Oneshot: I Will Make a Decision, Even If I Regret It

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Translator: Soafp

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Souji Sengoku woke up.

Today was the entrance ceremony.

“Haa… I don’t want to go…”

Even though he was finally becoming a high school student, Souji’s heart was still stuck at his junior high school graduation.

[I’m sorry, Souji-kun.]

Souji Sengoku was indecisive.

He couldn’t even decide what to order at a family restaurant with his friends. No matter what he did, he always wasted time worrying, and in the end, left the decision to others.

It was almost a trademark; Souji Sengoku was synonymous with indecisiveness.

Despite this, Souji had two close childhood friends.

Harumi and Shinya. The three of them had always been together since they were kids.

Kindergarten. Elementary school. Junior high school.

Amusement parks. Picnics. School trips.

Souji liked Harumi. He couldn’t even remember when it started, it was so long ago.

He loved her gentle voice. Her long black ponytail. The faint scent of shampoo when she was near.

He loved everything about her.

In the third year of junior high, after school, Souji was hanging out behind the school building with Shinya, chatting about silly things as usual.

“Souji, who do you like in our class?”

“Eh? I don’t really know.”

That was a lie.

Harumi’s smile was already in Souji’s mind.

“What about Tamura-san? Don’t you think she’s cute?”

“Well, I think it’s still too early for us, for that kind of thing.”

Another lie.

How happy he would be if he could date Harumi.

Going on dates at the shopping mall. Eating ice cream together while walking. Buying her clothes that suited her.

Yes. Looking around the world, it was full of couples. So naturally, he thought it would be the same with Harumi.

Souji embraced the unseen future, playing it over and over in his mind.

Behind the school building, bathed in gentle sunlight.

“…You know, I like Harumi.”

That was the first time he truly felt what it meant to be frozen.

“…Eh?”

“I’ve liked you for a long time. There are plenty of cute girls in our class, right? But when it comes to who I’d want to date, it’s got to be Harumi.”

What is he talking about?

I should be the one dating Harumi

“I felt like I had to tell you, Souji. What am I saying? Haha, sorry for bringing this up out of the blue.”

“Y-Yeah. That was a bit unexpected…”

He had to say something. Something clever, anything…

But all that came out of Souji’s mouth was an incoherent groan.

“Come on, Souji. We should get going. Harumi’s class duty should be over soon.”

As he said this and walked away, Shinya looked like a stranger, like an adult Souji didn’t know.

From that day on, the way Souji saw Harumi and Shinya changed. No, he was forced to change it.

Even when the three of them were talking together, Souji felt somehow left out. Desperately trying to take control of the conversation, only to end up spinning his wheels. The smiles of Harumi and Shinya looked like polite, forced smiles, and it was painful.

Among their conversations, there were increasingly more things Souji didn't know.

The silly chatter Harumi and Shinya had alone in the classroom after school. The time they went to the bookstore together to buy reference books. The time they went to eat the trendy waffles on a Sunday.

Souji was no longer part of their conversations.

And then, the junior high school graduation ceremony. That unforgettable day. Souji called Harumi to the classroom.

When was the last time he was alone with Harumi? The classroom they had attended every day, now dyed red by the sunset.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Talking with just you, Souji-kun.”

“…Yeah, Shinya is usually with us.”

“Haha. We’re all going to the same high school, so it’s not like we’re going our separate ways. I wonder why it feels like we’re saying goodbye.”

For some reason, seeing Harumi laughing so brightly, Souji felt a bit of anger, as if Shinya’s presence lingered in her shadow. It was irrational, even to him.

“So, what is it? What did you want to talk about?”

Harumi took the initiative to start the conversation.

Souji took a deep breath and asked.

“…How are things with Shinya?”

No, that wasn’t what he truly wanted to ask.

…But

“We're dating.”

He had prepared himself for this. Or at least, he thought he had.

“…Since when?”

“Um, about three months ago? I think?”

No, that's not what I really want to know…

“…Was I not good enough?”

Harumi's face stiffened.

“Actually, until a little while ago, I thought you were nice, Souji-kun.”

“…Eh?”

Then why…

“…No way. Then, why didn't you tell me?”

“I was hoping you'd say something first, Souji-kun.”

Hearing that made Souji’s blood run cold. Would they have dated if he had confessed?

If that's the case…

“I-I liked you too, Harumi!”

“It’s too late now. Even if you tell me now.”

A tear fell from Harumi’s eye. What had hurt her?

Because Souji hadn't taken action. Because he hadn't said the words she needed to hear.

Does being indecisive hurt people just by that alone?

“Shinya-kun, he told me he liked me. So, I started to look at Shinya-kun. Shinya-kun also looked at me properly. And before I knew it, I realized I liked Shinya-kun. So…”

I'm sorry, Souji-kun.

What did I do wrong? No, that's not it.

If I had taken the initiative and confessed, I could have dated Harumi. My indecisiveness caused me to lose a chance that was definitely there.

I was scared of confessing and being rejected. I didn't have the courage to face that risk.

In the end, I just couldn't decide, even on something so important. And that ended up hurting Harumi.

Souji couldn’t stop his tears from flowing.

Harumi quietly left the classroom, understanding there was nothing more to say.

Souji couldn’t move. Alone in the classroom at sunset.

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Sengoku Souji woke up.

Today was the entrance ceremony.

“Haa… I don’t want to go…”

After that graduation ceremony, he had been merely spending his days without doing anything productive.

Today, the cherry blossoms would surely be in full bloom.

Everyone would be full of hope.

Except me, who has lost everything.

Souji put on his brand new blazer and his shoes.

Up until now, it had always been the three of them together.

But from now on, it would be two and one. Harumi and Shinya would go to school together. Souji would be alone.

Just the other day, they had agreed on this. Souji naturally accepted it, as he no longer felt like getting in between the two of them.

Souji walked alone down the path lined with cherry blossoms.

“Osuu, Sengoku-kun. We're in the same class again. Nice to see you!”

In front of the notice board where the class assignments were posted, Riko Tamura, who had been in the same class in junior high, called out to him.

Riko Tamura was 170 cm tall, relatively tall for a girl, about the same height as Souji. Her short hair, slightly dyed brown, suited her well and made her look cute.

Tamura’s bright smile seemed too dazzling for Souji, who was now feeling gloomy, and it gave him an inexplicable sense of inferiority. But, he had to reply, even if it felt forced.

If he couldn’t even do that, what would be left of him?

“Best regard~.”

Souji flashed a peace sign at Tamura, trying his best to mask his true feelings.

“Sengoku-kun, you seem different! Like a downer guy! It is your high school debut!”

Tamura laughed.

“Are you going to play volleyball again?”

“Yeah! I love volleyball! What about you, Sengoku-kun? Are you joining any clubs?”

Having been a member of the “go-home club” in junior high, Souji hadn't considered joining any clubs.

“Well, I don't really have anything I want to do… Maybe I'll just go home again?”

“Then, why not join the gymnastics club? They practice next to the girls' volleyball team! If you can do backflips, you might get popular with the girls!”

Popular.

For Souji, who had just been heartbroken, it was an extremely attractive idea. In his mind, he pictured himself doing a cool flip and getting lots of attention from imaginary girls. Even in his fantasies, he remained passive, waiting for others to notice him, which made him feel a bit of self-loathing. But learning to do backflips and flips didn't seem like a bad thing after all.

Souji decided to join the gymnastics club. In the end, it might have just been because of Tamura’s suggestion. But when he tried it, he found it unexpectedly enjoyable, especially getting absorbed in mat exercises.

In the classroom, he couldn't help but notice Harumi and Shinya. Wanting to avert his eyes from the two of them, Souji immersed himself in practice after school.

The first term ended, summer vacation passed, autumn came and went, and it was nearing winter.

The right half of the gym was used by the gymnastics club, and the left half by the girls’ volleyball team. Enthusiastic shouts came from the girls’ volleyball team next door.

When Souji landed a series of backflips, he suddenly heard a voice from beside him.

“Osuu. That was awesome, Sengoku-kun.”

It was Riko Tamura in her tracksuit with a towel around her neck.

Souji responded to Tamura with a double peace sign.

Being in the same class and practicing next to each other after school, Souji had started talking to Tamura frequently.

“Tamura-san, you’re also a regular as a first-year. That’s more impressive.”

Tamura returned Souji’s double peace sign with a wink and headed back to the volleyball court.

Truth be told, Souji had fallen in love with Riko Tamura.

After club activities, they often walked home together. Souji didn’t hide his feelings, even though they were somewhat one-sided due to the underlying tension with childhood friends Harumi and Shinya.

“It’s a common thing between guys and girls.”

Did Tamura have some sort of romantic situation herself? If so, even if it was in progress, Souji couldn’t muster the courage to delve deeply into it.

Gazing absentmindedly at Tamura as she entered the court, Souji pondered.

Why was he such an indecisive person?

There always seemed to be risks associated with making decisions. He lacked the courage to accept those risks.

So, he couldn’t even confess his feelings to the girl he liked.

Was it going to be like this from now on?

He really didn’t want that.

Opportunities, both past and future, were perhaps closer than he thought.

If he just reached out a little, he might be able to seize them.

If only he had a bit more courage.

And a bit more resolve.

At that moment, Souji saw Tamura jumping high to spike the ball.

Her body bent, just like a crescent moon.

Tamura’s image reflected in Souji’s eyes.

He wanted to change from being an indecisive person.

That’s when Tamura slammed the ball into the opposing team’s field.

Now.

Here.

Taking just one step forward.

“Tamura-san! Nice shot!”

Souji’s voice echoed.

A single word filled with secret feelings, as if anyone who heard it would understand.

Both the gymnastics club members and the girls’ volleyball team members looked at Souji.

Even Riko Tamura looked at Souji with surprise.

Perhaps Souji had inconvenienced Tamura.

He would apologize later.

But, even if only a little, Souji felt that something had changed within him.

“Hey, you really surprised me earlier. Suddenly shouting like that.”

As they walked home after club activities, Tamura cast a sidelong glance at Souji with a pouty face, the winter’s cold wind starting to blow.

“Haha, sorry.”

“Treat me to some oshiruko.”

“It’s a cheap request.”

As an apology for causing her embarrassment, Souji bought a can of oshiruko from the vending machine at the station and gave it to Tamura. Souji bought corn potage for himself to warm his hands.

It was the usual spot where the two parted ways.

Someday, would Souji be able to confess to Tamura?

He pondered on it somewhat.

Confessing was scary.

If he were rejected, it would hurt terribly.

But, if that was the case…

Wasn’t waiting for the other person to confess also unfairly burdening them with that risk?

Thinking about it, making decisions in love and in everything else was surely a series of resolutions.

Only those who could act would seize their chances.

The indecisive man is no more.

He no longer wants to regret missing out on opportunities.

Nor does he want to hurt someone with his indecision.

That’s why…

It’s not someday, it’s now. Deciding is always about the present moment.

“Tamura-san.”

Perhaps he’ll be rejected.

Maybe they won’t be able to get along like before.

It might end in sadness.

Nevertheless, he’ll accept all the risks.

Regardless of the outcome, he’ll bear the pain alone.

He won’t make Tamura-san sad.

He will make my decision.

Even if he end up regretting it.

“Tamura-san, I… I like you.”

Souji gazes at Riko Tamura.

Riko, too, opens her eyes wide, looking at Souji.

Though it’s dark and hard to discern, he senses a slight blush on her cheeks.

Souji’s heart is pounding.

The cold winter wind feels refreshing.

Riko seems like she wants to say something but struggles to find the words.

With a smile, Souji responds to her silence.

“I’m sorry for springing this on you out of the blue. But it’s sincere. You don’t have to answer now. But it would mean a lot to me if you could think about it positively.”

Saying so, Souji heads towards the ticket gate for his train.

Once along the way, he looks back once and waves lightly to Riko.

Riko, with a bewildered expression, reflexively waves back.

And Souji walks away.

Towards the station, where he’ll likely return tomorrow.

The next morning, when he enters the classroom, Riko Tamura is already seated.

Souji greets her.

“Good morning.”

Riko’s shoulders tremble as if startled.

“G-Good morning…”

Her movement stiffens unnaturally.

It seems clear that they can’t go back to how things were.

He would have been happy if they could have become lovers…

But it doesn’t seem like that’s the case.

(…I guess I’m being rejected, huh?)

Souji sits at his desk, feeling somewhat self-deprecating.

But surprisingly, he doesn’t feel much regret.

Looking outside, he sees the winter sky.

Even if he’s rejected.

If one love ends, he believes another will begin somewhere.

Suddenly, he notices Riko Tamura standing right beside him.

“S-Souji…About yesterday’s confession.”

He’s already made up his mind.

Riko’s wavering eyes as she gazes at Souji.

“Uhm… I accept your confession…”

I was surprised.

I never thought she would agree.

Caught off guard in the opposite way, Souji desperately searches for words.

“Y-Yes… Thank you very much…”

Riko leans in close to Souji and whispers accusingly.

“H-Hey… Is that all? I couldn’t sleep at all last night…”

“S-Sorry. I was just… too happy. I couldn’t find the words… I’m really happy.”

Souji gently holds Riko’s hand.

“S-So, then… Does that mean you’re my girlfriend now…?”

He’s nervous. Even more so than when he confessed.

“Yeah. Souji, you’re my boyfriend now…”

They can’t quite meet each other’s eyes. Their faces are flushed.

It feels like all the blood in their bodies has turned into hot springs.

As other classmates start arriving one after another, they reflexively let go of each other’s hands and take their seats.

Of course, Harumi and Shinya were among their classmates, but they no longer cared.

When Souji steals a glance at Riko, their eyes meet.

They both smile at each other at the same time.

It feels incredibly heartwarming.

From now on, many things will happen between Souji and Riko.

Happy things, painful things, and everything in between.

If Souji can’t give Riko the words she needs, he’ll make her sad.

If he can’t act the way Riko wants him to, he’ll hurt her.

So, he won’t be an indecisive man anymore.

From now on, he will make decisions.

Even if he ends up regretting them.

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TL: I am not disappointed! Woohoo~