Chapter 19: Words I’ve longed to say.

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Translated and Edited by: luccayn.
Enjoy!

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This is enough…
I've finally figured out what I wanted, namely her purpose, though it was a time hog if I've ever seen one. Talking with her anymore would be a sanguine waste of time. Though my heart is like the uncertain waves of a storm, it felt okay to end the visitation at this point.

When this is dully over, I think I'll have another drink with Rein to relieve the drudgery, I nodded to myself. With the fun I'd have later in tow, I looked down on her from above and said, “I will never see your face again. However, I have one last thing to—”

“I, if I'm just Lulu, then so are you, Ruben!”

Just as I was about to say my final adieu… Truthfully, her unchanging idiocy was something to gawk at. I mean that in a bad way, of course.

“B, because I… I can't possibly be a commoner! I, I have committed no crime, I really haven't! I have done no wrong! Father said being expunged was a heavy punishment for a guilty noble, but I'm not one of them! In fact, if I'm punished, it would be weird if you're let off scot-free! ”

Seems she remembered the explanation for the erasure process in her own stupid way. Still, even if she did nothing, her cheating was a heavy breach of contract between nobles and a spit on the face of those involved, including me. Moreover, during the engagement period, I treated her with the utmost respect. I did everything in my way to pay attention and make her feel loved.

Thus, how could I, who made every possible effort to keep the aristocratic party's claws off us, be drenched in the same guilty venom as that two-faced cheater? It made so little sense, it churned my stomach to sickness.

Even my good friend Lyla and I have never been together alone. Whenever we'd meet, we would make sure she was accompanied by Rein, her own squires, or whoever else of note to serve as witnesses. Of course, it was the same with other noble daughters.

Unlike Lulu, who comfortably coiled to numerous men around her regardless of her taken status, I took special care to treat women with the utmost respect. I was raised to be a noble gentleman, and that was far more important than my being single. Still, gossip between noble daughters traveled faster than a storm, so there was no need to rush in in order to find a possible bride quickly. I should just make a good impression and leave it at that.

“I'm quite tired of asking, but I'm still curious at heart. Why would I be as guilty as you?” I huffed.

“You love me too, don't you? Then, you are one of them. One of the men who loved me. If it is a sin to be loved, the one who loved should be punished under the same scale, for the same sin! It would be unjust otherwise!”

“…Loving and being loved aren't sins. You're not being punished for that,” I pressed my temple and sighed. My head didn't really hurt, per se, but it sure as hell felt like it. My squires' gazes hurt as well, though they weren't directed at me.

Of course, she wasn't being punished for what she said she was. A ridiculous assumption on her part. If love were a crime punishable by Law, the whole country would be riddled with criminals, stupid… And she really was stupid.

“Then it's not my fault and I don't deserve punishment, yes? I have to go to your father and ask him to rescind the erasure then… Oh, but Ruben you need to go first. As far as I'm aware, your father doesn't even register my presence.”

First, she asked to annul the breaking off. Now, she asks to annul the erasure? I couldn't hold back a laden sigh.

“That's because the Count of Camell doesn't have to take your hilarious tirade seriously. Ugh, I know it was my fault for asking, but I really shouldn't have.”

If anything, that regret might extend to this visitation as a whole… No, I'll retract that. What I would truly regret is not saying the words I so wanted to say…

“What do you mean?” She answered with a question.

“My words, exactly.”

With that, I adjusted my posture and dared a smirk.

“You are not aware of the world around you and never will be. No matter how many words manage to part your lips, or in whatever order you pull them from, in the end, you'll always live inside your own head. Every thought, every feeling, every single thing you ever did, you did inside your own little Lulu world.”

She was one who worked for her own convenience, and also one who forced it down others' throats. Whenever I'd mentioned His Majesty, she denied the crime, protested the punishment, and tried to involve the Count of Camell to achieve an annulment of her downfall as a whole.

It was beyond unfathomable to see someone born of noble ascent and receive the privileges and regal life of the “blue-blooded,” yet fail so abysmally at understanding the society she was brought in. Even the commoner classmates who attended school with me had a clear understanding of most around them.

“Still,” I continued. “I wanted to make this clear with my own words, from my own mouth.”

These were the words I failed to tell her earlier, and one of the main reasons for the visitation in the first place.

“I don't love you anymore.”

—That's why, please stop this self-pleased delusion that I'm still in love with you.

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