Chapter 21: Name

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Translator: Soafp

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[Shiho Pov]

“Fukase… hey, Fukase!”

“Ah… yeah, what is it… Haruki?”

“You okay? You're spacing out.”

It was a little past 4 p.m., early evening.

Right now, I'm walking home with Haruki.

“Yeah. I'm okay.”

At the bowling alley, I found out Haruki has a girlfriend… and I was so shocked that I don't remember much after that.

I think Azusa, noticing my reaction, kindly suggested we call it a day… and we all decided to head home…

‘Hey, I need to head back to my father's place today—wanna go together, Fukase?'

That's what Haruki said to me… and that's how we ended up here.

Since Haruki's family home is right across from mine, we're naturally headed in the same direction…

If I hadn't learned about his relationship with Endo-san, I'd be overjoyed to be in this situation.

No… even now that I know, I still feel my heart racing just walking beside him like this.

(I really am so pathetic… clinging to hope like this.)

“By the way, looks like Shiraki has a thing for Ishii-san, but it's not looking good for him.”

“…Yeah.”

Haruki keeps trying to chat with me, even though I must look gloomy…

But honestly, that just makes it harder for me.

The more kind he is to me, the more I get my hopes up…

But now that I know he has a girlfriend… his kindness just feels empty.

“We used to play in this park all the time, huh?”

“Ah…”

Haruki stopped in front of the park near our houses and murmured.

It's true—we used to play here a lot.

But what comes to mind when I see this place isn't warm, nostalgic memories.

‘Goodbye, Fukase.'

It was here, back in our third year of junior high, that my mistake was revealed… and Haruki told me he never wanted to see me again.

I still remember his words vividly. Burned into my mind.

“Feels nostalgic. Wanna stop by for a bit?”

“…Yeah.”

Haruki and I entered the park and walked around a little.

I saw the familiar sandbox and playground equipment.

(So nostalgic…)

In kindergarten, we played house.

In elementary school, we ran around and played on the equipment.

All those precious, nostalgic memories…

But now, just touching those memories fills me with a sense of loss.

In those memories, I was the one by his side.

But now… that's no longer true.

Endo-san…

Haruki already has a girlfriend.

“We used to play on the jungle gym and stuff. You even fell off the swing once and cried like crazy.”

“…Yeah.”

(Haruki… why…?)

“We even built big sandcastles in the sandbox. We used to compete to see who could build the biggest one.”

“……………”

(Why are you being so kind to me…?)

“Summer was so hot we'd get thirsty right away. We used to drink from this faucet here.”

Of course, Haruki remembers.

He knows this is the place where our relationship as childhood friends broke down, after my mistake.

That's why he's trying to overwrite that painful memory with happier ones from before it happened.

He's doing it because he knows I'm still hurt by it.

His kindness hits me like a punch to the chest.

(‘You don't have to carry that anymore.')

It's as if he's gently telling me that.

But… I still don't understand.

“Hey… Haruki.”

“Yeah?”

“Why…”

Why did you forgive me?

Why are you being so kind to me?

Those words rose up to my throat—but I couldn't bring myself to say them.

“…………”

“What's wrong, Fukase?”

I used to understand what Haruki was thinking so well.

We were childhood friends… we shared so many moments together.

But now, I can't read him at all.

Probably because there's distance between us now.

So much time has passed.

I have a feeling that's the reason he's being so kind to me…

And that thought scares me.

“You really okay?”

“…Haruki.”

This Haruki… is someone I don't know anymore…

If that's the case… then maybe it's better if—

“…Call me by my name.”

“…Huh?”

Haruki looked a bit confused.

“Just like before… call me Shiho.”

I looked him straight in the eyes and said it.

He looked away and pressed his lips together.

His reaction made sense.

Even if he's outwardly forgiven me, he's continued to call me “Fukase.”

That's a clear sign he's still keeping his distance.

And yet, I chose to step over that line.

That's not like me. I'm usually such a coward.

Maybe it's because I already know he has a girlfriend—and I've stopped caring.

Because if I don't take that step, I'll never be able to let him go.

So I'd rather just step deep into his space and get rejected outright—

Then I'll finally understand the truth.

I'll finally accept the reality—

That I no longer have the right to stand next to him.

“Call me… Shiho. Just like you used to…”

If I can make him push me away… then maybe I'll finally…

“…Okay.”

“…Eh…?”

(What… does he mean, ‘okay'? I… wanted him to push me away, so I could finally move on—)

“It's okay. Shiho.”

(Why…?

Why…?

I don't understand him at all…)

“Well, let's head back.”

Haruki walked out of the park a little ahead of me.

I stared at his back, trying to hold back my tears.

He called me by my name for the first time in so long… and I was overwhelmed.

Could it be that he really has forgiven me?

Such a convenient thought popped into my mind.

“Shiho, let's go.”

He called me… by my name.

“Yeah… Haruki.”

I called him… by his name.

Side by side, we started walking toward our homes.

It really felt like we'd gone back in time…

(How… how am I supposed to give up now…?)

I know Haruki has a girlfriend.

But even so, right now—this moment—he's next to me.

“Haruki.”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“What for?”

I just wanted to say thank you for being kind to me.

“For walking me home, I mean.”

“Oh, well… we're headed in the same direction.”

Haruki has a girlfriend.

Maybe this is just selfish on my part.

Maybe I just don't want to give up.

But even so, I'll tell him how I feel someday.

Not because I expect a happy ending.

But because I need to tell him.

I quietly made that decision.

“Haruki!”

A voice suddenly called out, slicing through the silence between us.

We turned to look—and saw a beautiful woman in a suit approaching us calmly.

I was about to wonder who she was when—

“Seina”

Haruki murmured beside me.