Oneshot: I Regret It After Realizing.

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Translator: Soafp

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My childhood friend joined the light music club.

She had often imitated playing music since we were little. After entering high school, she went to observe the light music club for the first time, and she excitedly told me all about it.

She mentioned how good the atmosphere in the club was, and how one of the classmates who was also observing was particularly amazing.

Normally, she was the type of person who was quiet and cool, someone who was even considered pretty impressive for a girl, but hearing her talk so animatedly, with her eyes sparkling as she recounted her experience, it was honestly heartwarming, as it revealed her youthful innocence.

On the other hand, while she was telling me all these things about the club, I didn't know much about music at all. Guitar, bass? I'd heard those words before, but I had no idea what the differences were between them, what roles they played, or which instrument was hers.

Back in middle school music classes, I couldn't read sheet music, and I often needed help from her. So when she spoke using technical terms about the club, I couldn't understand much of it.

However, I clearly remember the look on her face as she kept talking excitedly with a shining look in her eyes.

In middle school, she was on the basketball team, utilizing her tall 170cm frame and exceptional athleticism. She was the ace of the team, the center of attention, and well-known at other schools in the area as a famous player.

With her slim, tall figure, and long black hair tied in a ponytail as she ran around the court, she was so cool that even I, a guy, felt a little jealous.

There was even one time when she came to me with a sorrowful face, asking for advice after a girl confessed to her, showing how popular she was.

She was always relied upon and adored by others.

Despite this, I think the reason she sometimes looked unhappy was because she wasn't really doing what she truly wanted to do.

We both passed the same high school entrance exams and, by some twist of fate, were assigned to the same class.

After the entrance ceremony, even though we were supposed to be heading home, I was taken to the music room and club room to see the light music club's practice.

Although there was no practice that day, I was happy to see her so full of life, and I felt like her happiness was my own.

She rejected offers from the basketball club and successfully joined the light music club.

She had always been above average in both studies and sports, and she had learned to play the guitar since she was young, taught by her father.

I thought she was probably the best player among her classmates, and maybe even better than some of the seniors.

With such talent and experience, she had finally started doing what she truly wanted, and I was sure she would spend her school life smiling every day.

It was around the end of summer that I began to feel a bit confused about all of this.

In the spring, shortly after she joined the club, she talked about the light music club almost every day.

She would tell me all about what happened that day, how there was an amazing person who seemed like they could be a Senpai, and so on. She would talk about these things at school, at home, and sometimes even call me to chat about them. At one point, she even tried to get me to join the club.

I desperately refused at the time. I knew that with my complete lack of musical ability, joining the club would only be a burden to everyone else.

So, most of her conversations were about the light music club in the spring.

But around the summer, she stopped talking about the club so much.

She stopped trying to get me to join, and at first, I was relieved that she had given up, but after that, she no longer mentioned how practice was or whether it was fun. She stopped talking about the club altogether.

At first, I was worried. I wondered if something unpleasant had happened in the club. But it seemed that wasn't the case.

She participated in the club diligently every day, and I also saw her having fun talking about the club with her friends. Watching her like this, I could tell that she hadn’t lost her passion for light music, and nothing unpleasant had happened within the club.

However, after that, she stopped telling me about the club, and when I tried asking, she seemed reluctant. She would give vague answers or brush me off by saying it wasn't important, and it seemed like she didn't want me to be involved with the light music club at all.

And that was probably the correct assumption.

As she spent more time with her club friends, the time we spent together slowly decreased. While I felt a bit lonely seeing her drift away, watching her with her new friends, it started to feel like that was where she truly belonged, so I quietly let her go.

I began to recall friends I hadn't been in touch with since middle school. As a high school student, this sort of thing wasn't that unusual, I guess.

There was the boy who was rumored to be handsome among the girls. The girl who was admired for being cute by the boys. The members of the light music club were all individuals who stood out in the school, and seeing her among them, it seemed so much more natural than when she was with me, someone who didn't stand out at all.

Because of that, I didn't follow her around, nor did I involve myself in the light music club. I simply kept my distance quietly.

Then, when autumn came, I decided to secretly go watch a light music club live performance.

The school was lively during the cultural festival. At the after-party, there were various performances on the stage in the gymnasium.

The light music club's live performance was one of them. Several bands within the club would perform in turn. My childhood friend, even though she was just a first-year student, was also going to perform on stage with her classmates.

I had heard that the light music club sometimes rented venues to hold live concerts, but I didn't have the courage to go to something that serious. However, I thought I could manage to watch a performance in the gymnasium from the edge.

I was sure that my childhood friend would be performing happily, full of energy.

If I could see her just once, I felt like it would help me reconcile with the fact that our relationship had grown distant.

I watched from a place far from the stage. After several performances, the students in the audience were getting really into it. Then, my childhood friend came onto the stage.

It seemed that all the members were girls. Five girls took their respective positions. All I knew was that they were all classmates. I didn't know what instrument my childhood friend was playing, and even as I watched them adjust their instruments, I couldn't tell if she was playing the guitar or bass.

While I was thinking about such things, I saw my childhood friend on stage, confident and composed, under the attention of many students. Watching her, I realized that, even before the performance had started, our worlds were simply different.

I didn't know anything about music. I didn't have anything to be proud of. It was only natural that the distance between us had grown.

At that moment, I was already satisfied.

I had finally realized how much distance there was between her and me.

Now, there were no lingering feelings. It wasn't that I had ever had romantic feelings for her; that was never the kind of relationship we had.

Still, seeing my childhood friend, someone who had always been by my side, drift away felt like an emotional hole was slowly widening within me. I tried to hold on a little longer, but in the end, I felt that coming to watch this was the right choice.

The stage above and below.

The world my childhood friend inhabited was completely different from the one I lived in, a place I could never go. Understanding that made me feel like I could stop worrying about the distance that had grown between us.

Satisfied, I started walking toward the exit, planning to leave before the performance started. I felt like if I saw more of this vast difference in the worlds we lived in, I would feel miserable, so I hurried toward the door. Just as I was about to put my hand on the door, I heard a voice.

“Don't leave yet! The fun part's just starting!!”

I couldn't help but turn around.

The voice belonged to the girl who seemed to be the vocalist.

It didn't seem like she was speaking to me. Her words were directed at the audience nearby, and they responded by raising their voices in unison.

The sound of the drums was followed by the next moment—the performance began.

I was overwhelmed to the point where I couldn't even speak.

I was so shaken that I began to wonder if the girls playing music on stage were really the same age as me, and I felt embarrassed for thinking that.

Whatever the reason, the sight of them on stage was so captivating that everything around me seemed to glow.

However, there was something unexpected.

The reason I came to watch the live performance.

The reason I came here was to see my childhood friend perform one last time before the distance between us became permanent.

Yet, my eyes never found my childhood friend.

Instead, I couldn't take my eyes off the girl standing in the center of the stage.

Her bright brown hair swayed with the rhythm of the music as she played guitar and sang. Her sharp gaze, hidden behind her long bangs, captivated me, and her slender arms played powerful notes on the guitar. Her voice, delicate yet fierce, resonated with a rawness that left a lasting impression on me.

All of it burned into my brain, etched into my memory as an unforgettable moment.

Before I knew it, I was standing there, frozen. Even after the performance ended, I remained in a daze, unable to move for a while.

The impact of the vocalist's voice was so intense that I couldn't even pay attention to my childhood friend's brave performance. I couldn't help but sarcastically think about why I had come at all.

Fifteen years of life—such a short time. And I believed that nothing in my life, or even in the years ahead, could ever surpass the shock I had felt during that encounter. It happened in the autumn of my first year of high school, during the cultural festival.

As the seasons passed, winter came and went, and a new spring arrived.

After the cultural festival, I stopped thinking about my childhood friend. We didn't talk anymore, and in second year, we ended up in different classes. I thought that would be the end of our connection, and I started to think of it like something that happened to someone else. Little did I know that I was about to experience that same shock again.

When I realized it, it was already too late, and if someone told me that I should have noticed sooner, I couldn't argue against it.

I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed sooner.

I started to fear eye exams.

At the beginning of the new school year, during class.

I absentmindedly glanced to the side, and there, sitting next to me, was someone listening to music with earphones, despite it being class time.

Her bright brown hair.

The sharp gaze she had during the live performance was now relaxed and softened.

Her thin, pale arms were busy flipping through a music magazine instead of a textbook.

It was the same shock I had felt about six months ago.

The girl who had been singing on stage back then was now sitting next to me.

When I realized this, the shock was so overwhelming that I couldn't even hear the teacher's voice, and my heartbeat grew so loud that everything else faded away.

It felt impossible.

The girl who had been standing on stage, showing me the overwhelming difference between the worlds we lived in, was now sitting right next to me.

She only existed on the stage, and I, living in the world below the stage, believed I could never meet her. If you think about it normally, it’s a completely unreasonable and biased thought, but I somehow truly believed that.

After all, we're classmates, so it should be normal to be in the same classroom, yet in my mind, the word “impossible” kept repeating.

I, a regular person, was sitting in class with her… No, she probably wasn't paying attention to the class, but still, I couldn't believe we were in the same classroom.

The shock I felt was so intense that I couldn't stop staring at her without blinking.

“…What?”

How many seconds—or even minutes—had I been staring? Suddenly, she looked up and our eyes met.

Her words, though brief, didn't carry any irritation or disdain; they were simply a question. It felt almost miraculously gentle as a reaction to being stared at by a classmate she had never spoken to before.

In fact, I was lightly moved that she had spoken.

The shock she had given me on stage was so overwhelming that I might have started to view her as something sacred. Maybe I had seen her as an angel or some kind of idol that only appeared on stage. I had projected that image onto her. That's why it was so hard to believe that she had actually spoken to me.

I might seem foolish, and others might think she's just a normal classmate, but the impact she had on me during her performance was so monumental.

Unable to respond, I could only keep staring at her. She tilted her head and waved her hand in front of me.

“Are you alive?”

My body reacted involuntarily to her voice. Despite it being class time, her voice was loud and casual, as if she were chatting with a friend during break. Thankfully, the class was listening to an audio recording, so the teacher didn't seem to hear, but I hurriedly put my finger to my lips, gesturing for her to be quiet.

However, it seemed my gesture didn't get through to her. She tilted her head again, and reluctantly, I decided to speak in a quiet voice.

“We're in class right now.”

“…Eh?”

She didn't seem to hear me. Well, that made sense. She was wearing earphones and listening to music, so there was no way she could have heard my quiet voice. She tilted her head again, so I pointed to her ears, signaling her to take out the earphones.

This time, it seemed like she understood. She took out her earphones, and I let out a sigh.

“We're in class right now.”

I said it as quietly as possible so the teacher wouldn't hear.

To me, those words represented the core of my values up until that point.

Since I was little, my parents had always praised me for being a good kid. I had grown up following the rules, never doing anything dangerous, always staying within the boundaries of what was considered “normal.” At home, I listened to my parents, and at school, I followed the teachers’ instructions, living my life by what the adults around me said. That was everything in my life up until now.

I had never forgotten anything, never failed to do the homework assigned.

When my friends invited me to do something a little rebellious, I had never joined in.

Why?

Because I knew if I didn't do my homework, the teacher would be angry, and if I did something dangerous, my parents or other adults would be upset.

My friends had called me boring, said I was no fun, and there were times when I had trouble making friends.

My childhood friend, who had been with me and didn't care about what others thought, had told me to think more freely.

But even if she said that, I didn't know what to do. When I saw someone being scolded by adults for doing something silly, I understood why they were scolded and thought it was better not to do those things. Staying within the rules was the guide for all of my actions.

So I advised her.

This was class time. It was time to listen to the teacher and take notes, that was the norm. To wear earphones, look at magazines unrelated to the class, and talk so loudly—no matter how I defended her, if the teacher found out, she'd get in trouble. I didn't want her to go through that.

I thought I was doing the right thing.

“I know, though?” she replied casually, as if it was nothing.

So what? It was as if she were saying that, and I was at a loss for words.

I couldn't believe it. To me, class time was a time to listen carefully to the teacher, not a time to do what I wanted. And yet, there she was, freely doing whatever she wanted. I didn't even know how to react to such a sight.

After repeatedly opening and closing my mouth, she lightly laughed at me. I suddenly felt embarrassed and desperately searched for something to say. The words that came out of my mouth were awkward and barely even resembled proper Japanese.

“Why the earphones, and the magazine?”

“Huh? This? Do you want to see it too?”

“N-No! I'll get in trouble!”

She gave me a completely off-the-mark response, and I couldn't help but speak louder than I intended. Hearing my words, she nodded knowingly, as if understanding. I thought she finally got it, but then she surprised me again with her reply.

“You’re such a good kid.”

“Good kid.”

I'd been called that before.

Because I was a good kid, I was boring.

Because I was a good kid, I was uninteresting.

Those words were often used to mock me.

Every time I heard them, I felt frustrated, wondering what was so wrong with being a good kid. It was deeply shocking to hear her say the same thing as the people who had called me boring and drifted away.

I fell into a pit of disappointment, thinking that she was just like them.

“Here, listen to this, you're definitely going to like it.”

She said, and before I knew it, something was placed in my ear.

I felt like I was seeing a convenient illusion when she spoke to me with such a pleasant smile.

It was a rare sight these days—a wired earphone.

The red wire connected her right ear to my left.

From my left ear, a song I had never heard before flowed into my head.

I couldn't tell if I was just out of the loop or if the song was too obscure. But none of that mattered anymore as the music surged through me.

“So? Pretty good, right?”

I nodded, and she cheerfully said, “Oh, we have similar tastes!”

She put her arm around my shoulders.

Her long, smooth hair brushed against my cheek, tickling me. I wasn't sure if it was perfume, but it smelled nice. I thought she was mocking me, but no, instead, she was being friendly as if we were getting along. It felt surreal.

To me, she was someone I recognized. I'd never spoken to her, but I had seen her once on stage. But for her, I was a complete stranger. Yet, here she was, being so friendly toward me.

She was probably just free-spirited.

In that moment, I felt like I was touching freedom for the first time.

Living according to one's own instincts and making their own decisions—that's what I must have seen in her on stage.

Even in class, she didn't care and just did her own thing. Whether her attitude was good or bad was up to the individual to decide. But to me, I could feel my own values starting to crumble.

“And you know, the chorus of this song is really great.”

In the end, the teacher caught us, and we were both scolded, as expected.

It was obvious. If you're listening to music during class, you're going to get in trouble. Anyone could see that, and of all people, I should know better since I've always been so conscious of those things.

But for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to take off the earphones she had given me.

I had to listen to the teacher's lecture, but instead, I found myself wanting to listen to her talk excitedly about the song.

Of course, the teacher didn't let it slide, and after being caught, we were made to stand up in front of the whole class and got scolded for the rest of the time.

Now that we were on break, I was free, but normally, or rather, if it were the old me, I probably wouldn't have been able to lift my head for the rest of the day out of embarrassment after being scolded.

Yet, strangely, I didn't feel bothered by being scolded by the teacher.

I think it was because of the influence of her—who, even though she was also scolded, continued talking as if she didn't care at all.

She was like a stone by the roadside. For her, the teacher's scolding might have been nothing more than that. The way she acted as if nothing had happened made it seem like the rest of the class forgot about the teacher's anger almost immediately, and no one mentioned it.

“By the way, you've got to listen to the rest of this song. It's really good.”

She said with a pleasant smile, handing me one of the earphones.

The lively and sharp aura I had seen on stage was completely different from the cheerful version of her in front of me now. She almost seemed like a completely different person.

As I hesitated, she urged me with a cheerful “Come on, come on,” and without further ado, she put the earphones in my ears. I felt my heart race at her casual touch, but I kept telling myself in my head that it was because I had no experience with girls, and I repeated that excuse to myself.

Then, when the music began to play, I suddenly felt the sensation of the earphone in my left ear disappear, and the music stopped.

“What are you doing, Natsumi?”

A familiar voice asked.

I was honestly surprised to hear the voice.

A tall girl stood next to me, holding the earphone that she had pulled from my ear, with no attempt to hide her displeasure. She crossed her arms, and her long ponytail swayed slightly. Her gaze and words were directed not at me, but at the girl, Natsumi, who had been called by name.

“Oh, it's Mayuko. What are you doing here? This isn't your classroom.”

Natsumi said without answering the question.

Mayuko, my childhood friend, narrowed her already sharp eyes even further. When she gave that look, most people would shrink back and tremble.

I remembered when we were in elementary school, and Mayuko had stepped in when a nasty girl was teasing me. The girl had shrunk away miserably under Mayuko's glare.

But maybe, for this free-spirited person, that sharp glare meant nothing.

“You know, Mayuko, you give off this cool vibe, but you're surprisingly clumsy.”

Instead of shrinking, Natsumi was laughing happily, and seeing that, Mayuko sighed and pressed her temple as if giving up.

I didn't know much about their relationship except that they were members of the same girls’ band, but I could imagine that Mayuko was probably always troubled by Natsumi's carefree attitude and had to look after her.

“Haa… I've already given up on you being free, but can you stop dragging my childhood friend into your mess?”

“…Eh?”

“Oh, what's this? You two know each other?”

Natsumi asked with obvious curiosity, closing the distance between us as if she were about to hug us.

Mayuko immediately stepped between us and pushed Natsumi away. As for me, I was so stunned by their actions that I couldn't react, only surprised by Mayuko's words.

“Hey, why are you spacing out like that?”

“Well, I thought for sure you hated me, so I was surprised.”

“Huh? Why would you think that?”

“Well, since last summer, we've been keeping our distance, and we naturally stopped talking, so I thought maybe that was the case.”

“…That's not it at all. It's just that with the club, and dealing with Natsumi, I didn't have time for anything else.”

“I-Is that so…”

I couldn't find any more words to say. I didn't know whether Mayuko's words were true or not.

The childhood friend I hadn't spoken to in a while seemed, at first glance, like the same person from the past, but she had undoubtedly lived through a period of time that I didn't know. I didn't understand how that period had changed Mayuko.

“Childhood friend, huh? That's nice, Mayuko! I want a male childhood friend too! Give him to me!”

Natsumi really was the free-spirited type. She didn't even react to the subtle atmosphere between Mayuko and me, continuing down her own path. Her straightforward attitude seemed very appealing to me right now.

“I'm not giving him to you or lending him to you.”

“Aw, come on! You must want to be my childhood friend too, right?”

“Huh!? W-well, I don't know about that.”

“Hey, Natsumi! Stop messing around!”

Mayuko's sharp voice made my body jerk in surprise. Even though it wasn't directed at me, I felt a little scared as if Mayuko was angry.

“Don't get so mad, okay? You'll mess up the band!”

Natsumi raised her hands in defense, but she didn't seem too concerned.

“Haa, I came to check on you, and not only are you in the same class, but you're sitting next to each other…”

“Mayuko? What's going on?”

“It's nothing. But you should stay away from Natsumi.”

“Eh!? W-why?”

I was taken aback by Mayuko's sudden warning. I thought it was really rude toward a fellow club member.

“That's harsh, Mayuko! Why shouldn't he hang out with me?”

“Yeah, she's right. You shouldn't say things like that to your friends.”

“Y-you're kind, huh? You get me.”

She closed the distance again and put her arm around my shoulders. I could feel my face heating up. It was becoming clear that I was embarrassed, but no matter how hard I tried, I didn't think I'd ever get used to being close to a girl.

Natsumi, clearly happy with having a new ally, seemed cheerful, while I was blushing and awkwardly embarrassed. I wondered how Mayuko saw this scene. For a moment, it looked like Mayuko's face twisted in discomfort, but I probably imagined it.

“Anyway, I've warned you.”

“Mayuko… Why are you still like this? What's wrong?”

“I'm saying this because I'm worried about you.”

Mayuko said, looking straight at me with a serious expression.

Why? What was she worried about?

I could sense her sincerity, but I couldn't understand why she was concerned about me being involved with her friends. The weight of the six months that had passed between us felt very real, and the fact that I couldn't understand my childhood friend anymore made me feel that distance between us even more.

“You know, people always say, if there's bad stuff, there's good stuff too.”

Her optimistic and bright personality had a calming effect, and for a moment, I felt a little better.

“Thanks. Uh, is it okay to just call you Natsumi?”

“Sure, you don't even need the ‘san’!”

Even though she said that, I couldn't just call her by her first name casually after thinking of her as someone from a different world, almost like an idol.

“Then, Natsumi-san”

I said, and she teased me, calling me a shy person as she poked my arm. I'd noticed how often she casually touched me, and since I wasn't used to it, every time it happened, my heart would race. It was embarrassing being the only one nervous, so I tried to change the topic.

“Are you okay, Natsumi? Mayuko said some pretty harsh things…”

“I don't care at all. Mayuko's always like that.”

“Is that so?”

“Yep. For some reason, she's especially harsh with me. I've gotten used to it.”

What I heard from Natsumi about Mayuko was surprising to me.

Sure, Mayuko had always had a strong personality, but she was never the type to be harsh without a reason. In middle school, she was popular with both boys and girls, and even in high school, she was someone everyone could rely on.

Still, people change. The thought that the Mayuko I knew might have disappeared over those six months made me feel a deep sense of loneliness.

“By the way! I was surprised to hear that Mayuko had a childhood friend! And that you were in the same school!”

“You didn't know anything about it from Mayuko?”

“Nope. Not a thing.”

I felt like I was going to get really down. It seemed that Mayuko had been hiding me from her club friends. Perhaps she thought there was no point in talking about me, or maybe she was embarrassed to introduce someone like me, her childhood friend. Of course, I didn't have the courage to ask her directly for the reason.

In contrast to me, Natsumi was still full of energy. It seemed she was used to Mayuko being harsh with her. Her unbothered attitude, not even caring about Mayuko's behavior, impressed me. It was clear that she must have been someone used to being in the spotlight.

“You don't really care about what people say to you, do you, Natsumi?”

“Well, yeah. After all, I'm free. I do whatever I like.”

“…Free, huh?”

Those words really suited her.

Without being tied down by anything, without being bothered by criticism, she walked her own path.

I wondered if I could change a little if I could think like that…

“Heh, is it hard for a good kid like you?”

Natsumi leaned in close to me, looking at me intently. Her big, clear eyes were beautiful, and I couldn't help but get lost in them. I didn't even mind her calling me a “good kid” — I was so mesmerized by her.

“Maybe. I've always lived by following what others told me, so I don't really understand what freedom means.”

I think it was because of Natsumi's charm that I was able to say this. Even when she called me a good kid, I didn't mind. I could easily admit my flaws and express them. I never thought I would say something like this to someone I had just met, but maybe, since the day I saw Natsumi on stage, I had been seeing something in her that I didn't have.

“I'll teach you. Real freedom.”

“…Eh?”

Her hands, warm and soft, wrapped around mine. Natsumi's white, beautiful hands enveloped my own.

In the light streaming through the classroom, she looked almost glowing. In that moment, I felt as though I saw an illusion of wings sprouting from her.

Real freedom, without hesitation, something that seemed to promise she could take me anywhere.

I was simply entranced by her and had completely forgotten that I had been feeling down about Mayuko.

Even the advice she had given me… it faded away.

Natsumi, who promised to teach me true freedom, was someone I didn't know very well until now.

The only things I knew about her were that she was in the same band as Mayuko and that her singing voice was beautiful.

By coincidence, we ended up in the same class as second-year students, and even sat next to each other. Thanks to my connection with Mayuko, we started talking, and the impression I had of Natsumi on stage was completely different from the vibe she gave off in the classroom.

I wasn't sure if she was just relaxed normally or if she switched on when she was on stage. Her eyes in the classroom were gentle and soft.

She didn't have an intimidating presence, and was completely friendly.

She was bright, talkative, and liked to interact with people.

Until then, I had thought of her as someone from a completely different world, but I soon realized that Natsumi was just an ordinary second-year high school girl, just like me.

Though there was a slight sense of confusion at how different she was from my imagination, I quickly grew fond of her cheerful personality and free-spirited way of thinking.

In a good light, she was someone with strong personal will.

In a bad light, she could be seen as selfish and carefree.

How people perceived her might differ, but to me, she was definitely the former.

I had always lived following the orders of adults, never making my own decisions. For someone like me, her freedom was dazzling, and I admired it.

She had said to me, “I'll teach you. Real freedom.”

True to her words, from then on, Natsumi showed me different perspectives on life whenever she could.

For example, after I became friends with Natsumi, I skipped my first class. She suddenly stood up and pulled me along, and we wandered around like the wind, without caring about the bell that rang.

We just went wherever we felt like going, as far as we wanted. We chatted while looking at the sky behind the school, sneaked out to buy snacks at a convenience store, and even snuck up to the restricted rooftop.

Within the confined time of school, I had only ever known to live by the rules, but Natsumi showed me that I could break out of the framework and walk to all kinds of different places.

After school, there were even more things we could do.

Until then, I had always gone straight home after school.

But when I was with Natsumi, I never once went straight home.

One time, I entered a stylish café near the station for the first time. I was nervous because all the customers were women, but since Natsumi was with me, I soon stopped caring about it.

Another time, we went to see a movie together. A splatter horror film. To be honest, I really hated that genre and would never have picked it myself.

Natsumi, who seemed totally fine, didn't know that I was scared, so I desperately tried to hide it. I thought I was doing a good job of hiding it, but it seemed I wasn't fooling her. Just as the lights dimmed before the movie began, Natsumi took my hand.

The movie didn't scare me at all. In fact, I couldn't even focus on the movie because all my attention was on the sensation of her hand holding mine…

We also took the train in the opposite direction from home and went to some random station to hang out.

My usual range of movement had been limited to the area between my home's closest station and the school's closest station. But with Natsumi leading the way, I stepped into an unknown world—maybe that's a bit dramatic, but it felt that way.

Wherever we went, Natsumi looked like she was having fun. Just seeing her smile made me happy, too. Every road we walked together felt special.

Until then, I had only lived by not deviating from the ordinary, avoiding getting scolded by adults. The scenery that Natsumi showed me was all new and unfamiliar to me. It was a world I would never have seen on my own, and experiencing it became a treasure in my life.

Natsumi had a big impact on my values, and it was only natural that I was drawn to her.

I started wanting to get closer to her.

What caught my attention was the piercing in her ear.

When I stared at it, Natsumi pushed her hair back to show it to me more clearly.

“I pierced it myself.”

I couldn't take my eyes off the piercing and her nape, which was usually hidden.

“If you’re interested, I can pierce yours.”

Without thinking much, I nodded in response to her question. Before I knew it, she was pressing some kind of unfamiliar machine against my ear.

“It's quick.”

Before I could even ask, there was a sharp sound, and I felt a sharp pain in my earlobe. Later, I learned that the tool Natsumi used was called a “piercer,” a device that allows you to pierce your ear yourself.

She also explained how to keep the piercing clean and how to leave it in until it stabilizes, handing me a pair of earrings to wear.

At another point, I started to think about dyeing my hair.

While Natsumi was imagining what colors would suit me, I had already decided on the color.

It was the same bright brown as her hair.

However, I didn't have the courage to dye it exactly the same. I chose a similar brown, just a bit darker.

The shining earring in my ear and my hair that wasn't black—it felt like proof that I was changing. I was happy, thinking that I was getting closer to Natsumi little by little.

After I started spending time with Natsumi, I quickly gained new friends. They all praised the changes in me and I could tell they were accepting me warmly.

However, there was one person who had the opposite reaction.

It was my childhood friend, Mayuko. Every time we met, she started giving me a displeased look.

I did feel bad for not listening to her advice, but I couldn't understand why I shouldn't be involved with Natsumi.

Ever since I became friends with Natsumi, I had been feeling that I was changing in a positive direction, and every day had been fulfilling. I could confidently say that I was spending the best time of my life so far.

That's why I couldn't accept Mayuko's words telling me not to associate with Natsumi.

Honestly, recently, I couldn't understand Mayuko at all, and her attitude of always trying to impose her opinions on me was a bit annoying.

I wasn't the same person as before.

If I didn't agree with something, I didn't feel the need to listen to what Mayuko said.

One day, I decided to stop worrying about Mayuko.

On that day, Natsumi invited me to the light music club's clubroom.

She said they would let me listen to the performance up close. I had never followed anyone into the light music club before. I knew that, as an outsider, it would be out of place for me to join since I didn't know anything about music.

Though I was nervous, the thought that Natsumi would be with me soon made me feel at ease.

When I told them I was there because Natsumi invited me to watch the practice, the band members welcomed me and quickly started preparing.

It was the first time since the stage I saw in my first year that I would get to hear Natsumi's singing and playing, and I immediately became excited, eagerly waiting for it to begin.

“I'm not doing it.”

I heard an annoyed voice at that moment.

It was Mayuko.

“Why? We have a guest today.”

“Natsumi, you're letting an outsider in again.”

The word “outsider” pierced my chest.

“Mayuko… there's no need to say it like that. I brought him here.”

“Without asking me. I didn't agree to it.”

“It's fine, right? And besides, aren't you childhood friends? You could have been a little more thoughtful with your words.”

“Even if we're childhood friends, he's still an outsider since he's not a member. Don't you get that? Maybe you should take classes more seriously.”

“Haa?”

“What?”

The tense atmosphere was painful. The other members seemed unable to intervene, and no one stopped them.

I couldn't stand that I had caused such a tense atmosphere.

“Um, I'll leave today. I'm sorry for making you invite me, Natsumi. And sorry for disturbing the practice, Mayuko.”

I bowed my head and stood up. Natsumi tried to stop me, but Mayuko didn't even look at me. It made me feel like I was a bother, and it saddened me so much that I couldn't say anything else and left the clubroom.

I heard Natsumi shouting angrily at Mayuko from behind, but I didn't hear any response from Mayuko.

“…”

The hallway after school was empty, and the only sound that echoed was my footsteps.

As I walked, I thought about how things had turned out the way they did. I had been so happy to be invited by Natsumi and eagerly headed to the light music club's room. It felt like a lie compared to how excited I was back then.

I wasn't the only one feeling down.

In that clubroom where the argument had happened, I'm sure everyone else felt awkward too. Just thinking about it made me feel like I had done something really wrong.

As I thought about what to say to apologize when I saw Natsumi tomorrow, I suddenly heard the sound of someone running down the hallway.

Before I could turn around, someone hugged me from behind.

The feeling of their soft, white arms and the scent of their smooth hair against my cheek made me immediately realize who had come after me. Despite how down I had been, warmth blossomed inside me in that moment.

“Natsumi?”

“Sorry… because I invited you… that happened.”

The strength in her arms around me increased. Usually, she was like a pillar of confidence, but now, for just this moment, she seemed like an ordinary girl.

“I'm not worried at all. I'm the one who should apologize for causing an argument in the club. Are you okay?”

“It's Mayuko's fault, so you don't need to worry about it.”

“Thank you. But I understand where Mayuko's coming from, and it's true I did interrupt the practice.”

“But, come on, it's fine, right? Why not go back and listen again?”

“Haha, I'll pass on that.”

Meeting Mayuko was already awkward, and I didn't want to cause any more trouble for the other club members. Even though I was happy that Natsumi invited me again, I decided to go home alone today.

“Then I'll walk home with you.”

“Eh!? No, you were all excited to practice today, right?”

“Well, I thought you'd get to hear it, so…”

Hearing that, I became more conscious of the situation where I was still being hugged.

The reason Natsumi was excited was because she wanted me to watch her practice. That's how her words sounded to me.

My face suddenly became hot.

I couldn't help but worry if Natsumi could hear my heart racing, so close to her.

“Like I said, I'm walking home with you.”

“…O-Okay.”

Wrapped in Natsumi's warmth, I realized something clearly in that moment.

When did this start? Was it because I was being treated so gently at that moment? Or had it been gradually happening as we spent time together? Or maybe it was when we first had a real conversation, or when I first saw her on stage and was captivated by her.

She lived her life embodying freedom at all times.

She taught me what true freedom was, someone who had always believed in the importance of being “ordinary” and knew nothing beyond the framework of normality.

I had fallen in love with Natsumi, deeply and truly.

I realized that I loved Natsumi.

Once I became aware of my feelings, I found myself constantly thinking about her. My mind was completely occupied by spring.

Being with Natsumi made me feel happy, and I naturally smiled. Even when we weren't together, I spent each day in a joyful mood.

I wanted to talk more.

I wanted to be with her more.

I wanted to get closer to her.

To do that, I had to express my feelings.

I wondered if it was okay to confess, if it would bother her, or if she might reject me. Thinking about it, my chest tightened with pain.

But if she accepted me… that would be the happiest thing, and just imagining her accepting me made the pain in my chest disappear.

As I spent these days that were both painful and enjoyable, I decided to express my feelings clearly.

The only thing left was when and where to do it. I even started thinking about those specific details.

One day, I was called out by Mayuko.

“I need to talk to you.”

Mayuko, who had suddenly appeared in the classroom, said this while looking directly at me.

It had been a while since we last spoke, ever since that time when I was kicked out by Mayuko from the light music club's room.

Since that day, I hadn't interacted with Mayuko at all. Even when we passed each other in the hallway, we didn't make eye contact.

A sudden summons from someone with whom my relationship had become so cold.

It was Natsumi who seemed more cautious than I was.

“If you have something to say, why not say it here?”

“….”

“Hey, Mayuko?”

“…”

Mayuko didn't even glance at Natsumi. She simply looked at me, waiting for my response.

“…Alright.”

I felt a bit uneasy about following Mayuko, but I didn't want to see another argument between her and Natsumi. So, I decided to go with her.

“Are you alright?”

Natsumi asked with a concerned look, and I smiled reassuringly. I stopped her from standing up with my hand and headed toward the classroom door where Mayuko was waiting.

There was no conversation as we walked.

I didn't have any business other than being called out, and it seemed Mayuko wasn't planning to speak anywhere with other people around. So, she silently led me to the light music club's room.

Unlike before, there was no one in the room now. It was just Mayuko and me, in a space perfect for a conversation that couldn't be overheard.

“Sit wherever.”

Mayuko said as she sat in a metal chair by the wall. It seemed like we weren't going to be standing for this conversation, so I sat on a nearby chair.

Mayuko kept her gaze on the floor as she sat. Even though she was just sitting there, there was a unique atmosphere about her. With her tall stature and well-defined features, she had always looked mature, but I felt that in the time I hadn't properly seen her, she seemed even more grown-up.

“…I'm sorry about the other day.”

The first words from Mayuko were an apology. I was surprised since I hadn't expected that. Perhaps she interpreted my silence as confusion.

“I caused a disturbance in the clubroom. I was just a little frustrated that day…”

“No, I'm the one who should apologize for disturbing you.”

“Don't apologize. It was my fault, so there's no reason for you to apologize.”

“…I see.”

That was when the conversation came to a halt.

The silence that followed felt a bit uncomfortable.

I asked, “Is that all you wanted to say?” but deep down, I knew that couldn't be the case. The earlier conversation seemed like just a preamble, and there was clearly something more important that Mayuko wanted to say. I suspected it was something difficult for her to discuss, and it was probably an uncomfortable topic for me as well.

“…It's about Natsumi.”

Mayuko gave a short response. I wasn't particularly surprised, since I had half-expected this. But from the atmosphere around her, it was clear this wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation, and I felt a sense of dread growing inside me.

“You probably already have some idea, but Natsumi is not normal.”

“…”

“Natsumi lives with a different sense of the world than other people. It's almost like she's a genius, someone beyond the ordinary.”

“…”

“That's why I know you'll find her incredibly charming, but that's just on the surface. You can never truly understand what's inside. It was only when I met Natsumi that I realized I'm just an ordinary person. So, before you get more deeply involved, I think you should…”

“Stay away from her… Is that what you want to say?”

I picked up on her words, and for a moment, Mayuko looked surprised, but then she nodded seriously, returning to her usual expression.

“I want you to believe me. I'm really worried about you, and that's why I'm saying this. I don't want to be mean, and I don't want to control you. I'm just worried and don't want you to get hurt.”

There was a sense of desperation in Mayuko's voice.

I could tell that her words were sincere, and I could feel that she was speaking from a place of genuine concern for me.

“Mayuko…”

“Do you understand now?”

Mayuko's feelings were clear to me — however…

“It’s none of your business.”

“…Eh?”

—It was nothing but annoying.

“You want to say I’m just an ordinary person, don’t you, Mayuko?”

“No!!”

“You said Natsumi is a genius and that I couldn’t understand her, right?!”

“Wait, calm down for a second.”

“Shut up! I know I’m just an ordinary person more than anyone else! That’s why I’m desperately clinging onto this! I even dyed my hair, even though it doesn’t suit me, and I put up with the pain and got my ears pierced. I don't need you to tell me I’m out of place. I already know that!”

“…I… I’m sorry.”

Mayuko bowed her head, her posture almost as if she were about to touch the floor. She didn’t deny the self-deprecating words I had just said. It felt miserable. Mayuko stayed there, her head bowed in what looked like shame.

“I didn’t mean to make fun of you. It’s just that, while I was with Natsumi, I was constantly shown the differences between her and me. Each time, I felt miserable and down. She’s a bundle of talent, not like someone fake like me. I understand why you’d want to reach for her, because she’s dazzling, but no one can understand the deeper parts of her. One day, you’ll definitely end up feeling hurt. I don’t want that to happen to you, so I keep telling you to stay away from Natsumi. You can think I’m annoying or even hate me, but please, for the love of all that's holy, stop getting involved with her.”

Mayuko's words were full of sincerity, and they hit me hard.

She was saying all this for my sake. I didn't doubt that for a second.

But as I had already said, all I could think of was that it was none of her business.

“Don't push your feelings onto me, Mayuko.”

“I didn’t mean to…”

“Even if you didn't mean it, that's what you're doing. What you’re saying is trying to force my feelings into a mold I don’t want. I've already stopped living just by listening to what others say and trying to live a normal life. I appreciate your concern, but I'm the one who decides what I do.”

I looked Mayuko directly in the eyes, and I didn't look away. I wanted to make sure she understood how I felt.

She said nothing, but her eyes were full of sadness, and there was something almost pitying in the way she looked at me.

“…I guess that's the end of the conversation, right? Well, goodbye.”

She called out, “Wait,” but I didn't stop. Without turning back, I left the clubroom.

After that, I didn't see Mayuko for a while.

---

The school festival in my first year. That event became something special to me.

To be precise, it was after the festival, during the after-party, when I met Natsumi for the first time.

It has already been almost a year since I first saw Natsumi that day.

Now, it was the fall of my second year of high school.

The season of the school festival had come around again.

“We’re doing a live show at the after-party, so you absolutely have to come! I'll be saving the front row seat for you.”

When she said she wanted me to be in the closest spot, I couldn't help but feel like I might have become someone a little special to Natsumi. My feelings for her, which had grown larger over the time we spent together, threatened to overflow.

I forced those feelings back into my chest. It wasn't because I was embarrassed to tell her. It was because I thought the right time to express my feelings would be at a different moment.

The day when Mayuko kicked me out of the light music club's room, saying I was in the way. That day, Natsumi followed me, and when I was feeling down, she comforted me. Since that moment, I understood my feelings for her.

I understood why I wanted to be with her.

Why being with her was so enjoyable.

Why her smile felt brighter than anything else.

It was in that moment, when I realized I was in love with Natsumi. Suddenly, everything became clear, and it was like the path ahead of me became visible.

But after that, I started to worry about something else.

When and how should I confess my feelings to her?

I never once thought about not confessing. If it had been the old me, I might have been too scared of rejection, and even though I had feelings for someone, I would have never taken any action.

In fact, during the first year, even though I was captivated by the sight of Natsumi standing on stage, I convinced myself that we lived in different worlds and kept those feelings buried inside for a while.

But now, I was different.

Spending time with Natsumi and learning from her way of life, I came to understand the meaning of freedom. She didn't hold back from doing what she wanted. Being around Natsumi only made my admiration for her grow stronger.

I wanted to be like Natsumi. I wanted to get closer to her.

I didn't know what the outcome would be, but I didn't want to waste the person I had become up until now.

That's why I decided I would definitely confess, and all I needed to think about was when to do it.

Then, I recalled the origin of my feelings.

The first time I saw Natsumi, a year ago, on stage.

Soon, that same stage would appear again.

At that time, I couldn't even talk to Natsumi, but now it was different.

My resolve was firm. After the after-party stage, I would confess to Natsumi. Once I decided this, my heart began to race. Just thinking about it made my body heat up. It was the first time I realized how difficult it was to calm myself down.

When something exciting is coming, time flies. I truly felt this during the days leading up to the event.

Ever since I decided to confess, it felt like the days passed in fast forward, and the cultural festival arrived quickly.

Simply spending time preparing for the festival with Natsumi was fun, and every day I spent thinking about how to confess and what words to say felt fulfilling.

Anyway, the fateful day had arrived, and with it, doubts began to creep into the feelings I thought were resolute.

Even so, I couldn't just forget these feelings now.

My resolve remained unshaken.

Our high school's cultural festival was held over two days on the weekend. The after-party was an event exclusively for students, held after the outside participants had left on the second day. Every year, there are various performances by individuals and clubs during the after-party. The light music club's stage was one of those performances, and it was often considered the most exciting part of the event.

Due to its high profile, Natsumi had been spending a lot of time practicing. Confessing was the most important thing, but I didn't want to miss her performance. I wanted to see again the same stunning image of her I'd seen a year ago.

While my mind was completely occupied with thoughts of my confession, the cultural festival unexpectedly became like a dreamlike time for me.

The café that our class ran was thankfully well-received, and we were constantly busy, but it was a fulfilling time. Seeing Natsumi, dressed in a server-like outfit instead of the usual school uniform, was also a joy for me.

However, it seemed that it wasn't quite the same for Natsumi. The moment her break started, she grabbed my hand and led me out of the classroom.

“You're working way too much! The cultural festival is supposed to be about having fun and checking things out, not just working!”

Walking hand in hand with Natsumi, who was clearly upset, I couldn't help but smile at the thought that, even when she was upset, she came straight to me. I had to make sure I didn't show how happy that made me.

Together, we wandered around the school building, entering the classes that piqued our interest, and fully enjoyed the festival.

Spending time at the cultural festival with the person I liked… I could hardly believe I was really living this dream. At times, I even pinched my cheek to reassure myself.

Of course, the pain made me feel relieved.

While we were walking around the school building, I briefly crossed paths with Mayuko. Our eyes met for a moment. Mayuko stopped, looking like she wanted to say something. I was already fed up, thinking it would probably be more of her complaints about not listening to her advice.

I didn't want to talk, but Natsumi stepped in between us, and we simply passed each other without any words.

I breathed a sigh of relief. Looking at Natsumi, she smiled with a look of reassurance.

“Thanks, Natsumi.”

“No problem, no problem!”

“Won't it be awkward with the after-party and everything?”

“The band stuff? Nah, it's totally fine. When we're playing music, everyone forgets about the usual issues.”

“Really? You're kind of an adult, huh?”

“Are you still fighting with Mayuko?”

“Haha, well, it's not exactly a fight. It's just me not listening to what she says.”

“Hmm, well, you don't have to listen to people when it comes to things you don't want to do.”

“Yeah. I figured you'd say that, Natsumi.”

“Of course! I'm not bound by anyone!”

We joked around as Natsumi struck a playful pose, and we laughed together.

It really was such a fun time.

The first day passed by in the blink of an eye, and soon the second day was also slipping away.

Since I couldn't spend more time with Natsumi due to her busy schedule preparing for the after-party, I kept myself busy helping out with our class's activities to pass the time.

As I worked hard, evening came, and the external participants began to leave.

Finally, the time for the after-party had arrived.

Some students didn't participate, but most were looking forward to it. As everyone quickly started moving, I helped with the last bits of cleaning up for our class before heading to the gymnasium.

The after-party had already begun, and two brave souls were performing a comedy routine on stage. I was relieved to see that the light music club’s performance hadn't started yet, so I sat down on one of the randomly placed folding chairs.

Even though it was almost time, I found it strange that I was still able to stay calm.

Maybe it was because I had come to a point where I could only think, “Let whatever happens, happen.”

I felt a little bad for the two on stage, but I kept repeating the words I had prepared for my confession in my mind.

As I focused, the comedy routine seemed to end. When I looked up, the two performers were gone, and the stage was now being set up with drums and sound equipment.

It seemed like it was finally the light music club's turn.

I focused my attention on the students setting up the stage, hoping to catch a glimpse of Natsumi.

“Found you at last! I told you to watch from the front row!”

It completely took me by surprise. I had thought Natsumi was one of the students setting up, but as I began to look for her, my arm was suddenly grabbed, and there she was, right next to me.

“Come on, move up to the front.”

I let her lead me to the front row beneath the stage.

“I promised I'd have you watch from here, didn't I? I'll make it the best time, so enjoy!”

After placing me in what seemed like my designated spot, Natsumi walked away, looking satisfied. I couldn't help but call out to her back.

“When it's over, I want to be alone with you!”

Natsumi looked back at me with a brief look of surprise. It lasted only a moment before she waved and walked up to the stage. Her expression immediately shifted back to her usual one—gone was the one from a year ago. The sharp, focused demeanor she carried when standing on stage made her feel like a different person.

Even before the performance started, I could feel goosebumps all over my body.

I had originally planned to watch from farther back.

Natsumi's band members included Mayuko as well. Given the awkwardness between them, I didn't want to get too close and risk causing any tension for the performance, and I also didn't want to cause any issues for Mayuko.

But now, those thoughts didn't matter.

Even though all the band members were close by, my eyes were fixed only on Natsumi. It felt as though my field of vision had narrowed so much that I could only see her.

The time that had once been so exciting now felt peaceful, and time seemed to pass in a calm flow.

After the after-party ended, I found myself in a corner of the gymnasium, watching the aftermath of the festival.

Some people were still energetic, but most seemed a bit down, reflecting on the end of the festivities.

I, too, was still overwhelmed by Natsumi's performance. Even after it ended, I remained standing there for a while, stunned. Even now, my hands were still shaking from the shock. I had experienced that overwhelming sense of unity from the front row. Once again, Natsumi had shown me something new.

As for Natsumi, the one I was supposed to meet after the performance, she still hadn't appeared.

I quietly waited in the gymnasium, thinking she'd come by soon, but as the after-party came to an end, there was still no sign of her.

As I wondered what to do, I overheard some people talking about the light music club being in the club room.

“… Eh?”

The scene that greeted me as I opened the door was something I never expected.

It wasn’t that Mayuko, who I had an awkward relationship with, was there.

There wasn’t a crowd of club members hanging around.

There were only two people there.

One was the person I had been looking for.

And the other was a boy I didn't recognize.

His tie was the kind worn by a student a grade above, so it seemed that this boy was a third-year student.

The problem was that the two of them were hugging, and even worse, they were in the middle of kissing.

“… Eh?”

That was all I could say.

The boy, startled by the sudden opening of the door, hastily pulled away from Natsumi. He looked at me with a surprised expression, which quickly turned into a frustrated one. He looked like a villain who had his fun interrupted.

“What the hell are you? Don't just come in if you're not a club member.”

“Ah, sorry, I-I'm sorry!”

In my state of utter confusion, I couldn't think of anything to say and reflexively apologized.

But that wasn't what I wanted to say.

I wanted to shout at him, What the hell are you?

Who was this guy? Why was he alone with Natsumi in the clubroom? And why… why were they kissing? I couldn't bring myself to ask these questions directly, and I felt pathetic for being unable to confront him.

“Get out of here, already!”

“Ah!?”

The boy shoved me, and I ended up sitting down hard on the floor in the hallway.

Looking up, the boy was looking down at me from the door of the clubroom, and he was closing the door as if he wasn't even interested in me.

“Wait!”

Even as I stretched my hand out in a pathetic position, I couldn't reach him.

The boy ignored me and closed the door.

In vain, my hand grasped at the air as the door slammed shut in front of me.

“Are you okay!?”

“… Huh?”

Just as the door that had just closed was opened forcefully.

Natsumi rushed out, holding my hand that had reached out helplessly.

“Are you hurt?”

“Y-yeah.”

My confusion only deepened, and I couldn't think straight.

“Hey, Natsumi! Forget about him!”

The boy, who had stood there for a moment staring at us in a daze, seemed to snap out of it and shouted as he came out of the clubroom.

Natsumi didn't even show a hint of turning around.

“Oi, Natsumi!”

Perhaps at his breaking point, the boy grabbed Natsumi by the shoulder. It was only then that Natsumi seemed to notice him, and she gave a surprised exclamation.

“Huh!? You're still here!?”

“Huh? What are you talking about? Anyway, forget about him. Let's get back inside.”

“No, no, you should go home instead. I have a promise with this guy now.”

“No, no, that's fine. We've just gotten back together, so let's go inside quickly.”

“Ah, I guess we were talking about that… Yeah. Let's forget about it.”

Although I couldn't fully understand everything they were saying, just looking at the boy's face, I could tell that Natsumi was saying something outrageous.

“Are you kidding me? We just got back together not too long ago!”

“Yeah, so what? Congrats on setting the shortest breakup record.”

“We even kissed!!”

“Who hasn't kissed anyone, though?”

The senior who had been sent off with polite speech now had a face that seemed on the verge of tears, completely unlike his earlier fiery attitude.

If you asked me if my mood had improved after being shoved like that, I would say no.

I'm sure I looked just as lost as that boy, with Natsumi paying attention to me.

“Can you stand up? Hold my hand.”

I grabbed her outstretched hand and gently stood up, letting her pull me up.

“Since no one is around, let's rest in the clubroom for a bit.”

Natsumi spoke nonchalantly in front of the dazed boy. I had no sympathy left to feel for him.

Natsumi led me into the clubroom. In the hallway, I could see the boy reaching out with his hand, moving in slow motion as if in a dream.

Before his hand could reach the door, Natsumi closed it and locked it. I'm pretty sure I heard the sound of the lock. Judging by the look on his face, I didn't think that boy could even try to open the door anymore.

“You said you wanted to be alone with me, right? Now, no one will interrupt us.”

Her smile, the usual one, felt so different to me now, as if she was a completely different person.

“Did you want to say something to me?”

Yes, I had come here to confess to Natsumi.

But all the words I had thought about were completely erased from my mind, leaving me unable to speak.

“Um, who was that guy earlier?”

“Who?”

“The guy in the hallway.”

“Oh, that's a Senpai from the light music club!”

She said, as if it were no big deal.

“We used to date, and he said he wanted to get back together. I was all hyped up from the concert, so I said sure. But when I saw him push you, I just instantly lost interest. I don't need him anymore.”

Natsumi's words came out so fast, and I had a hard time understanding them, almost on the verge of tears.

“Didn't you like him?”

“Not really.”

“Then why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you… date him?”

“Why? I just thought it was fine.”

When I heard that, for some reason, I remembered what Mayuko had said to me.

“You might think Natsumi is really attractive, but that's only on the surface. You'll never understand what's inside her.”

At the time, what had I said to Mayuko? I think… oh, yes.

None of your business.

“I've dated a few other guys too, but there's no deep reason for it.”

Mayuko's concern truly had been unnecessary. After sitting next to her for about six months, I thought I had come to understand Natsumi.

Natsumi was free, a person unbound by anything. Even without Mayuko telling me that, I knew it. But perhaps that was a correct yet shallow understanding.

Now, I was finally touching the essence of her true freedom.

“Hey, aren't you going to confess to me?”

Before I knew it, she was leaning in close, peering into my face. She seemed to have read my mind, leaving me speechless. With an expectant look in her eyes, she waited for me to speak. But when I didn't say anything, she seemed to misunderstand and nodded as if coming to a conclusion.

“Is it because there are other guys? I can break up with all of them if you want. I really like you that much.”

With a smile that seemed like she could stare at me forever, she casually said something like that. It felt just as Mayuko had said—Natsumi lived with a completely different set of values.

But it was already too late; I had understood too late.

“…Why?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Why do you like me?”

“Oh, when I first saw you, I thought you were kind of cute. And then—”

She paused for a moment, wearing a slightly mischievous smile. As soon as I saw that expression, I had the feeling that I shouldn't ask her to continue.

“—because Mayuko seemed to like you, so I got curious.”

The moment I heard that, regret flooded over me.

She wasn't someone who thought in simple terms like “love” or “hate.”

Memories of the many warnings Mayuko had given me came rushing back.

I knew painfully well that it was too late now. Even so, I couldn't help but feel regret.

“So, so? How do you plan on confessing to me? I've been kind of looking forward to it.”

Natsumi, totally ignoring my situation, was gleefully waiting. The metaphor about living in different worlds wasn't even a metaphor.

I finally understood, alongside my regret, that my love could never even begin to be real.

“Natsumi…”

“Hmm? What is it?”

She deliberately straightened up and smiled. If it had been the old me, I would have thought her expression was endearing.

Why hadn't I just stayed quietly in the gym?

If I had never known the truth about her, if I had just remained unaware, I could have been sitting next to her, smiling…

“I’m sorry. I didn't have anything to say.”

“…Eh?”

“Goodbye.”

“Wait, hold on?!”

I shook off her hand that grabbed my arm, trying to stop me.

I unlocked the door and threw it open, rushing out into the hallway.

I leaped over the Senpai who had been sitting there and ran with all my might.

I could hear Natsumi calling out to me in a heart-wrenching way from behind, but I never looked back.

Ignoring my childhood friend's warnings, thinking I understood the person, falling for only the surface of things.

When I tried to confess, she was kissing another guy and said she'd do that with anyone.

She was dating several other people, and for her, that was normal. She said it so proudly.

I realized that blaming her values was probably misguided.

The fault was mine.

I didn't look beyond the surface, thinking I understood her, and then when I saw the truth, I was disillusioned by my own assumptions.

That was what I had done. In the end, my love was probably just a shallow admiration.

I escaped to an empty classroom. My desk and Natsumi's desk were side by side.

Memories of those shining days that I had cherished came flooding back, and that alone made me feel sad.

“…Ugh, u…ugh…”

The things I had been holding back finally broke through.

I couldn't stop.

The tears kept flowing, dripping onto my desk.

I was probably looking pathetic and pitiful. Even so, in the empty classroom, with no one around, all my pride and concerns faded away, and I didn't care anymore. I just cried.

“See? I told you.”

The words sounded like an exasperated complaint, but there was no mocking tone in them. Instead, they felt like a gentle, understanding embrace.

“I knew this would happen.”

I was hugged from behind.

I didn't know why she was here.

I didn't know why she was being so kind to me.

I just, for the first time in a long while, wanted to lean on my childhood friend's voice. I didn't want to think anymore.

“Mayu…”

“What is it?”

“I… I’m sorry… I was so stupid.”

“It's fine. Just forget it. That's the best solution.”

“Even if you say that, forgetting is… impossible.”

“It's okay. I'll make you forget.”

Mayuko said those strong words and hugged me tighter, as if to confirm her promise.

I just let myself be embraced, wrapped in her warm, gentle comfort, and continued to cry.