Oneshot: A Story Where a Childhood Friend Who Bullied Me Falls into Irreparable Despair and Simply Cries

Reading Settings

Translator: Soafp

---

— Die, loser, idiot

— That’s why you’re useless. You should be more grateful to me and serve me sincerely.

— That’s why you don’t have any real friends. Honestly, your life is worthless without me.

— Why are you looking at other girls? Disgusting. It’s because you look at them like that that they get scared. I’ll stay away from you now… Know your place.

— Useless like you, wouldn’t it be easier if you were reborn instead?

I’ve lived being told such things.

Mizuki Kushihara. She’s the shackle that binds me. The name of the spider that continues to entangle me, called childhood friend.

I don’t remember when I first started being belittled.

To hide such memories, I have always received verbal abuse and harassment from her throughout my life.

Whenever I tried to get along with someone, she would butt in and complain, yet she would laugh with her friends as if nothing happened.

Because of her, I have hardly any friends and no confidence, and it has brought me to this point.

I can easily imagine a future where I will continue to be showered with abuse from her, more easily than breathing, and it was a rail of despair filled with nauseating ugliness.

Even though I am in high school, I have no energy to think about the future. I will continue to live, being scorned as her punching bag and puppet, going back and forth between school and home.

A relationship that has been spent together for 16 years since birth, a childhood friend. Just next door, separated only by a room and a window. Mizuki was always there, within arm’s reach.

Normally, I think childhood friends are supposed to have bonds where they play together and recall happy memories instantly.

Childhood friends in manga and anime are like that, and it’s probably not unreasonable for people without childhood friends to have such fantasies.

But I am different. I can no longer dream such dreams.

For me, her presence is like a devil itself. The kind-hearted childhood friend who exists in the two-dimensional world, who heals, was completely different.

I dreaded meeting Mizuki.

Just seeing her face made me nauseous.

Just hearing her voice made my body tremble involuntarily.

Such an irredeemable figure of fear for me, Mizuki, will probably scold me again today.

During school commute, I am forcibly dragged along, and there is no escape because we are in the same class.

Even during lunch break, although she comes over on her own, there is never a moment of peace, as she looks down at me while eating.

Neither classmates nor parents notice my suffering. They are always on Mizuki’s side.

With a good appearance and actually having a very well-maintained figure, Mizuki has always been adored by those around her since childhood.

Despite being spoiled since childhood, Mizuki has never been criticized because of her blessed appearance.

I think Mizuki was born knowing how to be liked by people.

Her way of handling things was thorough and cunning.

When she was in trouble, she would cry to me, but when something inconvenient happened, she would blame me for it.

Most people were deceived by Mizuki crying loudly, and they lost their will to scold her.

Then, I became the target of their anger instead.

“Why did it turn out like this? Even though you’re always around, why is it like this?” I was continually told bluntly.

No matter how much I insist that Mizuki is the one at fault, nobody listens to my side.

The persuasiveness of words varies greatly depending on who speaks them. Words spoken by someone who isn’t trusted fail to resonate with others.

It didn’t take long for young me to understand that.

Ah, the moment I realized it was pointless no matter what I said, I gave up everything. It was easier that way.

I noticed Mizuki smirking maliciously at me, her eyes filled with triumph, and I grew disgusted with everything.

Yet I had no choice but to keep on living, and so here I am now.

But that was all up until today.

I greeted the morning as usual, but it was a different kind of morning.

Just a slightly skewed gear morning would end everything for me.

That day’s awakening was not pleasant.

Rather, nothing has been pleasant for a while now.

Even in my dreams, I am restless, and waking up with a sluggish sense of lethargy has become routine.

Perhaps stress has been building up. Unable to confide in anyone, my mind must be under considerable strain.

There was no sharp pain or feeling of my heart about to burst.

At most, nothing brings me joy anymore, and nothing I eat has any taste. This state has become normal for me.

My mind has dulled, trapped in a cursed box where I lack the motivation to do anything. That’s who I, Shoma Hasegawa, was.

But without realizing it, while I was in such a state, my childhood friend continued to scold and criticize me as always, right next to me. I just sank deeper and deeper. It was the usual.

Truly, that’s all it was.

“I want to die…”

I muttered those words unconsciously.

Again, it was the usual. It was a phrase that would slip out at unexpected times.

It’s something that’s always on my mind because it’s so natural to think about it. It’s like a choice that always exists in my mind.

However, I didn’t have the courage to act on it.

Frequently muttering “I want to die” was just a form of self-consolation, like when crossing a bridge and thinking how easy it would be to jump off and escape this suffocation, or wondering if I could escape this feeling of being trapped by stepping into traffic.

But at least I had no idea where to find something to push me. It would probably be better not to have such a thing if I intended to live normally.

With a sigh of resignation, I started to change into my school uniform and took my time putting on my shirt.

My parents were probably already at work, but when I finished changing and went to have breakfast in the living room, Mizuki was sure to come.

No matter how she comes, she loves to take the upper hand, so she always rings the doorbell early.

If I open the door hurriedly, she would likely say something like, “You’re late again. You really are such a loser,” and―――

And then, after showering me with insults, she would finally say, “You should just die.”

“Upu…”

Just imagining it made me feel nauseous.

Even though my heart has dulled, it doesn’t mean I don’t feel pain.

Being openly ridiculed with clear malice, I can plaster on a fake smile on the surface, but I’m not strong enough to remain unscathed internally.

To think this will continue indefinitely. Is enduring all there is? Such a hell.

If there is a god in this world, I would curse them.

Why, oh why, am I in such a world—

“…Ah?”

It happened when I bit my lip so hard out of frustration that it bled.

Suddenly, at the corner of my vision, I felt something off. A small anomaly, something different from usual.

When I turned my gaze toward it—

“Mizu… ki…”

There, dressed in the same school uniform as me, was my childhood friend Mizuki.

For some reason, the curtains that are usually closed were open today of all days. Her room, which she claimed to dislike showing her face in when she’s there, was now wide open before my eyes.

She seemed unaware of this.

Unbeknownst to her that I was watching, she was calmly putting on a checkered skirt, shamelessly showcasing a well-maintained figure and white underwear.

Her face displayed genuine cheerfulness, on the verge of humming a tune, completely defenseless and innocent.

“…What the hell is that?”

Seeing that scene, I inexplicably felt furious.

Regarding my childhood friend in her underwear, I felt no excitement whatsoever.

In my mind, Mizuki was already exempt from such considerations.

I was somewhat relieved about that, but it didn’t serve as a breakwater to stop the rising emotions in my chest.

I’m in so much pain. I’m suffering to the point my lips are bleeding.

What’s with that face? How can she look so happy?

Isn’t there any sense of guilt? Doesn’t she feel any remorse?

Even though I’ve forgotten how to laugh, why do you…!

Such dark negative emotions began to swirl and roam around in my chest.

Anything would have been fine. Just once, I wanted to oppose Mizuki, to trouble her, and gradually, that desire swelled up.

But what should I do? I couldn’t think of anything that would trouble her.

She’s popular at school, good at academics and sports, that childhood friend of mine. Nothing could….

“…Wait, there is something. There’s one thing I can do.”

The moment I realized that, a whirlpool of joy surged in my chest.

Ah, yes. That’s it. If I do that, she’ll surely be troubled no matter how much she is.

She always looks so happy; surely, she must have had an outlet to vent that stress all this time.

Then, I should take that away. If I do that, surely, even that selfish and worst childhood friend of mine would panic—

Once I realized that, I had no more doubts. The shackles that should have stopped me were somehow already removed.

Looking back, I must have been broken a long time ago. Until now, I just lacked the trigger or hadn’t reached my limit.

My reason teetered on the edge, but with just one realization, I was pushed forward.

If feeling this good, I should have realized it sooner.

My feet naturally moved toward the window. It felt like a lightness I had never felt before.

As if wings had sprouted. Surely, I must be smiling from joy right now.

“Ku-fufufufu”

Laughter escaped my lips. Indeed, I was happy. When was the last time I laughed like this?

Probably several years ago, I hadn’t been able to laugh so naturally.

“……..!”

Upon hearing my laughter, Mizuki finally seemed to notice and turned her gaze towards me. Initially surprised, her eyes widened, then gradually narrowed, her face flushing red.

Most likely, upon seeing me laughing, she must have thought I had seen her in her underwear. Despite me having absolutely no interest in her nakedness, it was an overly self-conscious reaction.

Seems like she resides at the center of a blissful world. I envy her, truly.

“Shoma! You jerk! Why the hell are you grinning like that, you pervert!”

As Mizuki approached step by step towards the window, covering herself with her hands, she shouted loudly. Perhaps due to embarrassment, her voice seemed louder than usual.

It was an unpleasant insight I had developed over many years regarding my childhood friend. I must have observed enough of her expressions to understand.

Unconsciously, I chuckled wryly, and upon seeing this, Mizuki blushed even deeper. This was familiar territory; she was genuinely angry. I was already accustomed to that face.

Nevertheless, this was the last time. Normally, I would shrink back, but today, I firmly met my childhood friend’s eyes.

“Hey, what’s with that look! Got something to say?!”

Ah, she’s definitely angry after all. Sorry, Mizuki, for inadvertently seeing your body.

But, Mizuki, you don’t need to worry about being seen by me.

I smiled as best as I could at Mizuki. I had already reached the window.

“Just say whatever you want if you have something to say! I really hate that about you!”

I intended to reassure her, but it seems I only incurred her anger instead.

It’s only natural, I suppose. Even I don’t feel like I did a good job of laughing.

For others, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to think I was being mocked.

Feeling somewhat disappointed, I opened the window. The breeze that blew in was slightly lukewarm.

“Are you even listening to me?! Ugh, you’re so frustrating! You—!”

I knew what Mizuki was going to say next.

After years of being together, I understood mostly what she would say in such situations.

Since I couldn’t fulfill her wishes until now, today, I decided to obediently comply.

My room is on the second floor, and if I fall headfirst, the ground is concrete, so surely, I’ll find peace.

“Should just die—!”

I believed that would surely trouble Mizuki.

“As you command. Goodbye, Mizuki.”

I jumped out of the window.

Maybe there was no hesitation at all.

“Eh—”

I heard someone’s faint voice, but before I could register it, the ground was already approaching rapidly.

Ah, but damn it. This is such an anticlimactic final sight.

If only I had fallen on my back, gazing up at the sky—

Bang!

I wonder what expression Mizuki had on her face, being seen like that.

……

……………

………………………

“Ueeeeee, ueeeee… ueeeeee…”

I thought it was raining.

The sensation of raindrops tapping lightly on my cheeks made me think so.

I wanted to slowly drift back to sleep, but as I tried to open my eyes, they felt incredibly heavy.

“Shomaaa, Shomaaa… why, why did you do that… ugh uggghhh…”

Was I still half asleep…? That’s what I thought as a voice suddenly pierced into my ears.

It sounded like someone was calling a name. Huh, but whose name… whose could it possibly be?

“M-me. I hate it. I absolutely hate that Shoma’s gone… please, please don’t die… don’t go away…”

My mind wasn’t functioning well. Even when trying to recall memories, everything felt so hazy.

Yet, to this voice I could hear, for some reason, I felt a distinct sense of strong aversion.

“I’m sorry. I’ll apologize for everything, reflect on it… from now on, I’ll definitely be honest and kind… so please, God…”

Being pulled along by that, my consciousness slowly began to return, bit by bit.

Maybe this was a girl’s voice. It was a beautiful voice, but in this pleasant drowsiness, it was a voice I didn’t want to hear.

“Return Shoma to me, someone precious to me…!”

Because everything about that was unpleasant.

The trembling words that girl uttered, I couldn’t stand them at all. A feeling of rejection coursed through my entire body, almost making me feel nauseous.

“Ugh… ah…”

So I thought I’d say something in complaint, but I couldn’t articulate it well. That only served to further escalate my frustration.

“…! Shoma!”

Her voice sounded so delighted.

Just a moment ago, she was sniffling and praying with a voice mixed with snot, but now suddenly, she sounded happy.

Was she so pleased because I couldn’t speak well? I felt terribly ridiculed.

“Thank goodness! You’re alive…! I’m so, so glad…! It’s alright! An ambulance has already been called, so you’ll definitely be saved! I’ll stay by your side forever, so please…!”

Ah, it’s truly infuriating.

I didn’t want to hear your voice like that.

Why are you so happy? Even though I didn’t want to hear your voice like that, I guess I was granted this final moment.

“I…t…”

“Shoma, don’t strain yourself! Don’t talk! You’ll really die! You absolutely can’t do that!!!”

Annoying. Don’t pretend to be worried; it’s disgusting.

Can’t you see? It’s already too late for me.

I have no more strength left, and it won’t be long before my consciousness is dragged back into the darkness.

“I…t….s..”

“Don’t talk! That’s enough! Shoma, be quiet!”

Ah, yes. I remember now.

This, you could say, is my dying moment.

My life hasn’t been good at all. This miraculous time given to me at the very end, it’s just that—miraculous. Miracles are called miracles because they’re impossible. There’s no such thing as a miracle without a price, and in my case, that price has already been paid. Even with that accounted for, my remaining time is surely short.

So—

“It’s… all… your… fault…”

At the end, I thought I should say at least this much.

It’s impossible to repay 16 years of bitterness.

Just spitting out one complaint is enough, I suppose, for a worthless person like me to end adequately.

“……”

“Everything… everything is… your fault… If… if you weren’t here… if you…”

Truly. If only you weren’t here. If we hadn’t met in the first place.

I would’ve been… surely… my life would’ve been different.

“Me…? My fault…?”

The girl’s voice shifted from joy to confusion.

Does she not understand what I said?

Ah, that means…

I really was nothing more than that to her, after all.

“Yeahhh…”

What has my life been all this time?

Truly, it was utterly meaningless.

“Shoma…?! Shoma!”

Somehow, I’m tired.

Incredibly sleepy. It’s probably because I forced myself to wake up.

If I let my consciousness fall now, I feel like I could sleep soundly for a long time.

“No! Don’t go! Don’t leave me behind, Shomaaa!!!”

Perhaps that’s partly why I feel a bit better.

Because I managed to say what I wanted, even if just a little, I must be satisfied.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! It’s my fault! I-I never meant to say such awful things! I’ve always, always liked you! But I couldn’t say it properly, so I didn’t want to let Shoma go to anyone else! So please, wake up!!!”

I couldn’t hear what she was saying anymore.

I’m going somewhere that has nothing to do with that girl anymore.

I have no regrets. Slowly, something is fading away.

“I love you! I’ve truly loved you since long ago! I’ll be honest this time, so please, please open your eyes! Look at me again!!!”

Fading away. Fading away. Fading away.

I’m definitely fading away. But it feels very comforting.

“NO, NNOOOOOO!!! NO, YOU CAN’T!!! GOD, PLEASE! DON’T TAKE HIM AWAY! HE’S IMPORTANT TO ME! LET ME STAY BY HIS SIDE!!! NO! I WON’T ALLOW IT!!! AHHH, SHOMAAA!!!”

Even if I shout something like that now, it doesn’t matter anymore.

“Nooooooo… Why, WHHHYYYYYYYY!!!”

Even though we were together for so long—

Because she doesn’t understand, that’s why it turned out like this.

---

TL: This is what can happen in real life when you bully someone. The girl needs to be studied on by researchers.