Oneshot: My Girlfriend Is Torn Between Me and Her Ex-boyfriend.

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Translator: Soafp

Full title: My girlfriend is torn between me and her ex-boyfriend. Apparently she won’t let me overwrite her memories of her ex-boyfriend.

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The saying “Men save under a different name, while women save over the existing file” exists. It implies that while something might be a cherished memory for a man, for a woman, it might be something she wants to erase or something that doesn’t matter at all.

At first glance, this phrase seems like a cynical take on women’s views on relationships, but perhaps there’s a hidden wish on the man’s part.

It can be unexpectedly painful to feel like the shadow of a former lover still lingers over your current partner. After all, you have to constantly live in fear of the ghost of her ex-boyfriend.

I—Hikaru Kojima—and my girlfriend—Mizuho Shinoda—met at the izakaya where we both worked part-time.

I was her senior, and she was my junior. If that were all, there wouldn’t be anything special about it. That’s just normal. But before we realized it, we had become close enough to hang out together, just the two of us.

I think Mizuho and I became close because I was in charge of her education. I had been working part-time longer than her, but I was also younger than her, so Mizuho was probably easier to talk to than I had thought.

“Hikaru… there’s something I need to tell you…”

One day, Mizuho confided in me that she had been in a relationship for five years with a childhood friend.

Apparently, he had suddenly disappeared from her life. She hadn’t been able to contact him at all for the past year.

When I heard this, I felt a surge of anger towards her ex. How could he leave such a beautiful woman behind? What could he possibly have been thinking?

Mizuho was an incredibly beautiful woman. So much so that seeing her even once in a lifetime felt like a miracle.

“Mizuho… If you're okay with it… would you go out with me? I would never do what that guy did to you!”

The words came out naturally. Without realizing it, I seized the moment and pressed forward.

Before I knew it, I had fallen deeply in love with Mizuho. Her pure smile, which she only showed to those close to her, and her adorable habit of hiding her face with a notebook when she was embarrassed had unknowingly captivated my heart.

Looking back on my short life, I don’t think I’ve ever been this assertive with the opposite sex. That’s how much I was drawn to her.

“Thank you…!”

Perhaps my desperate approach paid off, as Mizuho gladly accepted me as her boyfriend.

Maybe she gave in to my persistence, reluctantly agreeing to go out with me. But if she had enough experience in relationships, she must have understood what it means to be involved with someone.

She would let go of her lingering feelings for her ex. Besides, Mizuho herself must want to forget about the man who abandoned her. Or so I thought—

Six months have passed since Mizuho and I started dating. Normally, we would have entered the “cooling-off” phase by now, yet for some reason, our relationship still feels as fresh as it did in the beginning.

We've gone out to eat together. We've been shopping, to amusement parks, on drives, to karaoke, and even bowling. But that’s as far as it goes.

Even though we've held hands, I can’t go further. Whenever I try to touch her more, she gently rejects me.

“You know, I kissed Teruhiro back in middle school. It was our first kiss for both of us, and it made my heart race… Ah, how nostalgic… Uh, ugh…”

Out of nowhere, Mizuho suddenly starts talking about her ex. It doesn't matter if we're on a date or at work.

And every time, she gets emotional and starts crying, even though I'm right in front of her.

What is going on here? Aren't women supposed to save over the existing file? Weren’t they supposed to move on from their exes without looking back?

It feels like Mizuho’s feelings for her childhood friend are growing stronger as time passes.

“Hikaru-kun, I’m really grateful to you.”

Mizuho often expresses her gratitude to me. But she never puts her feelings for me into words.

Does she truly like me? Could she be thinking that Teruhiro was better after all?

The more I think about it, the more anxious I become. How long will I have to live in fear of the shadow of her ex?

“Why… now… What is going on? What's with him!?”

Lately, Mizuho has been staring at her phone screen constantly.

She doesn’t tell me anything, but from her demeanor, I can tell that Teruhiro is trying to make some sort of contact with her again.

I do feel anger at this situation. But at the same time, I feel sad.

Is this difference all because of timing—because I missed the chance of youth?

No matter how much I devote myself to her, Mizuho can't let go of her attachment to her childhood friend.

Teruhiro is deeply etched into her soul. Meanwhile, it seems I'm merely seen as a convenient comforter.

“Mizuho, if Teruhiro is on your mind so much, then go see him. If, after that, you still have feelings for him, then I’ll break up with you.”

That's why I made such a suggestion—to find out how she truly felt.

“I’m sorry… Hikaru-kun…”

I should have thought more carefully about what those words really meant. Why didn't I realize that, for her, my suggestion was exactly what she wanted?

After that, I lost contact with Mizuho. She even quit her job at the izakaya without telling me.

But I believed. I was certain she would come back to me.

However, that belief was nothing but arrogance. I came to understand that the feelings Mizuho had for her childhood friend weren't something as simple as lingering attachment.

I saw it. I couldn't help but see it—Mizuho walking into a hotel, arm in arm with another man.

This can’t be called cheating. Since I was the one who pushed her into this, it's nothing but a heartbreak—a cruel reckoning that no one can be blamed for.

I'm in awe of married men who manage to overcome such setbacks and find a lifelong partner. What kind of mental fortitude do they have?

I thought I was constantly warming Mizuho’s heart, which had turned cold as ice. I had cut down my time to the limit to be with her, yet she chose Teruhiro over me.

Love is terrifyingly cold and brutal. No matter how much you care for someone, your feelings might not be reciprocated, and even if they are, there's no guarantee of anything in return.

If only I had been able to overwrite her memories of her ex, perhaps this outcome could have been avoided.

In the end, neither men nor women overwrite their memories. The memories of a lover are saved under a different name and kept safe.

No matter how joyful or happy they are, the past has a way of consuming the present. The memories engraved in the heart never truly disappear.

I was defeated from the start. Teruhiro’s presence in Mizuho’s life was absolute, and there was never any room for another man.

She only dated me because she felt lonely after he left. That's all there was to it.

Aah… Goodbye, Mizuho. Please be happy with him. I will never forget you, but please, forget about me. That would be my only solace.