Chapter 20: Regret

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Translator: Soafp

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[Shiho PoV]

“That was delicious, wasn't it?”

“Yeah. Shiraki-kun, thank you for the meal.”

After finishing our meal at the family restaurant, we left the place and expressed our thanks to Shiraki-kun, who had treated us.

“Well, when you eat together with everyone, the food tastes even better, huh.”

During the meal, Shiraki-kun had been chatting energetically with Azusa. Maybe because he was happy about that, he seemed to be in a really good mood.

“Hm? By the way, Azusa, don't you have lectures in the afternoon?”

“Yeah. But today I'm thinking of skipping. Since we've all gathered like this, you know.”

“Actually, I'm skipping too! Wow, we really get along, huh!”

Azusa usually attends lectures seriously and has never been late or missed one, so skipping once or twice wouldn't put her credits in danger…

“Hey Shiraki. Are you really okay with skipping?”

“Yeah, I'm fine!”

Maybe it's just my prejudice, but Shiraki-kun seems like he might get into trouble if he skips too much…

“More importantly, where shall we go next?”

Haruki asked worriedly, but Shiraki himself didn't seem to care at all.

“No, I'm going home.”

“Eh!? Hey Asano-kun, let's hang out a little longer!”

Shiraki was persistent towards Haruki, who said he wanted to go home. Watching Shiraki, Haruki looked annoyed, furrowing his brows.

“Since we've all come together, please stay with us a little longer, Asano-kun.”

Azusa also acted as if she agreed with Shiraki's idea. I guess this meal at the family restaurant was part of their plan to bring me and him closer. Thanks to Azusa, I was even able to exchange contact info with him, so I was happy about that…

(But Haruki… he probably finds this annoying, right?)

“Hey, Shiho, don't you want to stay with everyone a bit longer too?”

“Eh… ah…”

Azusa suddenly turned to me and spoke, so I was at a loss for words. Of course, I still want to be with Haruki. But it's not like before, and if I get too close and invade his personal space… like back in middle school when he rejected me… I can't help but think about that. Still…

“Y-yeah… I want to stay a little longer…”

My voice was weak, but I said honestly how I felt. The moment Haruki opened his mouth to reply, I looked down.

I was scared to hear what he would say in response. Even though I wasn't confessing love or anything… I was cowardly and closed my eyes.

“…I see. So where are we going?”

Haruki's words made the three of us widen our eyes in surprise.

“Hey, you listening, Shiraki?”

“Eh, ah, yeah. I just thought you'd insist on leaving quickly, so I was surprised.”

“Well then, how about bowling? It's also a good way to get some exercise, and there's a sports leisure facility nearby.”

“Yeah, sounds good!”

Azusa quickly suggested the destination, and everyone nodded in agreement. So, we headed to that leisure facility.

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“All right! Strike!”

“Shiraki-kun, you're really good.”

“Leave ball games to me!”

At the bowling alley we arrived at, things immediately got lively. Shiraki-kun, who said he trains daily on the baseball team, was skillfully rolling the house ball and scoring high points.

“Oh, Ishii-san, you're amazing too!”

“Well, I'm good at sports.”

Azusa, using her natural sense of balance, rolled the house ball with a beautiful form and got a good score. Maybe it's because she trains regularly on the swimming team?

As for me…

“Fukase, gutter again?”

“Ugh… but you've been getting gutters a lot too, Haruki.”

“I'm bad at ball games. I tend to tense up and can't do well.”

Indeed, I had many gutters, but Haruki wasn't much better. His score was only slightly higher than mine. Yet he smiled a little, as if mocking me…

“You should relax your shoulders more and calm down.”

“Your advice isn't very convincing. I have a higher score.”

“The difference is so small. You can see things objectively, right? Haruki, you're stubborn like that, huh?”

“That's you, isn't it? You haven't changed at all since before.”

“That's not true! I've actually grown in many ways…”

I argued a bit heatedly, but then I calmed down. This was how we used to talk so naturally before. It was really fun… but…

Because of the awful things I did to Haruki, I have to carry guilt forever. I'm not in any position to proudly say I've ‘grown.'

“Well, you really have grown.”

Hearing Haruki's voice as I was looking down, I raised my face.

“Huh…?”

“Yeah, you've become pretty feminine.”

His eyes were on my chest…

“P-pervert!”

My face instantly flushed hot. He giggled at me, which was just annoying.

(But… it's still fun…)

“I'm going to the bathroom.”

Just talking like this since we reunited made me feel like the mistakes I made in the past never happened. But that's probably just his kindness guiding me like that… I must not misunderstand… absolutely not.

Watching him walk away to the restroom, I told myself firmly.

“Shiho, you look like you're having fun.”

“Yeah… it's fun.”

“Hey, don't you think Asano-kun likes you?”

“E-eh!?”

Azusa said this suddenly, having seen how we were acting earlier, and I was surprised.

“Th-that's not what I think at all…”

“Really? But you know, Asano-kun said, ‘I'm heading home,' and then when Shiho said, ‘I want to stay with you,' he decided to stick around.”

“That's probably just because he was being considerate…”

“You two were having such a fun conversation just now, too.”

“That was… probably also just him trying to keep things from getting awkward…”

Yes. Haruki was only acting that way for my sake, out of concern.

“Huh? Where did Asano-kun go?”

Shiraki-kun, having just finished a game, joined in on our conversation.

“Oh, Shiraki-kun. Good game. Asano-kun went to the restroom.”

“I see. So, what were you all chatting about so happily just now?”

What were we talking about…? There's no way I could tell him we were speculating, all on our own, that Haruki might like me.

“Hey, does Asano-kun have a girlfriend?”

“Huh!? Wh-why are you asking that, Ishii-san…?”

Azusa's sudden question surprised even me, but Shiraki-kun looked more shaken than I was.

“Well, you know how it is—girls love chatting about who's dating who.”

Shiraki-kun seemed to misunderstand, thinking Azusa was interested in Haruki romantically.

“So? What's the deal? Does he have a girlfriend?”

“M-me? I don't have one!”

“No, not you, Shiraki-kun—I meant Asano-kun.”

Since Shiraki-kun is into Azusa…I wonder—Azusa is usually sharp and perceptive about everyone else. Could she really not have noticed?

“Um… Ishii-san, don't tell me… you're into Asano-kun—”

“Oh, it's not me. It's a friend of mine who's interested in him.”

“I-I see. That makes sense.”

Relieved, Shiraki-kun visibly relaxed and wiped the sweat off his forehead with a handkerchief.

He must really like Azusa—he's that nervous about it.

If only I could feel that way about Haruki, too—love him wholeheartedly, without hesitation…

“Asano-kun? Yeah, he has a girlfriend.”

…Ah… Right. So he does have a girlfriend…

“She's this stunning beauty from our university—Miss Koo herself.”

…Well, of course. Haruki's handsome… Of course he'd have a girlfriend.

“You remember her, right, Fukase-san? That Endo-san who went to middle school with us. She's dating Asano-kun.”

…Endo-san…?

“They've been together since high school. Honestly, they're a perfect match. They're a famous couple even in college—super lovey-dovey.”

…I see. They went to the same high school, too. Come to think of it, I think I saw Endo-san during the culture festival…

“People say they'll probably get married right after graduating.”

“Alright, enough! We get it—Asano-kun has a girlfriend, so let's drop it!”

“Oh, uh, okay.”

Azusa raised her voice slightly to cut Shiraki-kun off. She was probably trying to spare me from hearing any more.

Right now… my head feels blank. Or maybe I'm in a daze—I can't even tell.

“Um, I'm going to the restroom for a bit…”

Avoiding Azusa's concerned gaze, I headed off to the bathroom alone.

“Oh, Fukase. Bathroom?”

“Ah… yeah.”

I ran into Haruki as he came out of the men's room. He spoke to me, but… I couldn't bring myself to look at his face.

“Huh? You look down. You okay?”

He must have noticed something was off. He leaned down to peer at my face.

The moment his face entered my vision… my whole body started trembling.

“I-I'm fine!”

I rushed past Haruki and fled into the women's restroom.

Even though I was in a fog after hearing Shiraki-kun's words… the moment I saw Haruki's face, some indescribable emotion tore through me.

“Ugh… sob… sob…”

I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

Haruki has a girlfriend. He's been dating Endo-san since high school.

I knew that was a possibility. When I met Haruki again at the mixer, he forgave me for what happened in middle school, and we slowly started talking again like we used to. I thought… maybe I had a chance too.

But I let myself hope.

And I got my heart broken.

And now I'm just… crushed.

Someone like me—someone who probably deserved to be hated by him—thinking I could ever be his girlfriend…
It was foolish. Truly foolish.

But still… even so…

“I really… really liked him…”

For a long while, I stayed in the empty, echoing girls' restroom, crying quietly to myself so no one would hear.