Chapter 14: Awareness of Feelings, Vows

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Translator: Soafp

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[Aoi PoV]

“Here is the death certificate.”

“Alright, then we’ll begin preparing for the funeral—”

When mother passed away, father remained calm and composed.

“Mom… she was fine just yesterday…”

Tears wouldn't stop as I looked at my mother lying there, as if asleep.

“Your mother is watching over you from heaven, Aoi-chan,”

said Noriko-san, the wife of Dr. Murase, who was also my mother's nurse and Toru-kun's mother.

“Ah, Aoi… here, take this handkerchief.”

Toru-kun, her son, handed me a handkerchief, worried about me as I cried.

Seeing my mother, who would never move again, I was too shocked to stay calm.

“There, there, Aoi-chan… it's okay.”

They were trying to comfort me, I knew that.

But neither Toru-kun's nor Noriko-san's words reached my heart at all.

After that, everything proceeded smoothly—the wake, the funeral, the cremation.

Many people came and mourned my mother's death, but before long, everyone returned to their normal lives.

“Aoi, it's time for school.”

“I… I don't want to go…”

The emotional shock was too much for me, so I refused to go to school. My father didn't say anything more after that.

Forty-nine days later, my father and I went to visit the hospital where my mother had stayed,to thank Dr. Murase and the staff who had taken care of her.

“Doctor, thank you so much for everything.”

“No, truly, we shouldn't be accepting gifts like this…”

Dr. Murase said apologetically as he accepted the gift from my father.

“Is Saito-san here? She was so kind to my wife when she was alive, I'd like to thank her personally.”

Saito-san, the nurse who had also been so kind to me…

“Actually, Saito-san suddenly resigned a few days ago. She said it was due to family circumstances.”

“I see…”

I still remember her kind smile, even now.

---

After my mother died, my father started working from home more often. Maybe he was worried about me, and wanted to stay close.

“Aoi, is there anything you want?”

He rarely talked to me, so I was a little surprised when he said that.

“Not really…”

“Are you sure? Today's your birthday, isn't it?”

My birthday…

Oh, right…

Today was my birthday.

I'd forgotten.

No, I just didn't care anymore.

“Are you sure there's nothing you want?”

Come to think of it, last year, when Mom was temporarily discharged from the hospital,
she made me a cake, didn't she?

…I want to see her.

I just… want to see her.

“I want to see Mom…”

I said, looking down.

“Aoi… I'm sorry.”

I know.

I know I'll never see her again…

“There's a cake in the fridge. Eat it whenever you want.”

After saying that, my father went back to his study to work.

When I opened the refrigerator, there was a big, beautiful cake decorated with all kinds of fruit. Seeing it reminded me of the cake Mom had made for me last year, and how we'd eaten it together.

“Mom…”

In the large, empty living room, I cried out as loudly as I could, all alone.

---

“Aoi, want to play a game or something?”

“…No, it's okay.”

Yamato-kun often came to check on me, worried that I wasn't going to school. He brought me class printouts, told me about what happened at school, and talked to me about all sorts of little things.

Sometimes he brought cookies or sweets, or lent me popular manga. I knew he was trying his best to cheer me up.

“Aoi… were you crying?”

“Eh? N-no, I wasn't!”

“But… there are tear marks on your face…”

“I said I wasn't crying!”

I didn't want him to know I'd been crying my eyes out before he came.

“Ah, Aoi! U-um…”

He fumbled through his pocket, then pulled out a small paper bag and spoke nervously.

“H-happy birthday!”

“Eh… ah…”

It happened so suddenly I couldn't even process what was going on. Then he gently placed the bag in my hand.

“What's this…”

“U-uh… open it and see.”

When I opened the little bag, inside were a few pencils, an eraser, and a ballpoint pen—all decorated with designs from an anime I liked.

“It's not much, but… I thought about it a lot. I hoped you'd like it…”

…I was so happy.

Not just because he gave me a present—but because he was thinking about me, worrying about me…that made me so happy I could cry.

“A-Aoi, what's wrong? A-are you okay!?”

I couldn't stop crying. The darkness in my heart lifted, and everything felt a little brighter. His kindness lit up my heart.

But then…

“Yeah… I'm fine…”

My mother's face suddenly came to mind again, and my heart darkened once more.

Mom had died…so why was I feeling so happy right now?

Just a moment ago I'd been sobbing about her death—and now I was smiling because of a present?

I hated myself for that.

“Aoi… I know it's hard, but if there's anything I can—”

“I said I'm fine!!”

The grief, the frustration, the pain I couldn't let go of—I took it all out on Yamato-kun.

“Just go home!!”

He'd only come to check on me because he cared.

“O-okay… sorry…”

I screamed and chased him away.

After being alone again for a while, once I'd calmed down a little, guilt washed over me.

“Why did I…”

After acting like that, he probably wouldn't come again. Maybe he hated me now.

“Yamato-kun… Mom…”

Drowning in sorrow, all I could do was cry again.

---

“Aoi, good morning.”

“Yamato-kun… why…”

Early the next morning, Yamato-kun showed up at my house with his schoolbag on his back.

“About yesterday… I'm sorry.”

“Ah… no, Yamato-kun, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry.”

I'd thought he might hate me, so seeing his face again made me feel so relieved.

“Want to go to school together?”

The pain of losing my mother hadn't healed.

But being with him—being with Yamato—that feeling gave me the courage to take a small step forward.

That day, I went to school for the first time in a while.

But since I was shy and had no close friends besides Yamato, no one really talked to me.

“Ah! Good morning, Makino!”

“Ah, morning.”

“Makino, I didn't get part of the homework—can you help me later?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Yamato was popular. He was smart, sociable, and above all, kind. Ever since we started elementary school, he'd been liked by everyone—boys and girls alike.

“Hey, we're inviting Makino today, right?”

“Yeah, that was the plan… but Miyano-san's here.”

A few girls were chatting in the corner of the classroom, and their conversation about Yamato reached my ears.

“Makino-kun always goes home with Miyano-san, so it's hard to invite him to hang out.”

“I thought we'd finally have a chance since Miyano-san's been absent lately, but she's back now…”

Yamato had always been popular, but lately, it felt like even more girls were paying attention to him.

“Actually, I think I like Makino-kun.”

…Eh?

“That's not fair! I've liked Makino-kun for a long time too!”

Liked…?

Do I… like Yamato-kun…?

“Seriously though, isn't Miyano-san just in the way?”

I had kind of sensed it, but… everyone liked Yamato-kun.

“Yeah, she's always next to him, you know?”

So I was… the one in the way.

A plain, gloomy girl like me doesn't match someone as popular as Yamato-kun at all.

“Aoi, are you okay? You haven't been to school in a while—are you tired?”

He's really… such a kind person.

Even though I'm isolated, he's always the one who comes to me.

“Y-yeah. I'm fine, thank you.”

Why is it…?

I'm so nervous I can't even look at his face. My face… my body feels so hot.

“Oh, you're using it!”

“Y-yeah!”

Inside my pencil case are the pencils and erasers Yamato-kun gave me for my birthday yesterday.

Right, I need to thank him properly.

“Yamato-kun, I just wanted to say—”

Just as I was about to thank him for the present and for everything he's done for me…

“Look, Miyano-san is talking to Makino-kun again.”

“Even though she's such a loner.”

I could faintly hear my classmates whispering and glancing at us suspiciously, and I swallowed the words I was about to say.

“Aoi?”

“Ah… yeah… it's nothing.”

“Are you sure? If you're not feeling well, we can go to the nurse's office.”

“No… I'm fine, really. Don't worry about me. Just… leave me alone.”

The truth is, I wanted to talk with him so much.

But because I was weak, afraid of what others would think or say, those were the only words I could manage.

“…Alright. Got it.”

“Ah… Yama—”

He quietly returned to his seat.

The look on his face as he left… seemed so sad.

He was only worried about me, but I probably made him upset.

My heart hurt—tight and heavy.

I clutched the pen he had given me yesterday as a present, holding onto it tightly to keep the loneliness from swallowing me.

---

After school came.

Since then, Yamato-kun hadn't spoken to me at all.

Even though I was the one who told him to leave me alone, I still felt lonely and anxious that he hadn't come.

When I finished packing my things and looked around, I noticed Yamato-kun wasn't in the classroom.

He usually comes to get me, but today…

“Yamato-kun…”

I hurried out of the classroom and went to the shoe lockers, where I saw him changing his shoes.

But he was talking with a few girls.

“Hey, Makino-kun! Want to hang out with us after this!?”

It was the same group of girls who had said earlier that they liked him.

“Eh? Ah—well…”

Why…?

Why are they inviting Yamato-kun?

“Come on, let's go!”

If I lost not just my mom… but Yamato-kun too…

“Yeah, sure…”

The moment he said that, the same crushing emptiness I'd felt when my mother died crept into my heart again.

“Wait… please wait…”

But I was too timid… too scared to call out to him.

And then—

‘If you really do like Yamato-kun, Aoi…'

My mother's words suddenly echoed in my mind.

“W-wait! Yamato!”

Before I knew it, I was shouting.

Running.

Grabbing his hand.

“A-Aoi?”

‘When someone calls you by your name like that, it means they want to be close to you.'

It was the first time I had ever called him by his first name.

“Let's go home together!”

I won't let anyone take him away.

I don't want to lose him.

“Aoi! You don't have to run so fast!”

Holding Yamato's hand tightly, I ran down the road home with all my strength.

“Yamato, thank you! For everything! Really, thank you!”

My heart was pounding fast.

My face and body felt hot.

And I knew—it wasn't from running.

‘So if you really like him, Aoi… don't let him go.'

Mom… you know…

“Yamato, will you help me study again today!?”

“Ah—yeah, of course!”

I love Yamato.

I really, really love him.

“Thank you for the birthday present! I was so happy!”

When I said that, he smiled shyly.

We both tightened our grip on each other's hands.

Feeling the warmth and kindness in his palm, I swore in my heart that I would never let go.

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TL: We caught up with the raw.