Oneshot: I Destroyed a Family of the People I Loved.

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Translator: Soafp

TL: Read this before you read this oneshot.

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[Nodoka PoV]

There’s a saying that goes “love favors the swift,” but…

For me, that was a mistake.

I should have stopped and taken the time to think it through.

I should have considered what lay ahead after fulfilling that desire, and I should have been ready to let go.

I should have let go and focused on what was closer to me.

Everyone else seemed to realize that.

I was the only one who didn’t see… who didn’t understand.

Even that person probably knew deep down.

That’s why he couldn’t bear the mistake I made.

It’s all… all my fault.

Even though that person tried to persuade me to give up, time and time again…

I pushed forward, taking advantage of his loneliness, and crossed the line.

Because I, a stupid little girl, acted according to my emotions, I trampled on and destroyed many things.

By the time I finally realized it….. it was too late for everything.

Yet even then, I found myself clinging to him, begging for forgiveness when we happened to meet again.

But in the end, even that was just… my own self-centered ego.

Now, I understand that there’s no way to make amends…

There’s no way to go back to how things were, and I’m just a hindrance in his life.

However… even though I know I have no right to regret now…

Even if it’s just self-satisfaction born from guilt… I still wanted to apologize.

I’m sorry for trampling on your feelings in the worst way possible… for taking your family away.

Forgive me… please forgive me.

I’m sorry, Sou-kun.

It’s all my fault.

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From the first time we met… I thought he was a cool person.

He was someone I admired.

―― Soichiro Yamashiro Sensei.

There is a boy who lives nearby and has been with me since I can remember, a childhood friend.

Sou-kun… Souya Yamashiro, the son of Soichiro Yamashiro and our teacher.

Though strict at times, he was sincere and kind, always ready to go the extra mile for someone else.

If you asked our classmates from middle school, they’d all say he was a good teacher, despite having a scary side.

He was also a little scary to Sou-kun, who had a mischievous side. ……

There was no doubt that he admired Soichiro sensei as a father figure.

Perhaps… if Soichiro sensei’s wife…

Sou-kun’s mother had still been alive, things might have ended just as an admiration.

I don’t remember much anymore, but they were such a close, wonderful couple…

There would have been no room to interfere… no room to turn admiration into affection.

…But Sou-kun’s mother passed away when we were still in elementary school.

I’m not sure of the exact cause, but… it seems she was involved in a traffic accident.

It’s understandable, given that we were still children… but back then, Sou-kun was troubled.

He unleashed his confusion and sadness on those around him, lashing out.

At first, he was met with sympathy, but gradually, he was overwhelmed and ended up alone.

Even Soichiro Sensei seemed to be struggling.

Now I understand, but at the time, he must have been under tremendous pressure, having to suppress the shock of losing his wife…

And having to raise Sou-kun alone.

Back then… I didn’t fully understand these things, but even so, I thought:

“I have to become a substitute for Sou-kun’s late mother… I have to support them both.”

However, at the time, I was just an elementary school student.

My feelings ran wild, and there wasn’t much I could do.

Despite being somewhat intimidated by Sou-kun, who was troubled and isolated…

I stuck by him.

But initially, there was nowhere to cling to.

“Leave me alone, I don’t want anything to do with you anymore”… he was completely despondent.

I didn’t know what to do, but still… I felt I had to become a substitute for Sou-kun’s late mother…

I remembered what my own mother used to do for me when I got anxious in the middle of the night.

So, I hugged him and said, “I’ll always be here for you.”

Sou-kun’s face turned bright red, embarrassed and flustered, but in the end, he accepted having me by his side.

Though we were teased by those around us, and even though he apologized to everyone for his past behavior, he managed to be forgiven somehow.

And so, I spent even more time by Sou-kun’s side than before.

After about six months, things had settled down completely… and finally, it was back to normal.

“Thank you for supporting Souya. It’s shameful as a parent that I didn’t realize earlier… If you could continue to look out for him from now on, I would be grateful.”

When I heard those words from Soichiro Sensei, I remember feeling incredibly happy.

Perhaps… no, certainly, it was just a word of gratitude for helping his son recover purely…

However… back then, I was still young.

Combined with the admiration I already felt… I mistook what I felt at that time for love.

I started to dream about the future… about becoming this person’s wife and living together as a family of three.

Surely, it was from that moment that my wandering began.

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By the time I reached junior high…

It wasn’t unusual for me to visit Sou-kun and Soichiro Sensei’s house anymore.

However, all I could do was occasionally help Sou-kun with household chores during free time, and that was about it.

I also had to make sure not to neglect my own studies and club activities… Sensei always reminded me sternly about my responsibilities as a student.

I, too, wanted to meet Sensei’s expectations… So I worked hard.

Thanks to that, my grades gradually improved, and I even managed to rank among the top students in my grade.

Perhaps, this was the last chance for me to turn back… I think, looking back now.

At school or at home… I enjoyed the time I spent by Sou-kun’s side.

Even though we were the same age, he had a somewhat endearing, brother-like quality about him that I couldn’t ignore.

Maybe it wasn’t what he was looking for… But I loved him for it.

I didn’t intend to lie when I said I would always be by his side.

I always wished we could stay together as a family forever… That’s what I thought.

I confessed to Soichiro Sensei for the first time when I entered the second year of junior high.

Of course… I was flatly rejected by Sensei.

“It’s impossible for me to respond to your feelings as a teacher and as an adult.”

It was a natural response, of course.

…But I didn’t give up.

In order to get Soichiro Sensei’s attention… I put even more effort into my studies and club activities than before.

Biologically speaking, it wasn’t unusual for someone my age to have such feelings… There were times in the past when relationships like ours were not uncommon, despite our age gap.

I relied on knowledge I gathered from the internet, which conveniently supported my situation back then, and made efforts to improve myself, hoping to become more attractive.

Little by little, I received compliments about how I was becoming prettier or cuter… Honestly, it was fun and heartwarming.

I was able to feel that I was making some progress.

However, before I knew it, I found myself being confessed to by seniors, juniors, and even classmates…

I politely turned down all of them to avoid causing any offense.

It boosted my confidence, and little by little…

I started to feel a change in Soichiro Sensei’s gaze towards me.

And so, a little before entering the third year of junior high… It was during winter break, I think.

There were times when Sou-kun was away from home for half a day or more, and Sensei and I were left alone together.

To cut to the chase, we did it…

…We did it….

It’s undeniable that Soichiro Sensei, who had already lost his wife and been single for a long time, had been accumulating such desires without being able to properly release them.

He didn’t have the time to look for a new partner, as he was determined to show his proper role as a teacher and Sou-kun’s father.

Additionally, I believe my own unstable mental state due to adolescent hormones played a role in pushing me to act.

Of course, looking back now, there are plenty of caveats to consider.

By the time we reached adulthood… in other words, around the time we graduated from high school, Soichiro Sensei even said that we should take responsibility and get married.

Perhaps, he was definitely serious about those words.

However, whether they stemmed from love, from self-condemnation for succumbing to desire, or perhaps both… I still don’t know the answer to that.

But at the time, I honestly felt happy about it. When we were alone together, I started calling Sensei “Soichiro-san,” reveling in the sense of taboo and getting deeper into it.

However, it was just a way for me to avert my eyes from the inevitable collapse that would surely come if we continued this relationship.

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I was able to pass the high school I aimed for together with Sou-kun.

I remember when we both found our numbers at the announcement of the results, we instinctively hugged each other and jumped for joy.

I vividly remember Soichiro Sensei’s face turning red as he tried to pull away from me, back to reality. But at that time, I was so intoxicated with the current situation that I didn’t even realize what it meant.

The end of such a distorted relationship came after we entered high school… it was shortly after the start of summer vacation.

When Sou-kun left the house with his male friends and we were left alone, Sensei and I were drawn to each other as usual. But we had to interrupt it… when Sou-kun returned home earlier than planned, we noticed.

Seeing him retch violently and scatter vomit on the floor repeatedly made my head go cold in an instant. I realized that everything had been seen.

Even as he vomited repeatedly until stomach acid came out, Sou-kun stared at us with wide-open eyes. Forgetting to even pretend to be normal in his extraordinary state, he brushed away our attempts to comfort him and stared back at us with eyes filled with an unusual hatred, hurling insults we had never heard before.

Honestly, just thinking back on that time is painful. It forces me to confront how foolish our choices were.

Especially the last exchange we had at that moment is etched into my memory and still vividly remembered. I probably won’t be able to forget it for the rest of my life.

“Souya… calm down and listen to me. It’s understandable that you’re confused… but Nodoka and I, we’re in a relationship. I want to make it official when she graduates from high school.”

“I’m sorry, Sou-kun. I should have told you sooner, but… you promised to always be together, didn’t you? That’s why… I want to be your real family, Sou-kun.”

In response to our words, Sou-kun silently grabbed a nearby cushion and slammed it into his face. It didn’t hurt, but his words right after pierced my heart deeply.

“…DROP DEAD, YOU SL*T AND YOU B*****D FATHER!”

Perhaps he shouted with all the emotions he had. Sou-kun dashed out of the entrance without looking back.

We couldn’t follow him immediately.

Sensei and I… finally realized how badly we had hurt Sou-kun with our actions, which left us stunned. Especially Sensei, who remained stunned, kneeling on the ground, unable to even stand up.

I couldn’t even comfort him, just standing there…

But I mustered the strength to move my body forcibly and followed Sou-kun, but it was already too late.

We searched every place we could think of.

But Sou-kun was nowhere to be found…

It wasn’t until nightfall that we decided to contact the police.

In the end… Sou-kun didn’t return home until a week later.

He had been wandering around, avoiding us, until someone convinced him to turn himself in to the police.

When Sou-kun looked at me and Sensei… his eyes seemed… sober.

His anger and hatred from a week ago seemed to have disappeared completely, and his words were so indifferent that I couldn’t help but doubt where they had gone.

“I can’t consider you as my father anymore, you sh*tty old man. And Nodoka, I can’t see you as my mother.…I’m leaving. The person who found me suggested it, so I consulted with my grandparents.”

Sou-kun’s grandparents, in other words, Soichiro Sensei’s parents.

Soichiro Sensei… his face had been pale the whole time.

His mouth moved as if trying to speak, but no words came out.

“That sh*tty farther should have already heard about it from the old man and the old woman last night. Honestly, I was planning to drop out of high school and start working, but… they told me to at least go to college. They said they would take care of everything until then.”

Soichiro Sensei… didn’t say anything. Maybe he couldn’t. He just trembled, bowed his head, filled with fear and regret for the sins he had committed.

I couldn’t bear it and tried to speak to Sou-kun, but… I was rendered speechless by his cold gaze filled with the intention of rejecting us.

Sou-kun continued without showing any emotion.

“…Don’t ever interfere in my life again. That’s all I ask of you. Do whatever you want. That’s all I came to tell you today. I’ll come back for my stuff later.”

Soichiro Sensei remained silent for a while… then just replied with “I understand” and accepted Sou-kun’s choice.

Maybe he could have forcibly retained custody and kept him here, but… even I knew that would be pointless.

It wasn’t a matter of law.

Our relationship with him had completely broken down.

We… no longer had the right to be involved with him.

“Well then… goodbye.”

With those final words, Sou-kun left without even glancing at me.

At that moment, we… couldn’t even apologize to him.

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“Let’s put an end to this… Nodoka, no… Nodoka-chan. I’ve finally come to my senses. No, I knew it from the beginning. …Yet, I clung to your affection and drowned in desire. I’m sorry, it’s all my fault. I… as an adult, as a teacher, as a father… I should never have accepted you.”

Shortly after Sou-kun left… it was Soichiro Sensei who broached the subject of parting.

“Didn’t Souya tell you? Last night, I received a call from my parents. Both my father and mother… scolded me… and cried. That their son… their grandchild’s classmate’s daughter… and moreover, my student… I had laid hands on. It’s no wonder they reacted like that. And it’s also because… their grandchild was childhood friends with Nodoka.”

“Huh? Soichiro-san, what do you mean by that… Sou-kun, my…?”

It took me some time to digest the meaning of Soichiro Sensei’s words back then. It was because the content was so shocking. At that moment, I finally understood how cruelly I had treated Sou-kun. Maybe I would have been happier if I hadn’t known anything.

Soichiro Sensei smiled self-deprecatingly at my words.

Maybe at that moment… Soichiro Sensei had already made up his mind.

“…You didn’t know, did you? Souya… had been worried about you all along, Nodoka-chan. Surely, he liked you as a member of the opposite sex. No, I shouldn’t speak for others… Even I, for a long time, pretended not to notice, deceived myself. …But I can’t deceive myself anymore. Have you seen Souya’s eyes? They were like eyes that had seen hell. Chilled to the bone by his words, I finally realized what I had done. So… it’s over. As his father, I have to settle things once and for all.”

“But, wait, if you leave, Sou-kun… No, no, I don’t want this…! Why, why is this happening…!? I thought we would be a family, the three of us, forever…! We can still fix this, Sou-kun is just a little confused… surely, once he calms down, we can talk again, the three of us—”

At that moment, I was completely lost… clinging to Soichiro Sensei, begging while crying. If you believe in never giving up, dreams will come true. But for a foolish girl who continued to run without looking back, I couldn’t accept Soichiro Sensei’s conclusion.

However, Soichiro Sensei… shook his head gently, quietly released my hand, and stepped back.

“You won’t give up, will you? Well, it can’t be helped… I’ll contact your parents, Nodoka-chan. I’ll tell them everything… and face the consequences. Perhaps, no matter how it turns out, you and I will never see each other again.”

“…”

At that moment, I couldn’t say anything. Even now, I don’t know what I should have said. Soichiro Sensei gave a wry smile at my silent state, then took a step forward to pick up the landline phone.

…But just before that, he suddenly stopped, turned his back, and murmured.

“Nodoka-chan, I’m truly sorry for everything. …I’m just a hopeless waste of space. I have no right to say anything to you… but please, take care of yourself, at least physically.”

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As for the discussion that took place between my parents and Sensei afterward…

I think it was because I was in a state of shock that both Sensei and Sou-kun were leaving me ……To be honest, my memory of the event is not clear, and I can only recall it vaguely.

However, I do remember vividly Sensei kneeling and bowing tearfully while being scolded and berated by my parents.

We had a close family relationship with Sou-kun’s mother since she was alive, and Sensei was highly trusted. It seemed apparent from the conversation that he had betrayed that trust.

“When will you start feeling sorry for your own son, Soichiro-kun?”

My father yelled at Sensei. At that moment, I realized, albeit vaguely, that Sou-kun and I were being looked at with eyes that conveyed similar sentiments by those around us.

Everyone, including my parents and others, seemed to understand Sou-kun’s feelings towards me.

My parents might have even approved of it. They never complained about me visiting Sou-kun and Sensei’s house frequently.

I had been cruel in my treatment of Sou-kun’s affection all along.

Regarding the outcome of the discussion, Sensei agreed to never have any further contact with me, provided there would be no legal action against him.

It seemed like there was a fear of causing significant social damage if a legal case was pursued, not to mention the desire not to label Sou-kun as the son of a “s*x offender.”

The last time I saw Sensei, he looked utterly devastated and shattered, expressing his intention to resign from his teaching position.

It was then that I finally understood deep in my heart that this relationship should never have existed.

I destroyed Sou-kun and Sensei’s family life, trampled upon Sou-kun’s feelings, and led Sensei to commit irreparable mistakes, ruining his life.

Now that I understand all of this… I can never see Sensei again. I must never even think about meeting him. Whether I’m an adult or not, that fact won’t change. Meeting him would only intensify his feelings of guilt.

My first love was wrong from the beginning. By the time I could finally accept that, it was already too late. In the end, that’s all there was to it.

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…And in the end, I made another mistake.

All I did was reopen the wounds of Sou-kun’s heart in a more severe way.

After wiping away my tears, slowly standing up, brushing off the dust from my school uniform skirt, and leaving the park… the sun was already beginning to set.

It seemed like I had been in a daze for much longer than I thought.

Of course, there was no way I could know where Sou-kun had gone. Even if I did know, there was no chance we could ever talk again even if we met.

I truly am a stupid girl.

…I should just go home.

My parents, who promised to never abandon even a stupid girl like me, are waiting.

When I arrived home by train, my mother greeted me…

She didn’t say anything about the dust on my uniform that I couldn’t brush off completely.

…She just prepared a warm bath for me and suggested I take it.

That night, for the first time in a while, I dreamed of my middle school days.

My childhood friend, who was like a brother to me and whom I had spent my entire life with, confessed his feelings to me…

I shyly accepted, and everyone, teasingly yet blessing us, celebrated.

Even Sensei was there in the dream.

It was all too convenient… a story that could never come true in reality.

In that dream, both Sou-kun and I wore happy smiles.

The next morning, when I woke up, I once again realized my stupidity and unbearable weakness, and tears fell once more.

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TL: Continuation