Oneshot: I……Should Have Killed My Sister

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Translator: Soafp

Alternative title: After I, who was bullied and driven to despair, committed suicide, here is the untold story of what happened next to the twins who loved me, unable to return.

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I had two childhood friends.

They were twin girls of the same age, the older sister, Makishiro Mizuno , and the younger sister, Mizuka Mizuno .

We’ve been going to the same school since kindergarten, sharing the same time, and spending all our time together.

But if you were to ask me if that was a happy thing for me, I’d have to shake my head.

Mizuka, the younger sister, was still okay. Although we’re growing distant now, we used to get along well, and we have fond memories of playing together. We still greet each other when we meet, and we can have normal conversations, maintaining a distance typical of childhood friends.

The problem lay with the older sister, Makishiro.

She was always harsh on me.

Makishiro’s words were always cold and sharply pierced my heart.

How many times has she told me to die? She even called me disgusting.

Being told “Why are you still alive?” was nothing out of the ordinary.

Whenever our paths crossed, I always felt like I was being berated by her.

It got particularly worse after talking to Mizuka.

Whenever Mizuno saw me talking to her sister, her mood would sour without fail.

Her tantrums were indescribable, and sometimes even escalated to direct violence.

Her terrifying demeanor, warning me not to get close to her sister or even speak to her, would haunt me like a demon in my dreams.

Every time, I would jolt awake from my bed, drenched in sweat.

Just recalling it made me shudder, and my body wouldn’t stop trembling. Tears threatened to spill, and until morning, huddling in my blanket was the only way to protect myself from the memories of her.

But when morning came, the doorbell would ring.

And behind the door would be Makishiro—

There was ultimately nowhere for me to escape.

I had long surpassed Makishiro in height.

Even my gaze was higher, and if I put in the effort, I could win. I knew somewhere in my heart that there was no need to be afraid.

But that was just a shallow self-esteem, like a plastic bag that would fly away with a gust of wind.

No matter how much I pretended, when Makishiro stood before me, everything would crumble.

Her elegant, composed gaze from her beautiful, refined features instilled more fear in me than anything else in the world.

I would freeze, my heart shrinking. Even though my body had grown into a high schooler’s, my heart would regress to its small size from those days.

After being teased and tormented by her, I would mutter “I’m sorry,” but inside, I would continue to apologize countless times.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please forgive me.

The old me would be crouching, apologizing with clasped knees, while the current me could only stare.

I couldn’t save myself.

Because I haven’t been able to change anything since then.

So should I seek help from someone? I can’t do that.

Should I foolishly ask someone for help because I’ve been bullied by my childhood friends?

I never talked to my parents about this.

Makishiro was skilled at wearing a mask, always portraying herself as a cheerful girl in front of adults.

My parents truly believed that their timid, quiet son had made it this far by being led by her.

But that wasn’t the truth. Perhaps naturally, I had a timid personality, but it was undoubtedly exacerbated by my childhood friend.

So how I wished I could distance myself from her, how I wished I could get away from her.

I used to be a good kid.

Not in terms of having a good personality, but in the sense of being convenient for adults.

Seeing my parents dote on Makishiro , I convinced myself that if I just endured, Makishiro would eventually change, and I continued the relationship.

Not realizing that it was all a mistake—in the end, people don’t change.

Especially if the current situation is convenient for them. If I had the mentality to consider things from Makishiro’s perspective, I could have realized it sooner.

In the end, it’s just that I, Naoya Shimizuhara, was an idiot.

What I’m most despairing about is my own nature. It’s an unchangeable trait.

Only strong people can change themselves. Although I usually mock protagonists of manga and light novels for being weak, they still change because they have the courage to take a step forward due to some trigger.

I don’t have that. I probably can’t even cultivate courage from now on.

I’m tired. That’s why I’m wrapping this rope around my neck.

The sturdy steel wire I bought from the home center for a few thousand yen is quite literally my lifeline.

“Such a pathetic way of taking a step forward…”

Will this be my last words? If so, then I’m truly weak after all.

I’m convinced that choosing to end my life here was the right decision.

…No, maybe this is just another excuse. My hands were still trembling. In the end, I couldn’t hide my weakness until the very end.

“But still…”

I can at least lift my foot.

With that thought, I take a step towards eternal death, about to step off the stepladder I bought from the home center.

It’s amazing how modern society provides all the tools to die for less than ten thousand yen. If this is the price of my life, then I’m almost happy about it.

“…Goodbye.”

Who was that last whisper directed to?

I briefly pondered it, but soon my consciousness fell into a dark abyss, like a path leading to hell, devoid of sensation.

[Makishiro PoV]

“It can’t be…!” “Why—” “su*cide—-” “You’re kidding—-“

I could hear voices murmuring. They were the voices of my classmates.

Even though I didn’t intend to listen, the topic seemed to attract attention within the classroom.

“That’s gotta be…!” “Shh, she might hear…!”

The content was something I wanted to block out. It was undoubtedly about me.

Normally, I would probably intervene and tell them to stop discussing her.

Only I have the right to talk about him. That’s not an exception, even if she’s my sister.

I loved Naoya the most. Yet, he would quickly turn his attention to other girls. Even though he should only look at me because we have the same face, I won’t allow him to look at Mizuka.

So, I made sure that he only looked at me all the time.

No matter where his gaze went, I would always be there, and there should have only been Naoya for me―――

“It’s your fault!!!!”

Before I realized it, I was pushed.

Already devoid of energy, I helplessly rolled over, dragging the desk with me, and fell off the chair.

I thought I heard a scream from somewhere, but unfortunately, I didn’t feel any pain, so there was no need to worry.

Ah, no. Someone just shouted reflexively out of fear. Come to think of it, I didn’t have any friends, and ordinary people wouldn’t worry about a murderer.

“Ah, ugh…”

A groan escaped from my mouth. The sensation of air escaping passed through my throat, vividly reminding me that I was still alive.

If the impact had been worse, I might have been able to go to Naoya, but unfortunately, all I felt was the cold sensation of the floor.

It felt somewhat pleasant, and I wanted to lie there a little longer, but I was quickly pulled away. Reflexively, another voice escaped from me.

“Ugh!”

Such strength. Thinking it was a boy, I turned my gaze, only to see a face identical to mine. Naturally, I muttered a name as I looked at her.

“Mizu…ka…”

“Nee-san… you… you killed Naoya! You murderer!”

My twin sister, Mizuka, glared at me with a fierce expression.

Her arms grabbing my collar were strong, tightening around me.

For a moment, I pondered the incongruous feeling that she, who used to be as quiet as Naoya, now wore such a face.

“… calm down, Mizuka-san…!”

“It’s you! It’s because of you that Naoya is cornered! You always, always bully him! You always interrupt when I’m talking to Naoya! You always get in a bad mood like a child and treat Naoya harshly! I distanced myself from him, thinking it would be better, but nothing changed at all!”

“Stop it, Mizuka! Doing something like this, it won’t…!”

“If only… if only it didn’t turn out like this…!”

But is this really a convenient idea?

Because Mizuka wouldn’t have pushed Naoya to the brink like this.

She wasn’t a bad person like me; she was the kind of person who could step back on her own.

To not realize that and to have been hostile towards him all this time, I must have been incredibly stupid.

No, maybe I’m just stupid. Because―――

“I… I should have… killed you, Nee-san!!!!”

Being the kind sister who made her say such things.

“Give Naoya back… give him back… the person I loved… give him back to meeee…”

Before I knew it, Mizuka released her grip and slowly crumbled.

Classmates were supporting her, but I remained alone, sitting on the floor.

Amidst this crowd of people, I was alone.

“Ugh… uuu… aahhh…”

Ah, I really am the worst sister.

Seeing my sister sobbing, I couldn’t help but wonder why she didn’t just kill me back then.

I want to disappear right now. The desire to vanish and be by his side still lingers in my mind.

Even now, I prioritize Naoya over my sister. But I never realized that Naoya was agonizing to the point of suicide.

“Ugh… ah…”

Before I knew it, tears were flowing from my eyes too, but no one paid attention.

In the end, I’m selfish and self-centered to the core. That’s why no one is reaching out to me.

Once something is lost, it can’t be retrieved. Spilled water can never be gathered again.

Everything has become irreparable.

It’s only after Naoya’s gone that I finally―――but even understanding now is too late.

“I’m sorry…”

Who is this whisper even directed to?

The answer is something I’ll probably never know.

Because there’s no one left to respond.