Chapter 9: Mental care

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Translator: Soafp

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I ran through the chilly night streets and only stopped when my apartment building came into view.

I had run at full speed in a fever, trying to empty my mind.

“Ugh… Aoi…”

But it didn't clear my feelings… I sank deeper, like into an endless, dark ocean.

Finding out that my father had spent all my money had been a shock… of course it was. But what I felt now was nothing compared to that.

Aoi had gone far away.

The Aoi who had been near me… was with Toru.

Tears blurred my vision.
A splitting headache made it hard to keep my footing.

In one day, I had lost everything. Money… the future I had envisioned… the Aoi I loved…

Staggering, I made it to my apartment building, but my consciousness was hazy, and I collapsed to my knees.

“…No, this won’t do.”

I had a fever since yesterday… yet I ran, yelled, and cried… I had pushed myself too far.

Ah… so sleepy… so cold…

The freezing cold and the overwhelming fatigue hit me all at once. My vision… my mind… sank further and further into darkness.

Maybe… it would be easier… if I just died…

“What…? Wh-warmth…?”

Amid the freezing cold, I felt a faint warmth. That warmth pulled my consciousness back, just a little.

“Are you okay!? Yamato-kun, can you hear me!?”

“S-senpai…? Why are you here…?”

It was Senpai Hayami, who had hurried over to me. She took off the jacket she was wearing and draped it over my trembling body.

“Are you cold!? Should I call an ambulance!?”

“N-no…”

“Do you have your apartment key?”

“In my pants pocket…”

“I'll borrow it.”

She took the key from my pocket and unlocked the door. Unable to walk alone, I was supported by Senpai as we finally made it into my apartment.

---

“…Huh? What happened to me…?”

Had I lost consciousness? When I opened my eyes, I saw the ceiling of my room. I must have fallen asleep on my bed without realizing it.

Sitting in a chair in the room was Hayami-Senpai, which surprised me.

“You’re awake. How's your condition?”

“S-senpai, why are you here!?”

“Don't remember? You were crouching in front of your apartment… so I borrowed your key…”

That's right… I had been helped by Senpai again.

“Sorry for coming in without permission.”

“N-no… thank you for helping me…”

“I couldn't just leave you like that… I was going to leave once your parents got home, but…”

Glancing at her phone, I realized it was already 3 a.m.

“My mother is working night shift… she won't be back until morning. My father… doesn't know either.”

My mother often juggled multiple jobs, sometimes working through the night.

My father frequently went out at night.

I didn't know where he was or what he was doing, but probably wandering around drinking.

“Why did you come to my apartment…?”

“I was worried about you. I tried messaging, but you didn't read it… I got concerned… so I came.”

I noticed a few unread messages from her. After collapsing at my part-time job the day before, I must have caused her worry…

“And your condition now?”

“Ah… yes… a little better.”

“Rest slowly now. In the morning, we'll go to the hospital.”

Her gentle voice and concern seeped into my exhausted, hollow heart.

“You… went to school even in this state?”

“Ah… yes…”

Senpai handed me something.

“This… is for Miyano-san…?”

It was the birthday present I hadn't been able to give to Aoi.

“When you were dazed earlier, you held onto this so tightly, you wouldn't let go.”

The events of the cultural festival flashed in my mind.

“Today's the cultural festival, right? You couldn't give the present?”

I quietly nodded.

“I see… Miyano-san is busy as student council president, huh? It's too bad you couldn't give it today, but when you feel better, maybe next time at school…”

“No… that's not it… I… can't give it anymore…”

A sharp sense of loss washed over me, and tears fell from my eyes.

“Yamato-kun… did something happen?”

Senpai's eyes, warm as always, looked at me.

She was always so kind and generous…

“Senpai…”

“It's okay, take your time…”

Her heartfelt words broke me. I began to cry uncontrollably.

I told her everything that had happened:

My savings were gone.

-I couldn't go to university.

-I met Aoi's father.

-I had argued with Aoi and pushed her away.

-Aoi and Toru hugged… and became a couple.

-In a panic, I unloaded all the stress, frustration, and sorrow onto her, without holding back.

“What… should I do now…?”

Senpai listened without interrupting, her expression serious.

“Yamato-kun…”

Breaking the heavy silence, she spoke quietly.

“I'm sorry. I can't help you right now. I'm just a college student… I don't have the financial means or social standing.”

I lowered my head, listening to her.

“Life isn't all about going to university. And though you like Miyano-san now, maybe in the future someone even more wonderful will appear in front of you.”

Senpai's words were logical, offering calm, objective advice. But my current hollow heart… didn't respond to them at all.

“But… Yamato-kun, you tried your best. Really, you did. I know that… so…”

She stood from the chair, sat on the edge of my bed, and continued speaking.

“So… I will comfort you…”

Then, she placed her hands on my shoulders and slowly laid me back against her upper body.

“Eh…? Senpai…?”

Comfort me…?

My fevered mind couldn't grasp what she meant at first. Seeing her straddle over me, I finally understood.

“S-senpai, what are you doing!?”

“It's okay, relax…”

What…?
The usually gentle and quiet Senpai… somehow looked incredibly… alluring.

“Yamato-kun… it's your first time… right?”

“Eh… ah…”

I couldn't speak from nervousness.

Of course, I had no sexual experience with anyone.

I knew she had been extremely popular since high school.

No man would ignore such a beautiful university woman.

“S-senpai… have you… experienced it before…?”

Her right hand gently traced my face.

“Well… who knows…”

She whispered in my ear. Her scent tickled my nose.

“S-senpai… if you do this, I'll catch your cold.”

“They say you recover faster if you pass it to someone else, right?”

“That… sounds like a superstition…”

Until a moment ago, I had been so despondent I couldn't think… thinking about just dying…

“If you're hungry, you need to eat… if you're tired, you need to sleep… if your heart is lonely, you need comfort…”

…It excites me.

…My reason threatens to flee.

…My instincts crave Hayami-Senpai.

“Yamato-kun… close your eyes.”

Senpai's face, her lips… they drew closer to me.

(Aoi…)

Even in this situation, Aoi's image floated in my mind.

But… it's already over…I can't… stand next to Aoi anymore…

“Se…n…pai…”

I was about to do the worst thing.

Knowing that my feelings would never be realized, I was trying to use my kind senpai…Trying to vent my anger and sadness through her body.

I closed my eyes, surrendering myself to her. I could feel her breath.

Tension stiffened my whole body… then, it happened. I felt something press against my forehead.

“Hmm~? This… must be 38°C, huh?”

When I opened my eyes, Senpai's beautiful face was right in front of me…

“Senpai… what are you… doing…?”

“What do you mean? I'm taking your temperature… with this fever, it must be tough.”

Her forehead touched mine… and my face burned with tension.

“Um… ah…”

Senpai who had been straddling me got off the bed and stepped away.

“Sorry… for making you expect something.”

“N-no…”

Expectation… huh.

Sure, my instincts had made me want to hold her…

“But… in your heart, Miyano-san is still there, isn't she?”

“…Yeah…”

I couldn't deny it. I hated myself for being so weak and indecisive.

“It's weird for me to say this since I invited this, but even if we… did anything like that… it would only be temporary.”

“But I… I feel so terrible right now…”

“I know… but you have to face forward here. You can't afford to fall apart! Understand?”

I felt a strange sense of persuasion from her words. Honestly, I felt a little relieved that I hadn't actually done anything with her.

“And… about this present, what are you going to do with it?”

The present I had intended for Aoi.

But now… it was no longer needed.

“Senpai… if you want, please take it. It's just a pen, so I don't think it'll get in the way.”

“Hmm… taking something that was meant for another girl…”

“But… I can't use it… if I see it, I'll remember Aoi… no matter what.”

“…I see. Then I'll throw it away for you.”

Hearing her words… my heart tightened.

“No… I feel it's such a waste to throw it away…”

“Yeah… you're right. For struggling students like us… But to move forward, sometimes you need to make bold decisions.”

Move forward…

She was right.

There was no point in lingering in my misery forever.

“Y-yes… then… please do it.”

As a way to sever my feelings for Aoi, I asked her to take care of the present.

“Sorry, I talked too much. Now, get some rest.”

Lying back down in bed, Senpai pulled the blanket over me.

Maybe it was because I had someone to talk to… my heart felt just a little lighter.

“Senpai… really, thank you…”

Sleep gradually overtook me, my eyelids growing heavy.

“Hey, Yamato-kun… if… we become independent and emotionally stable… and if at that time we're both single… then…”

Senpai's voice gradually faded…

“Then… we'll… be intimate, okay?”

Was she trying to encourage me? Hearing her words, I closed my eyes.

---

“Yamato-kun… already asleep…?”

Watched over by kind Hayami-Senpai…

“Childhood friend… someone you… love…”

For the first time in a while, I had a peaceful sleep…

“…Ridiculous.”

I didn't hear the faint voice Senpai had let slip.