Chapter 32: No one will ever know.

Translator: Soafp

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[Pov Ruri Fujibayashi ]　

Today I’m having a study session at Sasaki’s house, invited by Saijo-kun. Renya is also with me.

　Since becoming a high school student, Renya has been going out with someone more often. At first he refuses, but if Saijo and others ask him out again and again, he often agrees, albeit reluctantly. His attitude is still curt, though.

　Even so, his attitude is much better than it was in junior high school. In those days, he was a stranger to everyone and rarely accepted invitations, but now he accepts even if it looks like a hassle. With no expression. I feel a certain humanity in knowing that he does so even when his face is expressionless. At least, it’s more than just being a stranger. Is this what you call a Tsundere?

　I don’t know what Renya actually thinks about it. In fact, the distance between us may not have shortened in the slightest. I can’t help but think that, considering how he acted when he first entered high school. Even so, his attitude seems to have softened lately compared to back then or in middle school.

　That’s why there are rumors about his past, and I was shocked when I saw the graffiti on his desk. I was afraid that he might despair of the people around him again, even though he has been getting to know the people around him.

　Fortunately, it didn’t come to that. I tried to stay on Renya’s side this time, but the situation calmed down before I knew it, as if such determination was meaningless.

　Although there were some things that bothered me, Renya’s attitude did not change. It was as if nothing had happened.

　Today, too, he resisted at first, but he participated in the study session. It might have been thanks to the coupon that I gave to Saijo-kun just in case.

　The study session went well. It was as if we were back in the old days, but with different members. We all studied, Takuma got bored and asked us to play, we all laughed and played together. I couldn’t help but laugh when Saijo and the others asked me to play with them like Takuma.

　Once the test is over, it will be summer vacation. The current Renya might accept the invitation. The four of us childhood friends might be able to get together again. We could get together every day and play, do our summer homework, and take a nap side by side after a long day of playing.

　As I was putting away my study tools, I heard Sasaki’s voice. I couldn’t help but stop when I heard what he was saying. The same goes for Saijo and the others who were about to play a game.

　When I heard the cries of Sasaki-kun’s pent up emotions, I became conscious of my own sins again. It was us who made Renya abandon his talent. If only we had believed in him, he might still be playing soccer.

　We had only been thinking about ourselves, but now we realize that there are other people who were affected by that incident. That’s how much influence the Renya of those days had on the people around him.

　I had focused only on the past and wanted to go back to that time, but I had taken away the future that Renya might have had.

　I feel guilty. I also intend to make amends. But I don’t know how to atone for it.

　Renya brought tea and sweets to the living room, and remained the same as usual. I tried to behave as usual, but my guilt got in the way and it didn’t go well, causing Renya to look at me suspiciously.

　No one knows what the future holds. But it is certain that we have changed the future of Renya. And we also don’t know what the future will bring.

　Are my actions leading to a better future or not, and what about the actions of others? There is no end to what I can think about. There is no saving or loading in life, so there is no way to check.

　But I am sure that if I stay away from Renya, there will be no future where we can laugh together like in the past.

(Ah… after all, I’m still trapped in the past…)

　The contradiction of thinking about the past while thinking about the future. I don’t know if I’m moving forward or backward.

　Nevertheless, if I don’t take action, there will be no change. No matter what the consequences are.

　Hopefully, there will be a better future for Renya, and hopefully for us as well. What kind of future will be waiting for us if we continue on like this?

　For now, no one knows.

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