Chapter 14: Regret

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Translator: Soafp

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[Shiho PoV]

“Haruki… um…”

“Shiho, don't worry about it. I was already an outcast at school. It's no big deal.”

Since that commotion, Senda-senpai never came near me again.

And Haruki's position became even worse than before.

“Well, in about a year, we'll be high schoolers and the environment will change.”

“Y-yeah… that's true…”

I explained the incident behind the gym in detail to Coach Tamiya, but he wouldn't listen.

“That's not true, Sensei! Haruki only protected me!”

“However, the fact remains that violence was used, right? Senda had a swollen face.”

“B-but that's—”

“Fukase… don't get involved with those delinquents anymore. Senda and Asano are a different breed from you.”

What… is that?

Speaking as if there are ranks among students.

Is that really something a teacher should say…?

“Haruki isn't a delinquent!”

“Even if you say that… I've heard plenty of bad rumors about Asano. That he's violent… and wasn't that true just now?”

“Th-that’s…”

The careless lie I blurted out only made Haruki's bad reputation worse.

“In any case, you've got club activities and studying to focus on. Concentrate on yourself.”

This too was caused by my own ugly heart.

I had no words to reply to the teacher standing before me.

---

Later, when I became a third-year junior high student, I was a little excited to finally be in the same class as Haruki again.

“Hey, Haruki.”

“Hmm? What is it?”

When I spoke to Haruki in the classroom, I was met with cold stares from classmates.

“Ah… never mind.”

It was obvious to anyone that most of those stares were aimed at Haruki, but there was one especially intense gaze directed at me.

I could feel Endo-san's disdainful eyes piercing me—she was in the same class for the first time.

---

“Shiho, maybe you should stop going to school with Asano. And you shouldn't talk to him at school either.”

“Huh? Wh-why…?”

“He's the one who caused that violence incident, right? It's normal to avoid him.”

It was Miwa's words that started it.

Months after becoming a third-year, I stopped talking to Haruki at school.

Haruki didn't speak to me either.

I think he was worried that if he talked to me, it would make my position worse.

When I visited Haruki's house after school, he was studying hard.

Seeing him work so hard to attend the same high school as me made me happy.

But… there was something troubling me.

“Haruki! Why do you always leave somewhere before homeroom starts!?”

“It's fine. I attend class properly.”

I understood it was hard for him to stay in the classroom during homeroom, but he always left somewhere.

When he came back, he was always with Endo-san.

“You came back with Endo-san… were you two together?”

“Eh? Ah… yeah. Why?”

“N-no! Nothing…”

I was uneasy because Endo-san had once seen me talking badly about Haruki.

Also… I didn't really like Endo-san.

I was a little jealous that Haruki was getting along with her.

“Um… Haruki, we've been going to school together until now, but… um, can we go separately from tomorrow?”

“Eh? Ah… okay.”

Because of what Miwa said, I blurted that out.

I gave up the only time I could talk freely with Haruki—the habit of going to pick up the boy I liked.

---

“Isn't Asano pretty close with Endo? Maybe the delinquents get along.”

Here we go again.

During club breaks, Haruki's name often came up and the badmouthing began.

“Shiho, isn't your house close by?”

“Uh… yeah. But it's not really a big deal…”

I smiled awkwardly and tried to stay calm.

“But still, you're childhood friends with Asano, right?”

“Well… we used to be close, but… as you can see… he looks like that…”

“That's right. Didn't he assault an upperclassman last year?”

I… am the worst…

I put on a smile so no one would see my true feelings, badmouthed Haruki… truly…

“Yeah, that's true. He's terrible… he's always been violent—”

The resistance to speaking ill of him was fading.

But this ugly behavior of mine… would soon… finally… end.

“Asano said he's taking the same high school entrance exam as me.”

Yes… once we become high school students, the environment will change… and happy days with Haruki will come again…

“Eh? If Asano follows you to high school, he definitely has some ulterior motive for you. Maybe he'll even attack you someday.”

Attack… attacked…? Me, by Haruki…?

“Stop it…Don’t say it like that…”

A certain scene flashed through my mind.

“I can’t believe Asano got attacked…”

Senda-senpai grabbing my ch*st so hard… it hurt… and I was scared…

“Disgusting!”

Trying to shake off the unpleasant memory, I raised my voice.

“Y-yeah, sorry. You're right. Hey, do you want to go to the vending machine?”

“I'm thirsty too.”

Haruki is different from that person.

There's no way the kind Haruki would attack me like that.

But… what kind of words are those coming from my own mouth…?

Just as we left the gym toward the vending machine outside,

I saw him standing right there—Haruki.

I was so shocked my blood ran cold in an instant.

“H-Ha… Haru…ki… wh-why… are you here…?”

(Did he hear…? From where…? Everything…? What bad things did I say just now…?)

The body that was sweating and burning from practice moments ago was now icy cold.

I was trembling… unable to move.

So nervous… I couldn't even speak.

“Asano… let's go home.”

Haruki looked away from me, was pulled by Endo-san's hand, and left somewhere.

My Haruki… left… right in front of me.

“Wait! Haruki!”

I desperately squeezed out a voice from deep in my throat and called to him… but Haruki was gone.

---

I whipped my motionless body into action and desperately ran.

“Haruki!”

On the way home, I found him sitting on a bench in the small park where we used to play a lot when we were kids.

Next to him was Endo-san, holding Haruki's hand.

Did Endo-san… bring Haruki to the front of the gym?

To show him my misdeeds…?

“Haruki… you heard our conversation earlier, right? I-I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for!? Do you even realize how Asano must have felt hearing your words!?”

“Like I said, it's none of your business!”

All this time, I had been holding hands with Haruki…

Could it be that Endo-san… really likes Haruki?

“She was sucking up to Senda.”

“Shiho… sucking up to such a delinquent… why?”

“To set Asano up.”

(No! It's true I was trying to get on Senda-senpai's good side, but that was because Miwa told me to. It wasn't to set up Haruki!)

“I heard you agreed to go on a date with Senda.”

“N-No! He said he wanted to date me! So I—”

“So you're not denying that you were cozying up to Senda?”

“T-That's…”

“Whatever. I'll just call Senda right now. We're from the same neighborhood—I've got his contact.”

“S-Stop it!!”

If Senda-senpai comes, it'll be revealed I was trying to flatter him.

Besides, Senda probably doesn't think well of me, so he might spread lies and cause trouble.

“Shiho… is that true?”

“N-No. I just…”

Right now, my trust in his eyes is shaking.

“I didn't want to lose Haruki to anyone else… that's all…”

No matter what I say, he might not believe me.

“Haruki… I'm sorry for all the things I said behind your back. I'm really sorry.”

All I can do is apologize.

Hoping to be forgiven…

To return to being the close childhood friends we once were…

“So what if I've got scary eyes and dyed brown hair? Sorry I look like this.”

“I'm sorry for being violent and a piece of crap.”

“I'M SORRY FOR BEING DISGUSTING!!”

I don't care what others think anymore…

If only I had been honest with my feelings for Haruki…

If I hadn't had a selfish heart trying to monopolize him…

By the time I realized that… it was already too late.

“S-Sorry… I'm sorry.”

“Goodbye, Fukase.”

Calling me by my last name, Haruki turned his back and started walking away.

As if to put distance between us… as if leaving my heart behind…

“Wait! Please! Haruki!!”

Even though I shouted loudly, tears streaming and voice hoarse, he didn't look back.

---

That day… when Haruki said goodbye, I went home and just cried.

Maybe this was a bad dream, and the next day Haruki would smile at me with his usual gentle smile… such impossible thoughts floated in my mind.

Still shocked and unable to shake the cracks in our relationship, I faced the last tournament with the basketball club.

“Shiho! Something happened!”

“What's wrong…?”

“Coach Tamiya quit the school.”

“Eh… really?”

I heard that Coach Tamiya, the basketball club advisor, suddenly resigned for personal reasons.

“I see… the final tournament is coming up soon though… I wonder who will replace him.”

“That's not all! Miwa left too!”

“Eh…? Miwa left?”

Even I, brokenhearted, was surprised.

Miwa also had to transfer suddenly due to family circumstances, and I never saw her again.

“Fukase-san, that's unfortunate… the basketball club's last tournament.”

“Yeah. I dragged everyone down… and we lost…”

During the game, I kept making silly mistakes.

Even at moments when I had to focus, my eyes kept drifting toward the crowded spectator seats.

Maybe Haruki was there cheering me on like always… I foolishly hoped for that impossible thing…

With the advisor and captain gone, and my poor performance, the girls' basketball team was quickly eliminated in the first round.

---

“The high school entrance exam is right in front of you. You all need to tighten your focus here once again—”

The high school entrance exam was fast approaching.

I was going to take the exam for Sendou High School together with Haruki.

I thought that if I lost contact with Haruki, maybe he would even give up on taking the Sendou High School exam.

(But Haruki was studying so hard… he'll surely take the exam. We'll pass together, and then, taking our time… we'll go back to how things used to be…)

On the day to submit the application forms for the high school entrance exams, everyone who was taking the same school exam gathered and headed to the school.

However, among the group taking the Sendou High School exam… Haruki was not there.

“Hey, those two delinquents. I heard Asano and Endo are taking the Kaisei High School exam.”

“No way, those guys are smart, huh?”

My head was spinning…

We'd been together all this time, but now… we might be going to different schools…?

Then, a few days before the graduation ceremony after the exams, even more bad news came crashing down.

“Ah, Shiho.”

“What is it, Mom?”

“Just now, Asano-san came to say goodbye because they're moving.”

Eh… why…?

I hadn't been told anything… not even by Haruki…

(If this keeps going like this, maybe… this is goodbye for good…)

Even if we went to different high schools, since our homes were close, I kept telling myself we could see each other anytime… that we could always talk.

I hated that side of myself.

---

After the graduation ceremony, while everyone else happily chatted together,

I left without joining them and headed home.

I hurried home, put on my Sendou High School uniform, and waited for him.

When I saw Haruki come home, I hesitated about ringing the intercom, but before I could, he came out right away, so I quickly hid in the garden.

I wanted to talk to him… but maybe he'd reject me.

Maybe in his heart, my trust had completely fallen.

If he said “I hate you” face-to-face, I don't know if I could recover from that…

“Haruki…”

Still, I didn't want this to be goodbye.

I wanted him to see me wearing the brand new uniform.

“How is it…”

This was my last desperate act.

If only he could regret parting from me just a little…

He glanced my way, but said nothing.

“I-I heard you're moving… um, could I have your contact information…”

I tried desperately to ask for his contact info.

Holding the smartphone I recently got with trembling hands, I tried to hint at exchanging contact info, but he kept putting distance between us and walked away.

(We might… not be able to see each other anymore!)

I wanted to say that to make him stop.

But at that moment, I realized:

I'm no longer in his heart.

“G-Good luck in high school…”

“You too.”

Still, he responded with words in the end.

For ten years, I'd watched him by my side…

Now, watching his retreating back…

I fought back tears and saw him off.