Chapter 31: Encounter

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Translator: Soafp

---

After Mother left, it was just me and Father living together.

“Seina! That's enough!”

“Hah? What? I'm doing it properly. You're so annoying.”

Father started yelling at me more often. Any time something about my behavior bothered him, he tried to correct it thoroughly. When I was playing games, he would raise his voice in a terrifying tone and shout, “Go study!”

“You know my grades, don't you? I'm always at the top.”

“Watch your mouth! Don't speak so rudely!”

Whenever I faced Father, I would end up being scolded like this. Ever since Mother left, he's been emotionally unstable. He takes out his frustration and helplessness on me.

As for me… ever since Mother was gone, I stopped pretending to be someone I wasn't.

“Ugh, I'm bored of this game. And manga too.”

I liked games and manga—imaginary worlds and stories. They let me experience things that would never happen in real life.

Of course, the ones I paid attention to and sympathized with weren't the protagonists or their friends.

What I loved were the lonely masterminds who committed evil deeds for their own desires.

Villains strong enough to control the world, human rights, even people's lives—I admired them.
But almost always, I ended up disappointed.

Even these villains would be given tragic backstories or motivations, and in the end, the game or story would try to make readers sympathize with them as they fell.

I reject that kind of thing. The past doesn't matter. Reasons aren't necessary.

Just follow your own desires. For enjoyment. For fulfillment. Isn't that enough? I truly believe that.

---

“Why did you turn out this way?!”

“Why? I've always been like this.”

Yes… there's nothing strange about it. After all, I'm my mother's daughter.

Today, Father is yelling at me again. But this time, it's not just his usual venting. A few days ago, I supposedly caused trouble at school.

There was a classmate being bullied. Everyone else—other students and even the teacher—were just watching, doing nothing. I wasn't particularly close to the bullied student. It wasn't out of sympathy. I just couldn't hold back my curiosity.

I made the bullies kneel in front of the bullied student and forced them to apologize in a dramatic fashion.
Specifically, I made them kneel, and then ordered the bullied student to kick their bowed heads.

The main bullies were three girls. How did I manage to make them apologize? Simple—I used violence to break their spirits and force them to submit.

This was the result of my elite training. Since I was little, I'd taken all sorts of lessons. Mother had encouraged me to learn karate and aikido for self-defense, and it made me strong, both mentally and physically. Right now, I probably wouldn't even lose to boys my age.

Anyway, after that, the girls I humiliated complained to their parents and teachers, playing the victims, and the whole thing blew up.

“Why would you do something like that?!”

“Isn't it obvious? I felt bad for the bullied kid.”

Of course, I didn't feel the slightest bit of pity.

“Even so! You went too far!”

“No, I didn't, Father. Those girls deserved even more punishment.”

Exactly. They still had the nerve to cry and complain afterward. It wasn't enough… I didn't do enough.

“Yes, bullying is wrong! But…”

Father tried to silence me with logic, but couldn't finish his sentence. Well, of course. Even if I went too far, I had resolved a major issue.

I made the teacher and classmates who had ignored the bullying rethink their attitudes, and thanks to me, the bullies probably won't do it again. That's how badly they suffered.

But still… it wasn't enough.

When I hit them, when I made them kneel and apologize—my heart raced. But it only lasted a moment. I'm thirsty… my heart is… Empty…

“More… Next time, it needs to be more…”

“Seina…”

Father sees Mother's shadow in me. He's afraid I'll turn out like her.

But… that fear is pointless. Because I am Mother's daughter. That's an unchangeable fact. My genes are shaping me into someone just like her.

“Isn't there something… something more thrilling that'll tear at my soul?”

With a bright smile, I murmured my true feelings.

Father stared in shock—then, in the next moment, his face twisted in rage, and he shouted again.

“If this keeps up, you'll become just like that woman!”

“That woman”

…He meant Mother. He was betrayed by her. Ever since she left, he's had no peace of mind.

“You mean Mother? I'm her daughter, so of course I'll resemble her, right?”

I tried to shut him down with logic. But that only poured oil on the fire…

“Seina! Snap out of it!”

A sharp sound echoed through the mansion. Father's hand had struck my cheek. It stung, then went numb. He hadn't held back—he'd slapped me with full force.

My heart wavered just a little.

When their divorce was finalized, I often saw Father crying alone. His anguished expression… it made me feel something like excitement. But now…

(Ah… it's no good. Even arguing with him, even being hit… it doesn't reach me. I still feel empty.)

“Are you satisfied now?”

I glared at Father with piercing eyes. So sharp, so cold, that it could almost be called murderous intent.

“Ah… S-Seina… I'm sorry…”

He seemed to snap out of it and lowered his head. There must've been some venting in that slap. Anger he couldn't direct at Mother was being taken out on me.

(Ah… still empty. I guess it's better to deal with kids.)

Adults get emotional too, but they have at least some self-control. Children, who haven't learned to restrain themselves, who show their true feelings—that's who I decided to focus on next.

---

“She's still young. Maybe she just doesn't know how to control all the stress.”

Now I'm at a psychiatric clinic with Father.

“I just… I just want my daughter to grow up normal…”

Realizing something was off about my behavior and mental state, Father brought me here.

“Do you ever feel anxious in daily life?”

The doctor asked me kindly.

“I like seeing people troubled. What would you think, Doctor, if I told you I had homicidal urges?”

The doctor and Father both fell silent.

Of course, I have no such urges.

“…Just kidding. But it's true that I enjoy troubling others and watching their reactions.”

I was brought here against my will, but I'm a little curious. Psychiatrists don't usually deny your claims or symptoms outright. I wonder what diagnosis this doctor will give me…

“I see… Seina-chan, you're curious about a lot of things. You're full of curiosity, aren't you?”

He's good with words…

“Doctor… um, is there any treatment?”

“Seina-chan is in the sixth grade of elementary school, and is entering puberty. There might be many impulsive behaviors from now on, but I believe she will calm down as she grows older.”

Ignoring my father's worries, the conclusion was to simply monitor my condition.

If I were an adult, medication to ease stress and anxiety might have been an option, but since I was young, it was thought that such treatment could negatively affect my growth, so it was not pursued.

I was a little disappointed because I was somewhat interested.

“Haa… I see. Ever since I divorced this child's mother, I've had nothing but worries… I just want Seina to grow up healthy and normal.”

My father continued speaking at length, and the doctor responded with a somewhat awkward nod.

At this point, it was no longer my examination, but rather a counseling session for my father's concerns.

“Seina-chan, how about trying to keep a diary?”

“Huh? A diary?”

“Yes, it's called an emotion diary. It can help relieve stress and help identify the cause of those impulses to work on improving them.”

I thought, what is he even saying? It's pointless.

A diary doesn't make my heart flutter at all.

“Since you're not showing it to anyone, just write honestly and freely.”

Saying that, the doctor handed me a few notebooks.

“A diary… self-analysis, huh…”

I didn't want to improve this condition of mine.

But I did want to know the cause of these impulses.

---

I enrolled in the local public middle school, not a private one.

My father seemed to expect that changing my environment would change my attitude.

But I fundamentally didn't change.

Since middle school had looser rules, I dyed my hair blonde, got piercings, and went to school like that today as well.

Because I had gone to a private elementary school, I barely knew anyone.

With such flashy appearance and a surly attitude, I wasn't going to get close to anyone and was always alone.

Well, honestly, the people around me were too low-level for me to want to be friends with them anyway.

“Haa… this is still boring…”

My grades have always been top even at this school.

At first, teachers frequently came to warn me because of my bad behavior, but now they mostly ignore me.

Even though I break school rules and hardly attend classes, if you have excellent grades, things are different.

What is education, really?

Teachers work for low pay compared to their labor, so they probably don't want to waste effort on unnecessary things.

It's been about a year since I became a middle schooler… but I have been restraining my behavior.

It's not that the impulses disappeared.

It's just that the impulses that arise have become smaller, that's true.

“Is there anyone interesting around…”

When I was in elementary school, I tried all sorts of things to satisfy my heart… but now I'm bored of that too.

I'd rather quickly go home and immerse myself in games and manga—they still soothe my heart.

“Hey, Senda. Give me the rooftop key.”

“Ugh!? Eh, Endo…”

This guy is Senda, from the same local area as me, and the only familiar face at this middle school.

I've played with him a few times, but he's just a dumb guy who can't even be my toy—a boring person.

“You have it, right? Hurry up and hand it over.”

“I just got it from a senior who graduated recently…”

The rooftop is a hangout spot for delinquents, but maybe because more serious people have appeared recently, now only Senda and I qualify.

There's a spare key to the rooftop that some delinquent who graduated a few years ago took the main key and made copies without permission.

Among delinquents, this key is passed down from seniors to juniors.

“What's up, Senda? Want to get hurt again?”

I once completely beat him up in elementary school, so since then Senda is very submissive to me.

He's pathetic and weak.

“O-Okay, here you go.”

“Also, don't come to the rooftop anymore. That's my special spot.”

At home, there's some housekeeper my father hired, and at school, low-level classmates.

I wanted a place where I could be alone.

My heart is always dry.

I want to moisten it, to satisfy it.

But… there's no one worthy in my eyes… no one who could be my toy… in the world I live in.

“Haa… the wind feels nice.”

There's a good breeze on the rooftop.

It soaks into my dry heart.

“I wonder if Mother… felt like this too.”

Will there be nothing interesting anymore…?

Maybe I should try jumping off this rooftop to commit suicide?

If that happened, it would make big news, and the people who work at this school would be troubled.

That might be interesting, but if I die, I wouldn't be able to see the faces of those troubled people.

“A delinquent, huh… someone crazy like me…”

At that time, every day as I wrote in the diary… maybe I was tracing the cause of my heart's dryness.

I was seeking someone to sympathize with me…

“Hm?… A delinquent, there was one, I think…”

Someone with a bad gaze… brown hair… disliked by teachers and classmates… I think there was someone like that…

I can't remember…

I'm really bad at remembering people's names and faces.

Someone who could satisfy my heart…

[I hope in your life you find a toy that can quench that thirst of yours.]

That's what Mother said…

If I found that toy… maybe something would change in me too?

“Huh? Why is the rooftop open?”

A voice came from behind, and when I turned, a boy was standing there staring at me.

He opened the rooftop door and entered my territory.

That's right… it's him.

A classmate who floats apart from others just like me.

I don't know his name, but I remember his face.

He shares the same unusual aura as me.

“Uh… who are you?”

The boy looked surprised and spoke to me.

“No… that's my line.”

Teachers and classmates treat me like a problem child and avoid me, but he shows no fear at all.

“I'm Endo.”

“Endo? Ah… isn't he the delinquent everyone knows about?”

Rude guy for a first meeting.

“So? What's your name?”

But somehow… I don't dislike him.

“I'm Haruki Asano. By the way, I'm not a delinquent.”

That was my meeting with Asano… my toy.