Chapter 38: Recollections

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Translator: Soafp

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Back in middle school, after various things happened, I had a falling out with my childhood friend Shiho, and I ended up entering the same high school as Seina.

Then came the summer vacation of my first year of high school.

The day I was going to visit Seina's house for the first time.

On the way there, I happened to run into this guy—Senda—by chance.

“A-Asano… uh… I'm sorry about what happened back in middle school. I was thinking maybe, because of all that, you had a hard time at school.”

It all started when Senda got close to Shiho and assaulted her. I ended up punching him, and it caused a big scene.

“It's fine now. I hit you too.”

Talking to him now, Senda seemed quite different from how he was in middle school.

“I also caused trouble for Fukase… so, if you don't mind, could you tell her I apologized? You two are still close, right?”

“Uh… yeah, sure.”

Back then, Shiho and I weren't speaking, so I never actually passed on Senda's message.

“Also… this probably doesn't concern you, but…”

I thought the conversation was over, but Senda hesitated before continuing.

“What is it?”

“You remember Endo? She was in your grade…”

“Yeah. What about her?”

“I kind of feel like I was being used by her.”

Senda explained that his persistence toward Shiho had been encouraged—almost orchestrated—by Endo's advice and instructions.

He also told me that even before all that, Seina Endo had always seemed like an unhinged person.

“Well, now that you've graduated from middle school, you probably won't have anything to do with Endo anymore.”

Thinking back now, maybe Senda was just worried about me in his own way.

From his point of view, Seina looked like she was trying to sabotage Shiho.

And because I'd been close to Shiho, he was trying to warn me.

“Yeah… maybe.”

But at the time, I only listened to half of what Senda was saying.

Of course, I didn't tell him that I was actually close with Seina now.

“You're late, Asano!”

“S-Sorry.”

After parting with Senda, I arrived at Seina's house. We ate snacks, chatted about nonsense, just like always.

“Asano, what took you so long? Did you get lost?”

“I ran into Senda… we talked a bit.”

“Senda? What did he say?”

“Nothing really, just apologized. About middle school.”

“I see…”

It didn't feel any different from when we hung out at school or at my place.

As usual, peaceful, never boring… fulfilling.

“So? What game should we play?”

“How about this one?”

“Wait, before that… your room's a mess. Shouldn't we clean up first?”

“I'm gonna use the bathroom. You start cleaning, Asano.”

“Hey! Don't run off! …You're hopeless.”

Seina was still her usual energetic and cheerful self.

She had become like the sun to me.

Seeing her like that, what Senda had said didn't seem to matter much—but still, I felt a chill run down my spine.

What if he was telling the truth…?

“What's this? A diary?”

While tidying the cluttered low table, I found a diary.

“I thought she was more careless, but… she keeps a diary?”

Muttering to myself, I picked up the diary, unable to fight the curiosity.

Was it because of what Senda told me?

No, not just that.

Even after knowing her since the second year of middle school, I still didn't really understand what Seina Endo was thinking sometimes.

Reading someone's diary without permission is wrong.

Even so, I had this vague feeling that the strange unease I felt had something to do with what was written in it…

“It's pretty simply written…”

Nervously, I opened the diary. Inside were short, concise entries.

The earliest entry was from about four years ago, when she was in sixth grade.

It said her father had taken her to a psychiatric clinic, and from that day she started keeping a diary.

The final entry was around the summer of her third year in middle school.

“So she stopped keeping a diary after that… huh?”

When I glanced at the last page, I tilted my head in confusion.

“By planning seed sowing and watering, I gained the best toy through drama and pleasure.”

Toy…?

I didn't really understand what she meant by that.

I flipped back a few pages and skimmed through the brief entries.

Shiho Fukase, Tamiya, Tatsumi, Senda…

Her mother, who left the mansion.

Seina Endo's real feelings.

After reading it all, I closed the diary and quietly continued tidying the room.

“Asano, all cleaned up?”

“…”

“Heeey, Asano?”

“Huh? Oh… yeah.”

“What's up? You're totally spacing out.”

“It's nothing… You took your time, though.”

“I went to the convenience store to buy more snacks.”

Humming as she plopped down on the sofa, Seina was as energetic and cheerful as ever.

After reading that diary, part of me wanted to think it was all just some mistake…

The person closest to me now is definitely her.

And yet, she feels far away.

“Asano, let's play this one.”

“Ah, yeah… sure.”

Someone once told me I might be a little dependent.

Dependent on Seina Endo?

No… I don't think so.

By then, I probably already liked her.

That's what I think.

---

“Haa… Morning already…”

I glanced at my phone. The time was 6:00 AM.

There were no university lectures today, but I got out of bed and started getting ready anyway.

Two days ago, Seina revealed the truth—her past from middle school—and that ended everything between us.

Of course, I tried to stop her from leaving… but she walked away from me.

That wasn't all.

There was also doubt festering in my heart.

That night, I couldn't sleep at all. The hours just dragged by.

And yesterday, likely because I hadn't slept the night before, I was so overcome by exhaustion that I passed out without even eating.

I had a dream.

A dream of the past…

A memory from when I was little—when my kind mother was still alive.

Back when every day was filled with joy, without a hint of anxiety, and everything felt complete.

But… that happiness didn't last long.

My mother got sick.

Despite fighting the illness, she passed away far too young.

I cried every day.

I was heartbroken, lonely.

The adults mourned my mother's death… but only for a little while. Before long, they all returned to their everyday lives.

Even my dad, though deeply saddened, soon got back to his busy work schedule.

Time resumed its usual pace.

Dad would go to work every day. I'd go to school…

But when I came home, Mom wasn't there.

Even though everything seemed the same, she was the one thing missing from that normal routine.

Dad wouldn't come home until late at night. Sometimes even in the early hours of the morning.

I figured adults were just busy, so I didn't blame him.

At school, I was always alone. None of the teachers or classmates ever talked to me.

I was overwhelmed by loneliness… and cried quietly to myself.

“Haruki! I baked some cookies. Come have some!”

“…No, I'm… I'm good.”

I must've been pretty twisted back then.

But even so… she—Shiho—was the only one who…

“Don't say that! They're delicious! Let's eat together!”

“Ah… okay.”

Shiho was the one who pulled me—curled up in darkness—into the warmth of the sun.

“It's okay, Haruki. You're going to be alright.”

She always said that, always reaching out so I wouldn't be alone.

And when I took her hand and squeezed it tightly, she'd gently squeeze back.

“Thank you, Shiho.”

When I thanked her, she smiled so kindly.

I loved that smile.

I… I really loved Shiho.

---

“Is she coming out soon…?”

Right now, I was standing in front of Seina's house, waiting for her to show herself.

It was Monday, and during her teaching practicum, Seina was supposed to head to her former middle school.

It was a little after 7 AM—still early in the morning.

Ringing the doorbell at this hour would probably be rude, so I waited quietly for her to come out.

“…That is, if she even plans to go.”

Given everything that had happened two days ago, I wasn't sure if Seina would still head out for her practicum like usual.

Regardless, I wanted to talk to her face-to-face.

Would she even agree to speak with me?

While I was mulling over how to start the conversation, my phone suddenly vibrated hard in my pocket.

The screen lit up with the name Shiho Fukase—a call.

I hesitated for a moment, wondering if Seina might come out any second now…

“Hello…? Shiho?”

“Yeah, good morning, Haruki.”

I answered, a bit tense.

“Sorry for calling so early… I just really wanted to talk to you.”

“…Yeah. Shiho… about the other day, I—”

“Haruki… I want to see you. Not over the phone… I want to talk in person.”

“………Alright.”

I wanted to see her too. To speak in person.

“That park… the one we used to play at all the time. I'll wait for you there.”

That park where we used to play…

The same place where our relationship once came to an end…

We agreed to meet in an hour and ended the call.

I had to face Shiho… Seina… and my own feelings—without lies or excuses.

“Seina! Stop right there!”

A loud voice rang out from the spacious yard behind Seina's house.

“Where do you think you're going dressed like that?!”

“Shut up! It doesn't matter where I go!”

While arguing, two people approached the gate where I stood.

It was Seina and her father, Seiya-san.

“Seina…”

“Haruki…? What… Why are you here…?”

Seina looked at me, stunned—and honestly, I was just as shocked.

Her hair was dyed a bright, flawless blonde, and she had piercings in her ears.

It was as if she had reverted—body and soul—back to the person she was in middle school.