disappears into the darkness along with the drowsiness that quickly envelops me.

---

The days that followed went by quickly.

After being discharged and starting to attend school, my classmates warmly welcomed me as I hobbled in with my cane.

Of course, there were parts of the lessons I couldn’t keep up with, but I managed to catch up somehow with supplementary lessons and notes borrowed from friends.

Despite the inconveniences, being able to experience people’s kindness wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

However, what troubled me a bit was that whenever it was time to go to and from school, Saiki would always come to pick me up, insisting on taking care of me.

“It’s because I’m worried about you, Nii-san,” she would say stubbornly. And when I tried to decline, she’d follow up with, “But I can’t replace Nee-san?”

It was difficult to refuse when it came from my girlfriend’s little sister, especially one I’ve known for years. So, reluctantly, I’ve allowed her to continue picking me up for summer classes even now in August.

“Today’s sun is really strong, isn’t it? It seems like it’s going to get even hotter this summer.”

Saki says this as she shields her face from the dazzling sunlight with her hand. Her hair has grown quite a bit compared to before.

As I absentmindedly look at her profile, I quickly avert my gaze. It’s because for a moment, I thought she looked like Yuki.

Trying to distract myself, I realize I’ve ended up asking Saki about Yuki.

“How’s Yuki lately? Is she studying hard? …Does she ever remember me?”

While I’ve been studying for exams at school, Yuki has been attending cram school for exam preparations. Needless to say, it’s due to the consideration of her parents to avoid her running into me.

In response to my question, Saki hesitates for a moment before slowly opening her mouth.

“…Yes. Shingo-san is also there, so he’s been teaching her various things she doesn’t understand. As for you, um…”

Even as she answers, she seems apologetic and stumbles over her words.

In response, I simply say, “I see,” and leave it at that.

I knew that Shingo started attending the same cram school as Yuki.

Since I started attending school, Saki has been accompanying me to and from school, while Shingo, who is in the same class as Yuki, has been accompanying her to school.

Naturally, Shingo is smart, and he’s our childhood friend, so it’s only natural to rely on him.

So, I end up saying something that’s become almost like a habit lately.

“Well, there’s no helping it, right? We’re both preparing for exams. Time won’t wait for us, and there’s plenty we need to think about before she remembers, right?”

I’m not jealous of Shingo, and I’m not disappointed by Saki’s answer.

I simply accept the truth as it is. That’s all.

It’s almost resignation, but the more I ask the same question, and the more I get the same answer, the more I find myself getting used to it.

I’m starting to accept the current situation where Yuki hasn’t regained her memories and we can’t even meet.

(Is there really nothing we can do…)

But is that really the case?

Are we really okay like this?

Because Yuki doesn’t remember me. Then, she probably doesn’t remember our promise to go to the same university either.

So, what goal is Yuki studying for now?

(I wonder if Shingo knows…)

Shingo is smarter than me.

It wouldn’t be strange if he aimed for a better university than the one I’m aiming for.

And there’s a possibility that Yuki will follow him—

At that point, I instinctively shook my head.

I realized my thoughts were veering in a strange direction.

Sure, it wouldn’t be strange to think that Yuki would go to the same university as Shingo. But if that were the case, wouldn’t Shingo have consulted me about it?

After all, I’m Yuki’s boyfriend.

(Am I… her boyfriend?)

I don’t know which university Yuki is aiming for now.

We haven’t had a proper conversation for almost six months.

Even though we haven’t seen each other, my feelings haven’t changed.

I love Yuki.

But Yuki…

“Recently, Nee-san talks a lot about Shingo-san,”

It was at that moment.

As if she had read my mind, Saki blurted out such a thing.

“Eh…”

“Today, she mentioned how helpful Shingo-kun is when teaching her, saying he’s really good at explaining things and she’s grateful. She even said she can rely on him.”

“That’s, well…”

It’s obvious, isn’t it?

Saki should know well enough that Shingo is reliable.

Why she would say that here, I don’t understand.

“At that moment, Nee-san looked genuinely happy… It was like when she’s with you, Nii-san, like when you two are together.”

Stop it.

Please stop.

Don’t tell me such things.

I didn’t want to hear it. But I couldn’t just ignore it.

Because that, that alone…

I couldn’t just accept it as inevitable.

---

“Fuh…”

It was several hours later. I was standing in front of Yuki’s house.

I had been taking deep breaths over and over again, waiting for her return from cram school.

The reason for that… goes without saying, doesn’t it?

To directly meet Yuki and confirm my current feelings.

That’s the only thought occupying my mind right now.

Until now, I had been avoiding facing her directly, but after hearing that conversation, I couldn’t wait any longer.

(“It’ll be okay… It’ll definitely be okay…”)

Repeatedly reassuring myself, I continued to wait for her return… and eventually, that moment arrived.

“Shingo-kun, thanks for walking me home today. I’ll be staying here for…,”

(“She’s here!”)

A familiar voice. I couldn’t forget that voice, always by my side.

“Yuki!”

I rushed out without thinking, and there she was, my beloved childhood friend and girlfriend.

“Eh…?”

“Yuki! It’s me! Yusuke!”

Meeting face to face like this, how long had it been?

Suddenly, overwhelmed by the surging love, I grabbed her shoulders and confronted her directly.

“Huh, w-well…”

“Your childhood friend, your boyfriend! It’s me! We’ve always been together!”

My trembling hands grasped her.

Yuki’s face gradually paled.

“Huh, uhhh…”

“Until when are you going to keep forgetting! Please, just remember!! I’m begging you, Yuki!!!”

But I ignored that.

If Yuki would just remember, everything would be resolved. That’s the convenient interpretation I clung to as I desperately pressed her.

“Let’s be together again! We promised, didn’t we? We…”

“Stop it, Yusuke!”

Sudden strong force pushed me back.

I stumbled and fell backward, but when I looked up, I saw the stern face of my best friend.

“What’s wrong with you, Shingo? Don’t interfere…”

“Don’t you get it, Yusuke?! Can’t you see that Yuki’s scared?!”

Being told that, I turned my gaze to Yuki.

She was trembling, holding herself tightly with both arms.

“Eh…”

“Stop, stop it! No, no, no! Noooooo!!!”

In the next moment, Yuki screamed shrilly.

Reacting swiftly, Shingo approached her and enveloped her trembling form with his large body.

“It’s okay, Yuki, it’s okay. You’re not scared, right?”

“No, no, no, no! Noooooooo…”

Watching that scene, I realized what I had done.

“I… what have I done?”

I don’t remember much after that.

Before I knew it, I was in my room, with Saki next to me, talking to me, but I just sat there dumbfounded, with only that memory lingering in my mind.

Then, until the end of summer vacation, I shut myself away, ignoring all attempts to reach me.

I was summoned by Shingo just after summer vacation ended.

---

“I was confessed to by Yuki.”

Shingo simply uttered the expected answer.

“…When?”

“During the summer vacation. After being invited to the park like now, she told me she liked me.”

Shingo’s profile, as he delivered the news in a matter-of-fact tone, was hard to see.

Perhaps it was because of the twilight. Despite sitting right next to me on the bench, it felt like there was a great distance between us.

“And… how did you respond?”

My own voice sounded feeble, as if it might not even reach Shingo’s ears. I felt utterly helpless.

There must have been a full minute of waiting. Finally, Shingo opened his heavy mouth and said:

“…I told her I accept it.”

Instantly, my fist clenched.

My hand, now balled into a fist, felt strangely painful.

Various questions like ‘why’ and ‘how’ flashed through my mind.

“I… I still… know that you still like Yuki,”

Amidst all that, the only thing I could barely manage to ask was that question.

I still remembered clearly hurting Yuki. But even so, I still loved her.

“Yeah.”

“Then, why…?!”

I wanted to shout that I felt betrayed. But…

“Yuki has completely forgotten about you… You know that too.”

When my childhood friend, who I thought was my best friend, said that to me in a calm voice, I was left speechless.

“Inside her, there are no memories of when you were together. No feelings of love for someone else… She even said I were her first love. How am I supposed to refuse when told that? “

“That’s… “

“Looking back now, I also liked Yuki. But I thought it was inevitable and tried to step back for your sake… But after the accident, I decided to support Yuki.”

That was news to me.

I had never heard such a thing from Shingo before.

“I thought it would be okay if Yuki remembered you and moved away from me. But when she confessed, the option of rejecting her wasn’t there for me. Even though I felt bad for you, Yusuke, after seeing her eyes, I just couldn’t do it.”

“…Even if you say that…”

Shingo’s eyes.

Upon seeing them, inadvertently, I understood something. I understood how my childhood friend felt, what he was thinking.

Shingo was feeling guilty about me.

Yet, he had no intention of rescinding his decision.

Shingo chose Yuki over me, weighing us both in his mind.

Understanding that this was a choice to sever ties with me.

“…That’s unfair.”

What can you even say to someone like that?

I felt all the strength drain from my body. At the same time, a sense of emptiness overwhelmed me.

“…I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize if that’s all you have to say. We were best friends, weren’t we?”

There’s nothing I can do. I don’t even know what to say anymore, and it’s too cruel for him to bring this up now, after everything that’s happened.

As I felt myself falling apart, I slowly stood up.

And then, I stood in front of Shingo. Shingo also stood up, looking straight at me.

“…”

Standing side by side again, Shingo was half a head taller than me.

His features were refined. No wonder he was reliable.

Having a guy like him by her side, caring for her so sincerely, it’s no wonder she fell for him.

And in the end, I became the cupid who brought them together.

What a ridiculous turn of events. What a hopeless fool I am.

With a self-deprecating sigh, I let out a heavy breath.

“Just let me punch you once…”

My voice sounded tired and hollow, like an empty shell.

I knew it was selfish, but if I didn’t do something, I felt like my overwhelming emotions would crush me.

“Just one punch enough?”

“That’s fine. Besides, my legs still don’t have enough strength. I still have lingering effects from the accident.”

I replied with a mixture of calmness and sarcasm.

Even though I knew it was petty, I wanted to leave some kind of mark on my former best friend, who I knew I would never talk to again.

“Okay, I understand.”

Even though he said that, Shingo remained calm to the end.

Just quietly looking at me with his eyes.

Is this what the face of a man who has resolved himself looks like?

“…Damn it.”

I thought I couldn’t compete.

Even though my best friend, who I trusted, took my girlfriend away from me, I couldn’t even bring myself to resent him.

All I could do was admit defeat.

But still, feeling miserable to the core, I clenched my fist.

The sensation of punching someone for the first time was incredibly nauseating.

“What am I even doing?”

Since Shingo left, I don’t know how much time has passed.

I didn’t feel like going home, so I remained in the park.

Sitting on a bench, I gazed absentmindedly at the night sky, where many stars twinkled.

“Are there as many girls as there are stars?”

Who said that?

Irrelevant thoughts floated through my mind. I couldn’t help but feel that it was a careless remark.

All I wanted was to be with Yuki.

No matter how many other girls there were in the world, Yuki was the only one I wanted to make happy. No one else mattered.

And my happiness was being with Yuki.

If I could be with her, that was enough for me. It was just that simple.

“I wish the hands of the clock could turn back.”

Even though I had resigned myself to the situation, I found myself wishing for it.

But I quickly realized it was pointless.

I’m the only one in the world who wishes for that. Yuki, who shared my feelings, is no longer here. Everything is already in the past.

Will our happiness, the happiness we left behind that day, become just a memory?

“You’ll catch a cold.”

When I thought that, someone suddenly spoke to me.

Without looking, I responded.

“It’s still September, so it’s okay. It’s been warm at night lately.”

“Even so, it’s bad for your health.”

Someone sat down next to me.

The familiar scent that tickled my nose was Sand.

“Do you think so too because Shingo told you?”

“…Did you notice?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t help but notice.”

It’s the usual time. Normally, there would be no reason for her to come out and look for me.

“Did both of you decide not to let me and Yuki meet?”

“…Yes.”

“I see.”

Once you notice one thing, you start to see other things too.

Looking back, it’s clear that they were trying to keep their distance from us.

I thought it was out of consideration for us, but maybe there was another reason.

Shingo mentioned being confessed to during the summer vacation, but perhaps he had noticed Yuki’s feelings for him long before that.

The real reason he didn’t consult me about it was probably because…

“I’ve always liked you, Nii-san.”

“…”

I thought so. But I didn’t say it out loud.

“I’ve liked you since we were kids. Nee-san also noticed that she liked you, but I think I fell for you first.”

“So when I found out that Nii-san and Nee-san started dating, I was shocked. Even though I liked you first, I felt it was unfair that Nee-san, who you chose, got you. I envied her. Watching you two walking ahead without noticing me, engrossed in conversation, made my heart ache.”

Saki’s monologue continues.

“However, I didn’t say anything out loud. Because I liked both Nii-san and Nee-san… I think Shingo felt the same way too. If you two could be happy together, then I thought that would be enough.”

“But everything changed because of that accident.”

“Nee-san who woke up didn’t remember you anymore. No, strictly speaking, I think she was trying not to remember you. Whenever you were mentioned, Nee-san trembled. When shown a photo, she screamed and turned pale. Since then, talking about you among the family became prohibited.”

“So no one knows what Nee-san really thinks about Nii-san now. By avoiding the topic, is her emotional wound starting to heal? Or is it fading away, truly being forgotten? No one knows. But one thing is for sure, outwardly Nee-san was drawn to Shingo.”

“Shingo was troubled. Because he still liked Yuki. No, perhaps being together all the time and being relied upon made his feelings grow even stronger. I couldn’t blame him for that.”

“I still like you too, because I wanted to be by your side.”

Saki said, looking into the distance. She must have empathized with Shingo’s feelings. Somehow, I understood.

“I want to be by your side. Shingo wants to be by Nee-san’s side. Our intentions were aligned. That’s why we decided. We decided to stop doing things that could trigger Nee-san’s true feelings or memories.”

“Betraying you. Knowing it would hurt you even more, I wished for time to pass without Nee-san’s memories returning. I’ve always wanted to be by your side. I wanted to heal your wounds more than Nee-san did. I wanted you to love me more than Nee-san.”

As if self-mocking, Saki said.

“Our plan was successful. Nee-san confessed to Shingo and they started dating, and you became free. All that was left was for me to comfort you, who were hurt, and confess to you soon. Then, we could have a happy ending that ignores your true feelings and Nee-san’s.”

After saying that much, Saki let out a sigh.

“But it didn’t work out. Because I ended up telling you everything. At the very end, it all fell apart…”

Self-inflicted, huh?

With that conclusion, the childhood friend gazed into the distance.

Watching her, I decided to ask what was on my mind.

“…Why did you tell me?”

If what she said was true, then revealing it now made no sense at all. If she hadn’t said anything, or if I hadn’t come here in the first place, I might have remained unaware of the truth.

In response to my question, Saki gave a faint, bitter smile and said,

“Perhaps it was guilt.”

“Guilt?”

“To be honest, I didn’t plan to tell you. I just came to the park to see if you were here and then leave before you noticed me… But I couldn’t. You looked so pained sitting on that bench.”

So she confessed everything.

It was a rather cruel story.

“…Selfish, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it’s really selfish. I wanted to have the person I loved no matter what, but I didn’t want to see that person hurt. And to realize that only after everything was over… I was truly foolish. It’s completely contradictory.”

Indeed.

Even if she confessed everything out of conscience at the very end, it wouldn’t save me. Probably not her either. There was just too much to lose.

“You must hate me now.”

In Saki’s voice as she asked, there was no hint of anxiety.

Just resignation, I think. To her, who asked that, I said,

“Yeah, maybe I’m a bit disillusioned. I never thought you’d be the kind of person to do something like this.”

“…I see.”

Saki lowered her eyes.

She seemed to accept what I said as a matter of course.

“But I don’t hate you.”

“Eh…”

Suddenly, Saki raised her head.

“Regardless of what intentions you had, the outcome wouldn’t have changed. We probably had no choice but to end up like this.”

Saki seemed to not quite understand what I was saying.

But that was okay.

“It couldn’t be helped. None of it could. So, it’s fine now.”

Who was at fault, what went wrong.

I was tired of thinking about such things.

“Thank you for being by my side, Saki. I appreciate it.”

“Nii-san…”

“I really am grateful, Saki. That alone made me happy.”

The only truth that remained in me was that Saki had been by my side when I needed her the most.

---

The seasons come and go.

Autumn passes, winter is overcome.

And once again, an unforgettable spring arrives.

“The cherry blossoms are beautiful, aren’t they…”

March.

On the tree-lined street of the school route, just a few days before graduation, I looked up at the cherry blossoms.

Time passed in the blink of an eye.

Since that day, Saki had been by my side, and Shingo by Yuki’s.

Though our breakup became a rumor at school, it was quickly overshadowed by the busyness of exam preparation.

Through relentless studying, I managed to pass my first-choice school.

I ended up staying in our hometown, but I heard Yuki and Shingo were going to universities far away in other prefectures.

In the end, the four of us went our separate ways, and spring arrived.

“I hope next year, the four of us can come to see the cherry blossoms together…”

Unlike that time, the cherry blossoms in full bloom were simply beautiful.

So beautiful that it made me want to cry.

I wanted to cry for the promise that was never fulfilled.

“I never got to give you an answer in the end…”

Someone once said that time is both kind and cruel.

Now Saki was here. A girl who would be by my side, even with all my flaws.

But I still felt some regret. I couldn’t even say goodbye to Yuki.

Would time ever heal this wound in my heart?

“We should always be together—Yuki.”

As soon as I expressed my lingering regret, a strong gust of wind blew.

Perhaps it was the first spring wind. If only this cold wind could carry away all the feelings I still held for Yuki…

“Yu-kun?”

Despite my wishful thinking.

Despite having resigned myself to it all.

That should have been enough.

“Are you really going to stay with me? Will you be by my side?”

The girl brought by the spring breeze was none other than my girlfriend and childhood friend from before that day—the day of the accident.

“Yu-kun?”

The eyes of the Yuki I saw that day, trembling with uncertainty, were now before me.

It felt like time had rewound itself.

Just like in the happy days of the past, she was looking at me.

“Ah… Aah…”

Yuki’s memories returning.

That should have been what I had always wished for.

I should have been happy.

I should have been overjoyed.

I had resigned myself to it all.

(Why now, of all times…)

Why was this miracle happening now?

Time was cruel to me, and it was not kind at all.

How did I appear in Yuki’s eyes now?

Even though I could never return to those days.

Even though the future Yuki had hoped for was nowhere to be found.

Even though I could no longer continue the dream we shared.

---

TL: Ending left me with disappointment.