Chapter 41: Departure

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Translator: Soafp

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[Seina Pov]

“Endo! What on earth are you wearing!?”

“Huh? Is there a problem?”

In the staff room of the middle school where I came for my teaching practicum, the one shouting at me is the math teacher who was also our homeroom teacher back then… wait, what was his name again?

“What's with that golden hair!? The fake nails!? Why aren't you in a suit but in casual clothes!? You can't set an example for the students looking like that!”

“That's fine, isn't it? These days, with work-style reforms, there's a lot more freedom, isn't there?”

“That might be true in regular companies, but schools are different! Teachers are supposed to embody the school rules! You've always had good grades, so why don't you understand discipline?”

Really, this guy is just noisy as ever…

“I thought you came for your teaching practicum, would teach properly, get along well with the students, and that even those delinquents would grow up well because of you.”

He's saying that I haven't changed since middle school.

I know that myself.

Of course…

I was born a weirdo, and that fact… doesn't change.

“Ugh, this is just… such a pain.”

“What do you mean, ‘a pain'!? That's enough! If you have no motivation, then leave!”

The honest words that slipped out of my mouth seem to have made him even angrier.

The room went silent, and other teachers stared at me, but I said nothing and left the staff room.

It's not like I want to be a teacher.

When I saw the teaching curriculum at university, I just thought a little.

If I go on the practicum, I can go to my alma mater middle school.

Maybe then… I could remember how I used to feel back then…

Haruki….After spending time with Asano, I became calm… and my heart didn't feel dry anymore.

I really hated that about myself.

This isn't… the real me.

I'm someone who looks down on others, cold-hearted, craving excitement, a weirdo… alone… hating being alone… lonely…

After what I heard from Fukase earlier, my mind is a mess.

Right now… I can't think about anything more.

But… memories of spending time with Haruki naturally come to mind… and my heart starts to feel dry again.

Dryness… that's the word Mother used.

I've already understood what it means.

Lonely…

“Lonely… alone again…”

After parting from Haruki, I'm alone.

“Hmph… this is the fate befitting a weirdo like me…”

I'm a weirdo, but Haruki is normal.

Our paths in life are completely different.

[A mixer?]

[Yeah. With Mizubayashi's University, apparently.]

When I heard Haruki was invited to a mixer, I thought it was a good opportunity.

To overcome his dislike of women, and have him with someone else besides me…

Because he and I are incompatible.

We can't be together any longer.

But behind those thoughts, there was a small hope.

If he goes to the mixer and his dislike of women eases…

If even then, he only looks at me…

Maybe there's a future where the two of us can walk together through life.

[Did you meet Fukase again?]

[Yeah. By chance, at the mixer you told me to go to.]

Is this some cruel twist of fate?

At the mixer I recommended, Haruki happened to be with Fukase.

I felt like he was hiding that from me.

Why didn't he tell me right away?

On the day Haruki told me this, I opened my diary and started writing after a long time.

The entries were always simple.

Played games with Haruki.

Ate with Haruki.

Haruki reunited with an estranged childhood friend at a university mixer.

Looking at my diary, which reflects my heart… I honestly thought this:

Asano and Fukase.

Childhood friends who were close.

If their relationship deepens again… then maybe…

“After all… the breeze here feels nice.”

I decided to stop repeating these stupid inner conflicts.

It's all over now.

I've always been alone.

Before, now, and from now on…

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[Shiho PoV]

The way home from our alma mater middle school.

It feels very nostalgic.

This path is the one Haruki and I took to school together.

At a small park on this path, I'm going to meet Haruki now.

Memories of the past are precious… the ordinary daily times were very important and wonderful.

Happy times…

Happy days…

Regrets that can't be undone…

Now, my heart is pounding fast.

But inside my head, I'm very calm.

I think it's because I cleared my mind a bit after talking with Endo-san earlier.

When I arrived at the park after a few minutes of walking, I saw the person I was waiting for.

“Haruki, good morning.”

“Good morning, Shiho.”

When I spoke, he quietly smiled and replied.

“You're early, Haruki.”

“You too, Shiho.”

It was just like when there was no distance between us…

“Sorry for suddenly asking to meet.”

“No, I wanted to talk directly too.”

We looked around at the playground equipment and sandbox in the park.

Early morning, the park was quiet and cold winds blew.

“A lot of memories come back.”

“…Yeah.”

This park is full of memories.

Fun times playing here with Haruki when we were little.

And also bitter memories of when he cut off ties with me, this place too.

Just like I'm recalling memories now, he's probably doing the same.

Both the good and the bad… the time we shared together.

“Shiho, remember? When my mom passed away… I shut myself in, and you took me outside. We played here in this park.”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“We made a huge mountain in the sandbox together.”

“And bought water balloons at the candy shop too.”

“That's right. We threw them at each other and got soaked.”

“When we got home, your mom got mad at us.”

“Yeah. She was scary when she got mad.”

We walked a little through the park, talking about old times.

Just walking side by side and talking with him made me feel like it was just yesterday.

“It was really fun, wasn't it?”

“Yeah. It was.”

After slowly walking around the park once, we stopped moving.

Until a little while ago, there was a chilly early morning breeze, but now the sunlight was coming through and the temperature had warmed up.

“Shiho…”

After a brief silence, it was Haruki who finally spoke.

“You know… after what happened in middle school, I became afraid of girls.”

Without a doubt… I was the cause of that.

“I'm sorry. It's my fault, isn't it?”

“…Yeah. I think so.”

Because I was the one closest to Haruki, I betrayed him…

“I also… since that time, became afraid of boys.”

“That's probably… because I yelled at you… I'm sorry.”

“No, for me, it's my own fault…”

In that place, when my misdeeds were revealed and Haruki cut me off, my heart shrank and was filled with fear…

Now, I know it was all a scheme planned by Endo-san, but… I understand.

It's all… my own fault.

“When I'm with Haruki, I feel calm. I'm not afraid of Haruki.”

I think it's contradictory.

If Haruki's words caused a wound in my heart, I should feel fear toward him…

“I feel the same… since we met again, I don't feel afraid of girls anymore.”

Maybe Haruki and I are just too conscious of each other…

“I think… probably, the heart won't forgive if you put off problems or pretend they never happened. If you do that, grudges will remain forever.”

I somehow understood what Haruki meant.

There are many people who become estranged after falling out with close friends.

But most people don't spend their whole lives worrying about it.

But we are different.

We were truly close.

Our relationship was special.

So… we have to honestly confront each other.

I'm afraid of boys.

He is afraid of girls.

Doing that won't solve everything, but it's what we need to do to move forward.

That's the only way to resolve the problems of the heart… the grudges.

“Haruki.”

I reached out my hand toward him.

“Shiho.”

Haruki took my hand and gently squeezed it.

“In middle school, I liked you.”

“I liked you too.”

“When I found out you were talking badly about me, I was shocked.”

“I'm sorry. I regret and reflect on my foolish behavior.”

“Me too, sorry. I never tried to understand why you acted that way.”

We squeezed each other's hands harder, confirming our feelings.

“I was happy to meet you again at the group party. I was glad we could talk like we used to.”

“I was happy to return to the way things were with you. Talking like before was fun.”

Our true feelings spilled from our mouths smoothly.

We didn't need to hold back or lie now.

Our hearts were very calm, and in this place, only time and space between Haruki and me flowed slowly.

“Haruki… I still love you.”

There was no fear in expressing my feelings.

“Thank you for thinking of me from long ago. For caring.”

There was nothing intimidating about honestly sharing our feelings like this.

“Shiho… I'm sorry. I can't be with you.”

Still, when I heard Haruki's reply, my heart was disturbed and my eyes watered.

Somehow… I knew his answer.

He would choose that person… not me.

When we went to the amusement park and had a fun day like old times, I thought there might be a chance for me too…

But I couldn't turn Haruki's wavering heart toward me.

“Haruki… do you like Endo-san?”

“Yeah, that's right.”

He nodded quietly with a smile.

His face was so refreshing, without a trace of hesitation.

“Haruki had a good time with Endo-san, huh.”

“Well, how should I say it… I just can't leave her alone.”

Haruki said, a little embarrassed.

Seeing that, I realized.

The ten years I spent with Haruki lost to the seven years he spent with Endo-san.

And…

“Haruki, you know about Endo-san's emotional wounds.”

He nodded seriously again.

“Thank you, Haruki. Thank you for listening to my feelings.”

I didn't feel relieved after revealing my heart.

To be honest, I wanted him to accept my feelings.

I could have criticized Endo-san.

But if I did that, it would mean I hadn't changed at all since middle school.

“Shiho, thank you. Thank you for listening to me.”

In middle school, I did terrible things to Haruki, and I regretted it.

But more than regret, I felt sorrow that I had put him in a bad position and caused his isolation.

Even if we put Endo-san aside, I think Haruki's feelings for me ended at that time in middle school.

“You're going to graduate school in Osaka, right? Studying will be tough, but do your best.”

“Yeah, and you're starting work next year, right? Don't oversleep.”

We gradually loosened the strong grip of our hands.

When Haruki's mother passed away from illness, I took his hand and often went out with him when he was withdrawn.

His hands were different now — bigger and stronger.

There was no need for me to pull him along anymore.

Suppressing the feeling of reluctance, we released each other's hands and looked into each other's eyes.

We couldn't become lovers.

But after all the twists and turns, we returned to being childhood friends.

“Well then, see you again, Haruki.”

“Yeah, see you, Shiho.”

We didn't say goodbye.

Because we would meet again someday.

Even if our paths diverge, we support each other's new beginnings.

Because we are close childhood friends.

Haruki waved to me and left the park.

Watching his back, an overwhelming sense of loss struck me.

Despite all the emotional conflicts, we have to move forward to become mature adults.

But finally… just one last word…

“Goodbye, my first love.”

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[Haruki PoV]

After finishing my conversation with Shiho, I made a little detour before heading back to my apartment.

[I will… return to my starting point…]

I recall Seina's words.

“Back to the starting point, huh…”

Standing in front of the washbasin with the hair dye I just bought at the drugstore in one hand, I tidy my hair a bit, then leave my house and head toward my old middle school.

I'm skeptical whether Seina is seriously doing her teaching internship, but she must be at the middle school.

Back to the starting point… surely Seina must be in that place.

When I arrive at the nostalgic old middle school, I can't just enter without permission as an outsider.

So I press the intercom installed at the main gate.

“Hello, who is this?”

“My name is Haruki Asano. I came to deliver a forgotten item belonging to Seina Endo, who is doing her teaching internship here.”

I use this convenient excuse to check if Seina is really at the school.

“Are you Asano? You were in the same grade as Endo, right?”

“Yes, that's right.”

The person speaking through the intercom is Hashimoto, the math teacher who was our homeroom teacher back then.

Maybe happy to see a former student, he opens the main gate and politely invites me to the guest room.

“Asano, long time no see.”

“Ah, yes.”

“I heard from Endo that you're attending Koo University. You've become quite an accomplished person.”

I'm a bit taken aback by Hashimoto's reaction.

Back in middle school, this teacher sometimes looked at me with disdain, so hearing praise from him is surprising.

“Asano… I'm sorry about how things were back in middle school. I knew you were isolated…”

Hashimoto grumbles about how busy he is dealing with bullying and absentee students.

“You kept coming to school despite being isolated, and now you're attending a difficult university.”

“Um… rather than that, is Seina… Endo here? I came to deliver her lunch.”

I show the bag with the lunch I specially made as an excuse, but Hashimoto gives me a suspicious look and speaks.

“Oh… Endo already left. She was acting strange today, sulking and stuff.”

“I see…”

“Asano… you seem to be getting along with Endo, but she's a bit unusual. Think carefully about who you get involved with.”

“A bit unusual, huh…”

Maybe that's why she kept her distance from others… just like I did.

“Your light brown hair was natural, huh? Different from Endo's flashy blonde.”

“I'm actually dyeing mine now.”

“Hm? What?”

Hashimoto didn't catch my quiet words.

“Well… I'll be going then.”

Since I'd probably just hear more of Hashimoto's complaints, I decide to leave.

I bow and exit the guest room, then slowly walk through the school.

Classes are in session, so I quietly climb the familiar stairs to avoid the students' eyes.

What Hashimoto said isn't wrong.

Objectively speaking, Seina is different.

That's why… I want to be by her side. I want to be there for her.

After a few minutes of climbing, I reach my destination.

The door leading to the rooftop.

When I touch the doorknob, I find that the door, which is usually locked, is now open.

“So it's open after all…”

I opened the heavy door and stepped onto the rooftop, and a pleasant breeze greeted me.

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[Seina PoV]

“It's not a bad feeling, this nostalgia.”

I liked this rooftop.

Here, I met Haruki Asano, we talked a lot, ate lunch together…

Since then, I've spent the same time with him all along.

“Skipping again, Endo?”

I'm startled to hear a familiar voice from behind.

“Haruki…”

I turns around, and there stands Haruki Asano.

He slowly approaches and stands next to me.

“This rooftop is nostalgic… The breeze feels good.”

“Why are you here?”

“Well, I thought you'd be here… When I said I came to deliver Seina's forgotten item, Hashimoto let me in.”

“Oh, right… And don't call me by my first name.”

Haruki…Asano… came to see me…?

Why…?

“Weren't you supposed to meet with Fukase…?”

“Yeah… I properly told her how I feel.”

Asano's… feelings…

“I like you, you know.”

Those words shocked me to my core, and I looked at Asano's face.

He smiled gently and stared at me.

“W-what…? What are you saying!? Don't you understand what I've done!?”

“I do. I understand everything.”

Without changing his expression, it was as if he was saying, So what?

“Asano… you've known the real me for a long time, haven't you!? Fukase told me! You read my diary, didn't you!?”

“Yeah, I knew. You're lonely, right? And I was a mama's boy too.”

I had no words…

That's not usually the part people notice when reading my diary…

“I'm the one who tore apart your relationship with Fukase!”

“Even if you hadn't done anything… back then, the relationship between me and Shiho wasn't strong. Both of us were kids who took each other for granted.”

“E-even so… there's no reason for you to like me…”

The reason I spent time with Haruki Asano was because I wanted to escape the boring and lonely everyday life…

“High school life was fun, wasn't it? Cultural festivals, school trips. Until middle school, we had no friends, so it was the first time school events felt enjoyable.”

“…”

“When we both got into the same university, we were overjoyed, right? We studied for exams together.”

Enough… that's enough.

“We were so hyped about not going to the coming-of-age ceremony, we spent the whole night drinking, even though we're weak drinkers.”

I get it… I really get it.

“When our university classes overlapped, we'd hold hands and listen to the professor. People around called us a lovey-dovey couple.”

His words hit me painfully.

From the way Haruki talks, I can feel he's overflowing with the same feelings as me.

The time I've spent with Asano… with Haruki… is a treasure to me.

I can't lie about those memories.

Hot tears well up in my eyes.

“Seina… are you crying?”

“Ugh… I'm not crying.”

I always thought I was alone, but Haruki has been there with me all along.

Understanding my abnormality…

Knowing my sins…

“Well then, shall we head back?”

“Go back…?”

“Yeah. Let's play games at my place again.”

“Haruki… are you really okay being with someone like me…? I might betray you again.”

“I'm not worried about that.”

How can he say that with such confidence…?

My heart, spending time with Haruki, has started to feel nourished.

My dry heart… only feels loneliness when Haruki… isn't here.

I'll give up.

I'll be honest with the feelings of love that have long since sprouted in my heart.

“Haruki.”

“Hm?”

“…I love you.”

“Yeah… me too. I've been starting to miss your body as well.”

Haruki jokingly said that brightly but still accepted me gently as always.

“By the way, what's with that hair color?”

Since high school, he had dyed his hair black, but now it's back to brown.

“Ah, I thought I'd go back to my roots too.”

I understood without him needing to say more.

No matter what we look like, he's sending me the message that we'll keep step and move forward together.

Holding hands with Haruki, we set off home, pushed forward by the strong wind blowing on the rooftop.

By ordinary standards, I'm the kind of person who'd be classified as trash… but I want to cherish the person who stands by my side like this.

End

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TL: Thanks for reading till the end. I hope you enjoyed it.