Chapter 30: At the End of Regret…and Then…

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Translator: Soafp

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Led by Hayami-senpai, I sat down on a bench in a small park right beside the supermarket.

The senpai sitting next to me kept gently rubbing my back as I continued crying without stopping.

“Have you calmed down a little?”

“Y-Yes…”

The note Tono-san had given me.

I came to the place written on it… but Yamato wasn't there.

“The last time we talked was probably during last year's cultural festival. It's really been a long time.”

That's right… this was the first time I'd talked with Hayami-senpai since then.

Back then, she was famous as the most brilliant girl in school.

Even now, the senpai worrying about me was still beautiful, kind, and wonderful…

“Senpai, are you working here…?”

She was wearing an apron, probably the supermarket uniform.

“Yeah. I work part-time here.”

“A part-time job…”

“Hard to imagine, right? Our school technically forbids part-time jobs, and I doubt many students secretly work either.”

At Kaimei Academy High School, most students come from wealthy families.

Of course there are middle-class students too, but since the school's primary focus is academics, there probably aren't many people who would bother working part-time just for spending money.

“Surprised? That I'm working at a supermarket?”

“Ah… um…”

Honestly, I was surprised.

“The pay here is minimum wage, but everyone at the company is really nice.”

Someone like her probably had many other options—like tutoring or cram school teaching jobs with better pay and conditions.

“So, did something happen, Miyano-san? …You were crying…”

“Th-that's… Ya… Yama…to… Yamato!”

At the sound of her gentle voice, tears started pouring out again.

“Yamato! He's gone… he disappeared! And then—!”

“Mm, it's okay.”

Once again, she rubbed my back and quietly waited for me to continue.

“When I went to school today! Ugh… Yamato was gone, and everyone was saying he transferred schools!”

“You can take your time.”

“I-I wanted to talk to Yamato! During the cultural festival, Toru and I danced the folk dance together, and then…”

I couldn't breathe properly.

“A lot happened, huh? It's okay. I'm listening carefully.”

Her voice was so gentle.

She stroked my head.

Held my hand.

“You can go slowly. Start from the beginning.”

What was this feeling…?

I was panicking over Yamato, heartbroken over him.

And yet… this person's warmth and kindness were reaching deep into my heart.

I feel like… I experienced this feeling not long ago, too…

“My father and Yamato's father…”

I told senpai everything that had happened until now.

I intended to summarize it briefly, but by the time I finished explaining everything from middle school up to the present, a huge amount of time had passed.

“Toru and I agreed to work together and overcome this situation… and so reluctantly… we danced the folk dance…”

“And Yamato-kun happened to see it at the worst possible timing…”

“Before that, I tried contacting Yamato, but my phone disappeared! …Even now, I have no way to contact him…”

Having someone listen to the things I'd kept bottled up all this time…

For me, in this hopeless situation… it felt like salvation.

“So today, you found out Yamato-kun transferred schools.”

“Yes… and then Tono-san told me about this place…”

“Tono-san… I see…”

Just the two of us on the bench in the small park.

“Miyano-san…”

How much pain had there been in everything I just told her?

The problems I'd been carrying were truly serious and overwhelming.

“So that's everything?”

“…Huh?”

Senpai's expression hadn't changed.

It was still gentle…

“I believe your feelings for Yamato-kun are genuine. You've been through a lot, haven't you? That's exactly why I think it would be better for you if you said everything here.”

“……”

But somehow, her voice felt incredibly firm.

“Then let me mention something that seemed strange to me. During the cultural festival, your phone disappeared from the locked student council room, right? Who had the key to the student council room?”

“Th-that's…”

“If it's the same as when I attended school here, the president or vice president should have it. Were you managing the key?”

“…N-No.”

“Then Murase-kun had it, right? There should be a spare key in the staff room, but I don't think a student would go through the trouble of taking it just to steal your phone.”

Sweat trickled down my forehead.

“Miyano-san… you already know, don't you? That Murase-kun was the one who took your phone.”

I… had no response.

“When you heard the person Murase-kun liked was someone at school… didn't you already have an idea?”

My body trembled.

Though her expression remained gentle, senpai stared directly at me with unwavering eyes.

“I-I…”

My body shook with fear.

It wasn't Hayami-senpai herself I was afraid of.

I was afraid of being exposed.

Of my weakness being laid bare…

…No.

I didn't want anyone to see the ugly, calculating part of my heart.

“The human heart is really difficult, isn't it? No matter how capable someone is, avoiding problems, covering them up, or postponing them never solves anything. If you truly want to move forward, you have to acknowledge your weaknesses.”

Why… did this person seem so dependable…?

“It's okay. I'm listening to everything you say until the very end.”

“It's okay”…

The words Hayami-senpai kept repeating, along with her kindness, sank deeply into my heart.

“I-I really love Yamato!”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I… I…!!”

I confessed everything.

How desperately I wanted to stay with Yamato.

How badly I wanted him to notice me.

How I wanted him to get jealous over me.

How I realized Toru had feelings for me.

“In the end… Toru honestly confessed everything… the misunderstandings were cleared up… my father and even Toru's parents understood us…”

I was just being dragged around by everyone else…

“So there was a part of you that felt relieved because Murase-kun promised he'd take care of things afterward.”

“But then… the timing kept being awful… Yamato stopped coming to school, Toru never did anything, and then… this happened…”

I'm the victim here…

“I see… so that's what happened…”

Senpai lowered her head with a deeply sorrowful expression.

Then she quietly continued.

“That must have been painful… so painful…”

Hayami-senpai was so gentle.

“Poor thing… You were never blessed with the right environment or the right people around you, and yet you struggled all alone this entire time…”

She sympathized with me.

She cherished me.

“But… I understand you properly.”

Such a kind person.

Someone who truly understood me.

Someone who accepted everything about me.

“So… it's okay…”

Hayami-senpai alone was… on my side…

“It's okay now… Yamato-kun.”

…Huh…?

…Yamato…?

“Yamato-kun… you really did your best.”

“H-Hayami-senpai…? Um… everything we were talking about just now was about me… so why are you saying Yamato…?”

Even when I interrupted her, senpai kept her head lowered and continued murmuring to herself.

“It's cruel, isn't it? The people moving things behind the scenes are all selfish people…”

“U-Um… I…”

“Hey, Miyano-san…”

When she raised her head and looked at me, her eyes were ice cold.

The dependable senpai from moments ago seemed like a lie as she stared at me with a freezing gaze.

This person… was terrifying.

“You… are the worst.”

I… couldn't understand what she meant.

---

“Miyano-san… you really are the worst.”

“Eh… m-me…?”

The worst…?

Me…?

“That's right. I mean you. You understand what I'm saying, don't you?”

Her attitude had changed so suddenly.

I… couldn't keep up.

“I-I don't really… understand what you mean…”

Her sharp tone, her cold gaze—as if she could see straight through my heart.

“I'll say it again. I said you're a horrible person.”

The senpai in front of me was… terrifying.

“N-no… I was just… trying my best…”

“I acknowledge that you tried hard. You did all sorts of things with Murase-kun to make Yamato-kun notice you. That's some impressive determination.”

“B-but that's because my father and Toru's parents suddenly brought up the engagement!”

“And when the time came, you two were just going to strongly oppose it together, right? That's what Murase-kun told you, and that's how you became accomplices. But why go through all those roundabout steps? If you were going to oppose it anyway, you should've just objected together right there in front of your parents.”

That was… because at the time I couldn't think clearly…

I'm not mentally strong enough to stand up to my father…

“And after summer vacation, rumors spread that you and Murase-kun were dating. Isn't that strange too? Didn't Murase-kun do something there as well? You've probably realized that by now too, haven't you?”

I… had no answer.

“Using those rumors to put pressure on Yamato-kun is truly cruel. Maybe you realized from the beginning that Murase-kun was the one spreading them?”

“T-that's not true!! I genuinely had no idea why everyone thought Toru and I were dating! I panicked!”

“But it felt good that Yamato-kun was paying attention to you, didn't it?”

“That's… w-well…”

W-What…?

Why… is this happening…?

“Knowing how Murase-kun felt about you and still dancing the folk dance with him… that should've made it obvious that the person he wanted revenge against was Yamato-kun. It's insane.”

“N-no! I only realized how Toru felt after the cultural festival ended, when I got sick and stayed home worrying about everything…”

“Really? You seem like you've lied so many times that you've started confusing what was real and what was fake yourself.”

“T-that's… not… true…”

“No, I'm sure it is. You no longer know which of your actions and feelings are genuine.”

That's not…

That's not true.

“That's not true! I love Yamato!”

“Do you really?”

“I-I do! Even you said earlier that my feelings for Yamato were real!”

“You love the idealized version of Yamato-kun that exists in your mind… don't you?”

The idealized… Yamato…?

“Do you remember what I told you during last year's cultural festival?”

I… remembered.

“I told you to try your best for your own sake… but Miyano-san, what have you actually been doing?”

“I-I tried my best… for myself, and because I wanted Yamato to notice me!”

“You only acted selfishly. There wasn't even a speck of pure feeling in any of it.”

Senpai was terrifying… but…

“What could Hayami-senpai possibly know about me!? About my feelings!?”

Suppressing my fear, I finally lashed back.

“What do I know? Hmm… then let me ask something else. Miyano-san, why do you leave everything to other people?”

“I… leave things to others…?”

“From the engagement your parents arranged to the misunderstanding at the folk dance, you dumped every solution onto Murase-kun.”

But… Toru said he would explain everything later… so…

“You said you were sick after the cultural festival, but were you really completely out of options? Did you truly try desperately to meet Yamato-kun?”

“I-I did! I went to his house! But he wasn't there, and I met his mother…”

“Then why didn't you ask her about Yamato-kun?”

“Because… she said there were family circumstances, and I thought it would be rude to bother them while they were busy…”

“But you could've at least asked why he was late to the cultural festival, couldn't you?”

Because… I thought that was related to his family circumstances too…

“From Yamato-kun's perspective, rumors were spreading that you and Murase-kun were dating, then when he came to the after-festival event he saw the two of you embracing during the folk dance. And when you chased after him, all you gave him were confusing excuses.”

“T-that may be how it looked to Yamato, but I had my own circumstances too!”

“Pathetic circumstances.”

“What's pathetic about them!? I was trapped in a hopeless situation too!”

Again… my emotions were spiraling wildly.

“Hopeless? What are you talking about? What you experienced wasn't hopelessness.”

Her voice grew even colder.

…Scary.

But an even greater sense of anger drowned out my fear.

“Because you love yourself more than anything, don't you? You egoist.”

“Stop it! Don't say it like that!”

That's awful…

How could she describe me like that?

“Then let me ask the important question. During the cultural festival, you stopped Yamato-kun as he was leaving school, didn't you? Why didn't you at least try to explain part of the situation then?”

“I stopped him because I wanted him to listen to me! But he left anyway…”

“Then you should've crawled after him if necessary. At that moment, you were already relying on Murase-kun to explain things later.”

“That's not true! What Yamato said to me… shocked me so badly! That's why…”

My back was drenched in sweat.

“One more thing. Why didn't you contact Yamato-kun? Maybe you couldn't meet him, but if you contacted him, he would at least know you were trying. Why didn't you do that?”

“I already told you! My phone disappeared! I couldn't… contact… him…”

I tried very hard not to tell deliberate lies.

But…

“There it is. Your slip-up.”

Everything I said until now came from my true feelings.

“You interpret things in whatever way is convenient for you, justify yourself, and act like the tragic heroine.”

But… I hadn't exposed absolutely everything.

“Thinking logically, Murase-kun has your phone. Even if you realized that after the cultural festival, you still had chances to get it back. Even if he denied it, you could've contacted your phone carrier for help. I mean, anyone would normally take some kind of action if their phone might be misused.”

The blood drained from my body.

This person… already knew.

Probably from the very beginning…

“If Yamato-kun hadn't transferred schools, you would've eventually explained everything to him yourself.”

“U-um…”

My body shook violently, and I couldn't continue speaking.

“Your father and Murase-kun's parents selfishly pushed the engagement… somehow rumors spread across the school that you were dating, and Murase-kun manipulated you into using those rumors… you tearfully danced the folk dance for Murase-kun's sake… and although you wanted to contact Yamato, your phone mysteriously disappeared…?”

I know…

I know exactly what kind of person I am…

“You would cry while telling Yamato-kun your story. And because he's kind, he would quietly listen to everything without interrupting.”

“Please… stop…”

“Then after hearing you out, Yamato-kun would start sympathizing with you, even though you also did terrible things. And then what? Would you finally reveal the missing phone? Use GPS to ‘find' it? Ask Murase-kun, ‘Why do you have my phone?' Once that happens, everything becomes easy. Why did you do this? Was the person you wanted revenge on actually…? Whether Murase-kun confessed or not, if his position worsened, then you…”

In this whole incident… I…

“You would become the pitiful victim. Right?”

The victim…

I just… wanted to believe that.

“And then what would you do? Pretend to be emotionally fragile to draw Yamato-kun closer? That would give you more time together with him too.”

I had to… say something in response…

But…

“Am I mostly right, Miyano-san?”

The eyes of the senpai peering down at me as I stared at the ground… were terrifying.

Looking into those eyes made it painfully clear that half-hearted excuses wouldn't work.

“Well, there's no point despairing too much now. You'll never see Yamato-kun again anyway.”

Yamato…

That's right…

I came all the way here to see Yamato.

And yet… after Hayami-senpai exposed my true feelings, all I could think about was protecting myself.

“Tono-san is quite a terrible teacher, leaking information about Yamato-kun to you on his own.”

Information about Yamato…?

Tono-san only gave me a note…

“I really liked seeing Yamato-kun working so hard.”

Liked…?

What did she mean about Yamato…?

“W-what do you mean…? You liked… Yamato…?”

I was mentally numb after having my heart exposed by senpai, but the quiet words she muttered stirred me.

“Ah… it's fine now, isn't it… Yamato-kun…”

She looked up at the gloomy sky and whispered something before turning her sharp gaze back toward me.

“You know, Yamato-kun worked part-time at this supermarket. Until very recently.”

…………What…?

A part-time… job…?

“A part-time job…? W-why would Yamato…”

“Because he was struggling financially.”

The moment I heard that… everything suddenly started connecting together.

“W-what…? T-that can't be right… Yamato's father was a successful salaryman… and besides, our school forbids part-time jobs…”

“It's only forbidden in principle.”

After school, he always hurried home alone.

During breaks, he was often asleep at his desk.

And the reason his exam scores kept dropping…

“Yamato-kun started working here as soon as he entered high school. I was a third-year student working here at the time too, and that's how we became close. Remember when I came to visit your classroom once to see Yamato-kun? I actually came because of a shift-related matter.”

Yamato had been working part-time ever since starting high school…?

Until recently…?

So the reason his grades worsened was because of that…?

Because he didn't have enough time…?

“W-why was Yamato working!? His family was middle class! They weren't struggling financially!”

“…Yamato-kun's father started his own company. But it failed, and the company went bankrupt. All that remained was an enormous debt.”

“T-that's… no way… I never heard anything about this…”

“He was a boy, after all. He probably had his pride… and didn't want to show anyone an embarrassing side of himself.”

An embarrassing side…?

Working part-time was embarrassing…?

“I talked with Yamato-kun about many things. He said he was definitely going to earn tuition money and go to university because he had a promise with his childhood friend. He said it so often it became like a catchphrase. That childhood friend… was you, wasn't it?”

Tears overflowed from my eyes.

“Then why!? Why did Yamato prioritize working over studying!? If he used his real abilities, he could've become one of the top students! There might've even been universities willing to waive all his tuition!”

“That's true. But he chose to balance both work and school. In the end, he couldn't manage it.”

“No… why…”

Yamato had been trying to keep his promise with me all this time.

And yet… I…

“I didn't hear every detail myself, but I think Yamato-kun also wanted to help support his family. He said his father used to be confident and capable, but after the company went bankrupt he became depressed. And his mother was quiet and awkward, but she was working multiple part-time jobs just to keep going.”

I… I didn't want to hear this…

Not this… not any of this…

“I think it was the day before the cultural festival. Yamato-kun came to work even though he was feeling sick, but in the end he couldn't continue working.”

The day before the cultural festival…

The day I tried to get Yamato's attention and only ended up making him angry.

“I was worried about him, so I walked him home. And while we were on the way, Yamato-kun said he wanted to buy a present.”

A present…!?

The small box Yamato had during the cultural festival… could it have been…

“We stopped by a nearby department store, and he bought a present there. For your birthday on the day of the cultural festival.”

So it really was…

That present had been for me.

And the reason Yamato couldn't come to the festival earlier was… because he was sick…

“Even while feeling ill, he spent a long time thinking about what present to buy. He kept saying, ‘I wonder if Aoi will be happy.' Yamato-kun had looked miserable for so long lately, but at that moment, he looked a little happy.”

Yamato had always been trying so hard…

And yet… I…

“And then, on the day of the cultural festival, I met Yamato-kun again that night. His condition had worsened, so I took care of him. That was when he told me what happened at the festival.”

After the after-festival event, Yamato met senpai…?

No… more importantly…

“W-what… what did Yamato say!?”

“He said he was devastated because you and Murase-kun had become lovers.”

“T-that means…”

Could it be…

That Yamato… felt that way about me too…

“That's right. Yamato-kun said he loved you very much, Miyano-san.”

It was the thing I wanted most in the world.

For Yamato to love me.

For Yamato to know my feelings.

For Yamato and me to become lovers.

“No… this can't…”

Yamato… loved me…

It made me so happy I felt like jumping for joy.

I couldn't believe it.

Those were the words I had always wanted to hear from him.

But now…

They hurt so much.

“Maybe things at home became even harder again after that. He worked hard at both his job and his studies… even while his health got worse. And still, he went to the cultural festival because he wanted to see you smile.”

When Yamato was struggling…

When he was suffering…

What was I doing?

What was I thinking about?

“I think he wanted to have fun like everyone else too. But when you're in high school, even hanging out costs money. He held back all those things, and with the money he earned, he bought you that present. Watching Yamato-kun crying as he threw it into the trash… was unbearable.”

Yamato had been suffering…

I didn't want to hear anymore!

I didn't want to know anymore!

“Ugh… Ya…mato… Yama…to…”

Tears streamed down my face, my breathing fell apart… it hurt.

“Miyano-san, I'm sorry. I have to go soon. Today is my last day working here too, so I need to say goodbye to everyone.”

Leaving me collapsed on the ground in tears, senpai started walking back toward the supermarket.

“Ah, sorry. I forgot to tell you the most important thing.”

Hayami-senpai turned around and looked down at me.

“I met Yamato-kun a few days ago. And he asked me to pass along a message.”

Y-you met Yamato…!?

A message…!?

For me…!?

“Ya………mato……… ”

There were so many things I wanted to ask.

But I couldn't get the words out.

“He told me that if I ever saw you, I should tell you this.”

I… couldn't breathe properly.

“‘I'm sorry for suddenly disappearing. I really did love Aoi. But I don't want you to come see me anymore.'”

Yamato… I love you too…

So please… don't say that…

“‘Because now… I loathe Aoi.'”

…loathe…?

Who…?

Who loathes who…?

“That's all. Miyano-san… this time, try your best for your own sake.”

After leaving those words behind, senpai quickly left the park.

“Ya…mato… don't… go…”

It hurt.

It hurt so much.

What did I do wrong?

Where did everything go wrong?

“Ugh… ahh… d-don't… loathe… me…”

The gears that had broken apart…

Would never return to the way they were before…

No matter how much I apologized.

No matter how much I cried and screamed.

Yamato wouldn't answer me.

He wouldn't come back.

Compared to what Yamato went through, what I felt wasn't despair at all.

I lost it all.

His trust.

Everything we had built together.

And all that remained was…

“AAAAAHHHH!! YAMATOOO!! I-I'M SOOORRYYY!!”

Nothing but regret…

Collapsed on the ground, I kept screaming and crying until my throat felt like it would tear apart, even after my tears had already run dry.

And then… I…